Throwing myself a pity party

[ms.peachy]

As many of you know, I've been in the US with the baby since late August. In theory I came over to help out my mom while she was having chemo, and to take care of my 13 yer old nephwe who has Asperger's, and my sister who is disabled (since they both lived with my mom). But then my mom passed away in early September. So I'm still here, working out a long-term plan for the ongoing care of my sister and my nephew. Which is slowly coming together, but I do mean slowly.

Here's the thing: I was supposed to be leaving today for California, because my other sister is getting married on Saturday. Mr.peachy was going to fly in from England and meet me in LA, and we were going to go to the weddinng and spend the week in Cali, going to the wedding and driving up to San Francisco and stuff.

But because my mom died, mr.p had to fly in in Sept for the funeral. Plus since my mom had no insurance or anything, there's no money here and so I've had to foot the bill for everything (groceries, gas, etc) since I arrived so it's been costing me a load of money. Which means we can't afford another international plane ticket, which means mr.p can't come to the US, which means I can't meet him in LA with the baby and go to the wedding. Plus there is also the matter of, if I went to California, who would be here to look after my sister and my nephew.

So, bottom line is, I'm trapped here for god only knows how much longer, and I'm going to miss my little sister's wedding, and I really miss my husband, and this whole thing sucks donkey balls.

I really do try hard to look for the sliver lining to this black cloud, and I know it's darkest before the dawn and all that crap, but yeah I think I'm just going to wallow in feeling sorry for myself today, because I can't really think of a good reason not to.

[Tone Capone]

You are a good family member for taking care of business the way you are.

[ms.peachy]

Hooray for me.

[hellojello]

That's hardly a pity party ms peachy by the sounds of what I just read you're more alturistic than harold from neighbours. Pity parties to me are like oh woe is me I spent all my money on my big weekend and now I have no food. Help.

I"m really sorry to hear about your Mum.
I hope that many good things happen to you for all the good you've done for the family.
Goodluck and I'm sorry you have to miss the wedding but I"m sure your sister understands I guess its harder even missing your husband just think of that old expression 'absence makes the heart grow stronger'.
take care of yourself, remember that's just as important as everything else.

[tracky]

oh shit :( sorry to hear about all that :( I really do admire you, most people would probably throw their hands in the air and go fuck it! not my problem! It really does make the "shit" i deal with seem like a piece of chocolate cake. I hope things come together for you soon.

[venusvenus123]

oh shit :( sorry to hear about all that :( I really do admire you, most people would probably throw their hands in the air and go fuck it! not my problem! It really does make the "shit" i deal with seem like a piece of chocolate cake. I hope things come together for you soon.
would you throw your hands up and say that if it was your sister or brother????:confused:

you're doing great peachy and i'm really sorry to hear that you have to miss out on the wedding. seems a little unfair that you have to bear the brunt of this situation. perhaps your sis could give you a break at some point??:(

*hugs*

[tracky]

I honestly don't know. If I was put in the situation I have no idea how I would handle it

[zorra_chiflada]

i really admire how well you're coping with this. with my situation i have often caught myself pretending it isn't happening, it isn't my family, it isn't a major problem. that makes it easier to deal with, but it's the wrong way to do it. i wish i had the strength that you have.

[yeahwho]

Hey ms. peachy, heres a message from Ringo, It Don't Come Easy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW8sFJ_jQmY)

Much speed for your families happiness. Meanwhile pity party away(y)

[Loppfessor]

Awww Peachy it's okay to wallow in self pity for a while. It sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate right now. You are doing a really great thing though and even though you feel like poop you're making life easier on a lot of other people. I know that may not feel like much but I'm sure it means the world to all the people you're helping.


p.s. I'm sorry to hear about your mom

[Kid Presentable]

Fuck, peachy. That's harsh.

[monkey]

im proud of you. i know that doesnt mean anything, but i know i cant be the only one. there's countless people who couldnt be nearly as selfless during their life and you've done all of this and it seems like the world is still giving you the middle finger. but you're like a role model for me right now. i wish to one day be able to be strong enough to do things like you have.

[na§tee]

:( i've passed on my thoughts before, and they still remain. big love.

question; why doesn't your sister (the one that's getting married) help out? it does seem a very cruel and unfair situation to just have you taking all the responsibility right now.

i hope your situation will resolve itself somehow, someway. so you can have a lovely christmas with your baybee and husband. and don't be silly, it's not "pity", you're just recognising that your situation is shitty and regrettable and heartbreaking. and it sounds like all of those things.

nice thoughts >>>>> to you.

[paul jones]

wishing you some good news Kel(y) :)

[abcdefz]

That's a really rough situation for you to be in. Not just for any one person, but any one person who's also got her own newborn to care for AND precious little support system in a non-native country.

Maybe you'll be able to look back on this and see how strong you are. I hope so.

Whatever support this board gives you -- hopefully it can get cranked up a notch. Please let us know when you need these parties and we'll bring streamers and stuff. :o

Cheers!

[QueenAdrock]

Definitely doesn't sound like a pity party. It sounds like you're super-stressed and things just haven't been working out, and one day of feeling bad is completely acceptable. You've been doing an awesome job and you obviously love and care about your family very deeply. You should be proud of how much you've done for others.

[ms.peachy]

T
Oh! You prolly have a noticeable English accent here which makes you instantly smarter and sexier than everyone that is around you. Escpecially in New Jersey.

Actually... I'm in rural Michigan. So yeah, I'm pretty fucking exotic here, lemme tell ya.

[kll]

Actually... I'm in rural Michigan. So yeah, I'm pretty fucking exotic here, lemme tell ya.

you should go play with scary squirrel. he's having a big party at his place, i hear...

p.s. where in cali is she getting married?

[ms.peachy]

question; why doesn't your sister (the one that's getting married) help out? it does seem a very cruel and unfair situation to just have you taking all the responsibility right now.


Well it's important to realise, my mom was only diagnosed in June and my sister had been planning this wedding since last year, you know? One of the original goals in my coming here was to help my mom try and be well enough to make it to the wedding. OK, so that didn't quite work out. But it's not like my sister could then just decide to cancel or postpone her wedding without there being some serious financial consequences.

The fact is, my sister is a great person who totally, absolutely deserves to marry the man she loves as she had planned to and to have really wonderful day. I wouldn't dream of trying to make her feel bad or guilty for having that. I hope she and everyone else there has a fantastic time. I am just sad for myself that I will not get to see her in her dress, eat some cake, and dance the Chicken Dance and all that stuff. But I want everyone else to have fun and for her to have her special day.

It's only really bad for just me right now. The fact is, my disabled sister and my nephew are going to need to be dealt with for the rest of their/our lives. I just happen to be handling the really imminent stuff, stepping into the void between "how things were" and "how things are going to be", if that makes sense. So my sister and my dad are a part of all of this long term as well, it's just that I'm the only one who can really step in and be here for this time.

[Loppfessor]

Wow Peachy...I really just want to give you a big hug....but in a non-sexual way

[ms.peachy]

p.s. where in cali is she getting married?
At the Firestone Vineyard in Los Olivos, which I gather is near Santa Barbara. I understand it's a really beautiful place.:(

[ms.peachy]

i really admire how well you're coping with this.
Thanks. But you know, if I didn't have the baby, I'd be drunk pretty much most of the time, I'm sure.

[kll]

At the Firestone Vineyard in Los Olivos, which I gather is near Santa Barbara. I understand it's a really beautiful place.:(


:( yes, it is. :( :( no way to get temp care for the weekend? or is that too costly also?

[kll]

*big sheltering hugs*


that's the weirdest thing i've ever read

[ms.peachy]

:( yes, it is. :( :( no way to get temp care for the weekend? or is that too costly also?
I thought about trying to work it out. But the logistics of me trying to get to the airport in Chicago, fly out to LA, rent a car and then drive to Santa Barbara for the weekend - and then reverse that to do it back- well, if I didn't have a 5 month old it might be expensive but possible, but with the baby, it's just not a workable plan.

[kll]

I thought about trying to work it out. But the logistics of me trying to get to the airport in Chicago, fly out to LA, rent a car and then drive to Santa Barbara for the weekend - and then reverse that to do it back- well, if I didn't have a 5 month old it might be expensive but possible, but with the baby, it's just not a workable plan.

well, technically, it's near san luis obispo/paso robles, i think, which is probably closer to san francisco than l.a. (or smack dab in the middle), so driving from l.a. would've been bad anyways... i just saved you some time should a hair get up your ass... *prays i am remembering correctly*

[ms.peachy]

I hope everything gets better for you. Damn.

*big sheltering hugs*
Thanks. I haven't even given you guys some of the really gory details. Like, the fact that my mom's husband has this giant evil white bird - a cockatoo I think it's called - that randomly screeches repeatedly at a thoroughly deafening volume several times a day, usually about 5 minutes after I've put the baby down for a nap. Or the fact that the well here isn't dug deeply enough, and so because this is a farming area, gets fertilizer and pesticide runoff and so all the water that comes out of the taps smells like sulphur, even though it's "treated".

[DandyFop]

Egads...there's many things I want to say to you...

Blah! I keep typing out this long thing about my mom and caring for her siblings but I can't seem to get around to the point I'm trying to make.

As far as a silver lining goes, all I can say is that you are so lucky to have a beautiful healty baby and a husband who you love...and even though your daughter is very young, by doing this you are showing her that sometimes you gotta suck it up and do what needs to be done. It might be hard but you'd always regret not helping out when needed...

That being said, shove off for a weekend and go to the damn wedding! There has to be somebody who can take over things for two days...I'm guessing it's out of the question that they come to the wedding as well?

[kll]

It's a supportive term that I learned in a one of many different twelve step programs that I have attended.

does it mean you become hunchbacked and pretend to scoop up the distressed friend?

[marsdaddy]

Sorry to hear about your mom and the situation thrust on you, peachy. You party away, pity-style.

When you're ready, remember you will pass along these lessons to your little one and make sure she is not "stuck" caring for her family when the time comes. Put a plan in place. Yay for you, indeed!

[na§tee]

Well it's important to realise, my mom was only diagnosed in June and my sister had been planning this wedding since last year, you know? One of the original goals in my coming here was to help my mom try and be well enough to make it to the wedding. OK, so that didn't quite work out. But it's not like my sister could then just decide to cancel or postpone her wedding without there being some serious financial consequences.

The fact is, my sister is a great person who totally, absolutely deserves to marry the man she loves as she had planned to and to have really wonderful day. I wouldn't dream of trying to make her feel bad or guilty for having that. I hope she and everyone else there has a fantastic time. I am just sad for myself that I will not get to see her in her dress, eat some cake, and dance the Chicken Dance and all that stuff. But I want everyone else to have fun and for her to have her special day.

It's only really bad for just me right now. The fact is, my disabled sister and my nephew are going to need to be dealt with for the rest of their/our lives. I just happen to be handling the really imminent stuff, stepping into the void between "how things were" and "how things are going to be", if that makes sense. So my sister and my dad are a part of all of this long term as well, it's just that I'm the only one who can really step in and be here for this time.
i wasn't saying that she shouldn't have a wedding! of course she should.
i was just asking where is she in the whole caring for your other sister thing? but it seems you've nominated yourself to take the full responsibility.

[Daisy]

I know that there are various state programs that might be able to offer you some assistance. I don't KNOW but I would think. It takes a very special person to be caring for children and family while being away from your family.

Maybe after your sister is married she can help with the other issues. It is a drag about not being able to get to her wedding though. That really blows.

[Waus]

That sounds really tough, peachy.


Roughly where are you in Michigan? I come from somewhere near Ann Arbor.