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HotAndWet
10-05-2006, 04:11 PM
Quality shit only, NO DANE COOK ALLOWED!


I find that ducks' opinions of me are very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. Ducks love bread, but they do not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on a duck ever. Like, if I worked in a convenience store, and a duck walked in and took a loaf of bread in its beak, I would let him go. I would say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends." When I think of a duck's friends, I think of more ducks. But heck, he could have like, a beaver in tow. Cause if you're an animal, you want to have a beaver as a friend, cause they have some kick-ass houses. That shit is on the lake. Lakeside my ass, lake on!
Freebasser
10-05-2006, 04:15 PM
That really was quality shit.

Really.
The Notorious LOL
10-05-2006, 04:16 PM
Laci Peterson LOL
HotAndWet
10-05-2006, 04:25 PM
That really was quality shit.

Really.


:mad: :o
befsquire
10-05-2006, 11:14 PM
he should have to change his last name to COCK. i loathe him. he sucks so hard.
TOY
10-05-2006, 11:17 PM
That cloud looks like Aerosmith...
mikizee
10-06-2006, 05:39 AM
everytime you see a brother in a wheelchair he aint always a cripple!
chrisd
10-06-2006, 04:23 PM
father (forgot the name) walked around in a black robe with a black beard and black shoes - for years i thought he was an italian widow

- woody allen
yeahwho
10-06-2006, 05:07 PM
Mitch Hedberg is one of the best,

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

I got to write these jokes. So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.
Jitters
10-06-2006, 05:43 PM
From checkers I learned that a king is a guy with a guy that looks exactly like him directly on top of him. But life has told me that that is a queen.

I saw a get well soon card, I said **** that, get well now!

-Demetri Martin
Jitters
10-06-2006, 05:50 PM
That cloud looks like Aerosmith...

That joke sounds familar, what comedian tells it?
Mr Films
10-06-2006, 06:15 PM
"I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."