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View Full Version : hurt feelings (sorry, this ended up longer than I expected)


beastieangel01
12-08-2006, 12:22 PM
it's weird because I only once really had my feelings hurt by a friend and I was 14 at the time. Didn't think it'd happen again I guess...

There is this girl I knew in high school. In our junior year we got really close. I liked her a lot, thought she was so fun to talk to and we'd always be making jokes and laughing together. Then, the summer before senior year she went on a mission trip with her church.

After that, she stopped talking to me. In fact, she stopped talking to just about our ENTIRE circle of friends with the exception of maybe one. And that one was very much involved with her church.

I didn't really push at why she never really talked to me anymore but I always held her in high regard and all that. After high school we didn't much talk at all but sometimes we'd be at the same gatherings and we'd say hi and try to catch up, things seemed fine. She was always very friendly. Anytime there was a gathering, she'd always be invited since she was within our circle of friends in high school. I've invited her to things I had going on and all that.

She's getting married now, in a month. I was told by our mutual friend Sallie to give my address for the invitation. It never arrived. Then I was told that I'd go with Sallie so we'd be each others "date" (company) and Sallie's sister Kim was invited and could bring her date (and boyfriend since high shool, we all went to the same hs) Mark. Then the girl called the mutual friend telling Sallie "Oh Crystal can't come, and you can't bring anyone else. Your sister can come but she can't bring anyone either." The mutual friend asked why and the girl said "Well I don't even talk to Crystal and Kim, well, since she's your sister you and her are kind of a package deal..."

Sallie said the friend barely acted like she wanted HER to go, and saying that Kim is a package deal with her was said in such a rude way.

Sure we don't speak to each other much anymore but we were so close that year in high school and were still in the same circle of friends. She was always invited to gatherings where all of us were (after HS too) and despite us not talking much now, I still held her in high regard and was so happy to hear she was getting married. She and I talked about going to dinner and catching up. She never said a word to me since she knew she was getting married (was told by Sallie and Sallie said she asked for my address but that's it, never got anything in the mail). Not that I am getting married but she would have been within the top 10 people I'd invite.

Turns out she turned in to one of the very "clique" christians. One of those "I'll talk to you in private but if you aren't a church-going god-fearing person, I won't talk to you around others" kind of deal.

I feel really, really hurt to hear that she SAID I couldn't come. And then she tells our friend, not me directly, that I cannot come. I cared about her too. I almost cried. I almost want to call her a bitch but I really DID think so highly of her that I don't want to call her a bitch.

I'll just go with meaniehead.

:(

b i o n i c
12-08-2006, 12:31 PM
its weird that you bring this up. i was thinking about this yesterday.. i had THE SAME EXACT kind feeling as you in a different situation, and its hard to describe.. i had an old friend in high school who i was really close with. i dont know what happened to us, but i've run into him 3 times since. always during work lunch hours. ive written emails twice but never got a reply. its kind of hurtful because i have nothing but awesome memories but i have no idea why ive been snubbed. i really wish i knew what he was thinking. its hard to hate someone you liked so much

DandyFop
12-08-2006, 12:35 PM
its weird that you bring this up. i was thinking about this yesterday.. i had THE SAME EXACT kind feeling as you in a different situation, and its hard to describe.. i had an old friend in high school who i was really close with. i dont know what happened to us, but i've run into him 3 times since. always during work lunch hours. ive written emails twice but never got a reply. its kind of hurtful because i have nothing but awesome memories but i have no idea why ive been snubbed. i really wish i knew what he was thinking. its hard to hate someone you liked so much

I am not sure about Ba01's thing, because that sounds pretty obviously deliberate, but for yours, it might just be that he's really really shitty at keeping in touch, even though you've made the effort. I've done this before with a girl who I was best friends with in high school - I wouldn't returne phone calls or emails just because I wasn't in the right mood, and then I never ended up getting back to her at all. It wasn't a snub, it was just me being lazy pretty much.

beastieangel01
12-08-2006, 12:35 PM
its kind of hurtful because i have nothing but awesome memories but i have no idea why ive been snubbed. i really wish i knew what he was thinking. its hard to hate someone you liked so much

exactly. Except in this case I'm pretty sure, as is everyone we know, why I've been snubbed. But it still hurts. And it's interesting that of ALL my friends the one person to hurt my feelings like this is a "god loving" person. I find that pretty silly.

I'm still bummed out about it. I really almost cried and I don't cry, uh, ever. Ugh.

abcdefz
12-08-2006, 12:36 PM
It doesn't seem like she handled it well, but I can understand someone who'sgetting married who wants to keep the attendee list under control. Unless the invitation said "plus guest," no attendee should have invited a guest, anyway. That's considered rude, so maybe she was sort of lashing back.

Regardless, it doesn't sound nice. Sorry your feelings got hurt. But she sounds kind of petty and you're not in contact, really, so I don't understand why you got invested in this....?

beastieangel01
12-08-2006, 12:38 PM
It doesn't seem like she handled it well, but I can understand someone who'sgetting married who wants to keep the attendee list under control. Unless the invitation said "plus guest," no attendee should have invited a guest, anyway. That's considered rude, so maybe she was sort of lashing back.

Regardless, it doesn't sound nice. Sorry your feelings got hurt. But she sounds kind of petty and you're not in contact, really, so I don't understand why you got invested in this....?


it was plus guest. it was only after she found out who the guests were that she said "actually you can't bring anyone."

And I know I'm not in contact really, I mentioned that. But I still considered her in high regard. There are a few friends I have that I don't talk to except maybe once every few months but we still consider each other important friends and care about each other. I felt that way for her.

abcdefz
12-08-2006, 12:45 PM
Well, that sounds pretty shitty, then. I would be offended.

beastieangel01
12-08-2006, 07:24 PM
yeah. I'm thinking I will call her just to tell her how I feel and then wish her luck for the future and pretty much be done with her as a friend. Unless she were to seriously apologize or something.

befsquire
12-09-2006, 12:50 AM
i really don't see how any apology could make up for this.

i sorta wonder if you were to speak your mind, whether her lack of a reaction (i'm assuming this from how she was described) would hurt you further. plus, she really isn't even entitled to hear the hurt in your voice / words.

ET
12-09-2006, 12:58 AM
Hypotical Christian? That's news to me. Why am I thinking she's jealous of something? I think I'm hanging out with too many bitches so disregard that one.