Life is what you make of it

[tracky]

It's true

I went to bed last night all kinda, depressed, I guess you'd say. I kinda lay there for a while thinking, and all I was thinking was these really negative thoughts. So today, I go to work, and because I was thinking so negatively I was perceiving everything in a negative light, and I came home a bit depressed and feeling shit. well I was just sitting on the couch after having a few cones, and it's suddenly dawned on me - there was nothing different about today than any other day. It's only because I was seeing everything so negatively that I came home feeling shit. All the things that I thought existed are actually just perceptions. If I see them positively, they will be positive. Instead of bitching that I had to spend an hour on the phone to america (hey ya'll) to get a machine working, and will have to replace some board, I should be looking at it as an opportunity to get better aquainted with the machine. Cause really the guy was telling me stuff I should've been told when we got it. There's other things, too, like the way I percieve people, and how I think they percieve me. But I don't want to make this so long no one reads it. Just thought I'd share that with you all to discuss. I'm off to meditate on some positive vibes... man

[SobaViolence]

i know whatchu mean.

my dad flipped out because of what my grandma said
i asked him why was he upset and he said because she was being crazy
then i asked him why is he surprised and why is he getting upset?
she's like that, right?
he concurred
so? why get angry?
he paused and turned up the radio.
i coulda got pissed that he was venting on me, 'cause no one needs that shit. but i laughed it off because they are both nuts...

[ms.peachy]

This is sort of related to that 'karma' poll thread to me, in that that's the sort of thing I meant when I said I think of karma more as the everyday give-and-take stuff. If you think everything's a burden, then you can be sure it will be. But if you think of each event as an opportunity, even when you're really down, then it's more likely that you will find the good in the situation.

I'm working really hard to practice that right now with this situation that's going on with my family. There are many moments each day where I just sit and wonder how I can possibly handle everything that's on my plate right now, and get very tense and panicky. but I'm trying to practice relaxing and letting it all go out there to the universe and trusting that I will make good decisions step by step, and that other people will fall in line with me and we'll all be able to work together to see everything through to the best possible outcome. It's not easy, but the alternative would be to just think that "everything is out of control and shitty" and then of course that's exactly what it will be.

[tracky]

It's not easy, but the alternative would be to just think that "everything is out of control and shitty" and then of course that's exactly what it will be.

I should start calling you the hammer cause you pretty much nailed it there

I wish you had more time (which I'm sure you don't) cause I'd love to chat to you more. I think you're intelligent and understanding and would make a great friend and an awesome mum (lucky kid, seriously) :) I dunno where that came from, something I've been meaning to say :)

and Soba, I think you're a pretty cool chap (y) One of the few board members I would even consider meeting. Maybe for my long service leave I can do a bbmb tour of the world or something :D Not that I feel I've really super-connected with anyone here, but there's a few people who I would hang out with for a while, and I don't really know anyone else overseas. Plus I don't really have anyone to travel with. The real question is, would anyone want to meet me? :p

[Randetica]

someones hyped

[ms.peachy]

I dunno where that came from, something I've been meaning to say :)

Why thank you, that's really sweet of you! What a nice thing to say, I really appreciate it.:)

[enree erzweglle]

On strictly sensational levels, it's pleasant to have bunches of good stuff happen to you day in and day out, but the risk is that you won't grow. You need the [perceived] negatives so that you can learn from them and build yourself in lots of different ways, and you need interactions with people and exposure to situations that challenge you on different levels to get to those building and growing points.

So you can go through this life avoiding pain or trying times. You can go through your life being negative about the trying times that you do have. And in taking either approach, you risk stagnating yourself and being stuck in a cycle of that sort of set of negatives, negatives that you perceive to have no net positives. And that's a bunch of misery.

Or you can try to look them head on and realize that there is some lesson in there for you, there's some way to extend what you're facing into a very personal lesson or there's some way to extend it to help people beyond you. There's a lesson in it all and if you're like me, then you believe that these lessons reach right into the present from what you've done before and will reach into your future from what you're doing right now. You can think of past, present, and future in terms of the life you're living at the moment or you can broaden it into much more than that.

It's not easy and can be overwhelming because sometimes the situation itself can paralyze you and the lesson might elude you for having been too focussed on the wrong stuff. Maybe that's by design--maybe that tendency, in and of itself, is a lesson. I am facing such a thing right now and even after years of this sort of awareness, I still tend to let things like this stop me cold in my tracks and immobilize me. Usually on some level, I know that I have to (maybe with conscious dedication & practice) find ways to pull myself out of that, get perspective, and find the lesson--trust that it's there and that good will come of it. Find the hidden in it, try to learn about it, try to get over and beyond it, and the next time it or something like it happens, I'll be better equipped. I'm not always great at putting that into practice, but I understand and accept it unconditionally.

[tracky]

I do tend to avoid my problems and whinge and moan about them rather than do something about them, and it does lead to more negativity. It's so easy to whinge, too, and so difficult to face the problems. Especially when you do try to face the problems and consistantly fail. Each time you just have less and less motivation and faith until eventually you just give up. And to be honest, that's how I felt last night. Like it was all just useless and why bother even trying anymore. It's still there, in ways I'm kinda consciously supressing it, which may not be the best idea, I dunno. I'm really trying to be positive at the moment, even tho every now and then this very nasty thought creeps into my head. I'm sure there is a lesson in all this, I'm just not learning it :(


someones hyped

I can be very over the top at times without realising it :o I like you, too :) I barely even know you, but I like it when you post. I think the reason I barely know you is because you only ever post like 3 or 4 words :p Good words, but not particularly revealing words.

[enree erzweglle]

I'm sure there is a lesson in all this, I'm just not learning it :(Sometimes, I've found, the real lesson isn't the obvious one and sometimes, I didn't even realize that I did get it (the lesson) until I think about it later on in life.

[trailerprincess]

I'm living in denial about most of my issues. The good thing is that I don't tend to let them bother me and I am generally a chipper person, the bad thing is that I am also aware that they will bite me on my arse one day. But I'll deal with that, if and when it does happen.

[enree erzweglle]

I'm living in denial about most of my issues. The good thing is that I don't tend to let them bother me and I am generally a chipper person, the bad thing is that I am also aware that they will bite me on my arse one day. But I'll deal with that, if and when it does happen.When I face problems like the one that's staring me down right now--ones where I am faced only with consequences without having the benefit of control over those consequences--my tendency is to first get very nervous about them and to try to think of every possible permutation of outcomes and to get angsty. Then often and soon into doing that, I bring about this quasi-denial stage and try to push the problem mostly away and into a corner and to go into Sesame Street mode. :) That only works for so long and I've done that enough times that when it happens--mostly when that second one happens--I make myself stop it because I think that's where you waste big time and big energy and where you will doubtless get stuck in ruts and cycles. I run a narrative in my head and tell myself to think X to do Y and to work for Z outcome even though, at that moment, X & Y & Z seem very remote and even counterintuitive. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get extracted from that counterintuitive stuff but the sooner I do the extracting, the sooner and the better it all becomes in the end.

[trailerprincess]

When I face problems like the one that's staring me down right now--ones where I am faced only with consequences without having the benefit of control over those consequences--my tendency is to first get very nervous about them and to try to think of every possible permutation of outcomes and to get angsty. Then often and soon into doing that, I bring about this quasi-denial stage and try to push the problem mostly away and into a corner and to go into Sesame Street mode. :) That only works for so long and I've done that enough times that when it happens--mostly when that second one happens--I make myself stop it because I think that's where you waste big time and big energy and where you will doubtless get stuck in ruts and cycles. I run a narrative in my head and tell myself to think X to do Y and to work for Z outcome even though, at that moment, X & Y & Z seem very remote and even counterintuitive. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get extracted from that counterintuitive stuff but the sooner I do the extracting, the sooner and the better it all becomes in the end.

So basically, I should stop denying that there are whole areas of my life which are shit and deal with it? I think part of me is a real glutton for punishment. Like I am in this situation which this man, which I know is going to leave me crushed and broken, and yet I still find myself going along with it. And the longer I am going along with it, the shitter I know I am going to feel at the end of it, but I can't help myself.

[Randetica]

I can be very over the top at times without realising it :o I like you, too :) I barely even know you, but I like it when you post. I think the reason I barely know you is because you only ever post like 3 or 4 words :p Good words, but not particularly revealing words.


i like you




to poop on

[tracky]

whatever turns you on, baby

[enree erzweglle]

So basically, I should stop denying that there are whole areas of my life which are shit and deal with it?Maybe take bite-sized chunks and analyze those and then go from there.

[trailerprincess]

Maybe take bite-sized chunks and analyze those and then go from there.


That sounds much more manageable. Thank you for the advice. Much more practical than my current plan of just emigrating (y)

[enree erzweglle]

That sounds much more manageable. Thank you for the advice. Much more practical than my current plan of just emigrating (y):) Don't you think that half of your problem is solved already? ...you know the guy is crap. It might sound trivial, but some people angst for years and years over stuff like that. I think half the time, the problem is getting to the point of realizing what the problem really is. The doing-something-about-it part can be really freeing and rewarding. I think some of the hardest work is in the realization. You're there already and that's cool.

That realizing thing reminds me of a couple of nights ago and this is totally unrelated to you, trailerprincess, but the realizing part reminded me. I was having dinner alone and I was doing a puzzle that I was only half-concentrating on. There was this table of women who were in their mid-20s, I'd guess. The one was clearly wanting to talk about a problem that she was having with some other woman. From where I was sitting, it sounded like she just wanted/needed to talk about that problem woman and she was doing it in a sort of gossipy and judging-sounding way. Maybe those women she was talking to were tired of hearing about it because the one said something like, "This sounds JUST like the problem you had with so-and-so and with such-and-such. Why don't you just do X." ...and at that point, I looked up and saw that the one who'd been running her mouth looked astonished. I don't know her, but I like to think that maybe some (lb) went off in her head and she was running all of those similarities through her head and had some gestalt understanding. Probably, though, it was just that she was shocked and was resisting saying bitch how dare you and in her head she was maybe organizing the next night's dinner with OTHER friends where she'd tell them all about what her bitch friend had the Bs to say to her. :)

[trailerprincess]

:) Don't you think that half of your problem is solved already? ...you know the guy is crap. It might sound trivial, but some people angst for years and years over stuff like that. I think half the time, the problem is getting to the point of realizing what the problem really is. The doing-something-about-it part can be really freeing and rewarding. I think some of the hardest work is in the realization. You're there already and that's cool.

That realizing thing reminds me of a couple of nights ago and this is totally unrelated to you, trailerprincess, but the realizing part reminded me. I was having dinner alone and I was doing a puzzle that I was only half-concentrating on. There was this table of women who were in their mid-20s, I'd guess. The one was clearly wanting to talk about a problem that she was having with some other woman. From where I was sitting, it sounded like she just wanted/needed to talk about that problem woman and she was doing it in a sort of gossipy and judging-sounding way. Maybe those women she was talking to were tired of hearing about it because the one said something like, "This sounds JUST like the problem you had with so-and-so and with such-and-such. Why don't you just do X." ...and at that point, I looked up and saw that the one who'd been running her mouth looked astonished. I don't know her, but I like to think that maybe some (lb) went off in her head and she was running all of those similarities through her head and had some gestalt understanding. Probably, though, it was just that she was shocked and was resisting saying bitch how dare you and in her head she was maybe organizing the next night's dinner with OTHER friends where she'd tell them all about what her bitch friend had the Bs to say to her. :)

Well, in all fairness, he's not crap at all. On paper he's just about perfect, just the situation is fucked up. But again, you're right. I am halfway there. I just need to find some self-esteem (last seen approx. July 1985) to enable me to get out of this farsical situation.

I need someone in my life to tell me what to do. Where were these women? Maybe I need a random reality check from these ladies :D

(and thanks - you just reminded me I had finished my soduko book)

[ericlee]

tracky is sauce dabbing on the job again man. He can't hide with all the :p :D :o :) ;) s.

But for sure, it's all about what you make of it. I've had some of the worst shit happen to me throughout my life and then the recent passing of my best friend.

It's just things that happen to remind you of what life is all about and nobody ever said it was easy to live it.

Even though there are some people who have no control over depression and have to take meds for it but, if that's not your case then why walk around being sad?

[enree erzweglle]

Well, in all fairness, he's not crap at all. On paper he's just about perfect, just the situation is fucked up. But again, you're right. I am halfway there. I just need to find some self-esteem (last seen approx. July 1985) to enable me to get out of this farsical situation.

I need someone in my life to tell me what to do. Where were these women? Maybe I need a random reality check from these ladies :D

(and thanks - you just reminded me I had finished my soduko book)Oh, I think I know what you're saying. And I know what you mean about needing a strong someone in your life to help you out. I hope you find that! Those women were in a deli down the street from my house. If that helps.

I did my first samurai sudoku the other day and I was so happy I thought about naming it. :)

[guerillaGardner]

I remember someone telling me that there's always a choice of how to react to any situation - no matter what.

I thought 'bullshit' and then it occured to me that if ten different people have the same thing happen to them - no matter how great or how shitty, there will be ten different reactions.

So if there really wasn't a choice of how to respond to life, we'd all respond the exact same way. It's just attitude that makes the difference.

[bigblu89]

I'm the kind of person that live by the saying "Life it was you make of it".

Almost to a fault.

I don't worry about things until it absolutely has to be worried about.

I don't think anything is a problem until there's no denying it's a problem.

I've always lived my life like today was the last day. Not in the sense that I'm going to be adventerous and go crazy, but in the fact that things aren't really as bad as people make them out to be.

Don't have enough money to pay the bills? So what We'll figure it out when we have to.

My wife hates that fact that I'm so happy-go-lucky, mainly because she knows she could never be that way.

But I always tell her, God forbid I die on the way home from work today, you want my last moments to invole me worring about the lawn needing to be mowed? Or the fact that her dad, after 9 years, still doesn't think too highly of me? Shit like that?

[abcdefz]

It's a dog's life -- on a rope leash or a diamond collar.

[enree erzweglle]

^^^ multiple lifetimes multiple leashes

[tracky]

tracky is sauce dabbing on the job again man. He can't hide with all the :p :D :o :) ;) s.

naw i don't do that very often at all. like that one time was just a once off thing. in truth its 1:30am friday night and i'm sitting on the couch watching aqua teens at the moment. i'm such a party animal.

It's not that I'm walking around sad, but occasionally it breaks through the barrier and bites me and I have to push it back. like i said, I dunno whether supressing it is really the best idea. I'm kinda letting it out a bit here, without getting too specific or being too negative about it.

[SobaViolence]

I should start calling you the hammer cause you pretty much nailed it there

I wish you had more time (which I'm sure you don't) cause I'd love to chat to you more. I think you're intelligent and understanding and would make a great friend and an awesome mum (lucky kid, seriously) :) I dunno where that came from, something I've been meaning to say :)

and Soba, I think you're a pretty cool chap (y) One of the few board members I would even consider meeting. Maybe for my long service leave I can do a bbmb tour of the world or something :D Not that I feel I've really super-connected with anyone here, but there's a few people who I would hang out with for a while, and I don't really know anyone else overseas. Plus I don't really have anyone to travel with. The real question is, would anyone want to meet me? :p

i'd definitely want to hang out with you dude.
i'll have a pint for you up north
have one for me down south.

[tracky]

you're on (y)

[ericlee]

Yeah, I'd love to hang out with tracky. Go burn one and have a couple pints and then later on, go stealing Luminas.. I mean Commodores(y)

[tracky]

hehe well i don't plan on spending my potential trip in jail so let's not get too carried away. besides that we should aim a bit higher and steal something exotic to me. like a dodge or something.

[Randetica]

oh word (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUcZ84YY3bs&search=talktalk)

[ericlee]

hehe well i don't plan on spending my potential trip in jail so let's not get too carried away. besides that we should aim a bit higher and steal something exotic to me. like a dodge or something.

haha, yeah. Exotic like a Dodge Colt (http://www.corvettesnorth.ca/assets/Richard's-Dodge-Colt-Turbo.jpg).

Driving around in one of those beauties will surely be the cure of depression.

[tracky]

haha nah i was thinking more like one of your big american truck things. we've got utes down here, that's what you'd wanna be stealing to be stealing a true aussie car. And it's gotta have massive mudflaps and excess aerials, spot lights and RM Williams stickers. You can peruse a fine selection here (http://www4.tpgi.com.au/users/malking/gallery1.html)

[abcdefz]

Them bad nights take forever and the good nights don't ever seem to last.

[beastieangel01]

I hate to be an Angelina Jolie quoter (actually, turns out she's a really good person, I hear of and then have read about her charity, who knew) but happiness really is a choice.

[abcdefz]

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
--Abraham Lincoln, manic depressive

[ericlee]

haha nah i was thinking more like one of your big american truck things. we've got utes down here, that's what you'd wanna be stealing to be stealing a true aussie car. And it's gotta have massive mudflaps and excess aerials, spot lights and RM Williams stickers. You can peruse a fine selection here (http://www4.tpgi.com.au/users/malking/gallery1.html)

Damn, that's some shit straight outta Mad Max. I like it.

[enree erzweglle]

I hate to be an Angelina Jolie quoter (actually, turns out she's a really good person, I hear of and then have read about her charity, who knew) but happiness really is a choice.I do think there is a case to be made for depression, although I wonder how many of those diagnoses are accurate and then I wonder how many people hide behind those types of diagnoses so that they can avoid doing the things they should be doing with their lives.

I knew a woman--her problems were always the result of some other force in her life, things that she said she had no control over: varieties of addictions, untreatable depression, bad parents, bad relations, bad finances, bad genes, bad day. And I'd think no wonder life feels depressing--she had absolutely no ownership of anything in it. She takes zero responsibility and when you'd corner her with an argument that pointed to her being responsible for a bad thing in her life--when, without question, you could say, "X has happened to you today because of Y thing that you did just yesterday"--then she'd blame the devil for infiltrating or God for abandoning her.

She'd blame every bad thing that came her way on any other thing that was within eyeshot, but she'd never blame herself. She also had an extreme superiority complex. She couldn't be to blame for those things because she had such an enormously high opinion of herself that self-blame was just unfathomable.

It was hard to be a friend to someone like her and actually, she had and has no long-term friends save for one because she needs that person in her life for other reasons. I find it hard to be next people like that because try as you might to try to help them, the chances are huge that they'll pull you way far down rather than you helping them out of any badness that they experience. It's a terribly slippery slope and you might start sliding down it without even realizing it...only after you give up with a person like that do you realize that you are very, very glad that you did. It's still sad & pitiful though. :(

[steve-onpoint]

Word. Sealab helps, too. (y)

[steve-onpoint]

oh word (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUcZ84YY3bs&search=talktalk)

I likes dat.

[The Notorious LOL]

the ironic twist is everyone in this post that gives sage advice about happiness is miserable :D


such is the human condition though.

[enree erzweglle]

the ironic twist is everyone in this post that gives sage advice about happiness is miserable :DDo you think? Because you are a little wrong on at least one count.

(I apologize for not using contractions in this post and that that makes it sound snooty but my apostrophe key is not complying. :))

[The Notorious LOL]

maybe not miserable, but advice easily given but rarely taken by the givers, methinks.


Its hard work though. I am not miserable but Im also not perfectly content and at times I feel a little bit hypocritical giving advice I cant even fully follow.

[enree erzweglle]

maybe not miserable, but advice easily given but rarely taken by the givers, methinks.


Its hard work though. I am not miserable but Im also not perfectly content and at times I feel a little bit hypocritical giving advice I cant even fully follow.
I don't know that anyone can follow all of this advice to the letter and fully, & consistently. But that shouldn't stop anyone from sharing it and sometimes even when I know that I'm not even following my own advice (I talked about this earlier--feeling immobilized by the thing that's challenging me) I still know what the right thing is on a different level.

I think about this sort of stuff a lot. I get might get tired or stressed or overwhelmed by a thing, but I generally feel happy and up. If you knew me in my day-to-day life, you'd probably get that without me having to say so explicitly.

[Miho Mingu]

yeah man, you speak the truth, tracky. everyone has said all that i could say about this. i'll just chime in, that if you stay optimistic, and take notice of people around you, that otherwise get no attention, they will appreciate you back, and look at you in good light. if you leave a big impact on those around you, you will feel better, they will feel better, and hey, you may gain friends from those bonds.

as a sum, you have your good days, you have your bad days, but always strive to have fun wherever you're at. believe it or not, others who may be feeling miserable, will thank you for it, in their minds.

i battle this same feeling, though, so it's not like i'm mr. perfect.

edit: actually, i feel like adding one more thing--for instance, at my job, my mentality day-to-day, is to have a genuine, careful attitude to my co-workers. even if i don't know them well, you can sense that mutual respect they give you back. it's a nice feeling too.

it's not a stage. i want to care and help people whenever i can. because i believe that is a step in making positive changes to your surroundings. this can apply to anything. that's the best i could explain it.

[Randetica]

I LOVE MIHO


so the truth is out
now beat me dead

[Lex Diamonds]

It's what you make it.
Suicide, few try to take it.
Belt tied around they neck in jail cells naked.

[Tzar]

haha nah i was thinking more like one of your big american truck things. we've got utes down here, that's what you'd wanna be stealing to be stealing a true aussie car. And it's gotta have massive mudflaps and excess aerials, spot lights and RM Williams stickers. You can peruse a fine selection here (http://www4.tpgi.com.au/users/malking/gallery1.html)
you want another sprinter....

you WANT another sprinter

[ms.peachy]

Do you think? Because you are a little wrong on at least one count.

Make that two :) I may have a lot of shit to deal with right now, and it really bums me out for, oh, at least 20 mintues a day, but I do follow my own advice - I'm trying, not always succeeding, but mostly doing alright. And I'm certainly not miserable. How could I be?

The way I see it is, if I let myself sink into helplessness and negativity, I would be letting not just myself down, but my husband, my mother, my sisters, my dad, my nephew, and worst of all, my beautiful baby. And that is just not going to happen.

[alexandra]

five star thread

congratulations

[Randetica]

i only read like 15% of it