View Full Version : The Official: I'M AM WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED A DAMN MAN Thread
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:07 AM
Damn men!
Penises are ugly and they smell like pee.
They bow up their shoulders when they walk so they will look tougher. LAME!
They pee standing up and that's just crazy!
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
They yell obscenities at the T.V. Hello! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!
And westerns are stupid and so is Chuck Norris.
:mad:
befsquire
12-06-2006, 08:12 AM
all kung fu movies suck ass except kung fu hustler.
snuggling results in having to wipe semen off your chest.
they can only orgasm once and require a recuperation period for another round.
Pres Zount
12-06-2006, 08:13 AM
I'm just trying to stand straighter because every time I see an old lady she has a fucking hump on her back, I don't want to be a cripple so I'm trying to improve my posture! I don't care about looking tough, have you seen my muscles? No? Neither have I. But I don't give a shit.
Everything else, agreed.
Damn men!
Penises are ugly and they smell like pee.
They bow up their shoulders when they walk so they will look tougher. LAME!
They pee standing up and that's just crazy!
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
They yell obscenities at the T.V. Hello! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!
And westerns are stupid and so is Chuck Norris.
:mad:
yeah, well who's gonna open your jars and move the spiders outta the bath then?
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:15 AM
they can only orgasm once and require a recuperation period for another round.
(y)
I'll step on my own spiders or spray them with RAID!
And I have a jar opener. No penis required.
(y)
I'll step on my own spiders or spray them with RAID!
And I have a jar opener. No penis required.
Ha ha. Ok so who you gonna blame for leaving the toilet seat up?
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 08:25 AM
Damn men!
Penises are ugly and they smell like pee.
They bow up their shoulders when they walk so they will look tougher. LAME!
They pee standing up and that's just crazy!
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
They yell obscenities at the T.V. Hello! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!
And westerns are stupid and so is Chuck Norris.
:mad:
You're absolutely right. Why do you think I'm not gay? But the pee thing has EVERY woman green with envy, cause we don' t have to hold it so long...:cool:
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:25 AM
Ha ha. Ok so who you gonna blame for leaving the toilet seat up?
The spiders, duh!
How long before you post a thread saying "I met a guy :o and he's awesome"?
monkey
12-06-2006, 08:26 AM
women smells pretty, men smell of sweat and man parts. (fuck, if you like that smell, well, most women still smell better.)
when a man cooks, it's a special occasion. it shouldnt be.
The Notorious LOL
12-06-2006, 08:26 AM
should be "I'm A Woman" ;)
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:27 AM
You're absolutely right. Why do you think I'm not gay? But the pee thing has EVERY woman green with envy, cause we don' t have to hold it so long...:cool:
Not me. I like sitting comfortably while I pee, enjoying deep thoughts, reading Cosmo and sometimes painting my toe nails. MUTI-TASK!
See..you have to hold your penis to aim. My hands are fancy free.
The spiders, duh!
Thats some big ass spiders go got there.
Ok ok ok, who's gonna listen to you whilst you moan about your day at work/girlfriends/life, and you can't answer this with spiders!
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:30 AM
should be "I'm A Woman" ;)
I know that, stoopid. It took three men to post here before they even realized it. I WAS TESTING YOUR EVIL MAN BRAINS!
Men should cook and clean toilets, and not by shooting poop stuck to the toilet with their penises as if they were super soakers!
Awesome men?? WHERE? WHERE?
Junker
12-06-2006, 08:31 AM
Is this a lesbian thread or something???
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:32 AM
Thats some big ass spiders go got there.
Ok ok ok, who's gonna listen to you whilst you moan about your day at work/girlfriends/life, and you can't answer this with spiders!
My cats!
The Notorious LOL
12-06-2006, 08:36 AM
Men should cook and clean toilets, and not by shooting poop stuck to the toilet with their penises as if they were super soakers!
the toilet doesnt bother me much. I figure drop some of those blue tablets in it and Im good.
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 08:37 AM
Not me. I like sitting comfortably while I pee, enjoying deep thoughts, reading Cosmo and sometimes painting my toe nails. MUTI-TASK!
See..you have to hold your penis to aim. My hands are fancy free.
That s what goin for a shit is for. Cosmo is boring. I read Batman on the toilet. He could kick any skinny supermodels ass.
I was talking about bein outdoors, with no toilet nowhere. Whaddaya gonna do, huh? Most likely remind yourself of a womans more painresistent physique and grow a pumpkin sized bladder? Know what I do? I do it right, there? That's some major machismo, eh?
kaiser soze
12-06-2006, 08:41 AM
I'm impotent, this could solve your snuggling boner problem :o
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:46 AM
the toilet doesnt bother me much. I figure drop some of those blue tablets in it and Im good.
But you still have to wipe under the rim. The blue stuff doesn't get the poop nasties under there.
Or you could get your cats to lick it clean for ya.
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 08:48 AM
That s what goin for a shit is for. Cosmo is boring. I read Batman on the toilet. He could kick any skinny supermodels ass.
I was talking about bein outdoors, with no toilet nowhere. Whaddaya gonna do, huh? Most likely remind yourself of a womans more painresistent physique and grow a pumpkin sized bladder? Know what I do? I do it right, there? That's some major machismo, eh?
Well, usually there's always a toilet somewhere. If not, chances are you're in the middle of nowhere and can cop a squat whilst listening to the joys of nature and wiping your hoo hoo with a leaf. EVE STYLE, BABY!
Kaiser, a flacid penis is uglier than a hard one. Yuck!
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 08:50 AM
Well, usually there's always a toilet somewhere. If not, chances are you're in the middle of nowhere and can cop a squat whilst listening to the joys of nature and wiping your hoo hoo with a leaf. EVE STYLE, BABY!
Kaiser, a flacid penis is uglier than a hard one. Yuck!
Let me ask you this then: Ever experienced the joy of peeing down a skyscraper and watching the yellow rain? It's kinda hard doin it lookin over your shoulder... :lol:
I can see you won't back from your stance anyway, so let me just say this: Women are adorable!
Loppfessor
12-06-2006, 08:53 AM
Broads with PMS shouldn't be allowed to post on here.....
Just kidding ladies...I love you all, even the bitchy ones
My cats!
who you gonna have sex with?
Now answer that with animals!
Vibrating rabbits don't count!
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 09:14 AM
Let me ask you this then: Ever experienced the joy of peeing down a skyscraper and watching the yellow rain? It's kinda hard doin it lookin over your shoulder... :lol:
I can see you won't back from your stance anyway, so let me just say this: Women are adorable!
No. But I just pee'd in the shower, and let me tell ya...
IT WAS AWESOME!
I don't have PMS. In fact, I just got off my period and am hornier than a 13 year old boy dry humping Salma Hayek.
And Camo, my vibrator gets me off harder than any man ever has. EVER!
And Camo, my vibrator gets me off harder than any man ever has. EVER!
you ain't met a real man yet!
*stands up and beats his chest like king kong*
:D
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 09:22 AM
you ain't met a real man yet!
*stands up and beats his chest like king kong*
:D
Dude, we could be talking jackhammer type machinery here. Gasoline or even plutonium powered.
@Bitcha: This is, from what I know mostly a matter of trust. I'm certain you'll someday find someone that can replace it or at least work it much better for you then yourself.
Dude, we could be talking jackhammer type machinery here. Gasoline or even plutonium powered.
@Bitcha: This is, from what I know mostly a matter of trust. I'm certain you'll someday find someone that can replace it or at least work it much better for you then yourself.
Yeah, maybe your right. But even a plutonium powered one couldn't give her a comforting cuddle afterwards
Loppfessor
12-06-2006, 09:35 AM
Yeah, maybe your right. But even a plutonium powered one couldn't give her a comforting cuddle afterwards
Or the joy of making me a sammich afterwards....
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 09:37 AM
Yeah, maybe your right. But even a plutonium powered one couldn't give her a comforting cuddle afterwards
The comforting cuddle is like a there,there pad on the back thank you for having me. I light a cig and let the woman bask in my glory... ;)
B_Mackin'
12-06-2006, 09:40 AM
An airplane is in mid-flight when the pilot's voice crackles on the speakers. "Attention passangers, I have some grave news. Both engines on the plane have stopped. We will have to crash land. There is a good chance some of us won't make it. Please prepare for this, we only have another minute or two." Everyone on the plane turns hysterical. One woman stands up, rips of her shirts and yells, "Someone make me feel like a woman!" And a man stands up rips of his shirt and yells, "Iron my shirt Bitch!"
By the way,
Why wouldn't they give Helen Keller her driver's license?
Because she's a woman.
The comforting cuddle is like a there,there pad on the back thank you for having me. I light a cig and let the woman bask in my glory... ;)
I like that cuddle, gives me chance to let some blood rush back to my head :D
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 10:18 AM
Oh geez.
Keep proving my pint for me guys. K? Thanks.
Oh geez.
Keep proving my pint for me guys. K? Thanks.
sorry :D
Otis Driftwood
12-06-2006, 10:27 AM
Oh geez.
Keep proving my pint for me guys. K? Thanks.
I wanna drink your pint, not prove it. So, you prefer devices, we want the real thing. No cause for war, innit?
skra75
12-06-2006, 11:35 AM
women smells pretty, men smell of sweat and man parts. (fuck, if you like that smell, well, most women still smell better.)
when a man cooks, it's a special occasion. it shouldnt be.
Not me, I cook all the time. I'm a fucking awesome cook. And I smell terrific. You ladies are wicked bitter. Wicked. Bitter.
cookiepuss
12-06-2006, 12:25 PM
they can only orgasm once and require a recuperation period for another round.
I really think this is one of the biggest flaws in the male species.
on a sider note: I know a transgender (male to female) and they made him a real vajina with a real clit and he, er she said her first orgasm as a woman was AMAzing and she gused about how long it lasted!!! I think it must be kinda surreal to have expereinced an orgasm as a man and then as a woman.
Loppfessor
12-06-2006, 12:44 PM
on a sider note: I know a transgender (male to female) and they made him a real vajina with a real clit and he, er she said her first orgasm as a woman was AMAzing and she gused about how long it lasted!!! I think it must be kinda surreal to have expereinced an orgasm as a man and then as a woman.
No way...that shit is possible?? Man no cure for AIDS or cancer but they can built a fully functioning vagina
abcdefz
12-06-2006, 12:48 PM
they can only orgasm once and require a recuperation period for another round.
I don't know that this is necessarily true. If you're into the girl much at all and continuing sex is what you want to do, keeping an erection's not a big deal. Not much of a choice, really.
I don't understand the "orgasm-and-roll-over-and-sleep" thing unless it's a one-time thing and you just want to get the hell out of there.
afronaut
12-06-2006, 01:03 PM
Damn men!
Penises are ugly and they smell like pee.
My penis is beautiful and smells like beauty.
They bow up their shoulders when they walk so they will look tougher. LAME!
I kind of slouch to make myself look smaller!
They pee standing up and that's just crazy!
I sit down and pee because I'm lazy!
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
I.....ok you got me there.
They yell obscenities at the T.V. Hello! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I don't watch tv!
And westerns are stupid and so is Chuck Norris.
So is this thread. and you face. and your moms face.
they can only orgasm once and require a recuperation period for another round.
There is a male equivalent of "multiple orgasm". Most guys are just too stupid to know about it or to try to achieve it though. But not this one! It also helps minimize the recuperation period.
People should marry me, because according to this thread I'm the most awesome guy evar.
monkey
12-06-2006, 01:09 PM
i could make my exbf have multiple orgasms. he'll never have it as good, ever again:cool:
Loppfessor
12-06-2006, 01:10 PM
I don't know that this is necessarily true. If you're into the girl much at all and continuing sex is what you want to do, keeping an erection's not a big deal. Not much of a choice, really.
I don't understand the "orgasm-and-roll-over-and-sleep" thing unless it's a one-time thing and you just want to get the hell out of there.
(y) Word...unless I am like super tired or not into the girl my erection stays for long after I cum.
cookiepuss
12-06-2006, 01:31 PM
No way...that shit is possible?? Man no cure for AIDS or cancer but they can built a fully functioning vagina
I know, seriously. It use to be that with sex changes there was a high risk of losing sensation in the genital area bacause they could not always keep the nerves in tact. now they can create a fully functional clit. Amazing as fuck.
Loppfessor
12-06-2006, 01:35 PM
I know, seriously. It use to be that with sex changes there was a high risk of losing sensation in the genital area bacause they could always keep the nerves in tact. now they can creat a fully functional clit. Amazing as fuck.
The future is now my friend! Crazy shit though...
befsquire
12-06-2006, 01:44 PM
when a man cooks, it's a special occasion. it shouldnt be.
bobby actually does almost all the cooking around here. and 99% of the time, the only reason something is clean is because he cleaned it. i get (and give) oral every time we have sex, he doesn't leave the toilet seat up, and he does the grocery shopping since he cooks the meals. so, while i may act like i don't need a man, and maybe technically i don't, i do need him. but beyond needing him, i want him, which is much more important.
b i o n i c
12-06-2006, 01:52 PM
** applause for beth **
now that's the kinda lady i want.
SobaViolence
12-06-2006, 03:09 PM
become a nun, a lesbian or just get over the bastard that broke your heart...
jeez.
I can say that in all the 4 years that I've known my b/f, he's never smelled anything but yummy. I've never smelled like b.o. type sweat, pee or anything offensive. I dunno what to tell the rest of you who complain of the stank of their men (or past men)...
beastiegirrl101
12-06-2006, 03:19 PM
^I agree with kll.
you ladies buy your men some gold bond, nothing worse than swamp ass.
beastiegirrl101
12-06-2006, 03:22 PM
How do you know that her b/f smells yummy?
she likes sloppy seconds.
duh.
g-mile7
12-06-2006, 04:40 PM
Ill throw a fresh smelling penis in all you'
Praying Mantis
12-06-2006, 04:40 PM
^I agree with kll.
you ladies buy your men some gold bond, nothing worse than swamp ass.
http://www.goldbond.com/medpowder.asp
The one in the middle. Though I prefer Johnsons Baby Powder (calming lavendar & chamomile) scent. Crotch Rot is Horrible.
venusvenus123
12-06-2006, 04:46 PM
i check to see if my husband smells before he leaves the house. i mean, if a guy smells, it's his wife's fault. haha.
i used to work with this guy who had DREADFUL BO. it was so bad the whole building talked about it. i just couldn't see how his wife didn't pick up on it:confused:
anyway, short of BO and nob cheese etc, i love man smell -- well the sexy ones anyway.:p
paul jones
12-06-2006, 04:49 PM
Damn men!
Penises are ugly and they smell like pee.
They bow up their shoulders when they walk so they will look tougher. LAME!
They pee standing up and that's just crazy!
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
They yell obscenities at the T.V. Hello! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!
And westerns are stupid and so is Chuck Norris.
:mad:
I watched Wyatt Earp the other night with my Dad. Kevin Costner is so wooden but his mistress was fit(y) (y)
Bitchamachacha
12-06-2006, 06:14 PM
Why is it that all of the men on the board play perfect?
"I smell soooo gooood! I never sleep after sex because I like to cuddle and kiss gilrie's foreheads. I cook while trimming my nosehairs..blah.blah..blah."
Whatever! I know your scheme! Stop frontin'!!
Lex Diamonds
12-06-2006, 06:35 PM
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
I know you all love it really. ;)
DipDipDive
12-06-2006, 06:38 PM
You can't cuddle with them without feeing a big boner rubbing between ya ass cheeks.
This is a complaint? :confused:
edit: I swear I posted that without seeing Padster's reply. Goddamnit.
Lex Diamonds
12-06-2006, 06:41 PM
Haha, yeah I told ya y'all love that shit. (y)
paul jones
12-06-2006, 06:50 PM
Why is it that all of the men on the board play perfect?
"I smell soooo gooood! I never sleep after sex because I like to cuddle and kiss gilrie's foreheads. I cook while trimming my nosehairs..blah.blah..blah."
Whatever! I know your scheme! Stop frontin'!!
I'm totally useless at cooking but I've quit smoking so I smell better now,except when I fart after eating the cheese busicuits from the vending machine at work.I didn't have any yesterday though,just these mini cookies and I didn't fart once!. So....for no farts-don't eat cheese stuff from vending machines at work(y)
I managed to do a nice mashed potato the other day but I didn't put enough butter in the mix
Praying Mantis
12-06-2006, 06:59 PM
I do cook (its a hobby) but cuddling after sex is beat. I mean we did all are talking just to get some. why talk afterwords????
Lyman Zerga
12-07-2006, 12:14 AM
i want a warm manly body laying next to me
i want a guy who takes care of me
i want a guy who treats me nice
i want a guy that makes me gag
Loppfessor
12-07-2006, 12:16 AM
i want a warm manly body laying next to me
i want a guy who takes care of me
i want a guy who treats me nice
i want a guy that makes me gag
I can do all of that stuff!
Lyman Zerga
12-07-2006, 12:46 AM
fuck yourself back to germany then
HEIRESS
12-07-2006, 01:20 AM
I need a man, as much as I try and deny it :(
For as much as I love you, Paul Jones- 75% of the time, I read your posts and feel like you're posts are not for the same thread as the one I'm reading... it makes me laugh...
paul jones
12-07-2006, 01:58 PM
For as much as I love you, Paul Jones- 75% of the time, I read your posts and feel like you're posts are not for the same thread as the one I'm reading... it makes me laugh...
thanks dear!;) (y) xx
vBulletin® v3.6.7, Copyright ©2000-2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.