Bipolar.

[Rawr]

Does anyone on here have or known someone to have this disorder? I havent slept at all and it's areadly 8:47 am, all through the night I was having really fucking crazy mental/emotional breakdowns from thinking too much, I started to think about my childhood and my psychology of it which led to really crazy realizations with my minds health beginning from childhood. I realised how much I'm actually suffering from bipolar disorder with all that crazy 'Smelling & Tasting things that aren't really there, the serious problems sleeping, total decrease of eating, speed talking and people always telling me to slow the fuck down, getting easily irratted and agressive, delushions, firey anger to total depth of sadness and sudden happiness...can't make decisions anymore' bullshit.
and somewhat paranoid schizophrenia (Makes me feel like I should be in the movie A Beautiful Mind..I have a really crazy thing with numbers now.)
I thought all that stuff was over, until new years....now my mind is pretty fucked up agian.
Now, I'm just thinking that...I kind of want medication for this, but at the same time I think I'll be okay, but part of me feels as if I really, really need it. It's just that I don't want to be telling this to any shrink/psychologist or whatever because, I'd have to explain it all to them and if I do I seriously think I'll wind up in a mental institute or something I don't know but I can't trust them. I'm thinking I could tell a prof. and make my story of the whole reasons why I think I have these disorders and what's going on inside my head, but cut it short and ease it out so it doesnt seem as crazy...but then what do I do if they just think I'm okay, I have problems but.. I'll be fine, I feel as if it's more than that.
So, if anyone on the boards has sufferd from it, what happend?..how severe was it, what meds did you get?, is it safe to say to them ? I just kind of have a fear since I've watched to many crazy movies like one flew over the cucoos nest/a beautiful mind and I have, maybe an over exaggeration but..a worry that will be me in the end with all those fucking insane therapys if I speak up.

[Knuckles]

My sister has been diagnosed bipolar by three seperate doctors. She has been on medication for two and a half months now. She seems to be doing much better. It's just too bad it took going to prison to keep her on them.

She used to just take them for a few weeks and then decide she didn't need them anymore. Her life just kept getting more fucked up everytime she went off of her meds. (n)

My advice is go to the doctor.

[QueenAdrock]

I was diagnosed as "soft" bipolar when I was in high school and put on lithium. Later, they realized that they were fucking idiots and that the "bipolar" part was actually just regular teenager MOOD SWINGS. That's bad too, because lithium is highly dangerous to take...they should have NEVER put me on it.

Asswads.

But anyways, go to a doctor and tell them everything. They can't commit you to a mental institution if you're over the age of 18 without your consent (unless it's court-ordered, which obviously it won't be). Get everything off your chest, that's what they're there for. No matter how crazy you may feel, they've probably seen much worse. You'll get therapy and/or meds and be on the right track in no time.

[QueenAdrock]

Well, there actually is such thing as "soft" bipolar. There's two forms of the disorder, known as Bipolar I and Bipolar II, the latter of which is often referred to as "soft bipolar." It's a different form of the disorder:

Bipolar 2 is typified by hypomanic episodes followed by depressive episodes. Thus, people with Bipolar 2 never experience an all-out manic episode. Women are more likely to suffer from the Bipolar 2 form of the illness. (http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro99/web1/Gosselink.html)

Either way, I didn't have either. They knew I had depression since I was little and these mood swings were coming out of nowhere, so they chalked it up to soft bipolar. Heaven forbid it's just hormones. :rolleyes:

[drizl]

i think the idea for counseling is great, however, i urge you to be careful. you mentioned that you think you can get through it on your own, that you might be okay...try your best, and keep trying. be strong, if you can get through it on your own, you will have accomplished much more than by taking any drug. drugs just mask the symptoms, there are no cures for depression, or bipolar.

my brother has bipolar and schizonphrenia, well thats what he had. then he beat someone up and instead of sending him to jail, they opted to send him to a mental institution. there he became a guinea pig and they basically experimented on him with different drug cocktails till they found a combination that worked. of course it never cured him, it only masked the symptoms, and soon, the drugs no longer worked in that combination so they started a different combination. the process repeated itself and continues to this day, about 18 years later, where he is still in and out of mental institutions and hospitals on the regular. every few months, they rearrange meds, hoping that they will find the right combination. it will never work.


please take my advice on this. be careful with medications. doctors prescribe meds produced by pharmaceutical companies, go to get their educations from institutions invested in by pharmaceutical companies...my father has worked for pharmaceutical companies for over 20 years. my brother since being diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar, has developed crohns disease, diabetes, manic depression, epilipsy and has lost the function of one of his kidneys. my opinion, which seems so logical to me, and is totally dismissed by doctors who make a living prescribing these medications, is that all of the drugs he has taken, and all of the combinations of drugs he has taken, in addition to his terrible diet and living circumstances, has only caused more and more problems, and will continue to degrade and ruin his life until this is stopped. but it is too late, and i have no control over the situation. he will probably eventually die from complications of all this disease and disorder in his life.



when you take drugs, you toxify your body. especially lab generated pharmaceutical drugs. you are not curing anything, only masking symptoms.


i think there are a few things worth considering.

1. diet. try eating more raw foods, and realize what you are puting into your body is either dead, or alive. it is dead if it is cooked, and is chemical altered and no longer as nutritious and beneficial to your body. many people pray as they are cooking, putting positive vibrations into their food. the work of masuru emoto shows that positive thoughts and vibrations have an effect on the crystalline structure of water, and of food, and this effect translates into higher energy subtle energy potential and your body being more able to recieve this energy. when you realize how good food is, how precious it is, and how nutritious it is, you love it, and you provide the food and your body with this love and it effects you on every level, physical-conscious-superconscious.

2.nature. it is good to be outside. i dont know how much time you spend outdoors, but light is good. the sun is good. without the sun we would not have life, so try going outside and sitting facing the sun, closing your eyes, and relaxing...almost as in meditation, feeling the warmth of the sun hitting your face, feeling your body absorb this warmth and feeling the nurturing potential of this warmth. it is also good to walk in the woods, spend the day in the forest, take a road trip to somewhere beautiful and ease your mind. breathe in fresh air and realize how the air is sustaining you, how wonderful it is to be alive and breathing...and how nothing else matters. nature is the most real and powerful thing we can confront ourselves with. without nature, we would not exist, and it is our disrespect for nature which is threatening our existence.

3.love. the most important thing, and the basis for life is love. try really hard to clear your mind, and take in, and project love. meditate. the universe would not exist and evolve without love. its opposite might be hatred, or might be more simply stated as destructive. the universe would not exist if it werent for destructive forces either. but love must always be only slightly more powerful in order for things to be created, for things to evolve constructively, not destructively.

love/hate, compassion/aggression, wisdom/ignorance, happiness/sadness are a part of life. we all experience them, and we all want to be happy. it takes serious effort to be happy on your own. and through the process, it makes you strong, brave and courageous.

i wish you well, and i hope that my words helped, even just a little. please be careful with doctors. they mean well, but they dont know any better, it is how they were educated, it is the direction of their science. their science doesnt recognise nature, diet and love...it fails to understand it correctly.

the truth of nature is whole systems- science is only beginning to realize this.
the truth of diet is that we are designed for raw food, and that cooking is only a means to prevent disease in mass production and distribution of goods, in the saving and protecting of saved foods against harmful bacteria.
the truth of love is that it heals.

[zorra_chiflada]

i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 5 years ago. i've been medicated since that time. and it's worked. it's not because i was all "poor me i'm so depressed." it was more like i was becoming a violent and dangerous person to be around so my parents made me start taking it. you hear a lot of horror stories about zoloft and the like, but it's been good for me. i think that i was just correctly diagnosed from the getgo and given the right medication.

[Rawr]

I was told not that long ago once I get back to school (tomorrow) through the week that I'm having an appoitment with this shrink that I saw before about my anger but the social services are taking me back just to check up with my weed problem. When I went there before and talked to him, it just made me feel really angry, inhuman of how he talked and acted towards me..I hate it. I told him nothing...but I'm kind of up to saying things now, only because my friend Kay who has almost basicly the exact mind as me said we should go on a 'feild trip to the psychotherapist', we'd always talk about needing to go to one when high on e but I kept thinking maybe she didn't want to and kept giving up on the idea. i'll only go and talk if she will too..but it's going to be really hard to talk about it to him, I mean.. where do I begin?

[monkey]

begin by stopping the self medication. and then talking to doctors.

[HEIRESS]

people always tell me I should be on medication because Im somewhat manic depressive, but I dont believe them!

my friend is on lithium and paxil etc etc for her issues, and she swears by the medication

I kid that my coworker is bipolar, well really not kidding, he pretty much is, and his mother and sister suffer from it

I help him deal by not holding it against him when he freaks out and tells me to fuck off and die right after making out with me in random closets

Im also furthering the therapy by making him a shirt with a polar bear on it and writing "BI-POLAR BEAR"

Im a good friend/part time hookup

[Rawr]

I typed out all the symptoms starting from age 4 just to clear everything up and to show the psychologist...I'm wanting feedback though, do you think I'm right, that I am suffering from it?

It all started at the age of 4.
Age 4.
- Mania.
.. Feeling like nothing can stop me with my power.
.. Lots of energy.
.. Restless all the time.
.. Can't focus on anything for very long.
.. Sometime's inability to stop talking, talking really fast.
.. Spending lots of money on things I don't need or can't afford.

After I had gotten the redelin for "A.D.D & A.D.H.D" I lost all those symptoms and developed the other part of it, Mania-Anger.

.. Feeling really mad, hostile.
.. Family telling me I've been acting differently. Telling me that I'm starting fights, talking louder, and getting more angry.
.. People constantly telling me to slow down.
.. People easily irritating me and provoking aggression.
.. Difficult concentrating and making decisions.
.. I developed a extreme paranoia and fear of this mermaid figureen that hung on my wall, for 4 years I would have recurring nightmares of it coming to harm me and my family. I would wake up in the middle of the night and start panicking, staring down at it for long peroids of time and start screaming and yelling in my mind to it, saying "If you're real, then do your worst to me, prove to me your real." I litterly thought it was alive and was plotting something big to harm me.

At the age of 13, I began to develope these symptoms..
.. Total decrease in appetite.
.. Seeing strange shapes in the dark that I believed where coming after to me and where going to harm me.
.. I never heard things but always tasted, smelled and felt things that werent really there. Only twice have I ever heard something that wasent there, a clown laughing, and once waking up from a dream someone laughing insanly that was coming from my closet...
.. Feeling as if I couldn't control my own thoughts, like for example..out of no where I'd start thinking of dying or just have really disturbing thoughts in my head and no matter what I felt as if I could not control the thoughts, I'd talk to my own self in my mind and say "Stop it! You can't do this.!" but now when I think about it...I always thought since I never talked to myself out loud I wasent crazy, but when I think about it whenever I'd talk to myself in my head and always say it as if I'm talking to someone else who was I think was me, but was also someone else.
.. Total confusion and fear, the reasons which I did not understand why.
.. Racing thoughts and ideas.
.. Real trouble rememering things.

At the early age of 13... I started the manic depressive stage.
.. Thoughts of suicide.
.. Feeling of hopelessness and despair.
.. Spontaneous wantings to harm myself for no reason, like randomly punching myself in the face because I thought it made me feel good. The feeling of making myself feel worse made me feel better.
.. Lost all my interests and hobbies that interested me before (exp. writing, but for some reason developed permenment writers block)

Now, a couple years later.
.. Complete insomnia.
.. Paranoia of a plot being made to harm me. Paranoia of numbers (the plot, as I believe involves lots of numbers and having to add them up, now whenever I'd look at the time or something I'd feel like a maniac because my mind would automatically super quickly add the numbers up and if it added up to a specific number which I believed to hold a meaning, especailly bad I would feel really scared and paranoid because of it..)
.. Feeling of total anger, to total depression, but the slightest thing would totally make me feel an euorphia of total control and happiness....manic happiness or something.
.. Breakdowns of which I felt I had no control over my emotions which went from anger to sadness to extreme fear to complushions to harm myself.

[Dorothy Wood]

go to the doctor.

also, I think that you're blowing some of this out of proportion. I thought I was nuts when I was younger, and yes, I am a little nuts. I have mild clinical depression (i.e. thoughts of suicide, irrational fears, etc.) and I am not on medication.

so, you're 15ish? okay, well, you realize that these things are happening and you need to take a bit of responsibility for it. recreational drug use, especially E is going to make your "symptoms" worse.

what you're doing right now is an example of a "catch 22". you can't be crazy if you think you're crazy.

[drizl]

if you cant stop taking drugs, then taking other drugs is not going to solve your problems

[drizl]

i would try alternative medicines before going right in to something like zoloft, prozac or whatever. those are powerful pills.

what good does numbing yourself do in the long run? does it solves your issues? no, it makes you artificially happy. does it cure disease? no, it only temporarily dumbs you down. then you have to take another pill and another pill and another pill.

there are better ways to deal with depression than by taking pills. too often we think its the only option, we are told its the only option. there are better ways. pills do nothing to solve problems.

[zorra_chiflada]

I typed out all the symptoms starting from age 4 just to clear everything up and to show the psychologist...I'm wanting feedback though, do you think I'm right, that I am suffering from it?

It all started at the age of 4.
Age 4.
- Mania.
.. Feeling like nothing can stop me with my power.
.. Lots of energy.
.. Restless all the time.
.. Can't focus on anything for very long.
.. Sometime's inability to stop talking, talking really fast.
.. Spending lots of money on things I don't need or can't afford.

After I had gotten the redelin for "A.D.D & A.D.H.D" I lost all those symptoms and developed the other part of it, Mania-Anger.

.. Feeling really mad, hostile.
.. Family telling me I've been acting differently. Telling me that I'm starting fights, talking louder, and getting more angry.
.. People constantly telling me to slow down.
.. People easily irritating me and provoking aggression.
.. Difficult concentrating and making decisions.
.. I developed a extreme paranoia and fear of this mermaid figureen that hung on my wall, for 4 years I would have recurring nightmares of it coming to harm me and my family. I would wake up in the middle of the night and start panicking, staring down at it for long peroids of time and start screaming and yelling in my mind to it, saying "If you're real, then do your worst to me, prove to me your real." I litterly thought it was alive and was plotting something big to harm me.

At the age of 13, I began to develope these symptoms..
.. Total decrease in appetite.
.. Seeing strange shapes in the dark that I believed where coming after to me and where going to harm me.
.. I never heard things but always tasted, smelled and felt things that werent really there. Only twice have I ever heard something that wasent there, a clown laughing, and once waking up from a dream someone laughing insanly that was coming from my closet...
.. Feeling as if I couldn't control my own thoughts, like for example..out of no where I'd start thinking of dying or just have really disturbing thoughts in my head and no matter what I felt as if I could not control the thoughts, I'd talk to my own self in my mind and say "Stop it! You can't do this.!" but now when I think about it...I always thought since I never talked to myself out loud I wasent crazy, but when I think about it whenever I'd talk to myself in my head and always say it as if I'm talking to someone else who was I think was me, but was also someone else.
.. Total confusion and fear, the reasons which I did not understand why.
.. Racing thoughts and ideas.
.. Real trouble rememering things.

At the early age of 13... I started the manic depressive stage.
.. Thoughts of suicide.
.. Feeling of hopelessness and despair.
.. Spontaneous wantings to harm myself for no reason, like randomly punching myself in the face because I thought it made me feel good. The feeling of making myself feel worse made me feel better.
.. Lost all my interests and hobbies that interested me before (exp. writing, but for some reason developed permenment writers block)

Now, a couple years later.
.. Complete insomnia.
.. Paranoia of a plot being made to harm me. Paranoia of numbers (the plot, as I believe involves lots of numbers and having to add them up, now whenever I'd look at the time or something I'd feel like a maniac because my mind would automatically super quickly add the numbers up and if it added up to a specific number which I believed to hold a meaning, especailly bad I would feel really scared and paranoid because of it..)
.. Feeling of total anger, to total depression, but the slightest thing would totally make me feel an euorphia of total control and happiness....manic happiness or something.
.. Breakdowns of which I felt I had no control over my emotions which went from anger to sadness to extreme fear to complushions to harm myself.

stop analysing yourself. that's not your job, it's your psychiatrist's. it sounds almost as if you want to be diagnosed with something. almost everyone experiences those kind of things, you know. i know you might feel alone, but you're not. the difference is, with bipolar, your life is impossible to live, and everything around you starts falling apart because of your uncontrollable behaviour.

[cosmo105]

sweetie, it's called being a teenager. and those thoughts about when you were 4?...that's because YOU WERE FOUR. kids act like that. you're just like everyone else. if you're really concerned see a professional. or spend some time in a mental health clinic around people with REAL problems and realize oh doctor i am perfectly sane and not a danger to myself and i would really like to go home now and be sane there.

[QueenAdrock]

stop analysing yourself. that's not your job, it's your psychiatrist's. it sounds almost as if you want to be diagnosed with something. almost everyone experiences those kind of things, you know. i know you might feel alone, but you're not. the difference is, with bipolar, your life is impossible to live, and everything around you starts falling apart because of your uncontrollable behaviour.

(y)

Also, labeling yourself as having "paranoid thoughts" shows me that you're sane enough to realize that you were being paranoid. People who suffer from actual severe paranoia believe what they're saying as true and don't label themselves as "paranoid" since it is normalcy to them.

I think you're going through normal teenager stuff, just go to a doctor and have HIM tell you what HE thinks.

[Randetica]

i hate conversations with therapists

at first they are like GO home you dont have shit and 10 minutes later it sounds more like it would take atleast 50 years to make me kinda normal again but only with much much luck and the help of god and ass loads of money

and they make it sound like i have two options
a) i can sit on my lazy ass for the rest of my life and just do nothing
or b) being enough of an idiot to go through a years long therapy just to be able to umm WORK! you idiot! choose a) cause im already tired of your cuntbagging! NEXT!

when im at home i think it's time to grab life by its balls and change it but when the therapist starts talking i think to myself wtf im doing here and just want back home

it's shit