things not to say drunk to one of your hot ex-university professors at the blues club

[HEIRESS]

"JOOOOOOOOHNNNNNnnnnnnnn"

"oh hey....*squints* .....??"

"its me AIRESSE!"

"ohhh wow, WOW hey hows it going!?!?!"

"yeahhh man, I know, my hair is like a foot shorter than the last time you saw me so I dont blame you for not recognizing me"

"yet again wow, yes it sure is"

"indeeeeeed, OH HEY! I got a passport that needs some signing and you are my favorite person with a PhD so what do you say??"

"yeah sure, sounds good, shouldnt your family physician be your favorite person with a doctorate though HAHAAHHAAAA"

"LOLZZZZ Mmmmm yeah I could take it to him but I only see him once a year when he gives me my pap smear so its weird asking someone who has seen your vagina to guarantee your passport"

"uhhhhh....."

"BUT YOU HAVENT SEEN MY VAGINA SO THAT MEANS ITS ALL GOOD AND NON AWWWKWARD RIGHT! AM I RIGHT?????"

"uhhhhhhh......"

and then my friend pretty much dragged me away to the other side of the club



YAYAYAYA SATURDAY NIGHTSSESESESSS

[mikizee]

thats the spirit.....

heres another tip.... dont tell dead baby jokes to someone who's wife just had a miscarriage.... i found that one out the hard way on friday!

[DandyFop]

That's okay because I also embarassed myself by feeling up the bass player who I'm sure gets tons of pussy based on the amount of girls feeling up his leg the oh, two nights I've seen the show. He's so hot and I love him and he wears a Star Trek shirt and has a beard and some girl touched his junk but I only felt his leg and i love him!!! my friends and I founda mutual boyfriend too :/


ah fuck it

[mikizee]

you should like, totally have sex with him, and pretend its me!

on second thought, dont. i have a cold, and i dont want to pass it on. thats me, always looking out for other ppl.

on third thought, these cold and flu tablets sure do make u stupid.

lets never speak of this again.

[HEIRESS]

I totally would have sex with him, he is a goddamn tall drink of retardedly hot glasses wearing microbiology high-god ass

but he seems to only date 19 year olds in first year now apparently, Im far far too old and alumni on top of that GOD FORBID

I did sit down next to him at the end of the night again and said

"John im only sitting down to talk to you long enough to finish my drink *upends glass* andddddd im done so I bid you a good night!"

and then I walked away
I need "picking up well educated older males" tips badly

[DandyFop]

I need "picking up well educated older males" tips badly

fuck yes

why are they so hot

[QueenAdrock]

Older educated males are a huge turn-on. I mean, I was mildly attracted to my 40-year-old history professor for a while back thurr. I think it's cuz he likes to pretend to hit on me, too.

I asked him for a letter of reference for grad school and he said he'd do it only on the condition that we go on a date so I said okay and asked him where he wanted to go and he said anywhere so I suggested we go to a parking lot somewhere with a box of wine and get trashed and he said okay and that I should pick him up around 8 this weekend. HEHEHEHEHE :o

[HEIRESS]

yeah so, basically I totally ruined any chances I had with mr hot PhD is what this amounts too

:/

[abcdefz]

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?

:D

[zorra_chiflada]

one of our design lecturers in first and second year was this youngish guy that pretty much every female in the class had the hots for. not me though, i didn't like the cut of his jib. he called me a "doofus" (and i was like wtf, look the word doofus up in the dictionary and there's a picture of you, you're the fucking doofus).

i don't know what the point of this post was.

[ET]

You're denying your urge to bang him because insults turn you on?

[HEIRESS]

insults totally get my insides giddy, but finding someone witty enough to insult you well is the hard part

[zorra_chiflada]

You're denying your urge to bang him because insults turn you on?

no, i actually never liked him at all. he surfed (ugh) i knew his mother too.

[Kid Presentable]

no, i actually never liked him at all. he surfed (ugh) i knew his mother too.
Surfed the internet?

[zorra_chiflada]

Surfed the internet?

no, he was one of the few people from tasmania who was wankerish enough to surf. he made fun of me for liking the beastie boys. and was like "you're always on that message board"

[Kid Presentable]

no, he was one of the few people from tasmania who was wankerish enough to surf. he made fun of me for liking the beastie boys. and was like "you're always on that message board"
I thought you said smurfs. Wait, you mean Waterboard Riding?

[zorra_chiflada]

boogie boarding!

[Kid Presentable]

boogie boarding!
Like a dancing academy? How did we get here from Smurfs and the internet?

[TurdBerglar]

You're denying your urge to bang him because insults turn you on?


well well well

[zorra_chiflada]

and you can shut up

[TurdBerglar]

;)

[zorra_chiflada]

:(

[ET]

Wait, how did he know you post on this board? Did you actually bring it up?! Wow, hahaha.

Surfing though, seriously.

[zorra_chiflada]

this was in a computing class, i'd be on the board at the same time. occasionally he'd walk past and see. i was like "back off, buddy"

[ET]

Oops. He probably just wanted to see what miranda15 was posting about.

[HEIRESS]

HAH!

ps. are you drunkkekekekee!

[skra75]

Older educated males are a huge turn-on.

yep, that's me.
:o
*smiles smugly*

[skra75]

Also, you need to stop talking so openly about your vagina to people. I think you've mentioned it in every single phone conversation I've had with you. I'll barely mention my big penis openly in coversation, even with my closest friends or those whom I'm intimate with.

[Otis Driftwood]

That's cause you're keepin it in a glass jar.

[HEIRESS]

Also, you need to stop talking so openly about your vagina to people. I think you've mentioned it in every single phone conversation I've had with you. I'll barely mention my big penis openly in coversation, even with my closest friends or those whom I'm intimate with.

pfffffffffft
with my closest friends and intimates I use more detail and use the terms "labia" and "clittety clit" instead

its true though, I see 35 year old men flinch with the shit that comes out of my mouth, and I wonder why I seem to scare the living bejeesus out of the 20 year old

:(

[Otis Driftwood]

You can't scare me with thinly veiled holy grail references...