I could never, ever be the "other woman"

[DandyFop]

I think in my past I might have been able to because I was desensitized to other's feelings. But I can't imagine the guilt of hurting someone who loves the person that is trying to get on you, or whatever.

Tell your stories of being the other woman, or man, here.

[abcdefz]

No idea. I've never cheated or participated in cheating.

[beastieangel01]

I've never been the "other woman" to my knowledge.

[ToucanSpam]

I don't know if it qualifies as 'the other man' but I've been the guy who wasn't 'chosen' and insted it was my best friend. That was a pretty devastating summer; my best friend and I stopped talking, I lost another friend/girl because of the fighting, I spent 90% alone and working. Thankfully, we stopped the fighting and 'got back together' as best friends do; we also promised eachother we wouldn't get into fights over girls ever again because it was pretty stupid to do so.


..well, I said I wouldn't share stuff like that again but I just thought this was somewhat linked to this topic...sorry I didn't give enough info on the actual scenario.

[marsdaddy]

I was the "other guy" shortly after graduating from college. It was weird situation: this woman pursued me, and the guy and her had "broken up" as far as I knew. He was actually a friend of mine, which made it even more complicated. And he told me after the fact, that even though they were broken up, he still wanted to be with her.

Ultimately, he and I got played, our friendship fell apart, he married the next person he dated, I had to get a restraining order on the woman, and I ran into the guy at an airport on a business trip years later and he seemed to be doing well.

Learned my lesson.

[Lex Diamonds]

I was also the guy who didn't get chosen (I was having sex with this girl for a while then she started going out with my "friend") but then a couple months later she fucked me while she was going out with him... I didn't feel bad about it cuz he basically took her out from under me in the first place anyway.

[cookiepuss]

I find that when ever I say "never, ever" that fate seems to conspire to put me in a situation where that statement is tested. and sometimes even with the best intentions you end up doing the thing you said you would not do. so I seldom say "never"


at any rate...I've never been the other woman in any sort of long term affair. that I'm aware of anyway, so if I was the guy kept it well hidden. however there is a moment I'm not so proud of. I did have a onenight stand with a guy while I was on vacation in iceland. and I was aware that he had a girlfriend, only because she was blowing up his cell phone all night long. and I didn't feel too good about that. and I actually said to him...look why are you blowing your relationship on some out of town peice of ass (me) that you'll never see again? And he had his reasons. and it became apparent to me that he would have done the same thing with some other girl if i hadn't been me, because he had already made up his mind to cheat. In that situation I knew it was fucked up, but I didn't know his girlfriend or him for that matter and this mess would be his to clean up long after I had left. I had absolutely nothing emotionally invested in the situation. At anyrate I'm not proud of my one night stand or that it was something that probably really hurt someone but at the same time I can't say I feel guilty about it. I could have said no I'm not doing this, but I felt like whatever was going on with this guy in his relationship was way beyond me and that utimately his evening with me was a symptom not a cause of the demise of his relationship. For him to be doing what he was doing there was already something really wrong with them. So I guess that's how other women justify being other women. they don't consider themselves to be the cause of what is wrong with the other couples relatiosnship.

but you know for me it would have been a different situation if i had known al parties involved and lived in the same country and all that. if that had been tha case I don't think I could have done it.

[The Notorious LOL]

a friend of mine was, and he really wanted to be with said girl...to which I reminded him that how could he realistically expect her to be loyal to him if they started dating due to her cheating?

[abcdefz]

a friend of mine was, and he really wanted to be with said girl...to which I reminded him that how could he realistically expect her to be loyal to him if they started dating due to her cheating?


See -- that seems like such a no-brainer to me. I have no idea why people romanticize affairs.

[SobaViolence]

i was with another girl who lived with a guy, but they were on the outs, and while we saw each other behind his back, she got him to move out and pay back all the money he owed her. i was acredited with the assist, emotionally that is.

fun, sexy, intense, emotional times...

[Loppfessor]

I guess right now I'm technically the "other man" cus my girlfriend's divorce isn't final yet but I know I have her heart so I'm not sweating the legalities of it all.

On the flip side for the ladies I think the worst is when you are the other woman and don't know it. I was cheating on my ex (not proud just stating a fact) while I was in Germany with a girl I met there. Long story short she and I are still friends and the ex hates me.

Aaaanyway I was talking to the girl last night just catching up on shit and I mentioned my girlfriend. She got all pissed (just teasingly) and said "Oh you've known her for what 4 months and she's already got the title 'girlfriend' I was with you longer than that and you never called me your girlfriend!" to which I replied "I couldn't call you my girlfriend, I already had one of those when we were dating...sorry" then we both had a chuckle. It's cool we are friends now but I think it would really suck for her if we weren't

[HEIRESS]

I think i have been for the past week...yeah pretty much

but I didnt cross any boundaries I didnt want to

[Rock]

A close friend of mine "fell in love" with one of her co-workers. He told her that he was going to leave his wife and kids for her so they banged in a hotel after work. Making her the other woman. Then he broke it off and she couldn't handle being around him anymore since she was sooooo in love and ended up having to get another job....that she now hates.

She got what she deserved. And hopefully he will too...

Show some fucking restraint and respect. Do unto others....and all that shit.

[drizl]

i used to not care, i use to "cheat" and be involved in "affairs"(non-marriage) or whatever you want to call them. i use to just love sex so much, and wanted to be intimate with certain people so much that nothing else seemed to matter.

i feel like a dipshit for it, and realize now how extremely self-centered and ego-driven i was, and how i only cared about sex and being intimate with people and how that was more important to me than anything else.

now i have a girlfriend, who i have been seeing for over a year, and though i dont want to get married, or move in, or settle down or anything like that, i am satisfied with just having that, and sex is no longer so important to me.

its nice to have love, to have trust, and comfort. its nice to learn from one another. her and i are total opposites, but somehow we manage, and out of it, we have both grown so much. and now i have a completely different understanding of what love and sex are, and a much healthier one at that.
i am much more fulfilled and happy with that vs constantly running around thinking with my penis.

[ET]

I couldn't be the other man. But could you be the woman with the other woman with me?

[Yorkshire~Rose]

I was the "other woman" for a week once. I was 22-ish and I met this guy through friends on a night out. We all got completely hammered and that night i somehow got caught up in a torrid affair. I knew he had a live-in girlfriend (and there are other complications that i really don't want to go into here). I came to my senses after a week and realised that he didn't give a shit about me and that i was one of many.

I cringe when i look back but i really fell for him. Yes, in 7 days. He was such a smooth talking bastard. And he looked the spitting image of Scott Wolf.

I've not seen him since but last i heard he was still with his girlfriend (probably now his wife)

[Echewta]

I've never wanted to be a woman, let alone an other woman. :confused:

[GreenEarthAl]

This'z another thread about dyadic relationships, right?

[HEIRESS]

I was THE woman for a longlong time, so it makes me feel better about the whole thing

:confused:

whatever, he went back to vancouver this morning and I probably wont visit him for 3 months
YAY!

[DandyFop]

I was THE woman for a longlong time, so it makes me feel better about the whole thing

:confused:

whatever, he went back to vancouver this morning and I probably wont visit him for 3 months
YAY!

I think this comes down to a sense of entitlement or something - becuase you spent all that time with him (and as you say, helped him through so much shit), you feel like you are the one deserving of his attention instead of this girl he's currently with. And even though he hurt you, the fact that he is paying attention to you now is too much to resist.