what the hell do you say when

[The Notorious LOL]

a friend tells you they were raped?

christ fuck you cant just say "oh god Im sorry" and expect that to do anything worth a shit. How in the fuck can you even begin to offer anything even supportive to something like that?


Oh, and please spare the "kick the dudes ass" replies because for one she hasnt lived near me in almost a year and for two that wouldnt solve a god damn thing.


I am completely at a loss for words.

[zorra_chiflada]

man, fuck.
there are no words that you can say - words are cheap in this sort of situation. you really have to show your care and support in your actions. be there for them

[ms.peachy]

Alll you can do is be sincere and honest. As in, "I am truly sorry that that happened to you. Do you want to talk about it?" She might want to, or she might not. The most important thing, I think, is not the imediate reaction, but the follow-up. Call or email her every couple of days and just ask how she's doing.

[The Notorious LOL]

The conversation went from talking about some guy shes seeing being an asshole to BAM! someone raped her a week ago. Shes been thru this with another dude about 10 years ago (whom actually was incarerated for it) and talking about that was almost impossible for her but this shit shes like...trying to play it off like its no big deal and not only does that worry me immensly but part of me it pisses the fuck off because we both know it is a huge psychological and physical mindfuck. I cant blame her for trying to maybe block it out or whatever but this other part of me almost wants to encourage it out because you cant do shit in the way of recovery unless you REALLY acknowledge the problem.

[HEIRESS]

my mom is a sexual assault counselor, she used to work for a federally funded place but now does it from her home

tell her to contact a centre in her area if she wants to talk
its always easier talking to a stranger about your situation
especially on one of those hot-lines so its 100% annonymous
that is about all you can do because you cant force help on someone if they dont want it

or call my mom and pay her way down to the girls area and she'll cut off the dudes dick for no further fee

[AdRockGRL]

Alll you can do is be sincere and honest. As in, "I am truly sorry that that happened to you. Do you want to talk about it?" She might want to, or she might not. The most important thing, I think, is not the imediate reaction, but the follow-up. Call or email her every couple of days and just ask how she's doing.

I agree!

[enree erzweglle]

Wow. I honestly don't know. I think I'd maybe let her see my shock--let her see that it affects me in that way so that she understands that you get it--the seriousness of what happened to her--and so that she sees that it's okay for her to show her shock too.

After getting the logical stuff out of the way (see if she's okay physically, see if she needs a safe place to stay, see how she wants to proceed wrt reporting it) then I'd probably try to find ways to show her that you're there no matter what she needs. Call her, keep in touch. She obviously feels safe with you so I'd try to read her and take a clue from her reactions, how she's approaching you and gauge it from there. Ask her outright what she wants and then try to read anything more into her actions and reactions to you.

I am so sorry that your friend was raped. It is good that she has you to turn to, to confide in and that says a lot about the sort of friend that you are to her.

[Qdrop]

i had an ex-girlfriend call me once (we had been broken up for about a year, but remained friendly), and she tells me that she went to a party with some guy...and he raped her.
she's balling and crying and shit....

but after a long discussion....come to find out they just both got pissy drunk and went into one of the bedrooms and fucked....and she was all embarrassed that she allowed it, so suddenly it became "rape" the next day.

i basically told her she was an idiot, that no one forced her to get drunk and lose her inhibitions, and that she didn't get raped- she just got drunk and stupid.

we didn't talk a whole lot after that....

[Pres Zount]

*bawling

[Qdrop]

*bawling
no, she was a playa...ya know?





a hot-button topic as dramatic as this with all these posts.....
and your contribution is a spelling correction?

[monkey]

your love and support is the most important thing you can give her. and it sounds like you're already giving her that. good luck to her in surmounting the trauma and you in helping her.

[like2_drink]

i've been told 3 times

just be sincere and don't hold any emotions in, ask if they want to talk about it but don't pressure them into it, and if they do wanna talk about it, just listen and offer support