So...

[QueenAdrock]

Have any of you had friends who are so terribly depressed that everything you say is wrong? They attack you all the time and shoot down what you have to say?

I've got one friend who's acting really depressed now and calling herself fat and worthless, and for everything I say the response is "No, because..." or "No, but..."

Example: "Everyone likes our friends and talks to them at bars." "But don't you remember that guy that came up and talked to you on St. Patty's day?" "That doesn't count because he was probably drunk and the lights were dim." "But remember when he sobered up and the lights came back on he asked for your number?" "Yeah, but that's because he couldn't get any of our friends' numbers."

She's very dilusional. She does have weight to lose, but she really IS very pretty. When she loses her weight, she'll actually be really, really hot. She's just so negative and depressing she's shooting down everything I'm saying and even going as far as insulting me, and I really don't want to deal with it but I know how it feels to be that depressed that you feel worthless. So I don't really want to abandon her or ditch her because it's more like a hideous monster that's taken over her body, but STILL! How the hell do you deal with it when she's just dead set on being negative?? :confused:

[Bob]

just say the opposite of what you mean, problem solved

[QueenAdrock]

haha...that's the other thing. If I agree with her, I know she'll get mad.

"I'm so fat."
"Yeah, I know."
"WHAT? FUCK YOU!"

:rolleyes:

[hpdrifter]

Give Mikey her email address. He'll fix her up good.

[QueenAdrock]

Talking about better alternatives to medication:

Me: well, what are better ways? sometimes you need a helping hand, i wasn't willing to take medications at first but it really helped me to my surprise.

Her: I'm usually fine after a bit, I dont want to take something.

Me: exercise helps too, natural endorphins

Her: thank you mom for calling me fat.

Me: ...your mom called you fat?

Her: no, but youre acting like my mom and you did.

Me: no, i didn't call you fat

Her: but you implied it

Me: No I didn't, and that's insulting that you'd say that

Her: yes you did. you saying it implies 1) I'm not walking which isnt true
and 2) fattie needs to get off the couch more

me: well, don't think i'm implying that, i'm just trying to be helpful NOT mean

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. Did I say she was fat? No. Is she making me feel like a horrible person for trying to help her? Yes. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[HEIRESS]

that's pretty much me right now...

[QueenAdrock]

Don't be that way. You're pretty and awesome and I hate when pretty and awesome girls get depressive because they have no reason to be.

[HEIRESS]

Im not attempting to be someone everyone else is going to end up hating right now, Im distancing myself from friends so that I can work on my shit on my own

every single person that I normally hang out with (approx 10-15 people including my brother and recent ex) just left this morning to go to a music festival 6 hours away that lasts until next tuesday

I sold my ticket a week ago for no real reason except that I couldnt bring myself to go and be around them all

so its going to be a self-therapy week alone for me, and hopefully it does me some good

[burbboi]

Have any of you had friends who are so terribly depressed that everything you say is wrong? They attack you all the time and shoot down what you have to say?


my ex-girlfriend. Towards the end of our relationship I told her in the nicest way I could think of : While i've tried the best I can, I can't fully understand what you're going through with depression, and I just don't think that i'm strong enough to be with you.

Worked out for the best. I still get to talk with her dad all the time as we're both hockey fanatics and he understands my feelings towards his daughter as his wife suffers from depression as well. I couldn't believe the shit I told him when it was all over. The stuff about her bursting into tears at weird times..like sex for instance or just shopping for toiletries, stuff like that. He laid it all out for me and I had a greater appreciation for what she and her mom were going through because i'd heard his accounts of what he had gone through personally. Coolest dad i've met next to my own.

The sex thing really fucking freaked me out to say the least. First time it happened I leapt up and started stammering 'are you OK? what did I do?' with this confused-as-fuck look on my face. Over the next 2 years I really started to resent her because of all the drama whether we were at an amusement park or out for some fine dining. Relationships go both ways, and in no way did I expect it to be easy but towards the end it was truly ruining my life so I just got out. One of the toughest things i've done because I love her, but it was about time that I looked out for myself.

[tracky]

tip-toeing around the issue doesn't really help. tell her she's negative and depressing. tell her that fattie needs to get off the couch. if someone told me - especially a good friend - that I was depressing and negative, I would probably snap out of it.

[monkey]

ok, having been that friend, not a thing you say will her out of that funk. the truth is, you're gonna have to let her go a little and she's gonna have to see how much worse it can get without ANY help. then tell her therapy is good.

[ScarySquirrel]

When my friends pull shit like this, and usually it's just this one guy, I just ignore 'em. If they wanna be all depressed and mopey and not take any help, they can go fuck themselves. I've got better things to do in life than try and help someone who obviously doesn't want it and is perfectly fine with feeling like shit.

Life can be too damn short to waste your time dealing with people who want to be idiots.

[HEIRESS]

yeah like those assholes who choose to get hodgkins disease

dicks, Im not sending any of those losers flowers

[cosmo105]

you can't be enabling or too nice to people that act like that - i especially hate that "i'm fat" shit. complaining about it and getting someone to tell you "no you're not" isn't going to help! that girl needs a damned wakeup call. agh i get so tired of that teenager shit.

[QueenAdrock]

^Yeah, dude. And the thing is, she is fat. She's a good like 200 pounds on a 5'5 frame. She lost 15 pounds, but she still has a long way to go. So when she's like "I'm fat" I'm just like "uhh..." and don't know what to say. She calls herself fat ALL THE TIME, too. In casual ways, that makes everyone uncomfortable. For example, we were in the forest and saw a place where people were playing paintball and we took some of the unbroken capsules and stepped on them, breaking them. One wouldn't pop for her and she's like "Come on, pop! I'm fat! You should be crushed under my weight!" and everyone just felt really ...weird. What do you say to that?

But seriously, I told her she was being a negative nancy and she snapped at me. And just saying "Don't be a negative nancy" is so much less horrible than what I wanted to say: "If you don't fucking like it, DO something about it and stop bitching about how shitty your life is and wallowing in your misery. I'm here to help you, but if you're going to be a stupid asshole and not take my advice and be a JERK about it, then I don't want to be friends with you until you sort your fucking life out and don't drag ME down with you because you're depressing the hell outta me." :mad: (n)

[ToucanSpam]

Well, don't call them a 'Smelly Canadian', because that would be a mean thing to do? Huh?:mad:

[zorra_chiflada]

when you have major depression, the truth is that nothing anyone says or does will make you feel better.
i have been medicated for the past four years. i know it's not the best solution, but it's really the only way i can live a normal life.
i wasn't just upset about trivial things, or feeling sorry for myself; this complete feeling of despair had just come over me. and from that stemmed this murderous rage. i couldn't just snap out of it, i had a serious brain chemistry problem, and the treatment is working fine.

[QueenAdrock]

I told her that, but she said she doesn't want meds at all. She doesn't want therapy, she doesn't want a nutritionist, she can't exercise, and trying to eat better doesn't work. It's too much money, it's too addictive, it hurts her joints, it leaves her hungry. The people doing the program will be size 1's, the people in her group will look down on her, the program will depress her further. Insurance won't cover it, she doesn't have enough money, she doesn't have the time, she doesn't have support. All these reasons are either made up or wrong, but she still uses them and refuses to listen to me arguing reason. God. Damn. It.

I mean, I know that I shot down a lot of help and was miserable and just wanted to curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep when Wayne first broke up with me, and that's frustrating to people. But I took baby steps and WANTED to get better. I went out more, I tried to keep my mind off it, I met new people, went on dates. I talked to new people, did new things, went to therapy and got put on medication. If you WANT to get better, you can. And it's so aggrevating to see her not wanting to get better, and just being a jerk about it. :(

[jackrock]

If I were to make an uneducated guess I would say she wants you/people to feel bad/sorry for her. But that's just me.