Pres Zount Adventure Game

[Freebasser]

You are Pres Zount. You awake to find yourself in a small damp room with no windows. The walls are pink and lumpy and there is a constant dripping coming from somewhere in the far corner.

There is a tunnel to the south.

[yooooo]

thats cool, now?? errr

go through the tunnel

[Freebasser]

You try and walk down the tunnel without checking to see if you are tethered to the wall of your cell by some sort of organic material, which in fact you are.

You fall flat on your face.

You get back on your feet and dust yourself off although you have lost all your dignity.

[yooooo]

try to eat the organic material

[Freebasser]

The organic material tastes foul, but you manage to chew through it anyway, even though you wish you hadn't.

You are holding a dripping cord of organic material.

[Pres Zount]

summon spirit of ancestors.

[yooooo]

pocket the material and now go trough the tunnel

[Freebasser]

You begin to summon the spirit of your ancestors before realising that you don't know who your ancestors are, what your name is, or indeed why you are here.

You also notice that your shoes are missing.

You sit in the corner and sulk.

[jabumbo]

how do walls become lumpy, you ask

[yooooo]

no shoes??

look around the room

[Planetary]

*realise you're in a womb and decide to wait patiently for the last 5 months of pregnancy, hoping you don't go out feet first.*

[Pres Zount]

/stay away from any openings

[Freebasser]

You attempt to pocket the material but it is still connected to the ceiling of the chamber in an engorged mass. There is no possible way you could chew through it all.

You let go of the organic material and leave it hanging from the ceiling before heading towards the tunnel.

The tunnel is far too small to walk through, and you realise that it just looked so large because you were sitting on the other side of the room. You sit in the corner and sulk.

[Freebasser]

You have no idea why you are here and are so desperate to leave that the thought of lumpy walls makes you violently sick. You throw up.

There is a thick pile of sick on the floor.

[yooooo]

ah well,

look for a door

[Freebasser]

You look around the room. You get bored.

You sit down in the corner and sulk.

[Pres Zount]

Rub the sick onto the opening :(

[Freebasser]

You reason that you may indeed be inside a womb, but are so desperate to get out of here that the idea of staying in here for 5 months makes you violently sick.

There is more sick on the floor.

[yooooo]

scream as loud as you can: "WAAAAAAAAAAATTTTEEEEEERRRRRR"

[Freebasser]

You look around the room and realise that there is no door in this room. You sit in the corner and sing the theme tune to Knight Rider.

You hear muffled noises.

You attempt to rub the sick into the opening but realise that such a stupid idea would never bear any fruit. You do however, notice a carrot amongst the upchucked stomach tissue.

You have a carrot.

[Freebasser]

You shout "WAATTEERRR".

You hear more mumblings. Somebody outside the room says something about a taxi.

[Pres Zount]

/use carrot to clean ears

[yooooo]

and then eat the carrot

[Freebasser]

You attempt to clean your ears with the carrot but to no avail.

How stupid.

[Freebasser]

You eat the carrot, before realising that you could've prised open the tunnel entrance with it.

You curse your bad luck, and sit in the corner sulking.

[yooooo]

cry as loud as you can, like a baby.. a really sad baby

[jabumbo]

regurgitate the carrot and hope something else comes with it

[Freebasser]

You cry like a baby.

Outside the room you hear somebody's muffled screaming. You can only make out the words "fucking useless" "cunt" and "I'm not having my baby in the back of a fucking taxi".

You are none the wiser.

[Freebasser]

You regurgitate the carrot but alas, your stomach acid has already devoured most of it. However, the remaining carrot is shaped oddly like a bust of Denzel Washington.

[yooooo]

scream "SHOW YOURSELF COWARDS"

[Freebasser]

You scream "SHOW YOURSELF COWARDS" before bemoaning your lack of grammar.

Suddenly, the tunnel entrance grows a little larger.

[yooooo]

scream it again with proper grammar

i'm sorry:(

[Freebasser]

You scream "SHOW YOURSELVES, COWARDS" and suddenly the tunnel opens, expelling you into the back of a taxi.

There are people in there with you.

There is a door to the west, and a door to the east. There is a tunnel to the north.

[yooooo]

talk with the people

[Freebasser]

You attempt to communicate with your fellow passengers but the only words you can muster sound like the opening words to a Swedish pop song.

[yooooo]

KEEL ALL PEEPLE

[vickista]

you eat one of your fellow passengers to gain strength

[Pres Zount]

/look out the window

[Freebasser]

Windows has encountered an error and has had to shut down. Do you want to send an error report?

OK/CANCEL

[Pres Zount]

um, cancel

[yooooo]

press ok and go away from the computer

[Freebasser]

You press CANCEL. The window closes.

Windows has encountered an error and has had to shut down. Do you want to send an error report?

OK/CANCEL

[Freebasser]

You press ok and the computer shuts down. You walk away from the computer.

You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes. There is a bed with a red dress on it and a door to the east.

[zorra_chiflada]

OMG YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SEND AN ERROR REPORT! HOW WILL THEY SATISFY THEIR CUSTOMERS NEEDS OTHERWISE! YOUR PROBLEMS ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM!

[zorra_chiflada]

You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes. There is a bed with a red dress on it and a door to the east.

hey, that's our bedroom! have you been stalking us?

[Freebasser]

Does not understand OMG YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SEND AN ERROR REPORT! HOW WILL THEY SATISFY THEIR CUSTOMERS NEEDS OTHERWISE! YOUR PROBLEMS ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM!

[yooooo]

probably my godmode thing killed the game

[yooooo]

You press ok and the computer shuts down. You walk away from the computer.

You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes. There is a bed with a red dress on it and a door to the east.


damn, i didnt notice that.

examine: dress

[Freebasser]

The dress is red and rather swish. You do however notice a series of small stains around the chest area.

[yooooo]

tsk,tsk,tsk

examine room

[b-grrrlie]

Tries on the dress

[Freebasser]

You examine the room. You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes. There is a bed with a red dress on it and a door to the east.

You try on the dress. For some inexplicable reason it fits perfectly. You study yourself in the mirror and are busy pouting when Susan comes into the room.

SUSAN: "Joe! What are you doing wearing my best dress?"

JOE: 1) Don't ask me. I just woke up like this.
...... 2) I'm working undercover on a murder case as an exotic dancer.
...... 3) Two men came into the room and forced me into your dress at gunpoint.
...... 4) I'm a sad pervert with a stupid face who enjoys trying on your clothes in secret.

[yooooo]

option 4

[jackrock]

Walk through the secret door hidden to look like a book shelf.

[Freebasser]

JOE: I'm a sad pervert with a stupid face who enjoys trying on your clothes in secret.

SUSAN: Oh, well as long as that's all.

Susan walks out of the room.


You attempt to walk through the "secret door" in the bookshelf but realise that it's just an ordinary door.

You are in a kitchen. Pots and pans are strewn across the floor, and silverfish run amongst the dirty plates by the sink. Susan is here. There is an empty jar in the sink.

There is a door to the north and a door to the west (the way you just came).

[b-grrrlie]

Catch the silverfish in the jar

[Freebasser]

You pick up the empty jar from the sink and catch one of the silverfish in it. Susan stares at you with disgust.

You now have:

A silverfish in a jar
A red dress (equipped)
A bust of Denzel Washington made of regurgitated carrot

[cosmo105]

throw denzel at susan

[Freebasser]

Susan throws the bust of Denzel Washington back at you.

SUSAN: If you think this is going to pass as an anniversary present then you've got to be fucking kidding.

FIND SUSAN AN ANNIVERSARY PRESENT: ACCEPT THIS QUEST? YES/NO

[yooooo]

YES

[b-grrrlie]

NO

arrange the pots and pans into a pyramid and throw the Denzel bust at it.

[Pres Zount]

/Accept Quest!

/Go through door in west

/Find $100 in mantle piece.

[jabumbo]

you can't just find things!


you have to examine first, and then pick up second!

[Pres Zount]

I already fucking know it's there.

[b-grrrlie]

tears mantelpiece apart to find $100

[Freebasser]

You spend ages arranging the pots and pans into a pyramid while Susan stares at you with disgust.

You throw the Denzel bust at the pyramid and watch it topple to the ground.

Susan grits her teeth and walks north into the living room while muttering something about "Joe and his fucking roleplaying games"

[Freebasser]

You accept the quest and walk west back into the bedroom. You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes.

You search in vain for your secret stash of money in the mantel piece, before realising that you've never owned that much money in your life and that you most likely just imagined it.

[zorra_chiflada]

You accept the quest and walk west back into the bedroom. You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes.

You search in vain for your secret stash of money in the mantel piece, before realising that you've never owned that much money in your life and that you most likely just imagined it.

JOE'S DAD GAVE IT TO HIM. JEEZ

[Freebasser]

OK, Sue just ruined the game.

And on my birthday too!

[zorra_chiflada]

yeah well.

poo.

[Planetary]

You accept the quest and walk west back into the bedroom. You are in a small windowless room. The floor is covered in discarded pizza boxes and dirty clothes.

You search in vain for your secret stash of money in the mantel piece, before realising that you've never owned that much money in your life and that you most likely just imagined it.

you check up your ass, find £1,500, and realise why you were'nt feeling too grand.

[ampm]

You are Pres Zount. You awake to find yourself in a small damp room with no windows. The walls are pink and lumpy and there is a constant dripping coming from somewhere in the far corner.

There is a tunnel to the south.


Don't go into the tunnel Zount. There's a scary monster in there. And shit.

[b-grrrlie]

You gather the dirty clothes into a hamper and throw the pizza boxes in a recycling bin hoping to make Susan happy again

[Lex Diamonds]

you check up your ass, find £1,500, and realise why you were'nt feeling too grand.
Haha you bellend.

/phone 118 118 and ask for Les Dennis