Freebasser Adventure Game

[Pres Zount]

You are Freebasser. You awake in a cold, dark room, with your face in a puddle and your shoes missing.

There are no windows in the room, and the concrete floor is cracked and old.

You can hear voices in the room next to you, and there is a heavy, bolted door in front of you. Above you is a distant lightbulb that threatens to go out.

[Otis Driftwood]

Drink puddle

[HOTWIFE]

sounds like a scene from Saw or Hostel or something

[Pres Zount]

You drink the puddle, lapping it up in huge gulps, the warm liquid sloshing gloriously down your throat. Wait - warm? That's not right.

It's urine, you're drinking your own urine.

You spit it out and look suitably embarrassed.

[Pres Zount]

Does not understand 'sounds like a scene from Saw or Hostel or something'

[Freebasser]

I'm talking to my lawyer on the phone as I type this.

[na§tee]

It's urine, you're drinking your own urine.
i am at work and it is seriously taking all my bodily strength not to burst out laughing at this. in fact, i have to stop typing because i'm just going to do it and embarass myself and blatantly look like i'm not working.

[HOTWIFE]

Does not understand 'sounds like a scene from Saw or Hostel or something'
it's not hard. I'm not participating in this game, just making a comment.

[Pres Zount]

Does not understand any of that shit.

[na§tee]

/listen to voices.

[Pres Zount]

You cup your hand to your ear and press up against the dank wall. You hear voices whispering loudly, obvioulsy not wanting to be heard.

You make out something about a "trumpet" and also about a "sea urchin" but the rest is inaudible.

[Freebasser]

/Find shoes

[Pres Zount]

You look around the empty room looking for your shoes. Not surprisingly, you don't find them.

[Lex Diamonds]

/have wank, then use jizm as some sort of sealant to rub around the crack in the door and build up air pressure in the room, thus blowing the door off and providing an escape route

[Otis Driftwood]

/have wank, then use jizm as some sort of sealant to rub around the crack in the door and build up air pressure in the room, thus blowing the door off and providing an excape route
Don't explain the consequences of your actions, that's for the Dungeon Master!

[Freebasser]

/Take lightbulb

[Otis Driftwood]

tip-toe to door and listen carefully

[Otis Driftwood]

/Take lightbulb
How come you have to live your life virtually? Get out! :mad:

[Pres Zount]

You start to toss yourself off, fighting back the tears as you do so. Why should you be reduced to this? What is going on here?

As you try, try, try to wank off, the door opens and an ugly man pokes his head in. "Wha..fucking hell, son, put it away."

He throws your bag (that you were missing, duh) at you and slams the door shut.

[Pres Zount]

You can't reach the lightbulb. You jump as high as you can, but you are Freebasser and cannot possibly reach it.

[na§tee]

/examine bag contents.

[Otis Driftwood]

examine bag

[Lex Diamonds]

Yeah, I knew wanking was the solution, now I got a bag!

/look in bag for lubricant or tissues

[Pres Zount]

You examine your bag. As you search through it's useless contents, you hear the ugly man yelling in the room next door "...his cock!" I swear!..."

Inside your bag you have:

- a rubber band
- a pot of instant noodles
- a pokemon card.

[fraserallison]

what a shit game. would be better with i spy

[Otis Driftwood]

examine pokempon card (Is it rare?)

[na§tee]

/examine pokemon card. is it rare? could you bribe the door-keeper?

[Lex Diamonds]

/use the rubber band, the instant noodles, and the pokemon card to create some kind of rudimentary teleportation device and teleport the hell out of there

[Otis Driftwood]

Haha, best threat ever! :rolleyes:

Hide rubber band under tong ue

[Pres Zount]

You carefully take your hologram level 10 charizard our of it's plastic case and examine it. Yes, it's goddamn rare you gleefully imagine putting it back in your drawer when you fumble and drop it.

It falls down a crack in the floor. Close enough to reach. Perhaps.

[Pres Zount]

You hide your rubber band under your tongue. It tastes yucky.

[Otis Driftwood]

Suck on crack till card reaches tongue

[na§tee]

lolz @ two of us going "is it rare?!"
i used to be such a dork with adventure games. i loved adventure books - there was always a series (which i have been googling DESPERATELY for so please, someone help me! i can't remember the title!) that featured in those crappy school book club magazines you got (where you could order your book on the form on the back and pick it up in reg like a week later!).. it was fantasy, obviously, and written (or written and illustrated) by two people. they had dragon illustrations on the front. it was quite complex; you had to work out your life points and weapon points and what not after certain events. turn to page 13 if you go left etc. please, someone help!
i didn't like those books, i liked the cool agent arthur ones you could get from whsmith. decoding. puzzles. awesome.

i remember i had a lancelot computer adventure game based on, uh, lancelot, and it did allow you to, like.. kiss and have sex with some husky maiden! i remember being very impressed. these sorts of games you spent ages on but never really got anywhere. you would stay on the same freeze-frame of a back alley or something for literally 10 commands.

i downloaded leisure suit larry last night. which isn't exactly adventure, but still. love that shit.

[na§tee]

/apply weight on crack on the floor..

[Pres Zount]

You put your lips to the crack in the floor and suck. YOu can still taste some of the urine but this is probably the best way to get your card back. You suck it up and out of the crack, and attached to it is a small lassoo! (don't ask me how it got there).

[Pres Zount]

You apply your hefty Frebasser weight to the cracks in the floor. They don't creak, groan or collapse at all.

[Otis Driftwood]

@nastee: you rule, I loved those Jackson/Livingstone books, like Caverns of the Snow-Witch. Sometimes they'd allow you to pick your own path in comic books, too.
My fave adventure games were the ones on Amiga with the Drag&Drop interface, click a command (e.g. attack, use) then drag a dagger onto the zombie or put the key in the lock. Uninvited was the most classic. The Infogrames adventures were cool, too. Guild of Thieves, Fish etc.

[Otis Driftwood]

Make knot in lasso (noose)

[Pres Zount]

You tie the lasoo into a noose. Your Freebasser brain tells you that a lasoo isa noose, but you do it anyway.

To continue playing, please purchase full version! Send two pence to the adress on the back of your shareware disk (or wait until I get back, tomorow)

Yeah I had one of those books, but I cheated and won every fight.

[Otis Driftwood]

:eek: :( :( Nooooooooo, Dungeon Master, please don't leave!

[na§tee]

@nastee: you rule, I loved those Jackson/Livingstone books, like Caverns of the Snow-Witch. Sometimes they'd allow you to pick your own path in comic books, too.
i was just coming in here to post that after muchos googling i managed to get to my answer - the fighting fantasy series my steve jackson and ian livingstone! here! (http://www.fightingfantasygamebooks.com/) not the old school covers i remember, though.

all that calculating SKILL and STAMINA and LUCK was so time consuming, though. i didn't like it. i had one which was totally cool, you were on a train journey and one of the passengers committed a murder. it was a different person each time because you would start off at a different point depending on what card you used at the start or something. it was awesome.

[zorra_chiflada]

you know that homestarrunner did this ages ago

and stop typing so frickin loudly when i'm trying to watch "true crime" :mad:

[Otis Driftwood]

No one I know would ever try a real fight w dice rolling cause there were no people to catch you cheatin anyway. One book has the best ending:
"If you know who plans to assassinate the king you know what number to go to."
Now, you could find out prior to this that the court mage had ambitions for the throne. His name was Isev Entyus or something.

The secret behind was the number was hidden IN his name (Seventy). Can't remember the title though...

[Kid Presentable]

lolz @ two of us going "is it rare?!"
i used to be such a dork with adventure games. i loved adventure books - there was always a series (which i have been googling DESPERATELY for so please, someone help me! i can't remember the title!) that featured in those crappy school book club magazines you got (where you could order your book on the form on the back and pick it up in reg like a week later!).. it was fantasy, obviously, and written (or written and illustrated) by two people. they had dragon illustrations on the front. it was quite complex; you had to work out your life points and weapon points and what not after certain events. turn to page 13 if you go left etc. please, someone help!
i didn't like those books, i liked the cool agent arthur ones you could get from whsmith. decoding. puzzles. awesome.

i remember i had a lancelot computer adventure game based on, uh, lancelot, and it did allow you to, like.. kiss and have sex with some husky maiden! i remember being very impressed. these sorts of games you spent ages on but never really got anywhere. you would stay on the same freeze-frame of a back alley or something for literally 10 commands.

i downloaded leisure suit larry last night. which isn't exactly adventure, but still. love that shit.
You're talking about Fighting Fantasy, Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson. Warlock of Firetop Mountain was the original, I think.

My favourites were Star Strider, Deathtrap Dungeon, Talisman of Death and Return to Firetop Mountain.

:o

ah nevermind.

[na§tee]

omg.
we are all n3rds.
this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Star_strider.jpg) is the sort of cover i am remembering from childhood - how the authors names are boxed together.
btw, the wiki on them is very interesting!
btw#2; otis - very clever! seventy. i'm impressed you remember that!
the whole "map" thing threw me. you just kept on going round and round in circles until you got the ring, goblet, baby lamb or whatever you needed to succeed.

[paul jones]

now really...........Hall and Oates need to reform and come play for me

imagine that, Hall and Oates, LIVE!

I can't go for that
maneater
private eyes

wearing shoulder pads and hairsprayed mullet and perm

it's what the world needs now

[Kid Presentable]

omg.
we are all n3rds.
this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Star_strider.jpg) is the sort of cover i am remembering from childhood - how the authors names are boxed together.
btw, the wiki on them is very interesting!
Deathtrap Dungeon was awesome too.

[Rancid_Beasties]

you know that homestarrunner did this ages ago

and stop typing so frickin loudly when i'm trying to watch "true crime" :mad:
(y) You know it dawg.

[Otis Driftwood]

Gotta love that cheesy fantasy cover artwork: http://www.fightingfantasygamebooks.com/covers1.htm

(y) (y)

We gotta come up with a cover for the Freebasser game!

[paul jones]

Gotta love that cheesy fantasy cover artwork: http://www.fightingfantasygamebooks.com/covers1.htm

(y) (y)

We gotta come up with a cover for the Freebasser game!

I bet Knuckles has started already

[na§tee]

our cover would be great!
freebasser, a bucket of piss, a pokemon card.
who needs more to create a work of art?

[paul jones]

our cover would be great!
freebasser, a bucket of piss, a pokemon card.
who needs more to create a work of art?

the chuckle brothers,standing each side of him,tickling him with feather dusters

[Kid Presentable]

You need Pres looming in the background, leering at his keyboard. A little bit of dribble on his chin.

[na§tee]

pres need to be in a big "PRES ZOUNT PRESENTS" box, perhaps with a dragon or unicorn or mermaid or other mythologial beast wrapped around the frame.

[Otis Driftwood]

A mashup of Prof Remus and the Cryptkeeper! (y)

[Pres Zount]

If you need a hint, type 'hint'. WARNING: you will lose points this way!

[Teh]

wield lasoo

k shadow

[Pres Zount]

You wield the lasoo. A little bit later you stop wielding the lasoo.

You feel depressed.

[Teh]

DR ACID

eat goblin

[Pres Zount]

You don't have any goblins to eat.

[Teh]

Must be the acid goblins.

Incidentally, i read in a paper this morning about a guy being done for kidnapping charges because he went on a 3 day acid bender and kidnapped a 3 year old child, thinking he was a goblin.

Ps: this thread is gold!

[Pres Zount]

Does not undertand shit.

[milleson]

Remove rubber band from mouth.

[Pres Zount]

You remove the rubber band from under your tongue. You had stopped feeling ingenious a few minutes ago.

[Drederick Tatum]

get ye flask.

[Planetary]

walk into a wall and rub one off because pain arouses you.

[Bitchamachacha]

I WANT TO PLAY!!

/ yells "Hey, FAT Fuck!" through the door. "Get back here you dung melon!"

[Yetra Flam]

HAHA this thread is kinda cool.

/wave hands in air shaking them about like you just don't care.

[Rancid_Beasties]

get ye flask.
You can't get ye flask! You have to go to dennis first.

[Otis Driftwood]

Say: I know about the sea urchin!

[na§tee]

/hint!

[Pres Zount]

You have no flask to get.

You feel you had better not masturbate anymore, the man might come back to tell you off.

You yell "hey FAT fuck, get back here you dung melon" through the door. You receive no reply.

You wave your hands in the air like you just don't care.

Hint: Where does the door go? I think it stays where it is, but it may still be useful. - 10 points.

[na§tee]

/examine door closely

[Pres Zount]

You examine the door closely, it is unlocked.

[na§tee]

/open door and examine what is beyond yon confinements!

[Otis Driftwood]

take door :lol:

[Pres Zount]

You open the door and examine what is beyond. You are immediatly blinded by a bright, red light. You cower from the light and cover your eyes, gibbering in the doorway for a few seconds.

Eventually you open your eyes again. You appear to be in a hotel lobby, there are some people staring at you, but most people just walk past.

The carpet is a bright red, and the far away roof is a white marble. It is very grand.

To the north is an elevator, to the east is the front door, to the west is the reception desk.

[na§tee]

/talk to nearest person and ask "where am i?"

[Otis Driftwood]

check reception desk whether a person w my name has checked in

[Pres Zount]

You shout out "where am I?!" to anybody in particular, "A hotel" says somebody. Judging by their accent and the ugly man you met earlier, you deduce you are in Wolverhampton, UK.

[na§tee]

/go to reception desk. complain that your room quality seems to be considerably below-par and you were locked in from the outside. what is his/her response?

[Pres Zount]

You casually stroll up to the reception desk and ask the gentleman to check if there is a Freebasser staying in this hotel. The man looks you up and down, and says "no."

[Pres Zount]

You complain to the man at the reception desk that your room quality seems to be considerably below-par and you were locked in from the outside. The man tells you to "get lost - no shoes no service."

[Otis Driftwood]

Say: "Your loss"
Ask about "trumpeting people" staying here

[na§tee]

/get lost

[Pres Zount]

You say "Your loss". You receive no reply.

You ask if there are "trumpeting people" staying here. The man behind the desk looks surprised, before telling you to "get lost - no shoes, no service".

As you step back from the desk, you see a porter leave a trolley of luggage near the elevator.

[Pres Zount]

You aready are lost. You are not sure where you are.

[na§tee]

/examine trolley of luggage. are your shoes there?

[Pres Zount]

You examine the trolley of luggage. Amongst the black leather bags, you see a blue plastic bag wedged in between. As you reach out to grab the bag, you are startled by the man that works the elevator. "hey get away from that, you bum.

[Otis Driftwood]

hide in trolley

[na§tee]

/bribe elevator man with your pokemon card to get the blue plastic bag

[tracky]

take off pants

[Pres Zount]

You hide in the luggage. Unsuccesfully. everyone saw you climb in, and everyone can see you in there. You get out, slightly more embarrassed than when you got in.

You try to bribe the elevator man with the pokemon card. "It's quite rare" you say, "pokemon is gay", he replies.

You take your pants off. You spy security guards walking towards you and you decide to put your smelly pants back on.

[na§tee]

/grab plastic bag and run out of hotel - to the east!

[Otis Driftwood]

You hide in the luggage. Unsuccesfully. everyone saw you climb in, and everyone can see you in there. You get out, slightly more embarrassed than when you got in.



Say: "Anyone seen my shoooooes? They were nice and gay shoes!"

[Pres Zount]

Your heat rate quickens. The plastic bag is within your grasp, the elevator man is eyeing you suspiciously, and you really really want to grab it and run.

You grab the plastic bag and run. "Hey!" shouts the eleveator man "come back!". You laugh to yourself and race to the front door, but you are stopped dead in your tracks by the doorman. He puts his hand up to you, you stop, give him the bag back, and he throws it back on the trolley.

You feel defeated. But not completely.

[Pres Zount]

You say "Anyone seen my shoooooes? They were nice and gay shoes!" Nobody replies.

[na§tee]

/give him the finger. go to the elevator, and to the top of the building.

[Otis Driftwood]

go to elevator and demand elevation to penthouse

[Pres Zount]

You give the doorman 'the finger', he gives you 'the finger' back.

You head towards the elevator, but the elevator man says "No shoes - no service". He sniggers, and you curse him under your breath.

[Otis Driftwood]

hijack elevator by pressing top most button

[Pres Zount]

You gleefully reach inside the elevator and press the top most button. The man working the elevator does not let you inside, the doors close, and the elevator starts to go up.

[na§tee]

/go and try to find your fucking shoes!

[Drederick Tatum]

get ye damn flask!

[Pres Zount]

You glance around the hotel lobby. Your shoes probably aren't in plain sight, anyway.

[na§tee]

/go back to room.

[Pres Zount]

You go back to room you were originally in. It looks worse now compared to how you remmebered. On the way back you notice a door next to yours with "Kitchen" written on it. Your door has "Spare" written on it.

[na§tee]

/go into kitchen.

[Pres Zount]

You go into the kitchen. There is hustle and bustle all around you. Chefs and waiting staff rush around you. You see a boiling kettle on a table in front of you, and there is a woman next to you yelling something like "get out of here what are you doing you can't be in here..." at you.

[na§tee]

/say you are the new sous chef, reporting for duty

[Pres Zount]

You say to the woman shouting at you "I am the new sous chef, reporting for duty." She doesn't seem to believe you, and she begins to push you out the kitchen door.

[na§tee]

/challenge her to a cooking duel!

[Pres Zount]

You attempt to slap the woman in the face, and you manage through gritted teeth "I... challenge... you to a... cooking duel!" The woman grunts and pushes you harder. Other chef lackeys will soon be involved.

[na§tee]

/leave the fucking kitchen. see if there are any other avenues you haven't already bloody explored!

[Pres Zount]

You leave the kitchen, and the woman turns her attention back to the boiling water.

You are in the hotel lobby. To the north is an elevator (that hasn't come down yet) and a luggage trolley, to the east is the hotel exit, to the west is the reception desk.

[Otis Driftwood]

Go back to kitchen and shout: Have fun on the dole, ye bleedin crow!

[na§tee]

/go to the luggage trolley and take the bag. this is your chance, as the elevator with the nasty man inside is still up!

[Pres Zount]

You go in the kitchen. In front of you is a kettle of hot water.

You shout "Have fun on the dole, ye bleedin crow!", the woman shouts "you again!" and begins to push you out the door again.

You go to the luggage trolley in the lobby and take the blue plastic bag. Hooray! The elevator man is not back yet!


*To play the full version please send one penny to the address on the back of your floppy disk. (or just wait for me to get back.)

[Tone Capone]

/grab the boiling water and throw it on someone!!!

[Otis Driftwood]

Tell the desk clerk you're a famous rockstar who went on a drug binge w his model gf's stash. This is very embarassing to you, ask him to call a cab.

[Tone Capone]

Tell the desk clerk you're a famous rockstar who went on a drug binge w his model gf's stash. This is very embarassing to you, ask him to call a cab.

/then throw the boiling water on him!!!!!

[tracky]

then take off pants

[synch]

Fantastic stuff Prez.

/Yell "Where are the cheeto's?!"

[Freebasser]

You hide in the luggage. Unsuccesfully. everyone saw you climb in, and everyone can see you in there. You get out, slightly more embarrassed than when you got in.

:D

[Pres Zount]

There is no boiling water to throw.

You walk to the reception desk and tell the man you are a "famous rockstar who went on a drug binge w his model gf's stash. This is very embarassing to you, ask him to call a cab." The man glares sideways at you and types loudly on his computer, after a few seconds you realise you have been ignored.

You cannot throw boiling water on the man at reception as you have no boiling water to throw.

You take off your pants again. Security guards again make a bee-line to your position, and you put your smelly Freebasser pants on, again.

You yell "Where are the cheeto's?!" Nobody has any 'cheetos'.

[na§tee]

/go back to hallway you entered when you originally left the room and examine

[Pres Zount]

Does not understand 'go back to hallway you entered when you originally left the room and examine'.

You are in the lobby.

[paul jones]

Pick up key,unlock box near the door,ponder which jazz mag to stroke out to

[na§tee]

/what entrances/exits are there in the lobby?

[paul jones]

/what entrances/exits are there in the lobby?
2, I think. The Green Door exits to Shakin Steven's Denim Warehouse and the blue door leads to the Turdbergler Salon

[Pres Zount]

There is no key to pick up.

You cannot unlock the box near the door as there is no box near the door and you do not have a key to unlock one if there was.

You ponder which jazz mag to stroke out to.

You are in the lobby. To the north is an empty elevator and a Luggage trolley, to the east is the hotel exit, to the west is the reception desk, to the south is the kitchen and the spare room.

[paul jones]

can I have a cup -o -soup please?

[na§tee]

/go to the spare room. again.

[Pres Zount]

There are no cups-o-soup to get. You have a pot of instant noodles in your bag.

You enter the spare room. Again.

[na§tee]

/examine the room. are there any NEW THINGS?!

[Pres Zount]

You examine the spare room. It is still the same as you left it. You make a note that your urine has seeped down the crack and is all gone. So that is new, I guess.

The only other new thing is the blue plastic bag you stole from the luggage trolley.

[na§tee]

/examine the blue plastic bag contents, ffs!

[Pres Zount]

You examine the contents of the blue plastic bag, stupidly you thrust your ham fist inside without looking and you sting yourself on...

A sea urchin. It is greeny-brown and spiky. It is slightly damp, but not overly so.

You now have:

- a sea urchin
- a rubber band
- a pot of instant noodles
- a (rare) pokemon card.

[Otis Driftwood]

look for stairs

[na§tee]

/place instant noodles in pan of boiling water in the kitchen to try to impress the cook and get her on your side.

[Pres Zount]

You look around the spare room for stairs. There don't appear to be any around.

You exit the spare room. You enter the kitchen.

"What are you doing back in here?!" the woman screams at you. You place the instant noodles in pan of boiling water in the kitchen to try to impress the cook and get her on your side.

The noodles boil. You now have boiled noodles (chicken flavour!).

"Thanks." the woman says, "I couldn't figure out what to do next. You saved my skin. I'm Martha, by the way." You introduce yourself as 'Freebasser'. "That's a... strange name." says Martha, she is visibly disturbed.

Do you want to go through to the dining room?

YES/NO

[Otis Driftwood]

No
Ask Martha about her responsibilities

[na§tee]

YES GOD YES!
only if martha comes with you.

[Otis Driftwood]

Only if Fb finds her attractive!

[Pres Zount]

You ask Martha about her responsibilities. She giggles (!) and says she was put in charge of watching the pot boil by the Head Chef.

"I'm not a ditsy, idiotic, girl incapable of handling tasks" says Martha. "I just set the Head Chef's trousers on fire."

YESNOYESNOSTYEONSONSONYN10101010101>FATAL ERROR<

YES/NO

[Otis Driftwood]

ask for object with which she set fire

[Pres Zount]

Does not understand 'Only if Freebasser finds her attractive!'

[na§tee]

/ask her where she thinks your shoes may be

[Pres Zount]

You ask Martha for the item with which she set the Head Chef's trousers on fire with. Martha says she set them on fire with the oven. Unfortunatley you cannot fit an oven in your bag, and every oven in the kitchen seems to be being used at the moment.

[Pres Zount]

You ask Martha where your shoes are. "fuck knows." says Martha.

Do you want to enter the Dinning Room?

YES/NO

[na§tee]

YES!

[Otis Driftwood]

YES!
But you know this will eventually result in further humiliation!

[Pres Zount]

Thanks for helping me with the noodles, follow me if you want to go to the Dinning Room." You follow Martha.

You enter the Dinning Room. It is a large, well lit room, dotted with sheer white tables. Waiting staff hover around tables twisting their moustaches and speaking with french accents. Afwul piano music fliters through your ears.

To the south is the Kitchen, to the east is a man hammering wildly on a piano, to the west is a large painting of a horse, to the north is a Fat man stuffing his face.

There are still a few tables left.

[na§tee]

/sit down at an empty table

[Otis Driftwood]

examine Martha

[Pres Zount]

You sit down at an empty table. "Wait here" says Martha. You wait.

A man in a top hat walks past your table, he looks at your bare feet and scoffs. You feel out of place in this expensive establishment.

Martha returns a short while later with some food on a plate. "Here you go! Eat up!"

You examine Martha. She is almost as tall as you, she has brown hair and green eyes, she is wearing a white uniform.

Martha says "Eat up!" again.

[Otis Driftwood]

Say, Martha, when do you get off?

[na§tee]

/eat up!

[Pres Zount]

You say "Martha, when do you get off?" Martha giggles, and twirls with her hair. "I finish at six." she manages before sucumbing to excessive gigling and fidgeting.

You eat up! You shovel the food down in great chunks, barely chewing the slippery food as it slides down your gullet. "This is..mmfmfmf... good!" you say. Martha looks impressed by your eating capacity, so you continue to stuff your face.

You notice a man sitting at a far away table eating. Both of you look each other in the eye - you look away first. You burp and continue eating the unknown food. It is very good.

As more and more food makes it's way to your bowels, you start to feel a bit ill. Marhta looks dissapointed that you are slowing down, will you finish the last few bites?

YES/NO

[na§tee]

/NO!

[Otis Driftwood]

"So, Martha, how long til six?" + ;)
pretend to eat but stuff it somewhere (under table, chair, in trousers)...

[Pres Zount]

You are full from the meal. You could not possibly eat another bite. You tell Martha this, "that's okay," she says "not everyone can eat that much escargot, anyway."

You pretend to finish your meal. You try to hide the escargot in your pants. Martha sees you. "don't." she says. You don't.

You feel ill. Martha says good bye and walks back to the kitchen, she looks unsatisifed.

You get up from the table and wonder where your shoes are.

[Otis Driftwood]

go into kitchen
search for thrash chute
WHAT CITY IS THIS?

[Freebasser]

/Insult the fat man.

[Pres Zount]

You go into the kitchen.

You see Martha working. She gives a half smile, "hungry?" she asks desperatley.

You search for a trash chute, you find one. You look down the trash chute and see emptyness. Maybe you could fit down there, it would probably be fatal.

You are pretty sure this is Wolverhampton, UK.

You go to the Dinning Room. "Oi, fat cunt!" you yell. The Fat man looks up. "You are fat!" The Fat man taks this in his stride and continues to gorge himself.

*To play the full version please send half a penny to the postal address on the bak of your floppy disk, please hurry! (or just wait for me to come back.)

[Otis Driftwood]

ask Martha where trash chute leads

[Freebasser]

Does not understand dinning room.

[Tone Capone]

/take the rubber band out of the bag and make at sling shot with your fingers, take out the sea urchin and shoot it at martha's face!

[Otis Driftwood]

better at that desk jockey

[Lex Diamonds]

/stand up on a table in the middle of the dining room, pull down your trousers and pants, rub your dinkle to the point of ejaculation, and shout "Lads! Let's drink every last drop!"

[Pres Zount]

You ask Marhta where the trash chute leads, "to the bin outside, DUH" she says.

Does not understand does not understand Dinning Room.

You take the rubber band out of the bag and make at sling shot with your fingers, take out the sea urchin and attempt to shoot it at Martha's face. Instead, the sea urchin doesn't fit properly between your fingers, and the spikes on it hurt you again. You half manage to fling the sea urchin - it falls about 10cm away from you, and you pick it up and put it back in your bag. Martha doesn't notice. You need more power to fire your sea urchin.

Does not understand 'better at that desk jockey'.

You go to the dinning room. You stand up on a table in the middle of the dining room, and pull down your trousers and pants. You plan to rub your dinkle to the point of ejaculation, and shout "Lads! Let's drink every last drop!" but unfortunatley you are wrestled to the ground by the maitre'd and your trousers are forced back on, "phew" says the maitre'd.

[tracky]

move forward

[Tone Capone]

/ask the maitre'd where the telephone is.

[na§tee]

/talk to the maitre'd

[Otis Driftwood]

Secretly throw selected pieces of silverware down chute
Then take some salt

[tracky]

/ask wtf a maitre'd is

[Pres Zount]

You move forward. You are in the Dinning Room.

You ask the maitre'd where the telephone is. "I am zorry monsuierz but zee telephon is for zee cuzztomerz. But I vill allow you to make ze vun call on it! seig heil!"

Who you gonna call?

You talk to the maitre'd. "hello, hello.." you say into the receiver. "Vot a vaste of ze fucking phone call" says the maitre'd.

You go to the kitchen. You secretley throw some selected silverware down the rubbish chute. Unfortunatley you cannot get some salt as all the salt is guarded by zealot chefs.

You ask wtf a maite'd is. "it's like a super waiter" says Martha.

[na§tee]

/ask martha what the "adventure" in the freebasser adventure game is? is the aim of the game to find your shoes? what gives, yo?

[Pres Zount]

You ask Martha what the "adventure" is. Martha tells you that you are crazy and that you should eat more.

The aim of life can vary. Your only life goal as Freebasser at the moment is to find your shoes in this Hotel.

[Otis Driftwood]

go to reception
step out front door

[na§tee]

/go and sit at the fat man's table. talk to him.

[Otis Driftwood]

/ask martha what the "adventure" in the freebasser adventure game is?

Yeah, we should do this more often. I heard burglarizing pads for turds is high adventure... (y)

[Pres Zount]

You go to the Dinning Room. You go and talk to Fat man.

He talks in between mouthfulls of some kind of green slop. You try to get start small talk with him but even with his eating he still gets more words in than you.

The Fat man talks at length about his fat face, and his fat man ability to play many different wind instruments. "I'm fucking famous" he says.

You find out that the fat mans favorite food is spahghetti and pizza sandwiches, and that he enjoys role playing games and watching TV.

[tracky]

/burn the place down

[Pres Zount]

If you had a way to burn the hotel down, you would probably kill yourself in the attempt. You don't want to die, do you? No, didn't think so.

[Otis Driftwood]

go to lobby
exit via main entrance

[Pres Zount]

You go to the Lobby and you exit via the main entrance.


GAME OVER


SCORE: 390/1000

Nastee: 200
Otis Driftwood: 150
Padster: 20
Freebasser: 15
Tracky: 5
Tone Capone: 0

[tracky]

How many charisma points do I have?

[Pres Zount]

Probably none.

[tracky]

I thought taking pants off added to charisma

[Pres Zount]

Not in my books. Are we talking real life here?

[na§tee]

You go to the Lobby and you exit via the main entrance.


GAME OVER


SCORE: 390/1000

Nastee: 200
Otis Driftwood: 150
Padster: 20
Freebasser: 15
Tracky: 5
Tone Capone: 0

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
i had more chance in this than winning fucking fantasy football, that's fo' sho'! i'm just pleased i 'beat' freebasser at his own game. haha.

good job, pres. it was fun and certainly brightened up my work morning/lunchtimes.

yeah way to go, otis, and give up before we found his shoes!
:rolleyes: lolz.

[Pres Zount]

I had a whole lot more to go.

I thought you might be getting bored. :( Plus I told myself that exiting out the front door would mean game over.

[Otis Driftwood]

yeah way to go, otis, and give up before we found his shoes!
:rolleyes: lolz.
What, what, what. I was about to get the silver ware I threw down the trash chute and pawn it for a pair of Bathing ape sneakers...:rolleyes:

[na§tee]

maybe we should do a different board member every week. lolz. omg.
when the board was slow it totally kept me going in the desert of work. we weren't bored! it was hilarious how it was equally as frustrating as a real life adventure game - DOES NOT COMPUTE!

[Pres Zount]

It was very draining.

DO you want me to tell you what you had to do?

[Otis Driftwood]

You'd tell us anyway. :rolleyes:

[Teh]

This thread was quite legendary.

Tell us!

[Pres Zount]

You were supposed to go up the elevator. Martha was a feeder and you were supposed to eat until you threw up so she would give you the key to the door up the elevator. You were supposed to trade your pokemon card to the fat man for his trumpet. You were supposed to go into the room (which was the Head Chefs) and lock his cat in the cupboard using the rubber band, and when the Head chef comes out of the toilet to free his cat you shoot him with the sea urchin and trumpet combo to get your shoes back, and then get some service from the man at reception.


I'm not sure what you were supposed to do with the man playing bad piano in the dinning room.

[Otis Driftwood]

OK, you'll do as Dungeon Master next week. Can we play "The real life misadventures of TurdBerglar"?

[Pres Zount]

YOu guys did pretty well. You got the elevator/blue bag puzzle quicker than I thought, also the boiled noodles one was pretty quick.

[tracky]

You were supposed to trade your pokemon card to the fat man for his trumpet

I swear to god I was going to try this. Well techincally I was gonna "show fat man pokemon card" but then I wasn't sure whether you still had the card and couldn't be bothered reading back over so just decided to burn the place down. Damn it. Do another one. The next time you do one I'll take it a bit more seriously.

[na§tee]

wow, that's pretty cool that you had it all planned out, pres. that makes it less, uh.. desperate. for us!

i'm totally delighted i got the noodles thing. really!