Making and having new friends

[hpdrifter]

Don't think I don't notice the irony of posting about something like this on an internet message board.

Now that that's out of the way...

So my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I sent an email out to the friends today to ask who would like to hang out. And it occurred to me that I am actually nervous that no one is going to come. I actually didn't want to plan anything for my birthday because I was afraid that everyone would think that what I planned was lame and I'm lame and wouldn't come.

Does anyone else have these feelings? I mean, I know there are people out there like Sarky and Nata who seem to have a massive group of friends and probably don't worry about this stuff. But I do, and I'm not sure why.

And the thing is, I shouldn't be insecure about it, some of these people I have been friends with for 8 years.

I guess I just feel sometimes like I don't or can't develop really close relationships with people. Like, I don't really have a "best friend" or whatever. And my friends tend to be related to certain parts of my life. Like I don't really hang out with the people I used to hang out with when I was in a band anymore. I don't keep in touch with any of my friends from high school, or my first two years of college in L.A. Or from when I was singing at the open mic on Monday nights.

I don't know what I'm really asking here. I guess its something like, is this normal?

[hpdrifter]

Clearly my issues connecting with people extend even to cyberspace.

[cosmo105]

i go through the same thing every year for my birthday.


i have about 3 close female friends i've known forever. and we hang out a lot. one of them, i consider my best friend. outside of them...i have a few acquaintances, and older friends that i really only see at my birthday...and then their friends, et cetera. and only recently have i made new friends at my school. just a couple though. but they seem like really rad people. and i was really bummed when a lot of people that said they would come totally flaked. oh well. for me, it's always been way more about quality than quantity. i'm an introvert anyway.

i really hate having to plan something for my own birthday. i always do. :(

[hpdrifter]

Yeah. I don't know why it is that I identify the number of people who come out to my birthday as a measure of my worth. I mean, I typically go for quality over quantity too. It doesn't really bother me any other time of year. Maybe that's because I never have parties or whatever at any other time of year.

I don't know. My Aunt and Uncle just had their 25th wedding anniversary party and like 80 people came. It was pretty incredible.

[beastiegirrl101]

See the thing is, I have 2 uber close girlfriends that know everything. But on any given night if I want to go out and party there are a crapload of people I can call "fun friends" "bar buddies" but these are people who dont even know my last name. I always have a good time with them but eh....thats all it really is, a good time. And the majority of these people are people I have met being out so yea...whatev. Except Sarky...she still wont meet me. ;)

I'd rather have 2 close friends and no party peeps...quality not quanity.

You shouldnt have to plan your own b-day!

[cosmo105]

well, granted, they've had lots of years of life on you, and they're two people, not one.

but still. like, 3 people that i was really looking forward to seeing completely bailed. never even called or explained why. one of them even asked me for directions that DAY and said she was coming and never showed. bleh.

last year, though, a lot more people came, and toward the end people i didn't know started showing up just for the liquor...that sucked. i'd rather have leftover booze and a good time with close friends than run out because of some moocher jackasses.

[Rock]

i really hate having to plan something for my own birthday. i always do. :(
hint hint Boomin'.

I don't think I have made a new close friend in 10 years (not including the wife).
Of course I have people that I hang out with once in a while, but not close enough to call when I need help moving, or need a ride home from the airport. Ya know?

It just gets harder when you are older because people tend to have their groups already set and you may always be the "new guy". At least that is what I have noticed.

edit: I thought I had a relevant point...but I don't think I do.

[beastieangel01]

I feel the same exact way to be honest.

It's lessened a bit now (the fear of them not showing up for a birthday for example) but I think that's because I'm putting in more of an effort.

I've always been willing to socialize but only with the surface. I never got personal with anyone, I never let them in too much. I finally just pushed myself because I am aware of the ones that really do care, and it turned out well. We are closer now than ever before.

Don't fret too much, a lot of people feel the same way.

[cosmo105]

haha. i wouldn't want him to do that. you have to have a vagina for that sort of thing.

i think when i go to my new school this fall i'll meet some new people...what sucks is i really enjoyed a lot of the people i met when i was an art major, but now, i'm in a totally different field, and probably won't meet people all that similar to me...gah. i shouldn't stress about it.

[beastiegirrl101]

seriously though, girls are trouble....they are so cliquey and bitchy sometimes its frickin nuts. It's so refreshing to meet NICE girls....

[hpdrifter]

My friend Andy is like you, Nata. He always seems to be meeting people while he's out, also party peep types. He makes friends with his friends' friends and brings them into the group. He's just the most social person I have ever known.

Anyway, well glad to know others have these feelings too. I guess I worry sometimes that I have inherited some kind of anti-social gene. Both of my parents are total loners and I don't want to be like that.

[kll]

ChattingChuck says: I hope I'm not bothering you. Do you wanna chat?

[Dorothy Wood]

shit, I always get scared that nobody will come to my birthday stuff. last year there was too much pressure, there were like 10 people at my dinner, but the waiter was an asshole and ruined the experience. and some of the people there weren't even really my friends. also a couple of my friends showed up at the end high on mushrooms. I was pretty angry. after that, we went up to my friends' house for a party, but barely anyone showed up. it was still pretty fun though, just chatting and getting tipsy with a few folks.

cort organized miniature golf for the next day, but only 6 people came (like 20 agreed). so I was kind of disappointed.

this year we're going to the pitchfork music festival and then just figuring things out from there so I don't expect too much.

I have a lot of friends, but hardly anyone calls me. but if I go out, it's all, "OH HEY! YOU LOOK GREAT TONIGHT, WHAT'VE YOU BEEN UP TO?!" blah blah blah bullshit. it's okay, but sometimes I'd rather just be at home with a couple of other people playing a game or something.

ah, the life of a scenester. :cool:

[cookiepuss]

yeah hon, I think everyone who throws a party fears that no one will come.


But I would come to your party!if you throw it in san francisco:p

[Monsieur Decuts]

i'd take you out for a coffee