the worst computer games of all time

[na§tee]

just for larfs. share!

zool: ninja of the 'nth' dimension (http://hol.abime.net/1633/screenshot).
man. what a pile of piss this game was. total horseshit. just sucked the fun right out of gaming. i had nightmares of giant boss-bees for ages. i wanted zool to choke on a chupa chup so badly.

mcdonald land/MC kids (http://hol.abime.net/2429).
dear sweet jesus. what a pile of piss part 2. you can fuck off with your tales of racial equality and hamburger eating. i'll hamburglar yo ASS.

ecco the dolphin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecco_The_Dolphin).
worst mega drive game ever? my boyfriend had a copy without a case so made a cover for it. it said: "BE A DOLPHIN IN THIS DELIGHTFUL UNDERWATER ADVENTURE WHERE YOU WILL NEVER PROGRESS" in big, thick black marker. yup. pretty much sums it up. i think ecco was a bit "special" myself. always bumping into things with his fucking sonar singing and having to come up for air. retard. i hope you drown.

[b i o n i c]

dude, youre crazy.. ecco the dolphin was the shit

[camo]

alien versus predator (jaguar)

Everyroom/corridor looks exactly the same. You get lost all the time. When the aliens die they leave acid splats that you will walk over time and time again until you die looking for the stupid exit.


FIFA (all formats)

Press button, wait for delayed animation to start.

Myst (all formats)

Like watching paint dry

[camo]

mcdonald land/MC kids (http://hol.abime.net/2429).
dear sweet jesus. what a pile of piss part 2. you can fuck off with your tales of racial equality and hamburger eating. i'll hamburglar yo ASS.


ar ar ar ar are you ready?

[na§tee]

haha. i can tell by my research that the world is divided into two kinds of people: those who like ecco the dolphin and those who do not. from my googling:

"...No. Ecco was not cute. Ecco was fucking annoying." I knew I hit a nerve. She gave me a look that said "that name is never again to be mentioned in this house," and continued on with Conker, trying to get back the joyous buzz I just killed.

Let me tell you a little about Grandma's love-hate relationship with Ecco. Usually, when Grandma hates a game, I mean truly despises it, she'll just take back the Rental, make a mental note of who made it, and consider out loud the possibility of sending them hate-mail. But not Ecco. She kept plugging away at the thing until her fingers hurt. Her quest for "finding air" in a level compares to a doctor knowingly trying to resuscitate the known rapist-murderer of a child. Our house was lit up during Grandma's Ecco phase by screams I had never heard before, and have never heard since. They weren't the fun "Die, Cocksucker!!" shouts like in Resident Evil; and they wern't the half laugh, half cries of "God dammit!! Please just get on the fucking ledge!!" from Aero the Acrobat and others. These screams were inhuman bellows not meant to be heard by anyone who has not participated in war.

"FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!"
"JUMP OVER THE GODDAMN ISLAND!!!!!!!"
"YEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[na§tee]

jump over the goddamn island! has seriously got my stifling LOLz at my desk at work. ahhh, memories.

[jabumbo]

i rmeember really liking ecco for about 30 minutes, then it got annoying because i couldn't get over that one part no matter what i did so i stopped caring

[zorra_chiflada]

remember when everyone was like bubsy is gonna be the next big thing, it's gonna outdo sonic and mario? hah

[na§tee]

rome: pathway to power/rome AD 92 (http://www.mobygames.com/game/rome-pathway-to-power/)
this was one of the first games i played on the amiga and seriously, like ecco i would try over and over and over and over again and never get anywhere. of course, nowadays i could just google and cheat but noooooo claire was a persistent motherfucker back in the day. even those screenshots just scare the crap out of me. yes, i know it's unfair to call a game "bad" just because you can't get anywhere but still.

so, you were a slave and the freakin VOLCANO erupted and you had to get off your piece of land. problem is, no-one would fucking even talk to me because i was a dirty slave! no-one! you would try to get on boats and the motherfuckers just wouldn't have any of it. again and again it was like deliver message > talk to people who diss you > get burned alive by molten lava after running around for a while.

i've actually discovered through doing this you can download this game online somewhere. sweeeeeet. i may re-live my frustration tonight!

[na§tee]

remember when everyone was like bubsy is gonna be the next big thing, it's gonna outdo sonic and mario? hah
bubsy is actually listed in the wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worst_computer_games) worst computer games! haha.

[marsdaddy]

The new Burger King Xbox titles look nice.

[zorra_chiflada]

shaq fu! yes!

[camo]

remember when everyone was like bubsy is gonna be the next big thing, it's gonna outdo sonic and mario? hah

The only thing that was good about it was that he said someting at the end of each level. Only a few words but I remember being pretty stoked that my megadrive just said something.

It did sound like he had his face in a pillow though

[Kid Presentable]

shaq fu! yes!
Hahaha that was awful.

[camo]

night trap

road avenger

rise of the robots!

[zorra_chiflada]

bubsy is probably living off welfare and doing crack now

[camo]

bubsy is probably living off welfare and doing crack now


with his ho, cool spot

[Otis Driftwood]

Sentinel on the Amiga gave me a baaaaad headtrip. And no, better not try to get a good one from it.

[Kid Presentable]

All I can think of is how much I loved Speedball 2.

[Otis Driftwood]

That game was the best. Bitmap Brothers was like the gurus of style. Remember Xenon, the Bumb the Bass intro?

[Kid Presentable]

That game was the best. Bitmap Brothers was like the gurus of style. Remember Xenon, the Bumb the Bass intro?
That was Xenon 2:Megablast. Twas the shit, indeed.

[Calimero jr.]

All I can think of is how much I loved Speedball 2.

Probably one of the best Amiga games ever, I'd still play it if I had my Amiga set up in my room (y)

[Otis Driftwood]

That was Xenon 2:Megablast. Twas the shit, indeed.

I dare you, marketing yuppies, create a better name for a game! BAM! :lol:

You know what also sucked? FF 7! I totally grew sick of that lame crawlin around, watching boring video sequence after boring video sequence, only the be sucked into a 30 second whirlwind after which a boring combat began that had you stand on one side of the screen and run to the other to smack a monster. Then you ran back to your side and waited for the monster to smack you. Whoever ok-ed it should have their brains replaced by rotten fungi!

[na§tee]

LESS GOOD GAMES, MORE BAD GAMES! or I WILL HATE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY! HATE, I TELL YOU!

edit: oh, otis bought it back round to the hate. s'all good. :cool:

[camo]

I dare you, marketing yuppies, create a better name for a game! BAM! :lol:

You know what also sucked? FF 7! I totally grew sick of that lame crawlin around, watching boring video sequence after boring video sequence, only the be sucked into a 30 second whirlwind after which a boring combat began that had you stand on one side of the screen and run to the other to smack a monster. Then you ran back to your side and waited for the monster to smack you. Whoever ok-ed it should have their brains replaced by rotten fungi!


sniff sniff, thats one of my faves :o

[Otis Driftwood]

Most of the early licensed console games were god awful. Remember ET or Goonies?

[na§tee]

on a twenty-first century tip, i'd also like to nominate phoenix wright: ace attorney for ds for inclusion here. perhaps not so bad it deserves the "... of all time" tagline, but certainly bad nonetheless. i don't get why everyone seems to love that game. it's crap. i hope phoenix wright gets raped by a vanload of criminals.

[jabumbo]

how about the old nintendo soccer game that always had a really badass team from camaroon, but never any teams from countries that actually had good teams

[Kid Presentable]

Pit Fighter, especially the Master System version. And the arcade version of Double Dragon 3, because you had to put coins in after each level, and it looked and played like afterbirth.

[camo]

heres another:

earthworm jim 3d

why did they do it. WHY!?!?! :mad:

[kaiser soze]

Deadly Towers for nes was fucking crap ass shit

[jabumbo]

heres another:

earthworm jim 3d

why did they do it. WHY!?!?! :mad:



oh my god, that was terrible


i remember wanting to break the game in half after seeing my friends play it

[Big Gus]

Super Star Wars on the SNES. Fuck that licked balls and it cost me £40 or something.

I quite liked Ecco The Dolphin.

[Pres Zount]

Shaq fu was good

Bubsy was cool as well. I still remember wagging school with my sister to play that one. The code for level 7 is STGRTN. I can still remember that. Bubsy two, and bubsy 3d were both piles of shit.

I always tried really hard to like eco. I'm glad I can finally admit that I hated it and I never got past that level where you have to push a rock down the water currents coming up.

Zool and Coolspot were both awesome!!! I couldn't get anywhere with Zool but I got to the last level with Coolspot. That game had wicked music, and he walked in a way that made me jealous.

Rise of the robots was shit. um... that xbox360 WWII 3rd person squad based shooter is shit.


EDIT: Worms on the original gameboy was shit.

[Kid Presentable]

I hated the first Mortal Kombat.

[afronaut]

Ecco always made me sick to my stomach for some reason. Fuck that game.

[Echewta]

When ET for the 2600 came out, it drove me batty. The agents would always come and steal your stuff when you almost had all of the candy.
ALL THE FREAKING TIME! I HATED THAT GAME

[Kid Presentable]

When ET for the 2600 came out, it drove me batty. The agents would always come and steal your stuff when you almost had all of the candy.
ALL THE FREAKING TIME! I HATED THAT GAME
I played Strawberry Shortcake and Spiderman on the 2600. Spiderman was good, Shortcake not so much.

[beastieangel01]

I liked the first Bubsy :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Pres Zount]

I think that it is agreed that the first bubsy was cool.

[Kid Presentable]

Doom on the 32X was shite. No texture mapping on the ceilings or floors, and a stupid little game-window.

[Pres Zount]

all games on the 32x were crap except for sonic chaotix.

PS, Nastee: Eco is avaliable on the wii, hooray!

[steve-onpoint]

bubsy is probably living off welfare and doing crack now

hahaha.

[na§tee]

agh, i just found a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmt45RZHgc) of what looks like the whole of mc kids! i had the amiga version though. i hearted amiga. god. what a mario rip-off this game was!

pres, i know ecco is on the VC. i think i might buy it just to relive memories of rage and frustration. maybe 14 odd years on i might actually be able to get somewhere this time!

[na§tee]

bubsy lol! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bltep_d0SE) i hope he chokes on those balls of wool.

[paulb]

if anyone says Commander Keen, i will hurt them.

[Auton]

^greatest.... game... ever... no joke. i love that ish.


ESCAPE FROM MONKEY ISLAND. WORST SEQUEL EVER. Why did they make it???? why??????? the other three were so amazing.

[Pres Zount]

All my friends liked Keen, but I thought it was shit and I'm right.

[Otis Driftwood]

All my friends liked Keen, but I thought it was shit and I'm right.
Exxxx-actly!

[jabumbo]

bubsy lol! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bltep_d0SE) i hope he chokes on those balls of wool.


i don't rmemeber that game being so terrible even

[DIGI]

I remember getting RoboWarrior for NES during a birthday party from my cousin. I was all excited cuz I never heard of it, but if my cousin got it for me, it had to be cool. WORST GAME EVER.

[steve-onpoint]

agh, i just found a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmt45RZHgc) of what looks like the whole of mc kids! i had the amiga version though. i hearted amiga. god. what a mario rip-off this game was!


This game's terrible. :D But I'm still watching it. Mmmm... McDonald's chemical shakes.

[synch]

night trap

road avenger

rise of the robots!I so wanted to like Rise of the Robots but it was pretty shitty. I enjoyed night trap and road avenger with all their glorious limitations.
Most of the early licensed console games were god awful. Remember ET or Goonies?Goonies on MSX was fun.

Pit Fighter, especially the Master System version. And the arcade version of Double Dragon 3, because you had to put coins in after each level, and it looked and played like afterbirth.The arcade version of Pit Fighter was pretty cool but there wasn't much competition back then. All of the home versions were utter shite though.

all games on the 32x were crap except for sonic chaotix.I desperately wanted a 32x for Star Wars and Virtua Racing :(

Oh and Ecco was very good but a bit too obscure at times. Wasn't always sure where the hell I was supposed to go :(

My nominations:
Home Alone (Gameboy)
Blast Chamber (Saturn, bought it for about a dime and was about to return it out of sheer principle)
Sega World Wide Soccer (Saturn)
That Aerosmith lightgun game (arcade and some platforms, not sure)

Can't think of any more at the moment but there will be more. Oh yes.

[Pres Zount]

Heart of Darkness.

It was a 2d platformer for the PC, hailed as the biggest baddest platformer ever. The developers spent about ten years making it, and it was utter shite.

The little brat you controlled was so annoying, the only redemable feature of the game was to jump off cliffs to watch the death animation.

[Rancid_Beasties]

All of my friends thought bubsy was the balls.

Plok >>>>>>> Bubsy X a million

[Jollop]

Outrun on the commodore 64 was fucking terrible!

Each level was loaded as you got to it - through a bloody casette player1

[beastieangel01]

I think that it is agreed that the first bubsy was cool.

it better have been *shakes fist* I was okay with the second one too. :o

[ET]

Wow. Superman for the N64 is one of the worst. Just imagine the Resident Evil 1 type controls allowing you to actually fly into the air. When you make a Superman game in which flying is not fun and walking is the preferred mode of transportation is like... like porn without vaginas, penii, or breasts. DONT FORGET THE RINGS! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur25KP061PE)

This sums up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HTFCwGYfcE) one of THE worst XBOx games ever. Even worse than Fusion Frenzy.

Honorable mention to Scott Stapp's READY 2 FIGHT Fighting (http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/ready2fight/)

[The Notorious LOL]

Captain Novolin
Sunday Funday
Wally Bear and the No! Gang
NARC
Revolution X
Taboo
Plumbers Dont Wear Ties
Mad Dog McGree

[Pres Zount]

christ, I remember superman on the 64. I read a review somewhere (ok, ok. I bought a uk n64 magazine. Only once - maybe twice. I can't remember. I can though :( ) and I wanted to check out how bad it was.

holy shit.

Captain Novolin
Sunday Funday
Wally Bear and the No! Gang
NARC
Revolution X
Taboo
Plumbers Dont Wear Ties
Mad Dog McGree
These better be real. because 'Wally bear and the No! Gang' sounds wicked.

I never played it but I've heard only bad things about 'bible stories' on the nes. Anyone?

[Junker]

I remember this game i used to hate as hell. It fucking awful in all aspectsÇ

-FORSAKEN

Oh man, it really, really sucks :mad:

[The Notorious LOL]

These better be real. because 'Wally bear and the No! Gang' sounds wicked.




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wally_Bear_and_the_NO%21_Gang

[camo]

Revolution X (Acclaim, 1995)

OK, ten-a-penny shoot-em-ups are the lifeblood of any console. You have a guy with a gun, he shoots waves of enemies… this has basically kept out of ideas video game designers in projects since Space Invaders. This is what happens when people try to do something “original”. The original aspect here is that it’s the first video game to feature a song by Aerosmith. That’s just one song, the oh-so-cleverly named “Music Is The Weapon”. The plot of the game… oh, something about youth culture being banned, and the only way you can save it is by getting to Aerosmith’s dressing room. You have to get to their dressing room by shooting helicopters and dogs and, I kid you not, dustbins which then fire CDs into the air smashing a wall. It’s as good as a video game featuring Aerosmith deserves to be.

[na§tee]

okay, so it's not really a game as such but deluxe paint for the amiga. maaaan. they duped me for hours into creating 3D fucking pharoahs and that shit. no way i could live up to their hype! yeah, i guess it's more the inability of my x-year-old self at drawing on an ancient machine but still!

[camo]

good thread to bring back. Heres another gem.

Star Wars: Masters of Tera Kasi. Like a star wars version of tekken. Bwalls

[Drederick Tatum]

Final Fantasy VIII. after I spent a good deal of my youth killing Seproth and racing Chocobos on VII, the shitiness of VIII nearly made me give up video games forever.

[Pres Zount]

I played Marvel Ultimate Alliance on my friends ps2, and it was ok. Then while looking at the meagre selection of wii titles avaliable, I notice that the same game is avaliable on wii, except it has pictures on the back of the case. Pictures of some half-wit shooting webs out of his hands pretending to be spiderman whilst holding the wii controller. And he has a look of grim determination on his face, as if he had to hold it like that or the world would be in trouble.

I don't know where else to put this. But I suppose if any game forced you to do the big sweeping movements that are seen on the wii comercials (not in a funny "look how silly I am!" way), then that game would suck.

[paul jones]

E.T. on the ATARI

shit was fucked up

[camo]

Final Fantasy VIII. after I spent a good deal of my youth killing Seproth and racing Chocobos on VII, the shitiness of VIII nearly made me give up video games forever.

It was like Final Fantasy '90210'

[Otis Driftwood]

good thread to bring back. Heres another gem.

Star Wars: Masters of Tera Kasi. Like a star wars version of tekken. Bwalls
Haha, I used to play that. It wasn't a real stinker. There was fun stuff like Chewie taking his bowcaster and shootin somebody. I didn't think it was much worse than Dead or Alive for example. A lot of those PS2 games were as "fast" as SW:MOTK

[camo]

Haha, I used to play that. It wasn't a real stinker. There was fun stuff like Chewie taking his bowcaster and shootin somebody. I didn't think it was much worse than Dead or Alive for example. A lot of those PS2 games were as "fast" as SW:MOTK


It was only fun because it had star wars characters in it. After the novelty wore off you're left with a pretty lame beat em up (n)

[Pres Zount]

can't really remember exactly, but playing what I gather was close to the first microsoft flight simulator on windows 3.1 was some of the most boring experiences of my childhood, and I lived on a farm.

ten minustes to take off your sopwith camel, and another 20 before you figured out the shoot buton (I swear it changed each time). I never saw any fukking fokkers, so my aerial asaults always ended with me crashing into the plain, flat ground after about 40 wasted minutes that would have been better used playing spear of destiny or god of thunder.

Flight sims are all utter rubish - even the ones with guns.

[Funkyfreshgrape]

Fredie Fish and Civialization IV! SUCK!

[na§tee]

bringing back some good memories (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Microsoft_Flight_Simulator_3.0_screenshot.pn g), pres?

[Funkyfreshgrape]

Myst (all formats)

Like watching paint dry
NOOOOOOOOOO! (n) i LOVE myst!

[Funkyfreshgrape]

if anyone says Commander Keen, i will hurt them.
Doom and Duke Nukem i would hurt them also!

[Pres Zount]

bringing back some good memories (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Microsoft_Flight_Simulator_3.0_screenshot.pn g), pres?

Now I have a title to direct my hatred towards.


FFG: My sister tells me civ4 is excelent. I trust her judgement. now I'm getting fond memories of my nan's old computer that we used to play civ1, wolfenstein and..... flight simulator.... on.

[Funkyfreshgrape]

Now I have a title to direct my hatred towards.


FFG: My sister tells me civ4 is excelent. I trust her judgement. now I'm getting fond memories of my nan's old computer that we used to play civ1, wolfenstein and..... flight simulator.... on.
well, i don't like it...

[camo]

NOOOOOOOOOO! (n) i LOVE myst!


ha ha sorry (n)

[Drederick Tatum]

Civ 4 is good. real good.

[Caribou]

Pierre Le Chef is out to lunch. (http://hol.abime.net/2331)

I had it on the SNES, and what you pretty much have to do is catch some veggies that have mutated in a big net and then put all of them in a cage in a certain time, and also make sure a little thief from a chalet doesn't release your veggies.
Oh, and you can't catch the bad foods, like the salmonellam because it'll make you go mental. Wonderful game.

[Freebasser]

Uncle Dennis' House of Pleasure :(

[Otis Driftwood]

Pierre Le Chef is out to lunch. (http://hol.abime.net/2331)

I had it on the SNES, and what you pretty much have to do is catch some veggies that have mutated in a big net and then put all of them in a cage in a certain time, and also make sure a little thief from a chalet doesn't release your veggies.
Oh, and you can't catch the bad foods, like the salmonellam because it'll make you go mental. Wonderful game.
It'd make a nice Beasties video, too.

[Junker]

Final Fantasy VIII. after I spent a good deal of my youth killing Seproth and racing Chocobos on VII, the shitiness of VIII nearly made me give up video games forever.

No fucking way! FF VIII is fucking great.

[Otis Driftwood]

I think he meant VII and I agree with every single letter of his post! Dead Squaresoft programmers should wait a looooong time before Saint Peter opens the pearly gates for them. Karma!

[Junker]

I think he meant VII and I agree with every single letter of his post! Dead Squaresoft programmers should wait a looooong time before Saint Peter opens the pearly gates for them. Karma!

I think he meant VIII, brotha!!

VII = he likes
VIII = he hates

Or I misunderstood him?

[Planetary]

super mario bros.

[Otis Driftwood]

Oh, you're right (and I'm wrong). The "spending a good deal", chocobo and shittiness keywords triggered my FFVII hate response...

[Pres Zount]

Uncle Dennis' House of Pleasure :(
That's not a 'game'. :(

[Freebasser]

He said that it was :(

[Pres Zount]

If it doesn't feel like a game you call the police. OK?

[Junker]

If it doesn't feel like a game you call the police. OK?

And if he starts to enjoy the 'game' even knowing it's not a game?
Should he still call the police?

[na§tee]

cool spot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cool_Spot)? i can't even remember it being good or bad, but i played it for hours and hours and hours. it just entered my cognitive thoughts right now after watching a video of it..

HERE! (http://www.navgtr.org/library.html)

archive of 'gaming in the clinton years' videos plus ORIGINAL COMMENTARY YES OMG! that's the latter part of my childhood and yours. well, from when i was 10 to when i was 18.

[Pres Zount]

I think cool spot has already been refered to in this thread. And I'll say it again that cool spot was great. :mad:

[P of R]

Ecco the dolphin was cool and different.

My pick for the worst is Riverworld by Cryo closely followed by Crusaders of Might & Magic by 3DO.

[camo]

This needs a bump:

World tour soccer (psp)