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View Full Version : Things Hollywood has taught me

Freebasser
11-23-2006, 10:44 AM
Nobody ever locks their car/front door.
Police Chiefs are always black.
Dogs can survive explosions.
MC Moot
11-23-2006, 10:54 AM
Tires squeal on dirt roads....
Otis Driftwood
11-23-2006, 10:56 AM
If you don't explain your master plan for world domination, then ... ..no wait.
jackrock
11-23-2006, 10:58 AM
People speaking on the phone never introduce themselves, and never ever say "good-bye" at the end of a conversation.
Eight to ten-year-old kids are the best computer hackers on earth and can break into any system.
A character turns on the radio just in time to hear a special announcement or some important news item
you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS"
Lex Diamonds
11-23-2006, 10:59 AM
Gunshot wounds hurt for about 10 seconds, after which they just give you a slight limp and a brown stain on your shirt.
Otis Driftwood
11-23-2006, 11:04 AM
People speaking on the phone never introduce themselves, and never ever say "good-bye" at the end of a conversation.
"
Haha, my gf "told" me this as somehow it totally escaped me. My first reaction to this normally "No toilets" but this rule hass been disolving for a few years now.
camo
11-23-2006, 11:06 AM
noone ever takes a piss, or a shit for that matter. Unless it's some german porn film
Otis Driftwood
11-23-2006, 11:07 AM
Pulp Fiction and Clerks are two that come to mind
na§tee
11-23-2006, 11:09 AM
hollywood sex never involves condoms.
camo
11-23-2006, 11:10 AM
Pulp Fiction and Clerks are two that come to mind

Errrm good point proving?!?!?!
Otis Driftwood
11-23-2006, 11:11 AM
More money does not necessary equal better movie...
camo
11-23-2006, 11:15 AM
dinosaurs are real

white men can't jump

keanu reeves can't act

america won WII on they're own

people can't fly through glass windows unscathed

elephants can fly

forrest gump owns major shares in apple

austrians can easily pass themselves off as americans/russians

kevin costner has the worst ideas ever

sex doesn't have to be so sweaty

in space noone can hear your scream

water kills aliens
Documad
11-23-2006, 11:22 AM
If you don't explain your master plan for world domination, then ... ..no wait.
Roger Ebert wrote a little book on all the movie rules. He called one of them "the fallacy of the talking killer," because he always gives the hero time to escape while he's explaining how he did it. :)

I still have that little book and it appears to be out of print. :(
Dr Deaf
11-23-2006, 11:29 AM
airplanes that run out of fuel can still make awesome explosions when they crash, some how.
camo
11-23-2006, 11:38 AM
airplanes that run out of fuel can still make awesome explosions when they crash, some how.

good one
Ason Unique
11-23-2006, 12:08 PM
Weren't these all one of the first widely circulated e-mail 'jokes' back in 1996?
Freebasser
11-23-2006, 12:12 PM
I wouldn't know; I thought mine up myself.
Ason Unique
11-23-2006, 12:15 PM
I wouldn't know; I thought mine up myself.
No, you didn't.
kaiser soze
11-23-2006, 12:16 PM
robots, aliens, and retards make the bestest of friends
Freebasser
11-23-2006, 12:16 PM
Fine I didn't, whatever.
Lex Diamonds
11-23-2006, 12:18 PM
Why are you still using that gay screen name, Kid? And who cares if there was a joke e-mail about this 10 years ago, most people don't remember those sorts of things.
icy manipulator
11-23-2006, 12:19 PM
america won WII on they're own


hahaha, so true. there's a quote in my school year book that there were 15 japanese planes were shot down at pearl harbour, yet in the movie one pilot shoots down 13 planes. that's one good pilot
Freebasser
11-23-2006, 12:20 PM
Don't worry, he likes to call me out on being 'not funny', because of course I come here to entertain people and not just to relax, read, and discuss things with people.

Perhaps the board should fire me and hire another funny man?! LOLZ!
Ason Unique
11-23-2006, 12:22 PM
Why are you still using that gay screen name, Kid? And who cares if there was a joke e-mail about this 10 years ago, most people don't remember those sorts of things.
Most people are retards.
Ason Unique
11-23-2006, 12:23 PM
Don't worry, he likes to call me out on being 'not funny', because of course I come here to entertain people and not just to relax, read, and discuss things with people.

Perhaps the board should fire me and hire another funny man?! LOLZ!
I didn't find it funny. Big deal.
Lex Diamonds
11-23-2006, 12:25 PM
Most people are retards.
Pfft, it's like dealing with an autistic child.
Ason Unique
11-23-2006, 12:27 PM
Pfft, it's like dealing with an autistic child.
How? I wouldn't be able to interact. Much less interact so acutely as to 'dumb down' for you to understand. :D
Junker
11-23-2006, 12:35 PM
A bunch of guys will never attack you together. They'll always wait for their turn.

The leader of the gang will never be defeated with 1 single punch/kick/shot. Only his comrades are that pussy.
Lex Diamonds
11-23-2006, 12:39 PM
How? I wouldn't be able to interact. Much less interact so acutely as to 'dumb down' for you to understand. :D
Yeah, I understand.

I understand you're an ASSHOLE!