Is it impossible to compliment a woman...

[bigblu89]

... Without actually trying to hit on her, or make her think you're hitting on her?

Is it Ladies? If a male stranger, or some one you know, compliments you on your outfit, hair, or overall appearance, do you naturally assume they're hitting on or trying to flirt with you?

[b i o n i c]

that's why i go around telling bitches dey aint shit. that way there's no confusion

[mickill]

I think it's all in the approach/delivery. Try not to compliment a woman with your eyes opened really wide. Also, it helps to keep your tongue in your mouth. Most importantly, don't have your hands up in front of you making any sort of squeezing gestures.

[Echewta]

I would never dare to compliment a woman for any reason at work.

[b i o n i c]

genius :rolleyes:




it also helps (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QOspidd7ko) if you're not bald/fat/broke/short.

[Freebasser]

Oh wow! I score in all four categories! :D

[Frenchbgirl]

i don't think the guy is hitting on me, if i know he's gay...

[b i o n i c]

rule #1
be handsome

rule#2
be attractive

rule #3
don't be unnattractive

[Loppfessor]

It's tricky with a woman your own age but it can be down....now grandmas and such they love that shit

[HEIRESS]

I feel really good when someone calls me an asshole instead of a bitch

like beaming

[QueenAdrock]

It depends. I mean, a few of my guy friends who have hit on me before have also complimented me randomly. So it's like ...is he just being nice or is he up to his old tricks again? Hard to tell.

But just this weekend when I went to open a bank account, the clerk was like "You're very pretty. You look like Renee Zellweger." and I just said thanks. It was nice of him, and he definitely wasn't trying to pick me up.

[QueenAdrock]

rule #1
be handsome

rule#2
be attractive

rule #3
don't be unnattractive

It's like I keep saying:

"It's only sexual harassment if they're ugly."

Think about it.

[b i o n i c]

i actually find it really easy to compliment women and dont care if they think im hitting on them, sooner or later they'll find out whether or not i was anyway.

why not? its just a good way to make someone's day better and its no skin off your back. from the women i know, as non-chalantly as they may try to act, it'll stick with them for a while.

i guess a good way is to say it quickly, not let there be any quiet time and move on to something else immediately.

[mickill]

Presenting your compliments with any animal sounds or heavy breathing is also a no no.

[abcdefz]

You can't really control what another person thinks.

It's frustrating not to be able to be just a decent human being toward the opposite sex without assumptions of heat. That bugs the crap out of me.

I've had more than one woman take me to task for this, basically along the lines of "You can't be NICE to a girl if you're not interested in them!"

Kindness-as-flirtation just seems so retrogressive to me.

[QueenAdrock]

Well, I'll admit, even if they're hitting on me, being told I'm "beautiful" makes me feel really good. However, then I get the uncomfortable feeling of, oh shit, does he know I have a boyfriend? This is awkward. Should I bring it up or stay silent? I guess I'll just ignore him if he tries to make advances. :-/

[b i o n i c]

we can all learn lessons from our fellow animals... i sometimes like to leave dead fish or birds lined up in front of a chick whom i'm wanting to compliments house. thats usually a good ice breaker, makes her more receptive to compliments. i learned that one from my cat, toonces.

[mickill]

Try not to raise your eyebrows or adjust your testicles as you offer the compliment as well.

[Documad]

It's risky because it depends on a lot of factors that can't be readily assessed or explained. Even with guys who are clearly married and not trolling, and you know their wives, it can feel icky. Or it can be nice. But there's no way to explain which one until it happens. It's just a feeling.

It's sad because we should all give each other positive reinforcement. It's just safer to say something that you would say to another man -- complimenting how clever she was or how well she did something.

[abcdefz]

I just wish there'd been a "Good fucking LUCK" option on this poll.

[monkey]

its possible if youre delivery isnt creepy. just honest, like "hey you look nice" not "hey baby *touch the arm* you look nahhhhh-ice."

[Documad]

I think you've all missed the biggest tell -- the guy who looks at your breasts instead of your eyes when talking to you. All the women in those men's worlds know who they are and the women compare notes.

A guy I used to work with not only looked at breasts, but he spread his legs when talking to you -- putting one on the desk but not the other -- odd stuff. When he complimented me, even on being a good writer, it bothered me -- because I know it was insincere. I know he never actually had an agenda. He was just raised by monkeys or something.

[b i o n i c]

a girl i know told me some higher up executive dude literally stuck his hand down his pants and shifted his balls while telling her she did a good job on something. she said she doesnt even think he realized it, and didnt feel like he was hitting on her - just being gross.

[mickill]

I compliment female friends/acquaintances in front of my wife all the time. She doesn't mind. I think she can tell that a lot of the time I'm just trying to be nice. I guess if she isn't around it can be a little trickier, though, which is why I'd be less inclined to compliment a girl when I'm by myself.

[Laver1969]

It's risky because it depends on a lot of factors that can't be readily assessed or explained. Even with guys who are clearly married and not trolling, and you know their wives, it can feel icky. Or it can be nice. But there's no way to explain which one until it happens. It's just a feeling.

It's sad because we should all give each other positive reinforcement. It's just safer to say something that you would say to another man -- complimenting how clever she was or how well she did something.

Wow...Doc, What a nice, clever post! (y)

[abcdefz]

I think you've all missed the biggest tell -- the guy who looks at your breasts instead of your eyes when talking to you. All the women in those men's worlds know who they are and the women compare notes.

A guy I used to work with not only looked at breasts, but he spread his legs when talking to you -- putting one on the desk but not the other -- odd stuff. When he complimented me, even on being a good writer, it bothered me -- because I know it was insincere. I know he never actually had an agenda. He was just raised by monkeys or something.



^
Hopefully we're not talking about this stuff.

I thought the thread was about the possibility of giving an innocent compliment, and a woman innocently accepting that as a compliment and not reading anything untoward into it.

I think we could safely say that drool, visible fabric rises, X-ray stares, and the like are a tip off that the man giving said compliment has wandered into this thread by mistake.

[mickill]

a girl i know told me some higher up executive dude literally stuck his hand down his pants and shifted his balls while telling her she did a good job on something. she said she doesnt even think he realized it, and didnt feel like he was hitting on her - just being gross.
See, if he did that while saying "I like your sweater", it could really send some mixed signals.

[Nuzzolese]

It's probably best to do it while the woman is facing you, and not from behind. Even better if she can clearly see that you're not looking at her at all. Then it seems insincere, but more like a suck-up than a sleaze. mickill is slaying me with his suggestions.

[b i o n i c]

See, if he did that while saying "I like your sweater", it could really send some mixed signals.

exactly.

[mickill]

I could literally write a whole book on how to not be perceived as a gross pervert while still making people feel good about themselves in the work place.

[Documad]

a girl i know told me some higher up executive dude literally stuck his hand down his pants and shifted his balls while telling her she did a good job on something. she said she doesnt even think he realized it, and didnt feel like he was hitting on her - just being gross.
It can actually be a compiment -- you're so in, so one-of-the-guys, that your boss doesn't even realize you're a woman anymore.

[b i o n i c]

part of that book needs to include some behavioural training or whateveryoucallit. the ball scratching thing is completely involuntary for some dudes.

[Loppfessor]

I think another big key is being specific like say "Wow you're hair looks really good today did you just get it colored?" or something like that is way better than "You look hot today" The easiest ones are the ones that don't have to do with a physical trait, like if the lady at the bank is particulary helpful or friendly I'll say something like "Joan (I like places where people wear name tags cus it always catches them off guard) thanks so much for the help you really did brighten my day up a bit I appreciate it"

[Echewta]

Yaar Misaale Os Chale Panv Ke Tale Firdaus Chale
Kabhi Daal Daal Kabhi Paat Paat Main Hawa Pe Dhoondho Uske Nishaan

Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya
Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya
Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya
Chal Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya Chaiyya

[Helvete]

Sukhwinder & Sapna Awasthi? That was in the movie Inside Man, right?

[mickill]

That's neither cute, funny nor original.

[Documad]

^
Hopefully we're not talking about this stuff.

I thought the thread was about the possibility of giving an innocent compliment, and a woman innocently accepting that as a compliment and not reading anything untoward into it.

I was responding to the funny comments. :o

I'm not too troubled by the stranger to stranger comments. I live in a state where strangers are not supposed to cross boundaries so if you're a straight guy who is running around telling strange women that you like their hair you're going to stick out no matter what. :p

I care more about the workplace because so many guys mean well but they have no idea how they come across. The guy I mentioned who spreads his legs is a huge brown noser and I think he believes that his compliments are effective at making him liked in the office -- he has no idea that he spreads his legs when he talks to women and while we have all talked about it, none of us has told him. He might spread his legs when he is alone with men too. I can't stand the guy for other reasons so I'm not going to have that discussion with him.

Just be aware that the recipient might not enjoy your compliment.

I compliment people often. I almost never compliment based on looks (unless some old bag who had horrid hair chopped it all off and actually looks good). I try to compliment people on things that are real but no one else notices. Like when someone who isn't particularly smart asks a good question or when you know that someone made a really difficult decision. Those kinds of compliments get you a lot farther.

Speaking of work, I have to go there now . . . . :)

[Documad]

The easiest ones are the ones that don't have to do with a physical trait, like if the lady at the bank is particulary helpful or friendly I'll say something like "Joan (I like places where people wear name tags cus it always catches them off guard) thanks so much for the help you really did brighten my day up a bit I appreciate it"
Yes! (Coming from a former cashier.)

[monkey]

He was just raised by monkeys or something.

:( we're good people too. we have manners.

[Loppfessor]

:( we're good people too. we have manners.


Yeah right talk to me when you don't throw poop at people!

[Dr Deaf]

it is possible to compliment a woman without it appear you're hitting on her.

start small. if a woman at your office has recently gotten her hair done (cut and / or style) simply let her know you've a) noticed it. b) that it looks good.

new sweaters, jackets and shoes are also easy compliment targets.

be sincere, look her in the eye and keep it brief.

if you're so scummy you can't pull the above off, you've got real problems.

[miss soul fire]

It depends on the way you look at the time you make the compliment. You could say it in a sexy tone or not. Like when you compliment your sister. It's hard to say that on the net though.

[chrisd]

No, compliment is the new insult, let her have it, prodigious ones love it, trust me, it's kept me independant for years

[Echewta]

Sukhwinder & Sapna Awasthi? That was in the movie Inside Man, right?
Indeed it was but it was a very popular song in the country of India for over many days.

[Lex Diamonds]

Every time I meet a female they have the irresistible urge to ride my penis like a stallion so it doesn't really make a difference whether I'm coming onto them or not.

[TurdBerglar]

i hate dirrect compliments myself. i always feel they're being said in hopes that you'll like who ever gave it to you more. the same way i feel about gifts.

[befsquire]

it's very easy to compliment a woman. we're very aware of the purpose behind it, depending on the words you use, and how you're looking at us when you say it.

i know when a person has a crush on me and that those comments which are intended as compliments are really uncomfortable. i also know when someone, single or not, says "that's a great suit," they really mean it because my suits kick more ass than i do. if i just got my hair cut and someone comments on it, i just think that they've noticed it and they either like it or they're lying. if an inmate tells me i'm beautiful, i'm suspicious of the compliment -- does he really think that and feel it's appropriate to say that, or is he saying it because he thinks it'll make me work 5 times harder on his case than someone else's?

so, in short, we know when you're crushing on us, we know when we're being hit on, and we know when you're being innocent and nice.

at no time should you comment on our asses unless you're in a relationship with us.

[tracky]

there's only one girl at work who i feel comfortable complimenting and and it's all cool, cause she knows I'm not interested. Pretty much what deaf said, hair, shoes, clothes, hats whatever. The rest I'll just shut up and admire silently cause I do feel like they'd feel like I was hitting on them.

[Drederick Tatum]

usually, 'fuck bitch, you lookin fine!" works on my female friends. I'm usually pretty open about how they're looking awesome and they're usually pretty open that that was what they planned. high fives often ensue.

[Echewta]

Waitresses with one leg work at Ihop.