I can't stop crying...

[QueenAdrock]

I get home from Canada last night and my brother tells me that my childhood cat had to go to the hospital due to complications. That's a shock; I mean, I know she's quite old now but I thought she was doing pretty well.

She's got cancer. Or, nodules in her lungs that they can't diagnose without an ultrasound. She's got an enlarged heart with valves that aren't working properly, which is giving her a heart murmur. And on top of that, they're afraid that she's having liver failure.

I can't deal with this. I guess you won't understand unless you're a pet owner, but my cat has been more like a baby to me. I've watched her grow up for the past 15 years. I don't want to see her go, I love her so much.

And now I have to shower and go to the hospital to say goodbye one last time. They've got to put her to sleep.

RIP, Nikki. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/QueenAdrock1/pets/nikki.jpg) :( :(

[DipDipDive]

omg :( :(

Like leaving your boyfriend isn't hard enough without having to come home to news like that. I'm so sorry.

<3

[monkey]

thats terrible, im sorry. :(

[Funkyfreshgrape]

I get home from Canada last night and my brother tells me that my childhood cat had to go to the hospital due to complications. That's a shock; I mean, I know she's quite old now but I thought she was doing pretty well.

She's got cancer. Or, nodules in her heart that they can't diagnose without an ultrasound. She's got an enlarged heart with valves that aren't working properly, which is giving her a heart murmur. And on top of that, they're afraid that she's having kidney failure.

I can't deal with this. I guess you won't understand unless you're a pet owner, but my cat has been more like a baby to me. I've watched her grow up for the past 15 years. I don't want to see her go, I love her so much.

And now I have to shower and go to the hospital to say goodbye one last time. They've got to put her to sleep.

RIP, Nikki. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/QueenAdrock1/pets/nikki.jpg) :( :(
thats really sad.:(

:( *eyes get watery*:(

[Sarky Devotchka]

oh no :(

[cookiepuss]

:(

[QueenAdrock]

The vet just called...there might be hope, even if it is only short-term. They told me that they can run tests for her to see what's up, and maybe give her some medication to ease her pain. But it looks like they'd have to give her surgery to make her better and my dad won't want to pay for it. And if they gave her the surgery, she'd have a few months to live anyways.

I'm sort of in denial, I guess. I feel better with this new form of hope, but I don't know if I should hold onto it or not. :(

[miss soul fire]

I'm very sorry.:(

[cookiepuss]

The vet just called...there might be hope, even if it is only short-term. They told me that they can run tests for her to see what's up, and maybe give her some medication to ease her pain. But it looks like they'd have to give her surgery to make her better and my dad won't want to pay for it. And if they gave her the surgery, she'd have a few months to live anyways.

I'm sort of in denial, I guess. I feel better with this new form of hope, but I don't know if I should hold onto it or not. :(

I know this is hard hon, but try to also think of what's going to be best for Nikki and how much pain she is in, and may continue to be in even if she's treated. is having a few more months going to be good for her or it is really just going to be good for you? I only say this because I've held on to pets longer than I should have and they suffered because of it, I wish I had been strong enough to end it sooner for them.

[AdRockGRL]

I'm really sorry too....today my red fish left me...so I can understand you...even if a fish cannot give the same affection of another animal that interacts....I'm sorry!

[Yorkshire~Rose]

I know this is hard hon, but try to also think of what's going to be best for Nikki and how much pain she is in, and may continue to be in even if she's treated. is having a few more months going to be good for her or it is really just going to be good for you? I only say this because I've held on to pets longer than I should have and they suffered because of it, I wish I had been strong enough to end it sooner for them.

I'm so sorry to hear about Nikki *hugs* But this is what i was going to say. I recently had to have my budgie, Cleo, put to sleep. She had a tumour and it was such a tough decision because she had good days and bad days.

[Rock]

(n)
So so sorry. 3 years ago last week we put my first pet ever to sleep (my cat named Sidd). It was the best thing for him as much as it sucked for us. I still get that weird feeling when I think about him but then smile afterwards cause I think of all the cool stuff that dude used to do.

Keep your head up. Give it time.

[alexandra]

i remember how hard it was putting our dog Boy to sleep two years ago (he was 14, me too). he'd been like one of my siblings. i still think about him sometimes. all these memories. he had a good life, and i'm sure Nikki's had as well.

[cosmo105]

aww. i'll never forget the pain of putting my kitty to sleep. i had her for only 6 years, because she was kind of old when we adopted her. but i loved her so much, and she was the most affectionate cat...and i felt terrible that she had gotten so sick. she was in so much pain...and the worst part was i had to take her to get put to sleep all by myself. i was only 17. i remember sitting in the examination room with her, and she was so exhausted, but she still licked my hand and purred when i held her...and then they came in and put her to sleep, and i was still holding her paw. and she died still licking my hand. and then i had to go to work. fuck. i loved that cat.

i'm so sorry, diana. i know it's hard. but it was the same situation with my cat - the only option was expensive surgery and treatment that i just couldn't pay for, and would really only prolong her misery and most likely not even work. i felt that she had gone through enough. ugh it's so hard to lose a beloved pet. :(

[The Notorious LOL]

:(

[Rock]

this thread is depressing.

[cosmo105]

fuck. :(




i still get weepy when i think about that, even 5 years on. :(

[QueenAdrock]

Well...my brother and I went to go see her. She was so fragile...she's only 6 pounds because she lost so much weight in the past few months. She was in an oxygen tank, because it was hard for her to breathe, she had 6 tumors in her lungs. She was hooked up to an IV too. I talked to her and pet her, but she didn't really respond much. Then we went to go look at the x-rays with the doctor on staff, and she told me that they could give her an ultrasound of her kidneys/liver to see what's up, to see if they could help her. When we got back, Nikki was more alert, she looked up and saw me and half-closed her eyes and put out her chin for me to scratch it. She seemed happy I was there...then I had to go.

They called me a few minutes ago and said they ran the tests and that she's got tumors in her liver, too. They could be benign, but they're almost certain that they're cancerous. They're putting her to sleep right now.

And now I feel awful because I can't be there for her when they're putting her down. I can't be. I can't see my kitty I've had since I was 7 be put to sleep. But I also don't want her to die alone with these strangers in the emergency room. But I just can't be there. I feel so fucking awful. I'm so mad at myself, I should be stronger and be able to be there for her, but....

fuck :(

[cosmo105]

:(


that's really harsh. i know you want to be there, but i understand why you can't. don't beat yourself up over it.

[befsquire]

i'm so very sorry, diana. my cat that i had for 14 years died this year. on my birthday. she was still living at my ex's house, and he called me up, crying. so then i'm crying, and then i can't get used to be over there and not seeing her. she stopped staying inside the house when we had gotten another cat, so we would leave the garage door cracked so that she could get to her food and water. the first time i had to shut the garage door all the way was upsetting. but it popped back open, as if she had run out as it was shutting to make it automatically reopen. when our dog died, i thought i could still see him out in the backyard, too.

it's not easy to lose a family member, 4 legs or 2.

:(

[DandyFop]

oh man, I'm totally crying. I'm so sorry about your cat. I know exactly how you feel...my cat is around 15 now, and I can't imagine living without her. It's going to be so hard when she goes. It's amazing how much you can love those furballs..

[cookiepuss]

And now I feel awful because I can't be there for her when they're putting her down. I can't be. I can't see my kitty I've had since I was 7 be put to sleep. But I also don't want her to die alone with these strangers in the emergency room. But I just can't be there. I feel so fucking awful. I'm so mad at myself, I should be stronger and be able to be there for her, but....

fuck :(

If she could talk she would tell you that it's ok and that she forgives you for not being there. I really beleive animals understand. I've had to be there when my animals were put down and they seem to know what is going on and they look at you like they understand it's time to go. :( again I'm very sorry. it probably won't help much, but try to think about the fact that her suffering has ended. and that, as all animals are, she is greatful for the wonderful life you gave her.

I'm so sad now too.

[QueenAdrock]

Yeah...at least she isn't in pain now. And it was ridiculous how much I loved her. I got her as a gift when I was 7, because I had another kitten who died (a horrible tragic death that I won't get into because it's twice as depressing as this). I remember Nikki as a kitten, meowing and walking around our kitchen and then nuzzling me when I went over to her. I remember how my pain of my other kitty being gone was better, because she was there. Nikki at least knew how much I loved her.

The hardest part was the vet calling to get my verbal permission to put her to sleep. I told them that she liked being rubbed under the chin, and they told me they'd do that and tell her I loved her and give her some of her favorite kitty food and make sure she was comfortable.

[marsdaddy]

I'm remembering when we put my 15 year old cat to sleep when I was 18. It was so painful. I couldn't watch him die, either.

Like Rock, I smile to myself a lot remembering that cat and all the crazy things he did.

[b-grrrlie]

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty, Diane... What a cutie she was.
But think of how good life you'd given her, been loved so much and now she don't have to suffer anymore.

[cosmo105]

I told them that she liked being rubbed under the chin, and they told me they'd do that and tell her I loved her and give her some of her favorite kitty food and make sure she was comfortable.
*gut wrenches*

yeah, rock and mars are totally right on the memories. Thumper would sleep with her face right up against the wall...sitting straight up...and sometimes i'd walk in and find her on the floor licking a stuffed animal like it was her kitten, and she'd act all nonchalant, as if i'd just caught her having sex or something. oh and she did that cute thing where she never drank straight from her dish, she'd dip her paw in the water and lick it off there. she ran into walls too. :o


i love her little socks, diana. very pretty kitty. and i agree with cookiepuss...animals just seem to get it.

[QueenAdrock]

Thanks for the reassurance. I mean, she was diseased and it was just her time. I'm going to go visit my mom and dad in NC tomorrow or the next day because I know how much Nikki's passing is hurting her.

[B4BY 4NN]

When our cat Stephanie died (she was 17), losing her was awful. Within just that one week of being diagnosed with breast cancer, she passed away. I still cry thinking about her, but it's almost bittersweet now. She had been with me since day one.

Don't feel bad. Just like people, some pets wait for everyone to be away, or they run away to die.

She knows you love her, she knows what you're doing for her is/was best. What Cookie said; she understands.

R.I.P. Nikki :(

[YoungRemy]

I'm sorry to hear that QueenAdrock... a couple of years ago my family said goodbye to our cat Socks, who was over 18 years old at the time... it was heartwrenching getting that phone call... it was like losing a family member...

maybe you can get a new kittie when the time is right...

[Documad]

I'm so sorry QA. (And sorry too for Yorkshire Rose for the loss of her budgie.)

It's the best decision for sure, and so hard to do. And don't beat yourself up because you couldn't be there. I've been there when it happens, and you need to know that it is all over very fast and there is clearly no pain or confusion for the pet at all.

[Bob]

yeah, it sucks. it's ultimately the best thing though. it happened to my dog, too. it was sad to let him go, but you can't just let him go on suffering, you know?

i wasn't there when they put him down. i had an excuse, i was at school, but i won't lie, i don't think i would have gone if i had the opportunity, as selfish as it sounds. i understand how you feel, it's just too hard to see it happen. but it's the best thing.

you'll get through it. it hurts now, but eventually, you'll have some time between you and the death, and you'll be able to look back on all the happy memories instead of just the bad one.