you wanna hear something weird and gross? WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

[Dorothy Wood]

My new boyfriend is a sleepwalker. He left my room at some point in the night. I woke up around 8:30 a.m. and noticed he was gone, I thought, "what a fucking asshole, I can't believe he left!" and just kind of laid there thinking I'd been duped into thinking he was nice. then a couple of hours later, he comes walking in my room with a towel wrapped around him and says, "why the fuck was I sleeping on a futon?" (there's a futon in my office) and I said, "uhh, I don't know! I thought you left and I was pissed off." and he was like, "yeah, well, I went grocery shopping, but then I came back because I was naked." He said he had no idea how he got there or why. Then we laughed about it and he cuddled up to me and we fell asleep.

anyway, he took me to work and we stopped at the vitamin shoppe because he wanted to buy vitamins for himself and his bandmates because he doesn't want them to die from all the drinking and not sleeping and driving and rock and roll while they're on tour. so that's cute. I had to leave and we kissed by the echinacea and I said, "goodbye forever" and went to work feeling googly and kind of sad too, because he's leaving again for a month.

so then later on my way home, cort called me and told me that she found something on the kitchen counter. it's something nobody likes to find. she thought it was a joke. my other roommate did too and just threw it away. it wasn't a joke. apparently during the Dude's sleepwalking journey, he was confused and left a you know, a used condom ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER!

sooooooooo, yeah, fuck. I haven't told him yet. it makes me think differently about him now...like, maybe he's too weird. I don't know. it's an honest mistake right? OR NOT. he has his own business, and he owns a building, so he can't be completely retarded...but seriously, what the fuck?

:(

[b i o n i c]

you cant be mad at him for something he has no control over. he should see a doctor for that. what he does is weird, but that doesnt make him a weird person. sucks to be him

[Planetary]

tie him down at night. problem solved

[ET]

Wait, where was the used condom previously? Did he dig it out of the trash? Did u guys do da nasty? lol

[Dorothy Wood]

Wait, where was the used condom previously? Did he dig it out of the trash? Did u guys do da nasty? lol

it was on his weiner. no, I'm a virgin.

[cosmo105]

sleepwalking sucks. the consequences are usually hilarious though! i doubt he's a perv and put it there for someone to find on purpose, yo.

unless maybe he was proud of his weinerbag and wanted to show off.

[ET]

That's how you mark your territory. Put that bitch right on the kitchen table between the salt and pepper.

I always take mine off as soon as I can possibly move. I guess he's fond of marinating his shit in sperms. But yeah, poor guy. He can't control it.

[beastieangel01]

you cant be mad at him for something he has no control over. he should see a doctor for that. what he does is weird, but that doesnt make him a weird person. sucks to be him

I agree with this. Although being freaked out is completely understandable.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, I don't know if it's textbook sleepwalking...I just know that he doesn't remember anything that happened. and I don't know how long after the deed he left. he fell sound asleep afterwards, like dead asleep. it's a mystery!

and lol, cosmo. maybe he was showing off. gross. he does have a big weiner though, like comically big. I was so suprised by it that I almost started laughing. wait...should I be talking about this? prob not.

[cosmo105]

i don't see nothin' wrong...with talking about how well-endowed your boyfriend is. it's a club. we get cards and have a handshake.

[beastiegirrl101]

condoms are so 80s.

[Dorothy Wood]

i don't see nothin' wrong...with talking about how well-endowed your boyfriend is. it's a club. we get cards and have a handshake.

hi5 ;)

[b i o n i c]

did he have a lot to drink, maybe more than you know about?

[Dorothy Wood]

condoms are so 80s.

you're so 80's!

I have to go to work now. beep.

[b i o n i c]

you're so 80's!

that phrase is so 10 minutes ago. bg101 had it the first time

[marsdaddy]

Go see the doctor...

[cosmo105]

don't you take that word from me.

[ericlee]

the worst part of that story is seing "shop" spelled as, "shoppe"...

Gross!

[King PSYZ]

that was the Adult Content part

[ericlee]

that was the Adult Content part

haha, yeah. They always want to add letters on words that aren't needed. For instance, "colour, flavour" and now shoppes? I hope I never grow up.

[Bob]

condoms are so 80s.

maybe that explains why AIDS are so 90's

[Dorothy Wood]

the worst part of that story is seing "shop" spelled as, "shoppe"...

Gross!

I didn't name it! (http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/store/en/index.jsp;jsessionid=KY3HOM4FQRGEOCQUC4WVAFQKCQL1A UNE?_requestid=1149085)

[Bob]

maybe he was really referring to ye olde condomme shoppe

maybe they buy and sell used condoms and he was going to take that one with him. he put it on the counter to get a drink of water and then he forgot to take it back with him when he left. god i bet his face was red when he realized it

[skra75]

where do you find these circus freaks? Jesus. I guess if he has a large dong, then, good for you.

[Dorothy Wood]

maybe he was really referring to ye olde condomme shoppe

maybe they buy and sell used condoms and he was going to take that one with him. he put it on the counter to get a drink of water and then he forgot to take it back with him when he left. god i bet his face was red when he realized it

I keep laughing like "huh huh huh" at that. outrageous.


skra, I don't know...they find me. :(

[Bob]

I keep laughing like "huh huh huh" at that. outrageous.



that was more or less the reaction i was going for i guess

and dorothy, don't let one little incident ruin a perfectly good relationship (even if he is probably gay just sayin)! i once lived with a guy who sleepwalked...

[kate]

i had no fucking clue that dorothy wood was sarky wtf

[HEIRESS]

is he italian?

Im sick of big penies, they always hurt
unless you are getting pounded by 'em on a regular basis and then have your vagina continuously stretched, otherwise big weiners just leave you smashing your face into a pillow, torn between ecstasy and pain you really cant just ignore

[Bob]

Im sick of big penies

sup babygirl ;) ;) ;)

[Dorothy Wood]

nah, he's half white, half hispanic. it only hurt at the beginning. it was interesting because he's like the same height as me, so he can move around more. I've only slept with boys 6 feet and over before, with penii of varying sizes. one of the tallest boys had the smallest weiner, but he was a great kisser.

I wish I could combine different qualities of men and put them into one person sometimes. :rolleyes:

[HEIRESS]

short boys are pretty freaking awesome

my first loverboy was 6foot4 looking back now it really was difficult at times

[kate]

joe found a used condom in his bookbag the other day. we havent used condoms in over a year. i wanted to cut it open to see if there was still babymakers inside but he wouldnt let me :(

[Bob]

joe found a used condom in his bookbag the other day. we havent used condoms in over a year. i wanted to cut it open to see if there was still babymakers inside but he wouldnt let me :(

you're one weird mamma jamma

[kate]

tell me if you found a year old used condom that was tied shut you wouldnt want to open it and see if JUST MAYBE those little guys lasted that long!

[Dorothy Wood]

wait, why was it tied shut?

[kate]

so it wouldnt spill during handling between penis and the trash can? i dunno, he always did that.

[kate]

actually it's my party trick. some girls can tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongues, i can tie a condom in a knot with my vagina DURING SEX

[QueenAdrock]

torn between ecstasy and pain you really cant just ignore

GOD YES.

Jewish penii = almost as thick as a coke can. Not seeing each other for months on end really, really hurt. I'd cry sometimes.

Luckily I found someone who's taken the extra too-thickness and made it into more length, so it's just perfect.

Okay I'm going to go now.

[Dorothy Wood]

actually it's my party trick. some girls can tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongues, i can tie a condom in a knot with my vagina DURING SEX

that's one talented vagina!

[Dorothy Wood]

GOD YES.

Jewish penii = almost as thick as a coke can. Not seeing each other for months on end really, really hurt. I'd cry sometimes.

Luckily I found someone who's taken the extra too-thickness and made it into more length, so it's just perfect.

Okay I'm going to go now.


good thing I'm a whore.

[Bob]

that's one talented vagina!

it operates on quarters, apparently

[King PSYZ]

sup babygirl ;) ;) ;)
damn bob, you bring the fuckin' funny.

[na§tee]

oh QA! how i wish you didn't just describe droppin's penis to me and the rest of us while i'm at work! :eek:

[ET]

i can tie a condom in a knot with my vagina DURING SEX

Luckily I found someone who's taken the extra too-thickness and made it into more length, so it's just perfect.

big weiners just leave you smashing your face into a pillow, torn between ecstasy and pain you really cant just ignore



This is why I come here. *heart*

[monkey]

oh QA! how i wish you didn't just describe droppin's penis to me and the rest of us while i'm at work! :eek:

hahahah my thoughts exactly. i feel like ive been violated. :(

as for penises though... girls just like to brag about their bfs penis, but seriously, i really should have a shirt that says "congratulate me daily." he's..omgoodness.

[ericlee]

damn bob, you bring the fuckin' funny.

yep, I loled.