One of my best pals is in a pretty shitty predicament

[ericlee]

and he brought it up himself. There's nobody to blame but him for being so damn stupid for a year and a half of not working because he's from the small town that I grew up in and there's really no jobs.

He's got 4 kids, one of them was born just a couple months ago and is living with him but, the other 3 are from his ex-girlfriends and he hasn't paid child support on them at all which has lead to 14 felonies.

It's not like he's a dead beat dad or anything because he takes care of the 3 kids, meaning spending time with them on the weekends and such. Only problem is, one of the moms of his kids, the one that has 2 kids of his left him on bad terms and is out to screw him any chance she can.

Anyway, she's been filing everytime that he's missed child support payments. He's got some dui's as well and he's facing a court hearing in Dec. for the total of 15 felonies.

He just started working 3 months ago at a very decent job making over 13 an hour which is excellent living for the small town he lives in.

I dunno. I'm fucking worried about him. He's paid a little bit of child support but mainly, he's trying to get back on his feet since he's been so long out of a job. He dug his grave but now he's really trying to improve himself but the whole court hearing he has to go to with all of those damn felonies is a tough situation.

[kaiser soze]

Well this sucks but I don't feel sorry for him, he's an adult and a father of many children he should have owned up to that responsibility, that's why there are laws set in place for these kind of situations.

Looks like the kids are in a shittier predicament, not only will they suffer without the support, but they lack a really loving, totally helpful, completely compassionate and dedicated kickass daddy.

I feel sorry for the kids for having a father who won't take care of himself and his children

sorry..my dad was a deadbeat too, no sympathy here

(n)

[ericlee]

Believe me, I grew up without a pops and I've got no real symphony for him either. Only thing is, my pops went to Vietnam and came back missing bolts in the mind. It wasn't his fault.

My pal should have at least gotten a minimum wage job and paid something. There are ways to go about it.

All of my friends have been pointing the finger at him. He grew up with us so, you've gotta think about it like that. He's like a brother and where we come from, friendship is blood which makes it hard.

[Ason Unique]

The worst thing is feeling like you can see the solutions, and having no way of communicating them.

[monkey]

first of all, he's got 4 kids. couldnt he wear condoms?

second, if he really is TRYING to be better, there shouldnt be much to worry about. if he's really genuine, things have a way of working for the best.

[kaiser soze]

yeah I know, there's always a trouble child in the crew (we have one too)

this is the hand he has dealt, I'm sure he had the opportunity to get a job and pay up the best he could

15 felonies? dui?

has he formulated anything resembling at least a letter of the word clue? :confused:

[Ason Unique]

has he formulated anything resembling at least a letter of the word clue? :confused:
There's a 'u' in 'DUI'.

[ericlee]

I'm just thinking about it like this. He goes to prison for all of his felonies then how is he going to pay for his kids?

[kaiser soze]

don't know the answer to that...maybe bef would know of some possibilities

back when he had the chance, he should've placed his kids in one hand and his potential indiscretions in the other and decided which ones to toss over his shoulder

[tracky]

i feel sorry for pretty much everyone involved. no one sets out to be mean or bad.

A wise man once said "there is no such thing as bad people, just good people doing bad things" or something like that. It struck me as being true.

[DandyFop]

Tell him to keep his dick in his pants.

[ericlee]

Tell him to keep his dick in his pants.

Believe me, we tell him all the time.

He just needs to get his ass in gear and stop being so damn stupid. He's a real good guy, it may not seem like it but he really is. He's great with his kids and loves them. It's just that he's too damn lazy.

He was going to join the army with me back then by using the buddy system but he chickened out. If he would have joined and done only 3 years with an honorable discharge, things would have been so much better for him and he could have more job opportunities.

[Documad]

You are saying that you understand that he's done wrong, but you're also saying some funny things that indicate that you don't get it (in my opinion).

I don't know what you think a deadbeat dad is. Your friend is the very definition of a deadbeat dad. A guy who makes babies he can't pay to support is a deadbeat dad. It doesn't matter whether he loves his kids or spends time with them or even buys them things now and then, he's a deadbeat if he doesn't get a job, hold a job, and pay for their food, clothes, school, etc.

It sounds like he's had kids with 3 different women? WTF. That's poor judgment no matter what, but it's criminal to do that if you're not going to hold a very good job and be prepared to hand over most of what you make to the moms of those kids.

You're blaming the woman who had two kids by him for going to court? I don't know where you live, but in probably every state in the US, the mom has to go to court if her kids aren't going to starve. Does this woman make a shitload of money? Because if she doesn't make enough to support her kids without your friend's help, then she goes to the county and asks for assistance in the form or foodstamps, money, or subsidized housing. Then me and my friends pay to support your friend's kids. If the county is doing its job right (and it sounds like it is in your friend's case), then it makes the mom ID the dad. The county then pays her, but stands in her shoes and tries to collect the child support he should have been paying so that the county gets reimbursed for what they're paying her on his behalf. The county takes many steps to collect the money from someone like your friend before they take it criminal. He has to have a long history as a deadbeat before he's facing jail.

I have a close friend whose job it is to put guys like your friend in jail. (It's probably the least glamorous job for a government attorney.) She works for one of the most aggressive counties in our state. Shes finds that most deadbeat dads don't volunteer to pay child support. She finds that most deadbeat dads have creative stories for why they can't hold a job (one guy quit his job to try and be a professional marathon runner in his 30s. :rolleyes: ). She finds that when she throws them in jail for 90 days or so, with a year or more hanging over their head, they tend to find jobs really quick. Sounds like your friend was similarly inspired to find a job all of a sudden now that his court date is looming. Sometimes the system works.

Your friend is unlikely to go to prison if he (1) stops committing other crimes like DUI; (2) keeps his job; and (3) pays his debts to the government and the moms. Because the government would rather have an otherwise non-criminal be employed and taking care of his kids financially.

It won't be fun. When you have four kids, you don't get to keep any of the money you make for yourself.

The dumbest person in this story is the woman who got pregant by him a year ago. She's at the end of the chain for ever getting money from him. And any woman who's dumb enough to breed with a deadbeat who's already failing to take care of his prior three kids is probably not going to be the best mom.

P.S. My best friend's brother married a woman who's just like your friend. She's had kids by 3 different guys, left them with the dads, and quit her job as soon as the dads tried to get support. I'm just as mad at deadbeat moms. They're just a lot more rare.

[The Notorious LOL]

deadbeat dads are lol


itd be cool to have a bunch of kids and get welfare to neglect the hell out of them. Thats my life goal.

[ericlee]

I know I've said he's not a deadbeat but I know for sure he is. It's just one of those things that I don't want to refer my best friends as being.

Believe me, all of my friends are pissed at him for not bothering to find a job for so long but, we all grew up together.

If he were somebody else, I'd surely love to see him go to jail and get what he deserves but it's a tough situation for me to witness since I've known him since we were kids.

I do get it, do you follow? Just think of your best friend facing some long prison sentence. I'm sure, even though you know they've done it for themself, you'd be thinking like I am.

[ericlee]

deadbeat dads are lol


itd be cool to have a bunch of kids and get welfare to neglect the hell out of them. Thats my life goal.

He didn't get welfare during the non working period. He's just that damn lazy that he's never applied for it.

Godamn, he's like the scum of the earth.

[ericlee]

You're blaming the woman who had two kids by him for going to court?

Of course she has the right for filing against him. Excuse me for saying that she's out to screw him like I did.

He has been paying for his kids once and a while by using borrowed money during his non working times.

I don't know where you live

I don't live where he lives and I haven't lived there in over 10 years now due to the fact that finding a decent job there is unheard of.

[Documad]

My brother got 3 DWIs and didn't think he had a drinking problem. There was nothing we could do to reach him.

The government sent him to a county facility for about a year and that's when he finally figured out that he had a problem. I knew my brother's probation officer (I worked in that court system for ages). My brother was a hard case. The probation officer told my brother to pretend to cooperate with treatment so that he wouldn't go to real prison. So my brother pretended. My brother said that in the third class of pretending, he decided that the classes had some relevance to him. :p

My brother's been sober for almost 20 years now. I'm so proud of him.

It's a shame, but sometimes it takes the threat of prison to make people change their behavior.

[The Notorious LOL]

^ same with my brother.


in and out of treatment since 16, tons of problems with alcohol. He almost got shot by a police officer last fall during an altercation. He went to jail for a month with the looming threat of a year in prison if he screwed up again.


Hes been sober for a few months, has an okay job serving at Perkins and hes finally inching towards turning himself around. Its really good to see.

[Documad]

Like I said, I worked in the system for years. I know many judges. No judge I know of would put a guy in prison long term if there's a chance in hell that he's going to keep a job and support his kids (unless he's committed other crimes).

You and your friends have to convince your friend that it's going to suck and he's going to be miserable for the next 18 years (till the new baby isn't his financial responsibility), but that his only hope of staying out of prison is to keep his job. He needs to remember that when he gets sick of it or hates his boss.

I have a close friend who went to prison for armed robbery to support a drug habit (he roomed with a murderer). It's very scary. It's also horrible for the parents.

[ericlee]

Worrying about him isn't hindering my working and taking care of my family.

I appreciate the word of advice but really, I know what it takes to be a good father and husband and of course I'm going to worry about the guy I grew up with.