Sex in marriage/relationships

[Lo_Lyfe]

ok so once you get past the doin it all the time phase of a relationship, and the afterglow (of marriage,also) has faded, how often do most couples find private time?

i know a woman wouldn't start a thread like this, so thats a key reason why this question is important to me.

i dont know what the recommended dosage is, and either want to find out im in a normal scenario, or there is no normal scenario.

a poll is included to save you having to answer publicy and risk shaming from anyone yous know.

[alexandra]

i can't imagine my parents doing it anymore. i just can't.

[Lo_Lyfe]

yo i mean like normal people. not your parents.

[alexandra]

har har?

[skra75]

once a month, once every other month. it rocked.

[Lo_Lyfe]

har har?
no i just mean i want the normal folk here to talk about themselves. my parents fuck in a swing, no doubt. but they aint gonna answer the poll.

[DandyFop]

i know a woman wouldn't start a thread like this, so thats a key reason why this question is important to me.


:confused: You're wrong on this one.

Anyway, I don't have any place to put mine because I've been with my guy about 3 1/2 months so the sexing is all the time...maybe I'll check back in when it's been a year or something ?

[Lo_Lyfe]

:confused: You're wrong on this one.

Anyway, I don't have any place to put mine because I've been with my guy about 3 1/2 months so the sexing is all the time...maybe I'll check back in when it's been a year or something ?
aight cool. i was just comin off desperate for the info, i didnt think women cared.

word em up to your three month sex. i bet you both are making noises.(y)

[Lo_Lyfe]

how long is the relationship been goin on for this three to seven motherfukk?

[Lo_Lyfe]

see i get the feeling i just don't do it anymore for my s/o.

[alexandra]

talk to her about it (you're male, right?). women love to talk talk talk anyway.

[Lo_Lyfe]

talk to her about it (you're male, right?). women love to talk talk talk anyway.
nah they don't.

[ms.peachy]

I don't think there's any real answer for this. I mean, the moon waxes and wanes, you know? Now, with the new baby, my answer would be "pretty much never". But that's a temporary situation. Before I was pregnant, it certainly varied. Sometimes we might have sex several times a week; at other times, we could go a few weeks and there would be nothing. It depends on what else is going on in life - I know when mr.p is working towards a big deadline at work, sex is just a no-go area, for example. Also in the summer when it's really hot, he's not keen (doesn't like the hot weather and doesn't really want to be touched). I have occasional periods of time where I'm just not bothered, again dependingon how work's going and stuff. It's not something we worry ourselves about to be honest; if it hasn't happened for a while, I don't freak out and start wondering "oh my god what's wrong with us." sometimes we live in times of feast, and sometimes times of famine. Ain't no big thing.

[QueenAdrock]

Well, I know it'll go down as I get older. But I'd average at least once a day. I love sex way too much to do it just once a week, and I don't look forward to ever getting my average down that far. :(

Edit: I didn't see 3-7 times a week because it was at the bottom of the poll. I change my vote to that one. (y)

[alexandra]

nah they don't.
your significant other must be an exception (if it's a woman).

i suggest you talk to her about it anyway. what else can you do. solve things by talking. or just get hot. :rolleyes:

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

ok so once you get past the doin it all the time phase of a relationship, and the afterglow (of marriage,also) has faded, how often do most couples find private time?


Alright, another question, for anybody. At what point in the relationship is the afterglow considered "faded"? What is the normal point to things normally (sexually, for the most part) slow down?

[jackrock]

A BILLION TIMES A DAY!

[enree erzweglle]

There aren't any right answers to any of this. I've been in relationships where the glow wore off before it even started. Mostly in my long-term relationships, there are highs and lows and they're not just related to sex but they're related to our overall health--how we're communicating, how we are at just being with each other, what else is happening in our lives--together and apart.

I guess for some people, the great-sex factor correlates directly with the recovery from the lows of relationships (makeup sex). And often when couples are first starting out (the first couple of years, say) there are wild fluctuations in the state of things as you get to know each other, really know each other, so if those people recover from those lows via sex, it's only natural to think that sex will decline or shift around as time moves on, as you get more comfortable with each other.

For me, it's exact opposite--sex and great sex are more determined by the overall positive health of the relationship. If we're having problems as a couple, sex is the last thing on my mind--it's just hard for me to get to sex if I feel disconnected from a guy in various ways and especially if those various ways contributed to the low period in the relationship.

Anyway, I think it's all specific to the people and the nature of the relationship, how well you get on together, how well you communicate, what sex means to you as individuals and as a couple, and just how synched up you are on lots of different levels. And it's all sort of fluid--it's influenced by and influences other events in our lives. What's fairly true today might not be so true in a few weeks when it comes to this stuff.

[skra75]

see i get the feeling i just don't do it anymore for my s/o.

yeah, if you feel that way it's a vicious cycle. It gets worse and worse as time goes on, you feel like you're not what she wants - making yourself seem insecure, in turn she thinks something's wrong. a bad cycle, I've seen several of my friends go through it.

My advice, talk and really listen to her. Even if some of the things she says are crazy and you don't agree with them, try to keep and open mind.

Most of all, don't be afraid to take chances and do things that are outside of the routine. It's always good to try to do something totally new. Speaking from experience, of course.:rolleyes:

[iceygirl]

i think probably the most we have gone was probably around a week, no more than that
i voted 3-7
i have been with my husband for 8 years, 2 of those being married, and i find it very interesting how relationships develop and i am finding that the sex just becomes better and more interesting and deeper thus far into it. we also have no children, and i am sure that usually takes a big toll on a couples sex life.

[QueenAdrock]

Alright, another question, for anybody. At what point in the relationship is the afterglow considered "faded"? What is the normal point to things normally (sexually, for the most part) slow down?

When I first lost my virginity, it was like, several times a day. Because it was new and awesome. I remember doing it 6 times in 12 hours one day within the first month. It slowed down just because the "newness" wore off, probably 4-5 months into it. But I was still averaging 1-2 times a day after that.

I've got the newness back now, so it's all sorts of awesome once again. :o

[befsquire]

when the dr lived in canada, and we hardly got to see each other, it would be 5x a day when we were finally together.

now that we're together all the time, there are times where i'll fall asleep on the couch or one of us is sick, etc. the minimum is 3x a week though.

we were watching something on tv that said the average couple has sex twice a week.

[Lo_Lyfe]

goddam. she say she 'bored' of it.:(

[hitmonlee]

average once a week. twice if i'm lucky :rolleyes:

[Lex Diamonds]

If you're in a relationship the best thing to do with your sex life is try and get down in as many unusual places as you can. Like if you're at a friend's house you both go out and find a park or bonnet of a car or something. "Hey, we never did it in a tree before!" is always a good excuse to get some. (y)

[Lo_Lyfe]

as a male, im so used to expecting sex. is this the end of my relationship?:(

[beastieangel01]

when I was in a relationship, usually it was every other day because our schedules were hectic. When things got super busy, the worst we've done was 3 times a week. If schedules allow though I would want at least once a day.

[Lo_Lyfe]

when I was in a relationship, usually it was every other day because our schedules were hectic. When things got super busy, the worst we've done was 3 times a week. If schedules allow though I would want at least once a day.
i work nights, she works all day. sometimes see each other on weekends. im hutrtin cause im worried were driftin apart. like when we do get down to it, its not about fuckin, but just bein close and shit. i wanna please her, but ironically the less you do it, the less you can do. we in love, just in a hump-slump. we been together like 5 years an shit.

[enree erzweglle]

as a male, im so used to expecting sex. is this the end of my relationship?:(
With the extra time, maybe it'll be the start of some great, thoroughly researched hobbies. :)

(Seriously, if this person means something to you, you have to go with it, learn to adjust to the highs and lows that are not just related to sex but the ones you'll see inside of the overall sort of atmosphere of the relationship.)

[Lo_Lyfe]

With the extra time, maybe it'll be the start of some great, thoroughly researched hobbies. :)

(Seriously, if this person means something to you, you have to go with it, learn to adjust to the highs and lows that are not just related to sex but the ones you'll see inside of the overall sort of atmosphere of the relationship.)
i love her. id hate for sex to be the thing that ruined shit.

[Lo_Lyfe]

I've beem with my wife for 19 years. Sure when you are younger there is a lot more action because there are less cares. As you get older things get more complicated. Schedules, jobs, health, children, etc... The important thing for us is that the spark is still there, and I will not say anymore than that. I cringe when I hear stories from married friends who don't like their spouse, find them attractive, or because they are unhappy about something so they are withholding sex as punishment. I am amazed how openly they'll talk about it too, when what I wrote above is more information than I would normaly give, but I want to help. So if there is not any resentments, or dislikes, and you still have that spark when you do, then everything is cool, and work will itself out.
i hope so man. thanks.

[abcdefz]

I've beem with my wife for 19 years.



Whoa! Congrats.

Now and again somebody on this board drops a bit of information I didn't know or missed or whatever, and I'm kinda blown away. This is one of those times.

[beastieangel01]

i work nights, she works all day. sometimes see each other on weekends. im hutrtin cause im worried were driftin apart. like when we do get down to it, its not about fuckin, but just bein close and shit. i wanna please her, but ironically the less you do it, the less you can do. we in love, just in a hump-slump. we been together like 5 years an shit.

yeah when both of you are so busy, it's tough. It really is. And I agree: it's about being close. It's another way of sharing yourselves and it's a bummer when you aren't able to share it often.

Hang in there, when you gotta get things done (work and all) it happens. Just make sure you both try to put in the effort to see each other (even aside from sex).

[Lo_Lyfe]

try to put in the effort to see each other (even aside from sex).
yes! i figure im just houndin for sex.

[kll]

When I was married, my ex and I went several months (or over a year) with no contact at all... also one of the reasons I'm no longer married... but, this created an issue for me in my head...


My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years and living together almost 1 1/2 of those. It can be several times a week one week to maybe only once the next week and it also depends on what is going on with our lives and the weather, as ms. p said... but, I tend to freak out a bit when it's been longer than I would like between sex and it's something I have to work out myself...



*thank you marriage for making me a psycho*

[Lo_Lyfe]

When I was married, my ex and I went several months (or over a year) with no contact at all... also one of the reasons I'm no longer married... but, this created an issue for me in my head...


My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years and living together almost 1 1/2 of those. It can be several times a week one week to maybe only once the next week and it also depends on what is going on with our lives and the weather, as ms. p said... but, I tend to freak out a bit when it's been longer than I would like between sex and it's something I have to work out myself...



*thank you marriage for making me a psycho*
i got an ego problem i guess, and i figure sex is one of the better ways to stroke it (no punz).

[enree erzweglle]

Thanks. I usually don't talk about it because I want the ladies here to feel like they might have a chance, but yeah, they don't.:cool:slaps cmute, storms off



:)

[venusvenus123]

Whoa! Congrats.

Now and again somebody on this board drops a bit of information I didn't know or missed or whatever, and I'm kinda blown away. This is one of those times.
been with mine for 16+... are you impressed? ;)

...and my sex life is my business!:cool: