Listen to this interesting story...

[skra75]

Ok so, my imaginary soon-to-be-ex-wife is still living at my house. we've signed things that make it almost official, but the writing is not quite on the bottom line yet for our imaginary relationship.

We're getting along OK now, and I figured "what harm in letting her stay while she finds a new apartment". Well, listen to this Jerry Springer bullshit...

My imaginary-ex is studying to be a massage therapist. She has to practice on people. lol I'm sure you see where this is going. So yesterday she invites a mutual friend over (a girl we both know) as she and her boyfriend were arguing. Her boyfriend also happens to be one of my oldest friends. So, I go to bed last night and she and this girla re smoking cigarettes outside. I assumed she "practiced" on her last night. No big deal, she is my imaginary soon-to-be-ex-wife after all.

So.....I wake up this morning and go to make my coffee and my imaginary soon-to-be-ex-wife is in the kitchen, and the mutual friend is in her bed int he guest room! WTF!

I was reasonably angry, even though I don't have an ex and she is actually imaginary. I was getting things together for work today and I confronted her and said "you didn't!". And she was like "no I didn't, even if I did, I'd never tell you".

I think it's a pretty fucked up thing for her to do. At least now I'm free to call my imaginary soon-to-be-ex-wife funny names such as:

Muff Diver
Taco Artist
Pantie Diver

Thoughts? I feel kind of shaken on this. Should I be upset? Like I said, she is imaginary after all.

[HEIRESS]

I sleep in beds with girls all the time!\

imaginary beds, and imaginary girls mind you!

but...

THEIR VAGINAS ARE ALL REAL BABY ALL MUFUKKIN REAL

[skra75]

If this imaginary mutual friend wasn't dating my old best friend, I would have walked in like a porno movie and said "hey girls". Probably not though. It's kinda gross the more I think about it.

I need someone to hit me in the head with a board, any volunteers?

[King PSYZ]

this is the home where your children sleep too I take it?

yeah she should know to keep that shit on a leash and wait til she's at her own spot for any of that.

if nothing else, I don't know... ASK YOU IF IT'S COOL IF SHE STAYS OVER WHILE HER AND YOUR PAL WORK IT OUT.

[skra75]

yes, my imaginary children.

you're absolutely right. I think it's only right that she keeps it in her pants or in her own place before she gets busy. Just because she's bumpin' clams doesn't make it any more O.K. in my book. Still creepy. Even if she is imaginary.

Yeah common courtesy right? I feel kind of taken advantage of.

[kate]

i sleep in the same bed as my girl friends all the time and we usually don't have sex. i think that's total male fantasy of you to assume they were doin each other since they most likely weren't but knew you would think they were and thats why they did it and then they stayed up all night laughing at you instead.

[skra75]

Agree on both points. I left out one important detail of my imaginary story, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water and over heard our loudmouth friend asking her "You have any toys?". I confronted my imaginary-ex about this in private this morning and she turned beet red, in my imagination.

Yeah important detail. You're right I am hurting, all this would be 10x easier if she wasn't living with me, in an imaginary sense.

You're right though. I need to suck it up and be a man and not be a bitch about this.

[beastiegirrl101]

i sleep in the same bed as my girl friends all the time and we usually don't have sex.

usually?

[beastieangel01]

yeah that's a little messed up. although I too sleep in the same bed with girl friends and we just sleep and maybe fart sometimes but that's about it.

[skra75]

Can I still call her funny names though? that's what I want to know. Probably out-of-line, especially if I'm trying to build bridges to the future

[Dorothy Wood]

getting in the habit of calling your ex-wife nicknames is a bad idea in my opinion, because it might slip out in front of your kids. when I was a kid, my dad used to call my mom "the mouth" after their divorce, I'd overheard it a couple times and once he accidentally said it in front of me and kind of laughed it off...but it made me feel really uncomfortable.

sorry to be a downer in your lesbian fantasy thread :(

also, were they drunk or high? if they were sober I bet they didn't do anything, maybe just joked around.

[beastieangel01]

Sometimes?

if we went for mexican food earlier that night: WATCH OUT

[skra75]

mrs. wood - yes you are right and actually i was joking i wouldn't call her any names even in jest. when relating to my kids i speak very warmly of her, even though she's hurt me very much. I'm a bigger person than that and they don't need to hear it.

I guess maybe I was over-reacting. seemed sketchy as hell. meh, this is one of those annoying lessons I'm sure that will eventually transform me into a galvanized-emotionally-stable super-boyfriend for my next relationship.

[monkey]

girls like to sleep with other girls with clothes on. cause we're warm and not too fuzzy. never any sexing. just good ol' fashioned girl on girl hugging.

[skra75]

Honestly I think this might be what happened. They emerged fully clothed.
Again, one of those lessons I guess. Glad I didn't make too big of a scene and doubly glad I didn't tell my friend. Perhaps this all stems from jealously (no shit) and I just miss falling asleep next to a girl. Thanks fellow board members for the advice in diffusing this somewhat-still-confusing situation.