I feel kind of humilated now, and like a sap

[hellojello]

Because my ex broke up with me and well I was a pretty big mess for a few weeks (happened over a month ago) and I spent a lot of time draining my friends crying and bitching and moaning to them about the whole thing, and now, well I got quite a sincere apology and we met up today to talk and he wanted to get back together, but well I wouldn't do that but we did agree to be friends again. And I let him kiss me. So yeah now Im not sure what to do because at first I was really upset about it but then I was just angry and said a lot of things to my friends and family like 'he's gone and i'm glad to see the back of him, fucking ****'.
How do I deal with this? How do other people deal with it if they're been in the situation? Because I feel a little like I've used all my friends making them support me through all this and now well you know I've kind of let him back in my life when everyone said I should just forget about him and move on because he did treat me really badly.
But as much as I know this I can't just switch off my feelings. I still have a lot of love for him.
How do friends react?
I guess I know that my real friends aren't going to judge me for it but I still feel really awkward about the whole thing and don't know how to tell them the current status...... I guess my real feeling is that most of them won't really care as long as I'm happy it's just that I'm worried that if it turns sour again I won't have anyone to turn to because I kind of asked for it...
Advice? Help?

[Otis Driftwood]

HAVE YOU NO BALLS?

[hellojello]

No actually I dont.
Thanks for your help man, that was great advice there.
I can see you're one of those people that doesn't actually have any emotion or feelings because if you did you'd know that sometimes its hard to ignore them despite what your heads saying.
Now get out of my thread unless you actually have something useful to say before I kick you in your fucking miniscule testies.

[Otis Driftwood]

That got your spirits up! (y)
If he treated you badly, as you said, there is no alternative to a short term serving of heart ache for you. Your friends, if they are real friends will not have as much of a problem with a reunification as you will sooner or later. They are not running your affairs for you, and well, they know you're no robot. And it's not like really much happened now. Don't rush anything.

[Loppfessor]

I was all about it until you said he treated you badly....can you elaborate on that before I can give any useful advice...

[hellojello]

That got your spirits up! (y)
If he treated you badly, as you said, there is no alternative to a short term serving of heart ache for you. Your friends, if they are real friends will not have as much of a problem with a reunification as you will sooner or later. They are not running your affairs for you, and well, they know you're no robot. And it's not like really much happened now. Don't rush anything.
But people can change right? I think people can change I think that we've made a breakthrough he admitted a lot of stuff to me that he was in denial about for a long time.... I guess I'm just trying to be optimistic we can work through the issues we had.
Thanks for the support. And you're right, I'm not rushing anything he wanted to get back together and I"m like 'everything can't just go back to normal after everything that happened - lets just be friends again and go from there'
But yeah then i fucked up and let him kiss me.
I dont really kiss my other friends like that.

[Otis Driftwood]

But people can change right? I think people can change I think that we've made a breakthrough he admitted a lot of stuff to me that he was in denial about for a long time.... I guess I'm just trying to be optimistic we can work through the issues we had.
The point is you must accept the fact that you cannot change that person. Neither can said person change you (much). The result would not be you (or him for that matter). If your relationship is worth getting back together then you should ask yourself if you want that, unchanged. You know what I mean?

[mikizee]

kick that loser to da kerb!

lose the zero, and get yo self a hero!!

just kidding. sounds like he's started to feel guilty about being a jerk. he doesnt feel bad for you, he's just doing it to cover his own conscience. and sounds like he hasnt gotten a root like he thought he would have since then. his plans have fallen thru, so he's using u for backup. dont fall for it. i have one rule i try to follow in life, NEVER go back. dont fuck him right off, but just make a concerted effort to see him less and less and take him completely out of your life gradually. in the long run, you will be happier.

[hellojello]

I was all about it until you said he treated you badly....can you elaborate on that before I can give any useful advice...
Well mostly it was just the way he turned into a complete asshole after he left he wasn't like violent or anything it was just over money and stuff....he called me selfish and a control freak and all these other nice names just because I asked for the money he owed for his share of rent and bills and shit... and anyways after he left he kept being one minute 'I still love you' and the next minute he was blaming me for everything in the relationsihp that went wrong and didn't take responsibility for his role in anything and the fact that we both had issues not just ME.
Anyways he's admitted he was wrong about all that and he was blaming me for everything and being selfish and lying about stuff that happened to himself like convincing himself it was my fault when it really wasn't...anyways probably enough sordid details, whatever , does that enlighten u enough?

[hellojello]

The point is you must accept the fact that you cannot change that person. Neither can said person change you (much). The result would not be you (or him for that matter). If your relationship is worth getting back together then you should ask yourself if you want that, unchanged. You know what I mean?
Yeah but what if we both realise regardless of who we're with there's things we need to change about ourselves, no bodies perfect right? It's not like we're trying to change each other into people we're not it's more about how we relate to each other within our relationship.

[mikizee]

Well mostly it was just the way he turned into a complete asshole after he left he wasn't like violent or anything it was just over money and stuff....he called me selfish and a control freak and all these other nice names just because I asked for the money he owed for his share of rent and bills and shit... and anyways after he left he kept being one minute 'I still love you' and the next minute he was blaming me for everything in the relationsihp that went wrong and didn't take responsibility for his role in anything and the fact that we both had issues not just ME.
Anyways he's admitted he was wrong about all that and he was blaming me for everything and being selfish and lying about stuff that happened to himself like convincing himself it was my fault when it really wasn't...anyways probably enough sordid details, whatever , does that enlighten u enough?

the key to remember here is that him, like all guys (including myself) tell our partners that we have seen the light and we will change. and for a bit we really think we will try this time, but IT NEVER HAPPENS. i am very guilty of this. he will do it again.

[hellojello]

kick that loser to da kerb!

lose the zero, and get yo self a hero!!

just kidding. sounds like he's started to feel guilty about being a jerk. he doesnt feel bad for you, he's just doing it to cover his own conscience. and sounds like he hasnt gotten a root like he thought he would have since then. his plans have fallen thru, so he's using u for backup. dont fall for it. i have one rule i try to follow in life, NEVER go back. dont fuck him right off, but just make a concerted effort to see him less and less and take him completely out of your life gradually. in the long run, you will be happier.
Man that's pretty bitter, but I can see what you're saying cause you're not the first to have said such things... I guess I'm just trying to hold onto what I thought we had.... maybe its gone maybe it hasn't...that's why I'm not rushing into anything we ARE just friends at this point and there's no way i'm living with him again at least not for a long fucking time yet. But yeah like I said as much as I'd like to go, yeah i need to find someone better blah blah blah I've actually been asked out 3 times (sorry to sound like I'm bragging cause I'm really not - getting asked out 3 times within the space of whta 6 weeks - that's actually rare for me I think fates been trying to tell me something cause I was havin such a bad run of things and being so down on myself and life and that) since he broke up with me but Im totally not interested in anyone else but him.
I sux :(

[Otis Driftwood]

...that's why I'm not rushing into anything we ARE just friends at this point and there's no way i'm living with him again at least not for a long fucking time yet.
You're slippin. The CERB is too good for the bastich!

[hellojello]

the key to remember here is that him, like all guys (including myself) tell our partners that we have seen the light and we will change. and for a bit we really think we will try this time, but IT NEVER HAPPENS. i am very guilty of this. he will do it again.
I can't accept that people can't and or won't change.

[Loppfessor]

Well mostly it was just the way he turned into a complete asshole after he left he wasn't like violent or anything it was just over money and stuff....he called me selfish and a control freak and all these other nice names just because I asked for the money he owed for his share of rent and bills and shit... and anyways after he left he kept being one minute 'I still love you' and the next minute he was blaming me for everything in the relationsihp that went wrong and didn't take responsibility for his role in anything and the fact that we both had issues not just ME.
Anyways he's admitted he was wrong about all that and he was blaming me for everything and being selfish and lying about stuff that happened to himself like convincing himself it was my fault when it really wasn't...anyways probably enough sordid details, whatever , does that enlighten u enough?

Sounds like a pretty standard break up. People always do/say mean things when they are conflicted and confused. It sounds like maybe he just got in over his head and freaked out. Maybe some of the little things he didn't like about you became big things cus they weren't addressed. People don't necessarily change but they can learn and grow. If you guys are serious I would recommend taking it very slow and perhaps look into getting some couples counseling.

[mikizee]

reminds me of that saying,

guys get with girls hoping that they never change and they do,
and girls get with guys hoping that they will change and they dont.

[hellojello]

This threads making me sad :(
I was wondering about how to tell my friends and how they'd react and now its turned into why are u with this guy?? which is completely fair enough and I dont mind cause sometimes you just gotta hear the cold harsh words of reality..
it's just i dont know... i love him

But yeah what you said Lopp is totally true I do think a lot of the things he let fester inside of him when he should have just said something at the time and be done with it...anyways whater you're right... I am going to take it really slow I dont think at this stage we need couples counselling cause well we're not a couple but yeah definately in the future if it gets serious again it might be something we need to consider.
I just feel like we need to start all over, like clear the slate clean and begin again, because so many things went wrong... it would have been hard for any relationship to withstand...
But is that a realistical ideal of mine? Can you really just wipe the slate clean and start over? Ex said today that if we got back together it would just end up being how it was, and I completely agreed... and it was not a healthy relationship..but at the same time he was saying he still wanted to be with me (fucking head fuck) but yeah I was the one that said we need to start over and be friends again and then go from there if it works out and hopefully try and get it right this time.
Am I just being nieve?

[hellojello]

reminds me of that saying,

guys get with girls hoping that they never change and they do,
and girls get with guys hoping that they will change and they dont.
I haven't heard that but it does seem to be a lot of truth to it.
However, when I got with him I never hoped he would change because well I didn't think he needed to...although there was things he wanted to change about me, which I guess should have been a warning sign but it wasn't like big things just like 'you shouldn't smoke its bad for you' and 'im like yeah i know i want to quit but dont make me quit cause i'll end up resenting u for it' but yeah.. i guess he should have just took me as I was or not at all (regardless i never did quit smoking) but as turns out there's both things that we need to change, dont get me wrong I'm not trying to make out he was the whole problem here because it was both of us ... that made it difficult for our relationship to work.

[mikizee]

yes. im sorry, i know exactly how u feel as i have been in the exact same situation, but u need to be told these things.

in the end, it. will. not. work.

[Loppfessor]

^ How long were you together? How long have you been broken up? These are both key factors. The truth is you can never get a "clean slate" and start over. Your past will always be a part of you two. You can just choose to learn from it and build off of the good stuff or let it continue to ruin things.

[hitmonlee]

if your friends are anything like my friends, they'll be there for you for the second break up (if it happens). not a third time though.

i'd give my friends the same chance, and same to anything really.

no clue on whether he'll change or not, i don't know the guy. i believe people can change though.

[paul jones]

Because my ex broke up with me and well I was a pretty big mess for a few weeks (happened over a month ago) and I spent a lot of time draining my friends crying and bitching and moaning to them about the whole thing, and now, well I got quite a sincere apology and we met up today to talk and he wanted to get back together, but well I wouldn't do that but we did agree to be friends again. And I let him kiss me. So yeah now Im not sure what to do because at first I was really upset about it but then I was just angry and said a lot of things to my friends and family like 'he's gone and i'm glad to see the back of him, fucking ****'.
How do I deal with this? How do other people deal with it if they're been in the situation? Because I feel a little like I've used all my friends making them support me through all this and now well you know I've kind of let him back in my life when everyone said I should just forget about him and move on because he did treat me really badly.
But as much as I know this I can't just switch off my feelings. I still have a lot of love for him.
How do friends react?
I guess I know that my real friends aren't going to judge me for it but I still feel really awkward about the whole thing and don't know how to tell them the current status...... I guess my real feeling is that most of them won't really care as long as I'm happy it's just that I'm worried that if it turns sour again I won't have anyone to turn to because I kind of asked for it...
Advice? Help?

get the Rocky anthology on DVD,just like me.

I'm on Rocky3 right now(y)

[kate]

your family is probably gonna tell you you're fucking stupid. because really you are. why the hell did you bother with a break up if you guys are just gonna be together again in the end? anyway, your family will probably never like him again and they won't like you for being around him. my mom always tells me "you can't change a man unless he's in diapers."

your friends will probably tell you you're stupid too. they'll be a lot more accepting of him and the two of you though, but when you and him fight again or if you ditch them one night for him, they won't hesitate to tell you how much of an asshole he was and remind you of why you broke up in the first place etc etc.

so with all that taken into consideration, if you just stay friends, i'd hide that from the parents for a pretty long time, but your friends should know right away so they can maybe hang out with the two of you and keep his jerkdom in check. if you end up taking the get back together route, i'd hide it from everyone until it becomes pretty serious.

[skra75]

your family is probably gonna tell you you're fucking stupid. because really you are. why the hell did you bother with a break up if you guys are just gonna be together again in the end? anyway, your family will probably never like him again and they won't like you for being around him. my mom always tells me "you can't change a man unless he's in diapers."

your friends will probably tell you you're stupid too. they'll be a lot more accepting of him and the two of you though, but when you and him fight again or if you ditch them one night for him, they won't hesitate to tell you how much of an asshole he was and remind you of why you broke up in the first place etc etc.

so with all that taken into consideration, if you just stay friends, i'd hide that from the parents for a pretty long time, but your friends should know right away so they can maybe hang out with the two of you and keep his jerkdom in check. if you end up taking the get back together route, i'd hide it from everyone until it becomes pretty serious.


ahhahahahahhahahaha!
yeah you're prolonging the inevitable. This relationship is gonna go up in flames like a 30-day old Xmas tree.

[hellojello]

your family is probably gonna tell you you're fucking stupid. because really you are. why the hell did you bother with a break up if you guys are just gonna be together again in the end? anyway, your family will probably never like him again and they won't like you for being around him. my mom always tells me "you can't change a man unless he's in diapers."

your friends will probably tell you you're stupid too. they'll be a lot more accepting of him and the two of you though, but when you and him fight again or if you ditch them one night for him, they won't hesitate to tell you how much of an asshole he was and remind you of why you broke up in the first place etc etc.

so with all that taken into consideration, if you just stay friends, i'd hide that from the parents for a pretty long time, but your friends should know right away so they can maybe hang out with the two of you and keep his jerkdom in check. if you end up taking the get back together route, i'd hide it from everyone until it becomes pretty serious.
man the cold harsh words of reality.
Really hurt. But I do understand where you're coming from though I should clarify a few things
..Ror a start I didn't break up with him it was the other way round, so I guess you could ask him that...
You're right about my family, however not about my friends, they've been in the same situation before and know how hard it can be. But yeah I will probably tell my family we're going to be friends because I guess they don't know the full details and if they did they'd say all that shit but since they dont well they'll just say 'whatever makes you happy'. And they'd be hypercrits anyways trying to tell me I shouldn't be with him considering how dysfunctional my family is. heh
which is probably half the problem with me now...

Still I've already decided to myself that if it does fuck up again Im not going to whinge and bitch or cry to anyone because I have some dignity. Despite everything.


Lopp we were together 6 months... however we lived together nearly that whole time bcause well I decided to help him out because he was having problems where he was living and Im just too nice...
We've been broken up six weeks.

I guess I'm still optimistic that things can change despite what everyone says, my best friend was with a guy for about 2 years, they broke up for about 18 months, and now've they've been together again another 2 years. They're pretty happy.

Only time will tell.

Oh and I dont have the rocky trilogy I'm not sure it's worth me buying but I might try and hire it out thanks PJ (Y)
Power Rangers is on tv right now though.
They made a new series.
Who would have thought.

[paul jones]

Rocky Anthology(y)

[hellojello]

But that's a LOT of movies. Isn't only the first 3 worth watching? I'm not sure I"ve ever seen any of them to be honest.

And now I have Foriegner stuck in my head
(y)
I'm going to have to find the song so I can get it out.

[kate]

my god you were only together 6 months.

[hellojello]

yeah but when you're with someone every day of that it's almost like 2 years of a normal relationship.
Anyways whatever I can't just turn off my feelings I wish I could but I cant.

[Kid Presentable]

You're quite a formidable, smart chick. So this really comes as a surprise to me.

Just stay alone. You already know the answer anyway. Good luck, though.(y)

[ms.peachy]

Lopp we were together 6 months... however we lived together nearly that whole time bcause well I decided to help him out because he was having problems where he was living and Im just too nice...
We've been broken up six weeks.


OK hmm... not to be overly cynical, but, one could look at this and think that here was a guy who found a sucker to take him in and look after him, and now that he's been turfed out he's realised 'hey, I had a pretty sweet deal back there' and worked out that in order to get back into his former state of looked-afterness all he has to do is say "Oh sweetie baby honey I'm so sorry, I never should have done you so bad but I'm a changed man, I have seen the error of my ways, please please take me back".

You wouldn't be the first woman to fall for this kind of crap.

Just sayin'. I don't know the guy. But you see this kinda shit on Judge Judy all the time, man.

[Loppfessor]

Dude just do what makes you happy...it's your life to live and your mistakes to make. If you don't at least take a shot at being happy then what is the point? If people have a problem with it then fuck em...

[guerillaGardner]

I think if there was a show of hands (or BBMB equivalent) on this board then I think that there would be more than a few who have gone through what you've went through and maybe felt a bit daft because they couldn't keep a lid on it.

No-one is immune. Splitting up with someone is a kind of mourning. What's the difference between a break-up and a bereavement? Not much, except somehow it's okay to outwardly mourn a bereavement but not the loss of a loved one through any other means. It's all loss of someone you love whatever way you look at it.

[hellojello]

gawd u had to drag this thread right back up the top didn't you.
I got the gist of what everyone things.
Like it wasn't obvious enough I already felt humilated.
Anyways. Whatever, I'm still going to try this friends thing and see what happens.
whatever happens happens.
Ms_Peachy you do have a point. I've seen it on judge judy myself. But the thing is he doesn't actually owe me money, he did chuck a tanty when I asked for it but he has paid the $700 or so he owes me.
But yeah fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I get it.
Thanks for the advice guys. I will let you know how it goes.
Actually I probably wont.
heh.

[camo]

Because my ex broke up with me and well I was a pretty big mess for a few weeks (happened over a month ago) and I spent a lot of time draining my friends crying and bitching and moaning to them about the whole thing, and now, well I got quite a sincere apology and we met up today to talk and he wanted to get back together, but well I wouldn't do that but we did agree to be friends again. And I let him kiss me. So yeah now Im not sure what to do because at first I was really upset about it but then I was just angry and said a lot of things to my friends and family like 'he's gone and i'm glad to see the back of him, fucking ****'.
How do I deal with this? How do other people deal with it if they're been in the situation? Because I feel a little like I've used all my friends making them support me through all this and now well you know I've kind of let him back in my life when everyone said I should just forget about him and move on because he did treat me really badly.
But as much as I know this I can't just switch off my feelings. I still have a lot of love for him.
How do friends react?
I guess I know that my real friends aren't going to judge me for it but I still feel really awkward about the whole thing and don't know how to tell them the current status...... I guess my real feeling is that most of them won't really care as long as I'm happy it's just that I'm worried that if it turns sour again I won't have anyone to turn to because I kind of asked for it...
Advice? Help?


me too, I broke up with my girl in june (her decision), totally sent me to a weird place. I'm still sorta there so i'm not gonna go into detail. I've had the same thing with my mates. They all seemed to support me for a while and then I assume that they just got bored dealing with my (obsessive?) issues and seemed to keep a bit of distance for a bit. They were always too busy to do stuff with me and I can now see why.
Don't know about you but i'm not gonna mention it to my mates again, well until they ask me, I think I should let them know that thet aren't my freebie shrinks or emotional punchbags. I totally blasted off about her to my friends even the ones that we share, which probably wasn't the best thing to do but anyone who's been in the situation will know for sure that I (and you) only meant it in a self medicating fashion. Besides it's good to let of a bit of steam and frustration over the ex ;)

[beastieangel01]

although it sounds like you've already decided what to do... I say stay away from him. I went through something that was very similar (one situation of many during my past relationship) to what you described and almost four years went by and only now did I finally close the door on that part of my life.

He needs to grow up. Let him go, let him grow up. It's better for both of you.