Anything from past jobs that..

[ericlee]

Made you chuckle when you'd sit and think about them?

I always laugh when I'd think about the change of shit info that I'd have to pass on to my relieving officer when I worked corrections.

This shit is real:

When I worked the "special" dorm- "If Gordon gets an existing radio station with real music, you'd better take the walkman from him and change it to a station that picks up fuzz". -The guy walked around the dorm with his walkman on listening to nothing but static and he made music from it. If he'd tune in to a real station, he'd just start freaking out.

"Fry Daddy was in a trance sleep again so, when it's lights on and he's laying there with his eyes open, he's not dead. Just kick under his bunk again".- There was an inmate who had 3rd degree burns all over his body from a house fire and he'd sleep with his eyes open because he had partial eyelids. We called him Fry Daddy. He would sleep like a motherfucker and it was hell to wake him up.

"Inamte Joe Blow and JBird got into a heated discussion over vienna sausages so, keep an eye on them because you might have to put them in the block"- Happened too often. Most likely a loss of a bet from a football game on T.V.

"Keep an eye on the showers and DO NOT let inmate so and so shower at the same time inmate such and such does"- Kinda self explanitory.

Anything from you guys?

[Dorothy Wood]

can I make a claymation movie about that?

[ericlee]

can I make a claymation movie about that?

hell yeah. Especially Fry Daddy. The guy seriously was burnt bad. He had nubs for fingers and he'd always try to light his cigarette and always drop his lighter.
He had just a little tuft of hair on top of his head. The guy would strut across the dorm like he was the shit and one day, he had finished using the bathroom and he had a t.p. tail and he still strutted across the dorm. Not even knowing about his new tail and all the inmates and even me just busted out laughing.

I'd always catch him with porn and ask him, "So, are ya trying to nub one off?"

Man, that guy was too much.

[Documad]

I was once demoted from customer service to cashier for being "too possessive of [my] pens and kleenex."

[Yeti]

ericlee, how could anyone top a corrections officer story?
I worked 1 week as a banquet server at the Marriott. I had to payoff some gambling debts so I took it as a 2nd job. I hated being a servant before I put on the tuxedo. The guy I worked for was a hoot. We called him Sgt. The Governor of Va at the time was L Douglas Wilder and he was giving a speech in the banquet hall. I was carrying a huge tray full of long stemmed water glasses. I lost my balance and saw the tray lean and 1 by 1 they hit the floor. It sounded like a shotgun going off. Wilder stopped his speech and everyone looked over at me.
Later that week I was working a room with a cash bar. This drunk lady at my table kept asking me to get her drinks. I kept telling her it was a cash bar. Later she gave me shit again and I called her a no good drunk bitch. That was my last day. The Sgt took me in the back and shaked my hand---I will always remember his last words to me---Steve, serving people is not for you but you were right. That lady was a no good drunk bitch.
After college I took a job with the local NBC affiliate and covered a political fundraiser. The Sgt saw me and told me that I was a legend and my story is still told in the back rooms of the banquet halls.

[ericlee]

ericlee, how could anyone top a corrections officer story?


It's not top offs I'm looking for. I could laugh at just about anything and so far, your and Documad's stories were funny.

Getting demoted for being too possesive of kleenex and pens? Those are vital to customer service. Believe me, my job involves pens and customers and I decorate my pens in the most hideous and ugly way so that nobody even thinks about taking them.

I can imagine that as every glass hit the floor, the governor let out a shart and flinched. Haha. You've also done something that needs to be done with the drunk hag too. I hate biting my lip when certain people need to be put in their place.

I've had normal jobs too. I'll post about the funny stories soon.

[jabumbo]

for a few summers i worked as an intern for my local state senator


one time this woman called to complain about her boro school taxes, and how she didnt want to pay them because all of her children were out of school and they went to private school anyway.

since i was just an intern, i really didnt know what to say. but she pretty much talked the whole time and held me on the phone for a good 40 minutes and by the end was crying and thats why she hung up.

once that happened i raced to my lunch break and my boss was sort of yelling at me because when people call we are supposed to get their name, address, and phone number and i didnt.

so as i was walking out the office door, the woman called back and was on the line with my boss for another 30 minutes at least. and in the end, we still didnt know why it took her 20 years to get that worked up about a few dollars in school taxes

[paul jones]

I remember in my 1st job after schooldays I worked in a sandwich making place and I was in charge of cooking all the bacon and I used to eat shitloads of it as I took it out of the bacon oven thing

[ericlee]

when I worked at the drive through I was rolling a joint in the bathroom and a car came through. I stopped rolling and left the paper with weed in it on top of the toilet and helped the customer that came.

My boss came in while I was helping the customer and he walked right into the bathroom. I asked him, "Well, I guess I'm fired right?" He said, "you're only fired if you don't burn that with me so, hurry and get it rolled".

[enree erzweglle]

Working as a work-study, carrying tall/heavy urns of coffee across campus on a hot July day. I took a guy up on his offer to help.

Turns out he was the keynote speaker for the conference where I was lugging the coffee.
Oh, and he'd won the Nobel Prize a couple of years before that.

In those back-and-forth trips with hot urns, he never let on about who he was. I asked his name and at first (lb) and then :eek: and finally :o.

[ericlee]

After taking a bite of a his sammich, an employee exclaimed "Damn, this sammich tastes like ass!"

The same employee after seeing some Muslim women in their full robes(?) and "Victoria Secret's" shopping bags he said "Oh hey, underneath all of them clothes, they've got the freaky-deaky on..."

Believe me, they wear thongs and tight jeans under those abayas. They've got just about every store in the states and Britian in their malls.

They've even got Victoria's Secret outlets scattered throughout the city. Even Saudi does and they're pretty much the most strict.

In Kuwait, pretty much the only women that wear the abayas are the married ones and if you go to the mall and walk around, you'd be amazed about the fashion and forget that you're in a Muslim country.