im a jealous ho

[monkey]

my bf is incredibly charismatic and charming and he can talk to anyone with no problems and can strike up a conversation about anything, anytime.
sometimes, i get a little jealous when he talks to other girls cause they always look at him adoringly cause he's so charming and stuff. and i know im not supposed to be jealous cause he loves me and stuff, but i cant help it. i dont really know how to deal with that. it's not like im gonna ask him to stop talking to other people, that's stupid. i just need to learn how to deal with jealousy. stupid jealousy.

[Lex Diamonds]

Well, we all know there's only one solution: facially disfigure him in his sleep.

[The Notorious LOL]

a little jealousy is natural...just dont become possessive.

[Nuzzolese]

Just keep in mind that you have him, and let him know that if you can't have him no one can. And keep in mind there are people with REAL relationship problems more serious than a charming boyfriend. Padster's "friend" (article in a smut mag probably) for example, addicted to jelly and hoo hoo dilly.

[Lex Diamonds]

Actually it's taken from a largely unfunny British comedy film vehicle for Johnny Vegas named "Sex Lives of the Potato Men" which I watched at 3am this morning.

[monkey]

Just keep in mind that you have him, and let him know that if you can't have him no one can. And keep in mind there are people with REAL relationship problems more serious than a charming boyfriend. Padster's "friend" (article in a smut mag probably) for example, addicted to jelly and hoo hoo dilly.

oh i dont consider this a relationship problem. this is a paulina-problem. ive always been very jealous and this whole thing of having a boyfriend that is much more charismatic than me (which is difficult, cause ive been known as a social butterfly for a very long time) is something that im trying to figure out how to deal with.

he just told me he's jealous of certain boys i always talk to. i sorta feel better now. :o

[Echewta]

Awww, black and white would so capture the moment.

[Otis Driftwood]

oh i dont consider this a relationship problem. this is a paulina-problem. ive always been very jealous and this whole thing of having a boyfriend that is much more charismatic than me (which is difficult, cause ive been known as a social butterfly for a very long time) is something that im trying to figure out how to deal with.

he just told me he's jealous of certain boys i always talk to. i sorta feel better now. :o
Haha, so once you go down on them, you'll feel really great!

[monkey]

Haha, so once you go down on them, you'll feel really great!

yes. absolutely. let me go do that now to make the world a better place.

[zorra_chiflada]

he's my thing!
stay away from my thaaang!

[beastieangel01]

a little jealousy is natural...just dont become possessive.

(y)

[hpdrifter]

I think its natural. This girl just moved into the same house as my boyfriend. She's very attractive and has been friends with all of those guys for a long time. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't that amped about it.

[monkey]

well, i decided this was a problem cause we were at a block party and we were talking to his beautiful kenyan neighbor. she's drop dead gorgeous, should be a supermodel. and they were talking and i got so jealous i decided to hog her time. i made really good friends with her, but the initiative was to get them away from talking to each other. :o

[beastieangel01]

okay, that is kind of bad. I think that you just have to keep it under control, if you feel the impulse to do that kind of thing, keep yourself in check. Recognize the fact that you'd only be talking to this girl for that reason and realize that it's not healthy.

Or something. I don't know.

[monkey]

oh it's most definately not healthy. the girl is lovely though, im totally girl-crushing on her now. i realize it's my own insecurities doing this to me cause i figure of he could have a beautiful, smart girl like her, why would he want me. but he does and that's what i need to repeat to myself i guess.

[hpdrifter]

The thing to remember is, there's nothing you can do about it.

If he is inclined to go for her, he's going to do it no matter what you do to keep them apart. And trying to keep them apart just makes you look foolish.

Also, you giving energy to these feelings can throw the whole thing off and may bring about the exact result you hope to avoid.

He loves you, we've seen it in the pictures. Just try to remember that and when the feelings come up, just tell yourself, there's nothing to worry about, he's my bebe and he loves me. Don't buy into them, reflect on them and try to see where they're coming from. Then you can defuse them.

Edit: The above sounded harsh to mine ears when I read it back to myself. This was not my goal. I really was just trying to say that you don't have anything to worry about. And you should just enjoy the being in love parts.

[enree erzweglle]

A woman flirts with him and it's no biggie because that stuff is unavoidable and some women only seem to want to go after guys who are otherwise involved. Personally, I can't and don't want to run interference with women like that so I mostly ignore them. But if he seriously flirts back, I go huh?

Best relationships are with someone who 1) communicates well and who likes to communicate, and 2) syncs what he says with what he does. Then, whoever is on the cover of this month's Maxim could flirt naked with him and it wouldn't matter because I know and understand him. Sometimes that kind of goodness happens straight away--we have a spontaneous simpatico--and sometimes we have to work for that and learn how to trust and read each other. In that latter bit, it takes time and practice and talking. If he's the type of guy to be inconsistent in words/actions and then when you express concern over that, he'll turn it around and blame you and/or bully you out, shut you down, then maybe you should think about going "huh?" too.

[monkey]

this is interesting though... i know he's NOT flirting. he's just friendly and charismatic like that with everyone. flirting, for him, is different. it's kinda cute actually, he's shy when he wants to flirt.

ahh ive got nothing to worry about. i know.

[hardnox71]

Why be jealous because other women see in him the same things that you saw when you first met him? You should be glad he ain't no scrub and that other women desire what only you have.

Or would you rather be with a buster and instead of other women saying to each other "Pauli's guy is so fine!" they're saying "Girl, did you see that nigga that Pauli's with now?"

You're so busy being jealous of them but did you ever stop to think that they are all jealous of you?

[beastieangel01]

1) communicates well and who likes to communicate, and 2) syncs what he says with what he does.

AMEN.

[adam_f]

I bet I would go gay for him.

[hardnox71]

I bet I would go gay for him.
Pauli's not the only jealous ho in the house. Why him and not me, huh? What does he have that I don't? Why you doin' me like this, adam? What have I done to you except try to make this work?























































:p :D

[adam_f]

You're damaged goods.

[monkey]

I bet I would go gay for him.

you totally would. actually, would you mind? that would be hot. :cool:

[adam_f]

Originally posted by Pauli
you totally would. actually, would you mind? that would be hot. :cool:

Only if you can assure me that he likes Oates better WITH the moustache.

[hardnox71]

You're damaged goods.
:D :D :D

[enree erzweglle]

Some of it comes with age, I guess. This one time when I was in my mid-to-late 20s, I got jealous with a BF who had an ex GF flirting with him. Now, I'd go :rolleyes: and write that off because it wasn't a reflection on him (it was a reflection on the ex-GF being that way) but at the time, it weirded me out mostly because I didn't know--really know--my BF well enough to be secure with him in this situation:

BF is living in another state for several months while we have to do long-distance. His ex-GF calls and wants to stay with him (in his one-bedroom apartment) for a few weeks. No HUGE problem with that but this GF was the type to flirt shamelessly with guys and she sort of prided herself on having stolen this one guy from within his relationship. Stuff like that. Example of her flirtiness: she liked to walk around in front of guys naked. So I was weird about her staying with him in close quarters for an extended period because I knew she'd flirt and I knew that she'd walk around nekkid and I wasn't sure how he'd stand up to that. So it was not an easy situation and it was, I think, our first tough argument.

Now, I'd trust him more in that situation. Especially because her naked--present day naked...well, maybe that's not so tempting. :)

[hardnox71]

Some of it comes with age, I guess. This one time when I was in my mid-to-late 20s, I got jealous with a BF who had an ex GF flirting with him. Now, I'd go :rolleyes: and write that off because it wasn't a reflection on him (it was a reflection on the ex-GF being that way) but at the time, it weirded me out mostly because I didn't know--really know--my BF well enough to be secure with him in this situation:

BF is living in another state for several months while we have to do long-distance. His ex-GF calls and wants to stay with him (in his one-bedroom apartment) for a few weeks. No HUGE problem with that but this GF was the type to flirt shamelessly with guys and she sort of prided herself on having stolen this one guy from within his relationship. Stuff like that. Example of her flirtiness: she liked to walk around in front of guys naked. So I was weird about her staying with him in close quarters for an extended period because I knew she'd flirt and I knew that she'd walk around nekkid and I wasn't sure how he'd stand up to that. So it was not an easy situation and it was, I think, our first tough argument.

Now, I'd trust him more in that situation. Especially because her naked--present day naked...well, maybe that's not so tempting. :)
In my opinion, which I'm well aware that you didn't ask for, this should not have even been an issue between you and your boyfriend. If he really cared (I'm not saying that he doesn't) he would have told his ex that it's no deal. She's gotta stay somewhere else, that her staying with him would make you feel uncomfortable and he's just not willing to put you through that.

That's what I think should have happened. But who the fuck am I?

[hpdrifter]

In my opinion, which I'm well aware that you didn't ask for, this should not have even been an issue between you and your boyfriend. If he really cared (I'm not saying that he doesn't) he would have told his ex that it's no deal. She's gotta stay somewhere else, that her staying with him would make you feel uncomfortable and he's just not willing to put you through that.

That's what I think should have happened. But who the fuck am I?

I kinda thought the same thing. If she's that kind of girl, why would he want to put himself, let alone you, in that situation.

She could always find another place to stay.

[enree erzweglle]

In my opinion, which I'm well aware that you didn't ask for, this should not have even been an issue between you and your boyfriend. If he really cared (I'm not saying that he doesn't) he would have told his ex that it's no deal. She's gotta stay somewhere else, that her staying with him would make you feel uncomfortable and he's just not willing to put you through that.

Those were my arguments too, if I recall correctly. I think in his mind, it was such a non-issue because he was head-over-heels for me and so he couldn't fathom why I'd doubt his feelings. Which theoretically is always understandable but in practice, man. So it degraded and then we got far away from the original issue as he, I think, more and more felt like I was doing what I was doing just to be controlling, so he dug in. Which made me dig in. Which made him dig in harder and that's why it was our first tough argument.

If I recall correctly, I think she wound up visiting him for just a few days (v. weeks) and she pitched a tent on the front lawn. I also seem to remember that she talked to me about it too? Something like that. And I think that everyone was okay with that tent arrangement.

You're kind to say what you did. You too, hpdrifter. Although you guys--where were you back then?? I could have been all "Hey! HEY! ...hardnox and hp, they understand! They get it!" :) :)

edit: I fixed a very funny typo. :)

[Loppfessor]

God I wish my ex-girlfriend could read this thread....I'm totally not trying to sound cocky or anything but I had this exact problem with her. She would get angry and jealous of me for pretty much being me. Okay so I'm on the B list here but believe it or not in real life I'm actually rather charming and charismatic. Anyway she would get so worked up if I got attention or whatever from females or even in a social setting from a group of people. I'm a chatter box and I genuinely love people and I always thought those were good things. Somehow she almost managed to convince me that they weren't. It's a long story but that is at least one big reason why she is now my EX-girlfriend. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is well just read all the sound advice everyone else gave....

[GreenEarthAl]

I hate it when my girlfriend will be talking to a guy and they start relating to one another and then she starts dating them.

Or, wait. Actually, not so much.

Nevermind.

Not my thread 'parently.

[Randetica]

im jealous of everyone and everything cause i have no one and nothing

[Videodrome]

i'm jealous of your jealousy.

[iceygirl]

i dont get people who believe that jealousy is a normal part of love -

jealousy is insecurity and will kill and hinder a relationship

jealousy shows lack of trust, not love

[Loppfessor]

i dont get people who believe that jealousy is a normal part of love -

jealousy is insecurity and will kill and hinder a relationship

jealousy shows lack of trust, not love


Maybe not necessarily part of "love" but definitely part of human nature...

[enree erzweglle]

i dont get people who believe that jealousy is a normal part of love -

jealousy is insecurity and will kill and hinder a relationship

jealousy shows lack of trust, not loveI don't think people make a conscious choice to be jealous or to equate jealousy with normalcy in love/relationships. Some of them maybe go on autopilot and don't stop to think about what they're doing, saying, how they're reacting--they don't stop to think about changing themselves and they just let themselves have impulse reactions.

Some people might make the conscious choice not to trust people straight away (if they've been burned before) but I do think that most jealous people who stop to think about it probably understand that jealousy is not fruitful or healthy. That said, though, it's not a matter of toggling one (jealousy/trust) for the other (trust/jealousy).

[monkey]

i know myself and my reactions and dont associate my reactions (at times, extreme and stupid) with love or how much i may trust or love a person. i dont stop trusting my boyfriend due to my feelings on inadequacy. i could lose trust if he were to go around fucking chicks randomly. but then my jealousy would also be justified.
ahh my point is, jealousy and love are most definately not mutually exclusive.

[cosmo105]

all it takes is one person to cheat on you and that sort of shatters your ability to trust for...well, ever, i think. it took a looong time to get over that. it took lots of trust-building, and honesty and communication on both sides to overcome it. i used to be a really jealous person. occasionally the ugly green monster rears its head, but only in a pouty butthurt way. that's not to say that there isn't the teeniest bit of "hrm" when an ex-gf calls him or something, or on his side when i hang out with one of my exes. but it's not an issue of whether one of us would ever do anything...it's that whole "how could anyone NOT love you" feeling of wanting to protect your beloved, your investment from outside would-be theives. you have to just consider yourself lucky to have someone so wonderful and loyal in your life. in my heart of hearts, i totally trust him with it. :)

[hardnox71]

i dont get people who believe that jealousy is a normal part of love -

jealousy is insecurity and will kill and hinder a relationship

jealousy shows lack of trust, not love
It's not always a lack of trust. Sometimes it's rooted in alot of childhood events that created certain types of insecurties.

Your right. It's not a normal part of love but it is a normal part of human behavior and as they say shit happens.

You are also right in saying that jealously will kill a relationship faster than a bullet.

I believe that I am right in saying that if you know your partner has a problem dealing with jealousy sometimes then why do shit that you know is gonna drive him/her up a fucking wall? That's just .....for lack of a better word......cruel. Why put someone you say you love through that?

Guy: "Oh, I love you, baby, and only you. I love you so much. Hey, btw, you don't mind if my ex, you know, the one I almost married........."

Girl: "You mean the one that always runs around butt fucking naked and still wants wants to screw you 24/7?"

Guy: "........yeah, that's the one!! Well, she's gonna be in town in, like, 45 minutes and I told her that she could stay with me for a couple of months. That cool? K-thx!"

:confused: WTF?

Shit doesn't make any sense.