Knowing How You're Going to Die.

[Waus]

I was thinking tonight, and I realized that I have a pretty good idea of what's going to kill me. Heart disease is looking pretty likely considering my family history and my grandparents have each gotten a couple of different cancers.

I know it's a long ways off (fingers crossed)...but I kind of want to live my life differently just to die from something else. Tell me something to get my mind off dying.

[HEIRESS]

THOUGHTFUL VAGINA!

[Bob]

i think alot of people die of heart disease.

me it's probably gonna be a brain thing. my grandmother is losing her mind a little and my mom's kinda weird and i'm no john doe myself let me tell you

[Justin]

im probably gonna be shot by a pizza delivery driver. From saying something like "SPEAK ENGLISH FAG!"

[Tone Capone]

Well if everything goes according to plan (meaning if I don't die in an accident, drive by shooting, war...etc) I'll probably die of a heart attack.

[Lo_Lyfe]

knowing my luck ill die wearin stockings with a bag on my head, and a vacuum cleaner up my ass.

scust@ me.

[Lex Diamonds]

Probably the Big C for me. My family has a history of heavy drinking so the liver should be fine and heart disease isn't so common, I think it'll be the smoking that does me.

[vickista]

when I'm in my 30's, doing something stupid that i shouldn't be, because thats how i always get caught out.

[Nivvie]

Pretty sure I'm just going to fade away in a nursing home somewhere, sat in a damp nappy, mid crochet, then slump.

All the cancers and heart disease in my family are self induced.





me it's probably gonna be a brain thing. my grandmother is losing her mind a little and my mom's kinda weird and i'm no john doe myself let me tell you

Tumeric literally clears the brain of the 'plaque' which can cause dementia, and especially Alzheimer's. So take a curry toothbrush to you brain.

[Pres Zount]

strokes.

[Lo_Lyfe]

strokes.
yaeh, the new album was shit

[na§tee]

So take a curry toothbrush to you brain.
ahah! this is hilarious. nice advice indeed! i wonder if that's on an nhs scotland campaign? hehe.

i'm pretty sure i'm gonna die at sea.

[mikizee]

every male in my family has died of a heart attack b4 they are 60. so i guess thats whats gunna happen.

[Pres Zount]

ahah! this is hilarious. nice advice indeed! i wonder if that's on an nhs scotland campaign? hehe.

i'm pretty sure i'm gonna die at sea.

Attacked by a kraken or going down with the ship after being sunk by U-boats kinda stuff? Or falling overboard when drunk on a boat cruise?

[na§tee]

Attacked by a kraken or going down with the ship after being sunk by U-boats kinda stuff? Or falling overboard when drunk on a boat cruise?
oooh, i would aspire to the falling overboard after drinking too many margaritas, or perhaps under mysterious natalie wood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalie_Wood)-stylee circumstances, but i doubt i would ever reach that stature.

death by mythological beast would be cool, too, i guess. preferably the loch ness monster. i have a totally unjustified fear of being eaten by a whale. yes, a whale. i imagine that you could live for a while inside the whale - which would never set out to go and eat you but, you know, they idle along the sea with their mouths wide open and you could be caught by surprise! anyway, you could get swept up and it would be stinky and wave after wave of water would keep coming up and you might melt in its stomach juices and GAH! total nightmare. i am also really scared of those horrible long teeth-but-not-teeth-hair-brush-type-things whales have in their mouths. god! there's a horrible strongbow advert here where the strongbow drinker is inside a whale and it freaks me out. honestly. it could happen!

er.. yeah.
the thought of your body slowly sinking milesandmilesandmiles down to the bottom of a (quite undiscovered and mysterious) ocean terrifies the shit outta me. i have recurring nightmares of boats i am on turning 360 - you know, capsizing and then turning back to the right position. i saw that in a documentary once and i was shatting myself. what an awful way to die! and, coming from an island, i take a lot of ferries and in awful, awful scottish highland weather. our old ferry that we used actually serves in new zealand now and our local newspaper printed a picture of it in a storm - by god, it was almost vertical! the fucking waves! I WOULD HAVE TOTALLY BRICKED MYSELF!

what is crazy now is the ferry we use (i assume you are familiar with the term ferry?) is called, after the island, the isle of lewis. there is a notorious prophecy from centuries ago from some old seer i can't for the life of me remember the name of (and some of his stuff HAS come true) which says that "the isle of lewis will sink and the only person who will survive is a woman wearing red shoes". of course, before the existence of a FUCKING PASSENGER FERRY called the isle of lewis everyone was like "pah that's rubbish! an island can't sink!" but now.. lots of people are super weary of going on it. i know i am! i should whip out the red shoes more often.

but seriously - all that is fact. now, i think you can understand my at sea horror. i seriously have the biggest respect for fishermen and sailors and what not. there was a massive maritime disaster off the coast of lewis with the iolaire. it was carrying first world war SURVIVORS back home and it hit rocks outside stornoway - literally a couple of YARDS from safety - see here (http://images.scotsman.com/2005/01/24/iolaireb.jpg) - i think that's when the tide was in though, at least, i hope - called the beasts of holm and 205 people died! what bad fucking luck is that, like? my family still talk about the effects of the iolaire because they come from a long line of fishermen and what not. i have some memories of the mast still being there about 10 years ago, but that might just be my imagination.

anyway. i totally spent 45 minutes writing and researching this.

[Pres Zount]

respect for taking that time.

If you got sucked into a whale you could live for a while. You would have to tie yourself into it's tonsil, and all you would also have to eat fish that went past on the way to the stomach.

You would also have to drink seawater, so I suppose you couldn't last too long.

Just remember to tickle the whale's tonsil and he will spit you out. Or build a big fire and smoke your way out ala pinochio.

Nessie wouldn't eat you because it is a friend of humans. Only evil people who want to catch her get eaten.

[Nivvie]

My dad was lost at sea for a bit, he was out sailing over to Italy by himself when there was a big storm and a big wave and the mast got broken and he's one total wind power only blokes so he was bobbing about for a while, till he rigged up a little spinnaker style thing. He made it into a port after a while, and after that I felt totally safe with him. He was really skinny when he came in, holding a pigeon (it had fallen on the boat, injured and became his friend), and had been hallucinating. Apparently it was a fictious cabin boy that told him what to do to bodge a sail together.

I am far more cautious on ferries, when they go down it's usually such a powerful event, people trapped in cars and stuff. And I really don't like hovercrafts. They're just weird.

[Pres Zount]

Hovercrafts are cool.

You only have to watch out on ferries if you live in Egypt. Those suckers go down once a month.

[icy manipulator]

Nastee's going to be eaten by the loch ness monster

me, prolly will be a stockbroker, the market will collapse and i'll lose everything, so i'll climb to the top of a building on Eagle St and jump into the brisbane river

[na§tee]

nivvie, that pidgeon thing is pretty legendary. much props!

pres, thanks for the escaping-from-the-inside-of-a-whale suggestions. i wonder how pinnochio managed to light a fire when he was surrounded by wetness and dampness and what not? and do whales have tonsils? and what happens when whales do that whole ejecting water from their spout thing? where does the water in its belly go after that? this is a situation which could occur, i'm sure!

right, imma research some more for you. /googles "people being swallowed by whales" OMG! :eek: -->

In the late winter of 1891, the whale-ship Star of the East was in the vicinity of the Falkland Islands when it came within sight of a whale. Two boats were dispatched with harpoons to snare and kill the beast, but the lashing of its tail capsized one of the launches, spilling the crew into the sea. All were accounted for except for a single sailor, James Bartley.

Ultimately the whale was killed and the carcass drawn aboard the vessel to begin the process of salvaging valuable resources. By the next day good progress had been made in removing the layers of blubber from the beast, so a tackle was attached to its stomach to hoist it on deck. Sailors were startled by spasmodic life within the belly of the whale, and upon further inspection the missing sailor was found.

Bartley was quite mad for two weeks, but upon recovering his senses he recounted what little he could recall of being dragged under the water. Struggling for his life he had been drawn into darkness within which he felt a terrible and oppressive heat. He found slimy walls that gave slightly to his touch, but could find no exit. When his situation finally dawned on him Bartley lost his senses completely and lapsed into a state of catatonia.

During his time inside the whale the gastric juices affected his exposed skin. His face, neck and hands were bleached a deathly white with a texture like parchment, a condition from which the skin never recovered. Bartley believed that he would probably have lived inside his house of flesh until he starved, as breathing was not a problem.


NIGHTMAREJDKSAKFAFJ!!1 (that was actually taken from the h2g2, so it's cool that there's hitchikers in the galaxy that are curious about the same thing!)

Advice for Swallowees

Once inside, sit tight and try not to touch anything if at all possible. Gastric processes are invasive and skin does not recover well from encounters with digestive fluids. The process by which gastric acid handles food is slow and wearing clothing, especially of the synthetic variety, is likely to buy you some time.

Escape from the belly of a whale, aside from simple survival, may be far more difficult as the majority of whales - especially the Baleen whales that rely on sieving minuscule marine life forms for their diet - have complex digestive systems. They may have up to four stomach chambers, rather like the multi-stomach system of a cow, which allows a controlled channelling of foodstuffs through the digestive system. There is also the constant intake of seawater that results from their feeding processes. Unless someone is looking for you, or you have a very large cutting implement and a strong stomach, you may have to be satisfied with simply surviving until starvation takes you or good fortune saves the day.

If all else fails you might consider using pepper or a small fire to smoke your way out.

(y)

[zorra_chiflada]

one of my great-great-uncles or something like that fell into a vat of beer at a vactory and drowned. that's pretty cool.

[QueenAdrock]

strokes.
:( (n)

For me...I don't know. It's a mixed bag. I don't have bad migraines now, but if I take after my father I can see it becoming my downfall. I now have a history of breast cancer in the family, so that's concerning to me. I hope I take after my great-aunt and live until I'm 87. She walked everywhere and ate as much as I do, so there's hope for everyone right?

And:
one of my great-great-uncles or something like that fell into a vat of beer at a vactory and drowned. that's pretty cool.

Holy shit if that was me, that'd go on my tombstone. (y)

[Freebasser]

You could always go for death by stingray.



What! What?!

[skra75]

I've decided I'm going to live to be 137 years old, and have a long, wispy beard like an ancient kung-fu master or the guy who owns the hotel coral essex in Revenge of the Nerds 2

[beastieangel01]

Tell me something to get my mind off dying.

you all fail.

Except HEIRESS.

[steve-onpoint]

I don't know about you guys, but I opt for ascension. (y)

[Lyman Zerga]

two of my granparents died because of cancer and all the women from my dad's family side got sooner or later locked into a psychiatry :(

[Bob]

you know what would be a tragic/hilarious way to die? getting hit by an ambulance

[Pres Zount]

Nastee, pinochio was on a little boat, and he set it on fire.

His whale was pretty big, like big enough to have a house in there.

[cookiepuss]

I'll more than likely die by car accident. I'm a terrrible driver and I'm a terrible driver (of the overly cautious kind) because I'm really afraid of dying in a car accident. do you see the vicious circle? it's bound to happen. I'm just trying to get use to the idea of being trapped for hours in an overturned car and slowly bleeding to death. it's really gonna suck.


I would rather get taken out by a giant asteriod. that would be way cool. quite the story I imagine and that's really what you are looking for... a good story to tell for next billion eons in the afterlife.

[AdRockGRL]

I guess it will be cancer... a lot of members of my familydied for it (I saw 'em suffering for the last months of their lifes and it was so sad...i don't wanna get wasted by that illness)....in that case I guess I'd assume a very huge dose of heroine....I don't want the Death to defeat me.... I want to choose the moment to go!

If it won't be cancer, then I guess I'll die in a ar crash because I was runnin' too fast!

[steve-onpoint]

y'all are creating some tragic scenarios. he we go, yo. here we go, yo.

let's be a bit more constructive here: ascension.

[B_Mackin']

I'm going to sail off into the sunset and no one will ever from me again. That is the best way to go.

[Helvete]

I'm pretty much immortal to your human ills, but I still am susceptible to ballistic injury. Bullets or explosions will probably do me in, although this is just going to never happen.

[Nivvie]

I just did a test and I was right, natural causes for me.

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=8960

and acording to this one it'll be in 2070

http://www.deathclock.com/

So there we are. *Goes out to play in traffic*

[zorra_chiflada]

hah, it said suicide for me

[yooooo]

Stabbed 100%
Disappear 100%


thats damn true

[Lex Diamonds]

y'all are creating some tragic scenarios. he we go, yo. here we go, yo.
Well whaddya know, the Di-Dawg is first up to bat. No batteries included, and no strings attached.

[icy manipulator]

poisoned or stabbed for me. sweet:(

[Dr Deaf]

i'm not afraid to die but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate life.

death is the only real guarantee in life. don't fear it, embrace it.

[na§tee]

b-b-b-ut bobby.. the whales! the whales might eat me! :(

[Nivvie]

You should go the Whale and Dolphin Sactuary at Spey Bay, I think they do boat trips too. Face the fear girl!

[icy manipulator]

i'm not afraid to die but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate life.

death is the only real guarantee in life. don't fear it, embrace it.
death and taxes are the only guarantees in life you mean

[Lyman Zerga]

Suicide
93%

Bomb
93%

Disappear
67%

Suffocated
53%

Natural Causes
53%

Disease
47%

Eaten
47%

Posion
47%

Gunshot
40%

Stabbed
40%

Accident
20%

Drowning
13%

Cut Throat
0%

[abcdefz]

I've cheated death so many times already, it should be interesting to see what finally gets me.

[Bob]

i'm not afraid of death, just dying