Do you ever stop and reflect...

[Teh]

Only to realise one of your best mates is a total fucking cunt?

that's probly a big harsh but regardless. I went out with a girl for around 5-6 months a wee while ago and things were really good, but we broke up at xmas 2005 since i was swamped with uni work and it sort of meant i didn't have much time, my entire social life suffered pretty much. It hurt, to say the least, because i was really fucking trying, but 11+ subjects makes things pretty fucking tough around exam time. So anyways, within the week after that her and said best mate^ hook up, but he breaks it off since it was clear i was more than pissed off by that. Things pretty much went back to normal after that.

Although i found out maybe 1-2 weeks ago that they actually hooked up before we broke up, despite being told back at the time that he had nothing to do with it in the first place. The worst thing is i feel like she's only remained mates with me because he lives in the middle of nowhere, had no mobile phone for a very long time, and as a result its easier to communicate with me, find out when we're going out, get herself invited or just 'show up', and then say oh, maybe 2 words to me the whole night while him and her go at it, plus on top of that they've been meeting pretty consistently since all behind my back.

I mean, i was actually over the entire thing, and even if they had hooked up and stayed that way back when the relationship went to shit i'd have gotten over it soon enough, but now it seems like its all dug up and i'm not really sure what to do. I've got a gig with them both tomorrow night. fuck.

Just felt like venting. lifes been a bit shit of late. like seriously, my whole social life is doing my fucking head in, people just seem so uptight all the time these days. i'd actually love to switch courses to another uni and just start over.

drum > golden virginia.

[Lex Diamonds]

Yeah, drum is probably better. I mean, Golden Virginia is smoother but it tastes like shit.

And remember: bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks, a bitch iz a bitch, I got 99 problems but a bitch aint one, you can't make a ho a housewife, stuff dick in they mouth and then I'm out, a bitch can't get a dollar outta me, trust no bitch, started talkin shit wouldn't ya know reached back like a pimp slapped the ho, etc etc.

[Teh]

thanks. i see the solution now - drive by.

[Bob]

yeah i know what you mean. not necessarily related to your story but just in general. sometimes you have to step back and ask, if these people weren't your friends, would you like them?

[Teh]

yeah i know what you mean. not necessarily related to your story but just in general. sometimes you have to step back and ask, if these people weren't your friends, would you like them?

Well thats the thing. I have known this guy for years, it sounds totally homo but whenever i've got something planned he'll always be the first person i'll mention it to, whenever there's a decent film/gig/etc i'll always ask him before anyone else (except a love interest of course, rawfel). You get what i mean. So he's really the last person i'd expect this to come from. I've been in a situation before where i could've had a "friends" ex-girl (who had dumped him, not vice versa), but i didn't. I hated the guys guts and conciously avoided going anywhere with him, but i wouldn't steal his ex so soon, or even at all, no way. I could've also done whatever with her while he and her were still an item too, and even came close to that when i was hammered but still held off. So it's more about how he's acted than how she has.

Ah fuck sake. This gig tomorrow if going to be the thing i tell my grandkids about but if those 2 go at it, with or without alcohol i'm going to bring this up with them. As far as i'm aware they're not going out but bearing in mind she'll ignore me the whole night and probably end up in a corner with him pisses me off, especially in light of what i found out a week ago. We might have just broken up today, that basically sums up how shit i'm feeling.

[Teh]

did i mention suggestions as to what the fuck i should do would be nice?

there's a huge piss up on friday which i havent mentioned to these 2 yet and i don't think i will, so thats a start i guesses.

[Lex Diamonds]

If you found out that he got with her while you were still together then do what my friend did and punch and headbutt him a few times. Seeing as he is in the wrong he probably won't fight back (which is how it happened with these friends of mine).

[Big Gus]

Thats sounds pretty shit.

Depends on your circle of friends I suppose but I'd no longer class your "mate" as a friend at all.

Oh - Pre Made Cigarrettes In A Pack > Rolling Tobacco

[Teh]

Thats sounds pretty shit.

Depends on your circle of friends I suppose but I'd no longer class your "mate" as a friend at all.

Oh - Pre Made Cigarrettes In A Pack > Rolling Tobacco

Well i've given him some shit for it but pretty reluctantly, and that was all before i found out when they had hooked up (before we split). so it seems a bit far on to say anything now. i found out what actually happened on a night out and didnt say anything the next morning, or at all, but it's seriously been biting away at me recently all over again - everytime i see them all over each other when she's just miraculously decided to come along to where we happen to be that night.

recently they've been meeting alot and done their best not to tell me about it. like i wouldn't been mature enough to handle it. on one occasion i did go a bit beserk when i was out with them, but i dont think that negates any right to getting royally pissed off with them still, does it? i just feel like i shouldnt say anything at all now, but i've only recently discovered the real truth.

[miss soul fire]

Will you be a third wheel? I mean, you are going to the gig only with the "couple". That doesn't seem very comfortable. But I wouldn't like to be friends with a person who does that. Of course you have to know him really good like you do to put up with that and I don't think you can't end up such a long relationship because of this (which is pretty serious) without talking about the issue. It's jute like marriage, you can't give up like that. I'm not saying you are. Apparently you aren't, which is good, but that will make you feel bad anyway. I don't know what to say anymore. If he made a terrible mistake when he started dating this girl, now he's making another one by inviting you to the gig just like that. I mean, you obviously need some time.

I said nothing here.:(

[Teh]

Will you be a third wheel? I mean, you are going to the gig only with the "couple". That doesn't seem very comfortable. But I wouldn't like to be friends with a person who does that. Of course you have to know him really good like you do to put up with that and I don't think you can't end up such a long relationship because of this (which is pretty serious) without talking about the issue. It's jute like marriage, you can't give up like that. I'm not saying you are. Apparently you aren't, which is good, but that will make you feel bad anyway. I don't know what to say anymore. If he made a terrible mistake when he started dating this girl, now he's making another one by inviting you to the gig just like that. I mean, you obviously need some time.

I said nothing here.:(

Nah actually thats exactly it! I cant just stop being his mate because of this, but i spent my time dealing with it then and now with whats come to light its all back out again, like i was just dumped yesterday. I told him a while ago that i was over her, and i got "well, its about time!" back, and then soon after found out they'd whatever'd before we split. i'm just repeating myself but i seriously feel totally fucked up, betrayed even, and he continues to see her and thinks its fine to lie about it to me, which is pretty fucking hurtful too. i've got other mates, ill point that out right now, but i know him that well, that i cant just tell him to fuck off, although i really want to. The gig tomorrow was my idea, and i bought both of them a ticket back when i believed they werent interested in each other, but now i know the trutyh blah blah blah etc etc. i reckon im just going to distance myself from him for a bit, let him and her do whatever they like. hanging out with him and our other mutual friends all the time isn't what i need just now.

rolling cigs is seriously theraputic though

[wanton wench]

sounds like you just lost a friend.

sorry i've been really bitter lately and things have been very cut and dry or black and white whatever you want to call it but for fucks sake someone who says they are your friend does not do shit like this.

[roosta]

in fairness if that happened to me id simply drop that person as a friend right there and then and have done with it.

plus, to be honest, id probably thump them too....

now...have you ever had a friend who never did anything to you in particular you just realise one day that you actually dont like them anymore? but they are lifelong friends and in your circle of friends so will be your friend for years to come but you actually dont like them at all. I feel kind of guilty when i pretend to be interested in what they have to say...

[Big Gus]

I think it's a Scottish thing we (males especially) take friendship and kinship to rediculous levels.

I dunno I'm not giving advice but if I got fucked over like that I'd still think "when will he do it next then?"

Saying that it's an old cliche but "Never fall out with your mate over a girl", and sometimes physical attraction jsut stamps all over feelings.

What gig you going to? J5 by any chance?

[Teh]

i've thought about it inside out and i don't feel like i could just drop him as a mate. i reckon that'd be a bit over the top (this far on, at least). i'm just going to distance myself, i'll mention to him now and then if i'm going somewhere but won't go out of my way to arrange things, but the offer will be there. I dunno, as far as tomorrow goes he said he'd give me a buzz 2 hours ago to let me know what time he'd be able to get out of uni for etc, havent heard a thing yet, despite him knowing i've been looking forward to this gig for ages, he'll be sitting at home playing wow or some shit.


fuck. sake. cheers for the replies so far everyone, it's been pretty helpful

i'd love to see Jurassic 5 but its the nme tour - shitdisco (fae glasgow dont you know!) datarock and the klaxons. i intend to do some serious headbanging.

[roosta]

thump him!!!

[wanton wench]

now...have you ever had a friend who never did anything to you in particular you just realise one day that you actually dont like them anymore? but they are lifelong friends and in your circle of friends so will be your friend for years to come but you actually dont like them at all. I feel kind of guilty when i pretend to be interested in what they have to say...
i have a hard time being fake and pretending. i have to do it too much at work so i refuse to do it with my friends. i would distance myself from someone in my group of friends that i discovered i didnt like. which has happened and i do believe its going to happen again. (unless he gets his shit together and stops acting like an ass)

[Big Gus]

If it happened a while ago you'd probably be best letting it slide a bit but - yeah - putting some changes into place.

I think it's tomorrow I go see J5? Or is it friday?? It's a busy gig week.

Shit though I'd love to go see that new rave extravenganza. I've on seen The Klaxons out of that lot and the rocked. Pack a few glowsticks for me! :)

[wanton wench]

i've thought about it inside out and i don't feel like i could just drop him as a mate.
are you saying you feel like you could still trust him?

[Big Gus]

I agree with teh on this simply cause, well, when 2 people fancy each other, things happen, although the fact they hooked up while they were still together would really piss me off I dont think I'd drop a friend over it - unless he wasnt that great a friend y'know?

[abcdefz]

Only to realise one of your best mates is a total fucking cunt?

that's probly a big harsh but regardless. I went out with a girl for around 5-6 months a wee while ago and things were really good, but we broke up at xmas 2005 since i was swamped with uni work and it sort of meant i didn't have much time, my entire social life suffered pretty much. It hurt, to say the least, because i was really fucking trying, but 11+ subjects makes things pretty fucking tough around exam time. So anyways, within the week after that her and said best mate^ hook up, but he breaks it off since it was clear i was more than pissed off by that. Things pretty much went back to normal after that.

Although i found out maybe 1-2 weeks ago that they actually hooked up before we broke up, despite being told back at the time that he had nothing to do with it in the first place. The worst thing is i feel like she's only remained mates with me because he lives in the middle of nowhere, had no mobile phone for a very long time, and as a result its easier to communicate with me, find out when we're going out, get herself invited or just 'show up', and then say oh, maybe 2 words to me the whole night while him and her go at it, plus on top of that they've been meeting pretty consistently since all behind my back.

I mean, i was actually over the entire thing, and even if they had hooked up and stayed that way back when the relationship went to shit i'd have gotten over it soon enough, but now it seems like its all dug up and i'm not really sure what to do. I've got a gig with them both tomorrow night. fuck.

Just felt like venting. lifes been a bit shit of late. like seriously, my whole social life is doing my fucking head in, people just seem so uptight all the time these days. i'd actually love to switch courses to another uni and just start over.





That situation sounds pretty messed up. You must be pretty forgiving to have not reassessed your friendship earlier.

I don't know that I ever looked back on things and realized that a friend was a bad person -- I'm pretty hip to that as it happens, or to realize I'm the one being a jerk, or whatever. What I have noticed a few times (mostly when drugs were involved, but in the last few years, with a close friend, sans drugs) is that I'm annoyed and don't quite know why and then think about things and realize that this person I habitually hang out with bores the crap out of me, and we're only hanging out of habit than enjoyment or whatever.

[Teh]

well it was testing, it really was, i ignored him for a whole bit. they went out for a day (dated) back in january and then "split", but he continued to go out with her socially as "friends" (with benefits i fucking bet) and god knows what they did then. they're doing that now, and had it been different id be over it, but its all dug up.

i know what you mean, a-z. a lot of the social groups i moved between in high school, i realised were full of such self obsessed disgusting people that i couldn't believe i had ever wanted to associate myself with. this best mate is different, its hard to explain. we could talk about anything, and itd be funny, interesting, whatever.

another thing i feel is that recently he's been very quick to poke fun at me, and then when i point that out, he says "its all in fun." It doesnt seem like that. What it seems like is he wants to date/bumfuck my ex girlfriend, but is holding back because of me, and as a result gets annoyed at me for it, like, for just existing. so he wont commit to her.

thanks for agreeing big gus. i'm just going to distance myself from the guy and see how things go.

[Justin]

I've decided not to have many close friends. I don't have time to put up with all the bullshit.

People for the most part, SUCK

[wanton wench]

justin, i totally agree with you.

[JTS]

Damn man this is quite a situation you have. To be honest you should probably just leave these two people alone. as much as you value his friendship this guy isn't your friend. I mean shit I've done some mean.stupid shit (on this board mostly) but this friend of yours is going too far and it kinda sounds like he is doing ti b/c you are too nice. I know you shouldn't put a girl before your friends but this guy IS NOT YOUR FRIEND...his might have been but he isn't or shouldn't be anymore. Don't subject yourself to this bullshit let them have each other or whatever and leave them alone. I know someone might say that is "soft" but it really isn't worth the hassle and nobody whoudl have to put up with that shit from anyone.

[abcdefz]

i know what you mean, a-z. a lot of the social groups i moved between in high school, i realised were full of such self obsessed disgusting people that i couldn't believe i had ever wanted to associate myself with. this best mate is different, its hard to explain. we could talk about anything, and itd be funny, interesting, whatever.




Yeah -- that's entirely different.

It sucks to lose a good friend, Teh. Hopefully you two can patch it up.

[Rock]

Hopefully you two can patch it up.
Its possible that you will.

If that does ever happen, just know to keep it casual and things probably will never be the same, but you can still have a good time together.

The guy who introduced me to my wife (a really really good friend of mine at the time) and I had been on the outs for about 3 1/2 to 4 years after my wife and I started dating. We had fist fights, burned possessions, threats, all sorts of stuff. But as time went on, I think he realized how retarded and immature he was being about the whole thing and now when we see eachother every 2 months or so at various shows/parties, we spend a lot of time together just having fun. But we know that we will never be calling eachother up to go hang out or some shit. That time has passed.

[Teh]

Its possible that you will.

If that does ever happen, just know to keep it casual and things probably will never be the same, but you can still have a good time together.

The guy who introduced me to my wife (a really really good friend of mine at the time) and I had been on the outs for about 3 1/2 to 4 years after my wife and I started dating. We had fist fights, burned possessions, threats, all sorts of stuff. But as time went on, I think he realized how retarded and immature he was being about the whole thing and now when we see eachother every 2 months or so at various shows/parties, we spend a lot of time together just having fun. But we know that we will never be calling eachother up to go hang out or some shit. That time has passed.

That's what i see happening to be honest. beyond tomorrow i dont intend on making as much effort as i did before.

thanks for the replies all.

[Teh]

i actually felt better about the whole the til i saw her today, and she is stunning


rararar i fucking hate life