Dear women of the board:

[abcdefz]

...if you and your boyfriend break up, break up. It's over. It's not a called "Preluding up" for many very excellent reasons. Quit taking each other's phone calls and reading e-mail messages and shit for at least a year or something. Damn.

[Kid Presentable]

I respect the fine sexy smarts of the female community here. Until they reveal how easily fucked over they are. Seriously, you'll find another guy. You all can do better.

[kleptomaniac]

...if you and your boyfriend break up, break up. It's over. It's not a called "Preluding up" for many very excellent reasons. Quit taking each other's phone calls and reading e-mail messages and shit for at least a year or something. Damn.

i don't have a boyfriend at the moment, but i'll keep that in mind for later on.

[ampm]

I urged a fellow board member to take advantage of the present desperateness of the female population.

[Kid Presentable]

I urged a fellow board member to take advantage of the present desperateness of the female population.
What do you mean, ampm?

[Otis Driftwood]

...if you and your boyfriend break up, break up. It's over. It's not a called "Preluding up" for many very excellent reasons.
I like preluding. It often preludes to better stuff.

[trailerprincess]

and don't get back together. It's usually a terrible mistake.

And will inevitably mean your friends will kill you when you spend hours comparing break-up MKI to MKII


*heartless wench*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

[HEIRESS]

but its been over a year since we broke up! where that leave your advice now a-z!??! eh? eh? ehhhh....

:(

[jabumbo]

And will inevitably mean your friends will kill you when you spend hours comparing break-up MKI to MKII

liu kang wins?

[abcdefz]

but its been over a year since we broke up! where that leave your advice now a-z!??! eh? eh? ehhhh....

:(



Did you go one year without contact? Everyone needs time to heal and get perspective.

[HEIRESS]

Mmmm no we had contact, shit he took me to see bob dylan in the fall. but we have both dated other people during the past year etc etc

though at the moment, Im single and he isnt...

both times Ive seen him over the holidays we both have ended up crying at some point, so this is all ridiculously confusing
plus he doesnt live here anymore, but we dated long term at the end of our intial 3 year relationship
and hes probably going to move even farther away to do his masters, shit hes applying at schools in Italy even for that
and his stupid current girlfriend totally looks like me
and my current once in a while makeout partner looks like him except blonde
and and and...

[abcdefz]

You're playing with each other's hearts. :(

[ToucanSpam]

One


is the lonliest number

[Rock]

Mmmm no we had contact, shit he took me to see bob dylan in the fall. but we have both dated other people during the past year etc etc

though at the moment, Im single and he isnt...

both times Ive seen him over the holidays we both have ended up crying at some point, so this is all ridiculously confusing
plus he doesnt live here anymore, but we dated long term at the end of our intial 3 year relationship
and hes probably going to move even farther away to do his masters, shit hes applying at schools in Italy even for that
and his stupid current girlfriend totally looks like me
and my current once in a while makeout partner looks like him except blonde
and and and...
didn't this dude treat you like shit? why would you want to go through all of that again?

I feel that once its over, its over. also depending on how deep the relationship was..."the lets stay friends" thing is crazy.

I've only seen it work once after a break up. although i'm hoping for someone that it works again.

[marsdaddy]

I think learning by trying hanging onto a dead relationship -- and the comfortable sex that accompanies it -- is a crucial part of growing up.

[beastieangel01]

it's not always that easy, emotionally, to just let go of someone and cut off all contact completely.

not saying that the advice isn't good, just saying that it's a lot easier said than done.

[abcdefz]

If you just think of it as constantly picking at a scab, you get the idea.

You won't heal as fast, and it's even more likely to scar.

[DandyFop]

Of course you are right a-z (me, Heiress, and pauli are mostly the ones you are addressing I'm guessing...). And though I have reasons, there's no real excuse. Just that I am hurt and I'm having a real hard time dealing with it. Actually the first little while after we broke up I was totally fine. It was just the past week or so that I kinda started realizing how hurt I was in fact, and how totally NOT over him I still was. He's the first guy I was ever with that I never ever looked at any other when we were together and that meant a lot to me. And I just put so much fucking focus on New Years and if we would kiss or not, and it was idiotic, but maybe at the same time all the shit that wend todnw, maybe that's what all needed to happen. Everything happens for a reason, in my opinion. Luckily mostly all of our communication was done in person, maybe over the phone once in a while, so pretty much we'll have to run into each other to talk (unless he responds to my horrible drunken email, even though what I said was pretty good - no! There I go again).

The girl who he sucked face with left me a voicemail yesterday saying she feels awful...which is nice, I guess.

[abcdefz]

Yeah, this was sort of a mean thread to start, but it makes me mad to see how many otherwise-savvy women keep putting themselves in a position to get really hurt with this stuff. It's almost like the person has to go back and touch it to see if it still hurts; yep.... see if it still hurts; yep... see if it still hurts; yep -- and it's going to keep hurting until you stop touching it.

[ET]

You're the dee dee dee. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MtHvcespM)

[DandyFop]

Yeah, this was sort of a mean thread to start, but it makes me mad to see how many otherwise-savvy women keep putting themselves in a position to get really hurt with this stuff. It's almost like the person has to go back and touch it to see if it still hurts; yep.... see if it still hurts; yep... see if it still hurts; yep -- and it's going to keep hurting until you stop touching it.

Yes, but I think the ladies and I have the problem of also remembering that at one point it really didn't hurt, and that's what we focus on. I can't help but be really fucking pissed off that someone who told me he would love me forever no matter what, would do something so shitty in front of my face. Anyway, I'll get over it eventually, but it will obviously take time.

ET You linked to Carlos Mencia, we're getting a divorce.

[ET]

I felt the mediocre thread deserved a mediocre song. Although this could have worked too. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAJ8sPwKC1s) Yeah, we'll just go with that.

I get to keep the fine China and kittens.

[The Notorious LOL]

You're the dee dee dee. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MtHvcespM)

I resent that obscure association you made of my name and Carlos fucking Mencia. You're gross. :mad:

Edit: woops ddd here LOL forgot to log out lol.

[DandyFop]

^ Haha you totally just pulled a QueenAdrock/Droppin'...

[HEIRESS]

he did a life re-evaluation post our breakup

he made choices to change all the things that were making him completely impossible to have a relationship with
the things that made even some of his current friendships impossible

he wanted to get back together right away but i wouldnt because I didnt trust that he had changed the things that were most hurtful and controlling about our relationship together

I didnt want him to just be making superficial changes for the sake of winning me back right away

but now its been a year, and he's with someone else
hes all the "new" him and some other chick is reaping the benefits after I spent 3 years of hell with him helping him work through all his problems and its just all bullshit

I still love him

except now Im the fucked up lump of shit that scares all normal boys away

and I still even scare away the new makeout partner boy who has more fucked up mental issues than me, so jesus christ I just dont know what to do

[The Notorious LOL]

lol @ you thinking hes changed


lol x 100

[cosmo105]

i guess that since i'm in a really good relationship now, it's hard for me to remember how that used to feel. but i did that to myself too. you guys just have to stop settling. love isn't supposed to be painful and make you miserable all the time. it took me getting up and having respect for myself and seeing things for how they really were to move on from that and get out of a negative, emotionally abusive relationship. now, i could never see myself in a situation like that. i'd rather be happy and alone than suicidal and with someone.

i used to have a copy of Women Who Love Too Much. if i find it, i'm sending it to you ladies.

[HEIRESS]

lol @ you thinking hes changed


lol x 100

dude
he ate bacon with me
and ice cream
shits huge sons

[marsdaddy]

Wallowing and pulling oneself up from the muck is a time tested exercise in perserverance.

[cosmo105]

that's for damn sure.

it's really hard to pull yourself up, though, when you've been going through the same thing with the same person for years and it's just what you're used to. it's easier to fall back into that than it is to completely change your life around.

[paul jones]

back in Victorian Britain when I was young....we would say 'I've packed you in' to end the relations

[abcdefz]

back in Victorian Britain when I was young....we would say 'I've packed you in' to end the relations



...see? They're more sophisticated than us in everything.

[zorra_chiflada]

it's because women think that men actually still want to be friends with them. with no sex. like normal friends. wtf?

[SobaViolence]

it's because women think that men actually still want to be friends with them. with no sex. like normal friends. wtf?

yeah, what the fuck?

[Documad]

I think that it goes with being a woman, having a big heart, and being a certain age (early 20s). I went through it and so did most of my girlfriends. Jeez, I have this one friend who used to do that back and forth with the ex at every holiday -- with whichever one was not in another relationship approaching the one who was and breaking them up and then it not working out and so on and so on -- until the guy showed up at her door the night before he was getting married to someone else and said, "is this really not going to work between you and me because I have to know for sure before I marry this other woman and I would leave her right now if you just say the word" and that's what it took for my friend to know how fucked up the past six years of back and forth was. And this guy is a great guy and my friend is a great gal but they weren't meant to be together. Maybe it would have worked if they had met at 30 instead of at 20, but there you have it.

I've got nothing. Most 20-something women with big hearts have to learn the hard way, for themselves.

[Documad]

And there are some women (not the ones ID'd in this thread) who enjoy the drama. There's a power you feel when you know that you can mess with the old boyfriend for a bit, even if you're going to get nothing out of it in the long run. No woman will admit to that at the time, but plenty of them will admit to it later.

[Schmeltz]

You want to know what? It's not just the women who love the drama. A very good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend last summer - very messy affair, he cheated on her (inadvertently - got too drunk and woke up with someone else) and she flipped out (even though she had cheated on her previous boyfriend to be with him) and cut him out of her life altogether. He went away to school this semester and while he was gone she and I had a little fling - nothing of any consequence, I think we were both just kind of horny.

Anyway he came back for Christmas and it turns out he's been beating himself up over this girl all year and had spent months harbouring thoughts that they would get back together. He proceeded to elevate our meaningless little jaunt through the rose bushes into a full-on relationship designed solely to make him feel even worse - he accused her of trying to interfere with our friendship, he accused me of betraying our friendship, he accused our other friends of keeping him in the dark, yadda yadda. Worse, she half bought into it and got broken up about destroying my friendship with him and apologizing to everybody for "falling" for me even though nothing like that ever happened.

Long and short, it took a monumental effort on my part to convince everybody that there was no drama, that they were the ones creating it, and that nobody had really done anything wrong to begin with. I'm really not sure that I completely succeeded. But it did show me just how powerfully irrational people can be about things that really shouldn't be of any consequence in the long run. And it did show me that being rational about things is the best course of action - for yourself and for everyone else.

Live and learn, I guess. But for Christ's sake, try to think like a grown-up.

[TOY]

I swear, I'm going fucking GAY.

Uh, right after this guy uses my ass, too. :p


NOT LITERALLY!

[Documad]

Lesbians can have a lot of drama in their relationships too. :p

[TOY]

Lesbians can have a lot of drama in their relationships too. :p

Yeah, you know.

But at least it would be like

Hey, Marcy, no sex today. Aunt Flo's here.

and Marcy'll be like

LOL! COOL! SO IS MINE!

'Cause we'll get our periods at the same time and stuff.

[Documad]

I don't know if this is true as a general rule or why this might be, but the lesbians I know have reported that they tend to see Aunt Flo less often and for a shorter time than straight women.

[Bitchamachacha]

Hahaha!

Damn it, A-Z! How did you know?

My ex wants me to go to Winston with him this weekend, go shopping, eat at the Olive Garden, then come home and rent Snakes On A Plane. All week I've been like...

"THIS WILL BE SO MUCH FUN! But damn it! I dumped him. I need to move on! ARGHH!"


And Cosmo is right...people are like habits, and some habits are hard to break.

[hitmonlee]

I don't know if this is true as a general rule or why this might be, but the lesbians I know have reported that they tend to see Aunt Flo less often and for a shorter time than straight women.

i don't know many lesbians but you would think they wouldn't need to use birth control so may not have the luxury of picking and choosing when they get their period. (of course they still could, but i probably wouldn't use the pill if i didn't have to) heaps of girls i know are on the pill and use it to skip their period or put it off until a convenient date. also the pill affects the length of the period, things like that.

i've seen girls on every board complain about ex boyfriends (hey im one of them)that they choose to run back to. i think guys do it just as much, but don't need to blog it on internet forums.

[ET]

I resent that obscure association you made of my name and Carlos fucking Mencia. You're gross. :mad:

Edit: woops ddd here LOL forgot to log out lol.

Don't get mad because you were so hot in the pants you forgot to log him out. :cool: What's sad is that in my circle of associates we have taken such a misused and slightly humorous saying and turned it into comedy gold outside of it's origins. I guess you'd have to be there.

What's also sad is how sometimes victims of physical abuse take their men back because they've changed. "Oh, he'll never do it again he looooves me." And of course the guy is pretty much developing a stomach ulcer due to restraining himself from beating said woman. Then 6 months later it's all back to how it's always been. I saw this on Maury Povich and Montel so it's true.

[abcdefz]

What's also sad is how sometimes victims of physical abuse take their men back because they've changed. "Oh, he'll never do it again he looooves me." And of course the guy is pretty much developing a stomach ulcer due to restraining himself from beating said woman. Then 6 months later it's all back to how it's always been. I saw this on Maury Povich and Montel so it's true.




I lived next door to it, so I know it's true, too.

Here's a dude that's hitting his woman, then bites through her finger enough that she wound up needing stitches -- she needed as she's trying to call home for a ride. I got him to let her leave, and by the time I get her home and then back, she's already on the phone, apologizing to him. :confused:

[marsdaddy]

He went away to school this semester and while he was gone she and I had a little fling - nothing of any consequence, I think we were both just kind of horny.
....Live and learn, I guess. But for Christ's sake, try to think like a grown-up.That's sound advice right there. That's sound advice right there. That's sound advice right there. That's sound advice right there.


I saw that same Montel!

[ET]

:confused:

You and I both. Usually I'm a really understanding person but it's really hard to be sympathetic in a situation like that. I guess I'm just a grumpy old man.
:mad: <---grumpy

Concerning your signature; Is Arby's another word for ejaculate? I'm going to call it that from now on whether or not it is.

[abcdefz]

You and I both. Usually I'm a really understanding person but it's really hard to be sympathetic in a situation like that. I guess I'm just a grumpy old man.
:mad: <---grumpy





I told her I would never intervene on her behalf again. It made me sick to see them cuddling together on the couch a few days later.




Concerning your signature; Is Arby's another word for ejaculate? I'm going to call it that from now on whether or not it is.



Hey -- that's not bad.

In this case, it was from a scene in Fargo. Marge's husband is eating Arby's and she shows him that she picked up worms for him also, and he thanks her by kissing her on the cheek with his mouth half-full.

If I remember right.

[ET]

Awesome. Now I remember! That's pretty much the scene right there. Um, this whole wife beating thing was only about the signature. I also kind of have a confession to make... YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! :eek:

[monkey]

i fully realize my own fucked up-edness in seeing my ex and the new guy and trying to juggle and figure out feelings. that's what it is: trying to figure out my feelings. keep in mind, i did not call the ex, the ex called me. and im too... stupid to know better. im too young, im too sad, im too hung up on the idea of love. he doesnt treat me bad, its not like im abused woman going back for more punishment. im just a confused girl. and though im trying really hard not to get hurt, i know this shit's gonna blow up in my face. and im gonna end up posting all about it.

[abcdefz]

...truly abused women returning for more is insanity. Regular people going back is arguably just foolish. I wouldn't lump the two situations together, believe me.

[marsdaddy]

he doesnt treat me bad, its not like im abused woman going back for more punishment. im just a confused girl. and though im trying really hard not to get hurt, i know this shit's gonna blow up in my face. and im gonna end up posting all about it.I think part of the implication is this type of thinking -- I know he's gonna hurt me, but my heart is in the right place -- is similar to getting physically abused. I'm not sure I agree, as I think everyone has a conscious point at which they won't "take it anymore". Most people would draw that line before getting physically abused.

Zorra accurately pointed out that many males might consider your needs and wants after their libidos. I see no problem, as long as you both know what it is and don't try to make it into more. But, if you know you're going to get hurt, you're going to get hurt...so why do it? There is no logic or rational answer. So take your lumps.

And try to remember not to avoid getting hurt so much, next time, that you end up in the same situation or miss out on someone who actually will consider your needs and wants on at least an even level with their own.

[ET]

...truly abused women returning for more is insanity. Regular people going back is arguably just foolish. I wouldn't lump the two situations together, believe me.
.

[HEIRESS]

Im gonna quote my good buddy Bobby Dylan here

"You can't be wise and in love at the same time"

[TOY]

I think the mental abuse is just about as painful/wrong as the physical. And until you've actually been apart/had no contact what-so-ever for a good portion of time, you finally realize the mental abuse was there all along. Even the littlest things, say, head games. But oh-oh! Your stupid, big girl heart and dreams thought he could change, or you could change him. Nope.


I don't know what to make of this new guy, yet. It sucks, because we established up-front "no titles", "no relationship". In the beginning, I had no idea I would actually LIKE him this much. The dates I've gone on before ended awkwardly, or the boy just bored me to tears.

I think he's a "playa" who likes to spend money and take pretty girls out, which is truly unfortunate. For me. :( Then again, I'm not that attractive. Well, not as attractive as him. I probably just give mad head or something, so I'm kept around on a needs basis. Err, "a said fuck-buddy". But then he'll say things along the lines of "I care about you great deal", "It's not just sex, though, I do love having sex with you..."

I'm reading between the lines...

"I care about you a great deal" = You're cool to hang out with when my friends aren't around. I buy you nice presents and expensive dinners so you don't suspect a damn thing when the other girl's pogo'ing my cock.

"It's not just sex" = It's really JUST sex.

"I (do) love having sex with you" = Yeah, until I get bored and run off for sloppy seconds with other girl after the bar.


Damn.

[Satan]

I think he's a "playa" who likes to spend money and take pretty girls out, which is truly unfortunate. For me. :( Then again, I'm not that attractive. Well, not as attractive as him. I probably just give mad head or something, so I'm kept around on a needs basis. Err, "a said fuck-buddy". But then he'll say things along the lines of "I care about you great deal", "It's not just sex, though, I do love having sex with you..."

I'm reading between the lines...

"I care about you a great deal" = You're cool to hang out with when my friends aren't around. I buy you nice presents and expensive dinners so you don't suspect a damn thing when the other girl's pogo'ing my cock.

"It's not just sex" = It's really JUST sex.

"I (do) love having sex with you" = Yeah, until I get bored and run off for sloppy seconds with other girl after the bar.


Damn.


hahahahaha I think HE thinks YOU'RE a SLORE thats awesome

[TOY]

hahahahaha I think HE thinks YOU'RE a SLORE thats awesome

What is your problem? Seriously. I was honest with you, you asked for the closure and now you have it. Get off this board because it won't give you any (I won't stop posting for your sake, either). Go, like, date other girls or something. Girls, uh, close to your age of course. You have my full consent.


Look, I'm going to be the bigger person in saying this; you're not an unattractive guy by any means, you have a good heart, and (I would hope) that now, your life is in some sort of 'normal' order.

Take a chance, this isn't the end of the world. Yeah, we were together for a long time, but the past drama shouldn't KEEP us together. We hate each other, really. Don't you feel the same? I'd like to punch your fucking teeth in, while you, I'm sure, have thought of something equally just as painful.

Go.. Be an adult, now. Grow up. We can have a reunion or something in, say, 10 years.

[cookiepuss]

I think that it goes with being a woman, having a big heart, and being a certain age (early 20s). I went through it and so did most of my girlfriends. Jeez, I have this one friend who used to do that back and forth with the ex at every holiday -- with whichever one was not in another relationship approaching the one who was and breaking them up and then it not working out and so on and so on -- until the guy showed up at her door the night before he was getting married to someone else and said, "is this really not going to work between you and me because I have to know for sure before I marry this other woman and I would leave her right now if you just say the word" and that's what it took for my friend to know how fucked up the past six years of back and forth was. And this guy is a great guy and my friend is a great gal but they weren't meant to be together. Maybe it would have worked if they had met at 30 instead of at 20, but there you have it.

I've got nothing. Most 20-something women with big hearts have to learn the hard way, for themselves.

I think I said something similar in another thread. I think it's fairly "normal" for women in thier 20's to expereince alot of relationship turmoil. Because you really are learning about how to be in a relationship, what is exceptable what is not, how far can the boundaries be pushed, etc.

[HEIRESS]

between drunken phonecalls and a drunkard showing up on my doorstep I got about 2 hours of sleep last night

(n)

[SobaViolence]

Im gonna quote my good buddy Bobby Dylan here

"You can't be wise and in love at the same time"

you can be wise after the first.
unless you're slow on the uptake...

[HEIRESS]

ILL SHOW YOU A SLOW UPTAKE

errr


seriuosly, between lack of sleep and crying my eyelids feel like sandpaper scraping across my poor eyeballs

Im so getting drunk tonight.

[drizl]

i was watching this tibetan monk on google video last night...im in desperate need of some tibetan wisdom at this point...but one of the things he was talking about was renunciation of samsara, of total indifference towards pleasure and pain, about non-attatchment. it makes a lot of sense that, so long as you are attatched to the joys and misery's of life, you are exisiting only within yourself, within your ego, and that the only way to transcend yourself and overcome your ego is to let go of the desire for joy, for pain, for escape from pain.
and once you let go of ego, then you discern truth and reality from a transpersonal perspective.

easier said than done.












but yeah, being in love doesnt make life any easier.

[Auton]

lol @ the girls on this messageboard.

[DipDipDive]

seriuosly, between lack of sleep and crying my eyelids feel like sandpaper scraping across my poor eyeballs

You're in control of your emotions. When you let other people think they are the ones in control, you're giving them the green light to abuse you whenever the fuck they feel like it. So stop it.

[HEIRESS]

When Im sad, I cry.

I dont cry in public atleast, or hide it so that maybe 2 people outside of my family/significant others have ever seen me cry, but when I am sad and with someone I feel comfortable crying in front of (aka someone I dated for 3 years), I do so like a sunuvabitch.

I never pull punches, or emotional releases.

[DandyFop]

You're in control of your emotions. When you let other people think they are the ones in control, you're giving them the green light to abuse you whenever the fuck they feel like it. So stop it.

<3

I for shiz need to heed this advice.

[Helvete]

Dandyflop.

[DandyFop]

So how many circle jerks have you been a part of now that you're in the armed forces?

[Helvete]

Homosexuals or homosexual activities are not allowed in my great Army, don't know about yours. This stuff doesn't happen.

[ampm]

Im so getting drunk tonight.

Oh. I'm guessing you'll bring a camera. Hmmm.

[cosmo105]

oooh, witty ampm such a tough tough internet toughy.

[fucktopgirl]

i was watching this tibetan monk on google video last night...im in desperate need of some tibetan wisdom at this point...but one of the things he was talking about was renunciation of samsara, of total indifference towards pleasure and pain, about non-attatchment. it makes a lot of sense that, so long as you are attatched to the joys and misery's of life, you are exisiting only within yourself, within your ego, and that the only way to transcend yourself and overcome your ego is to let go of the desire for joy, for pain, for escape from pain.
and once you let go of ego, then you discern truth and reality from a transpersonal perspective.

easier said than done.



yea, when you let go of no pain, egoand joy ...well then you feel nothing!

So , you need pain and fear and whatever else to feel alive.
You need your ego to understand what is going on!


To transcend yourself you need to catch what is going on otherwise you are fucked! So .. you need to understand your attatchements to life to fully comprehend the pattern that is inside of you!


agadou, pousse l'ananas!

[Dorothy Wood]

I need to go camping or something. shit's hectic. I need some nature nurture.

I'm in the mood for some good old-fashioned fun that isn't about boys or what kind of outfit I'm wearing.


I also wanted to tell "Satan" to fuck off. he's a creep pedophile.

[beastieangel01]

I'm in the mood for some good old-fashioned fun that isn't about boys or what kind of outfit I'm wearing.

if all you are having are those nights, it's definitely time to tell your friends to get away to do something else with you and if they are unwilling, find some new friends.

[jennyb]

I need to go camping or something. shit's hectic. I need some nature nurture.

I'm in the mood for some good old-fashioned fun that isn't about boys or what kind of outfit I'm wearing.


I also wanted to tell "Satan" to fuck off. he's a creep pedophile.

Omg, this is such a great post.