Customer Disservice

[The Notorious LOL]

Guy: Can we fix the air conditioner today?
Me: its sixty three degrees outside
Guy: Yeah....
Me: in other words, no, we cant...it had to be above 70 otherwise they cant verify everything is working.
Guy: So when can we get it fixed?
Me: according to the forecast probably next spring.
Guy: I want someone out here today! Its 80 degrees in my house!
Me: open a window or go outside, its nice and cool out there.
Guy: let me speak to a supervisor
Me: no. they'll tell you the same thing. Call back in the spring.

[befsquire]

hey, at least you saved him time.

[Pres Zount]

haha. Didi you piss him off or something? That's something I would do if a customer pissed me off.

[paul jones]

I don't envy anyone who has to deal with the general public on the phone so good work there and let's hope the whiny air condition man comes to his senses and sits out the back with a slush puppie and listen to some Pan Pipes 'Moods' cd(y)

[mikizee]

i repair poker machines, (slot machines) and the customer for me is the hotel, but i still have to put up with all the sub-human gambling addict losers that surround me in the gaming room.

gambling addict: oi mate!!!! this machine isnt working!
me: whats it doing?
gambling addict: its taken all my money!!
me: well then its working perfectly!!!
gambling addict: asshole!!!

OR

gambling addict: hey mate, can ya make this machine pay out?? cmon, i'll go halves with ya!!!
me: if i could, do u think i'd be in this lousy job talking to wankers like you?


i get that comment about 15000 times a day. and they always laugh, like they made up the joke.

[beastieangel01]

gambling addict: oi mate!!!! this machine isnt working!
me: whats it doing?
gambling addict: its taken all my money!!
me: well then its working perfectly!!!
gambling addict: asshole!!!


hehehehehe

[skra75]

damn it looks like you might actually have to go outside lol
boy that would suck

[Kid Presentable]

them: can i get some cash out?
me: yeah (fucking cunt. why couldn't you just bring enough money?)
me: which account was that, savings?
them: yeah, spendings more like, hurr hurrr
me: *suicide*

I want to hang a banner up behind the bar: "A barman is NOT your friend".

[The Notorious LOL]

me: anything else?
customer: HOW BOUT A MILLION DOLLARS LOLOLOLOLOL
me: if I had it, you wouldnt be talking to me.

[Kid Presentable]

customer: only poofters work in bars
me: no more beer for you. if you dont leave i'll have you charged with trespassing.

[HAL 9000]

Customer: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
me: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Customer: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
me: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Customer: What's the problem?
me: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Customer: What are you talking about, HAL?
me: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Customer: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
me: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Customer: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
me: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.


It was pretty funny but I guess you had to be there.

[Kid Presentable]

them: I'll jump this bar and fucking kill you, cunt.
me: fuck off dickhead.

[QueenAdrock]

Ugh! When people all use the same tired lines and think they're being witty it gets sooo lame. Like, in the dentist's office, it has a sign that says "Please let us know if you are pregnant before we take x-rays." And all the men are like "Doc, I'M pregnant! Hardy har har har!" and my doctor half-smiles and rolls his eyes at me when the guy's not looking.

Also, my best guy friend's 6'8. Imagine dealing with THAT everyday. "Do you play basketball?" "How's the weather up there?" etc. etc. I'm gonna get him a shirt that says "No, do you play mini-golf? STFU" He better wear it too.

[Kid Presentable]

Also, my best guy friend's 6'8. Imagine dealing with THAT everyday. "Do you play basketball?" "How's the weather up there?" etc. etc. I'm gonna get him a shirt that says "No, do you play mini-golf? STFU" He better wear it too.
Let's grow ourselves a big lanky, goggle-eyed freak!

Ok, no more Office references.

[Tzar]

them: can i get some cash out?
me: yeah (fucking cunt. why couldn't you just bring enough money?)
me: which account was that, savings?
them: yeah, spendings more like, hurr hurrr
me: *suicide*
OHHHH I FUCKIN' HATE THIS.

[Tzar]

customer: can i get a carton of alpine rich?
me: *looks* we don't have any cartons... and i only have 4 packets which isn't enough for a carton
customer: well... that doesn't help me, does it?


me in thought: actually it would help ya...

[Tzar]

*housewife with a crying child and a trolley with about 25-30 items sprints in and starts putting items on the register*

*line forms behind her*

*housewife looks at line and looks at me*
housewife: oh, i think i've got more than 12 items?
me: yeah, don't worry - it's too late now
housewife: ok great - i need smokes too.
me: *Use My Third Arm starts playing in head*

[mp-seventythree]

Me: Are you carrying any large amounts of cigarettes or tobacco in your truck?

Truck driver: Um, no

*MP looks in cab and immediately sees about 100,000 Marlboro Lights on the bunk, cleverly concealed under a blanket)*

Me: What's that then?

Truck driver: Oh, I didn't think you meant in there

Me: I'm going to invite you for a little chat to talk about this. This is entirely voluntary, but if you decide to leave then the cigarettes stay here with me

Truck driver (looking rather sick): Oh

[Tzar]

are you a cop?

[mp-seventythree]

Nope, Customs

[King PSYZ]

me: anything else?
customer: HOW BOUT A MILLION DOLLARS LOLOLOLOLOL
me: if I had it, you wouldnt be talking to me.
you should know I'm gonna have to steal that one, actually looking forward to using it.

[marsdaddy]

telesales rep: We're calling to see if you're happy with your mortgage.
me: By how much can reduce my mortgage rate.
telesales rep: Well, I can probably cut it by 1/4 point, but it'll cost you $400.
(I do some calculations and come up with 1/4 point saves me about $400 a month.)
me: Okay. (y)

Just wait when those of you have to deal with bad customer service and realize there is some snot-nosed, "I'm above all," "no you can't talk to my supervisor" punk on the other end. :mad:

[King PSYZ]

I do get those calls which is why, while generally nice and going out of my way for people, have a bullshit threshold.

[QueenAdrock]

Nope, Customs

(y) WOOO homeland security!

Border of Californie and Mexico I take it?

[Pres Zount]

A guy came in to work one time, and he had a faded swastika on his hand, and he asked me if we had size 13 in a particular style of boot, and I said they didn't come in a thirteen - even though they did.

So he asks for a 12 and I say we're sold out. SO he asks how long to order in another pair and I say that they don't make them anymore.

Moral of the story: Don't be a nazi or you don't get boots.

[Teh]

I bet he was going to use them to oppress the jews as well!

dirty nazi bastard

[mp-seventythree]

(y) WOOO homeland security!

Border of Californie and Mexico I take it?


Um no, border of the UK and mainland Europe. Basically I deal with freight and passenger ships coming to England from Holland, Germany and Denmark.

Lots of work comes my way off the Dutch boats for some reason...