This joke is funny... and it's an e-mail (before everyone gets all holy about it)

[Tone Capone]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
selected;
A half-gallon 2 % milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she
was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the
belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth
did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

[Junker]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL....................:D :D

Nice ! I didnt know this one.

[na§tee]

(lb) this joke is not funny :(

[Tone Capone]

this is not funny :(

You didn't like the last one either... Have a Magners and chill out.

[na§tee]

lolz.

it's got absolutely nothing to do with apparent 'offensive' confident. i can blaspheme with the best of them. want to hear my quip about the black disabled lesbian?

it's just that it is patently not funny because the content is rubbish.

[Tone Capone]

lolz.

it's got absolutely nothing to do with apparent 'offensive' confident. i can blaspheme with the best of them. want to hear my quip about the black disabled lesbian?
it's just that it is patently not funny because the content is rubbish.


BAHAHAHA!!!


I want you so bad right now(!)

[na§tee]

ummmmm... thanks?

i'm not a black disabled lesbian if that's what turns you on. although i hear they're a pound a penny nowadays!

oh, and my joke can include an irish black disabled lesbian if you are super duper lucky! (y)

[QueenAdrock]

I laughed. :o

[Tone Capone]

ummmmm... thanks?

i'm not a black disabled lesbian if that's what turns you on. although i hear they're a pound a penny nowadays!

oh, and my joke can include an irish black disabled lesbian if you are super duper lucky! (y)

I'm in love with you(y) :) (y)

[Tone Capone]

Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: What's a mixed feeling?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it!

Q: What is a Yankee?
A: The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q: What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A: They both like a tight seal.

Q: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

Q: What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A: About three inches.

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

[OPINIONTRON 800]

WRONG OPINIONTRON FINDS HUMOUR MARKEDLY LACKING. FAULTY OPINION OF TONE CAPONE PROVEN. OPINIONTRON WILL CONTINUE TO DISPROVE FAULTY OPINIONS.

[Tzar]

hahaha top stuff

[OPINIONTRON 800]

FURTHER ANALYSIS REVEALS A STAR RATING SYSTEM THAT SCORES THIS THREAD 4 OUT OF A POSSIBLE 5 IS FAULTY AND THEREFORE OPINIONTRON COMPUTES FAULTY OPINION IS COLLECTIVE.

[icy manipulator]

opiniontron needs to suck my head of romaine lettuce

[OPINIONTRON 800]

opiniontron needs to suck my head of romaine lettuce
WRONG. USER ICY MANIPULATOR HAS FAULTY OPINION DUE TO POOR INSTRUCTION IN INTERNET USE.

[Tone Capone]

Opiniontron 800's mama is sooooooo fat she has to use a king size mattress as a tampon!

[digweed]

hahahaha, oh i'll have to remember that one

[OPINIONTRON 800]

OPINIONTRON SCIENTIFICALLY CALCULATES THAT RESORT-TO JOKES ABOUT ONE'S MOTHER PROVES THAT TONE CAPONE IS ABSOLUTELY DEVOID AND REDUNDANT OF ALL SKILL INVOLVING HUMOUR.

YOUR HUMAN MEMORY BANKS MUST REMEMBER THIS FOR FUTURE REFRENCE.

[Tone Capone]

OPINIONTRON SCIENTIFICALLY CALCULATES THAT RESORT-TO JOKES ABOUT ONE'S MOTHER PROVES THAT TONE CAPONE IS ABSOLUTELY DEVOID AND REDUNDANT OF ALL SKILL INVOLVING HUMOUR.


I bet you love British humor though... :rolleyes:

[Tone Capone]

Anyway for the record. Opiniontron's mother is sooooooo freakin old! I told her to act her age and... THE BITCH DIED!!! :eek:

[Kid Presentable]

Anyway for the record. Opiniontron's mother is sooooooo freakin old! I told her to act her age and... THE BITCH DIED!!! :eek:
Your jokes are so old they got a letter from the queen on their last birthday.

[Tone Capone]

Your jokes are so old they got a letter from the queen on their last birthday.

So... they are 100 years old then? That's what that means right? That's funny.

THIS JUST IN!!!


Kid Presentable's teeth are so yellow, he spits butter!!! :eek:

[freetibet]

"Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard."

Hilarious! All of them! And OPINIONTRON.

Q: Tell the difference between [erm... it was 'black person' originally, no offence, nothing against them] 3rd Bass and a bucket of shit.
A: The bucket.

One of my personal favs.

[Pres Zount]

Shutup; idiot.

[freetibet]

Well soooorryyyyyy I'm soooo politically incorrect. That's the joke, some might say it and be like "Oh, I showed them niggers" and I'm just saying it because it's funny. What's the difference between a white a guy and a bucket of shit? The bucket!!!

[Tone Capone]

Well soooorryyyyyy I'm soooo politically incorrect. That's the joke, some might say it and be like "Oh, I showed them niggers" and I'm just saying it because it's funny. What's the difference between a white a guy and a bucket of shit? The bucket!!!

This isn't an m.dusty/robmoney thread, so keep the racism out of it please:mad:

[Kid Presentable]

But please, keep the shit jokes coming.

[Pres Zount]

For serious - you guys are embarrassing. It's like you are on the third, or even fourth tier of funny compared to the rest of the board.

[Tzar]

Q: Tell the difference between [erm... it was 'black person' originally, no offence, nothing against them] 3rd Bass and a bucket of shit.
A: The bucket.

One of my personal favs.
hahaha i love it how you was trying to hide up the racist vibe to the joke - you typed all that shit. you coulda just typed the joke without burying yourself in.

[Kid Presentable]

I don't understand most of the jokes in this thread.


I feel stupid :o :(
They're just not funny jokes. There's no mirth here.

[Pres Zount]

It's like that part in that movie where the peasants are slopping around in the mud. They are below you on a humour level, undies.


Monty Python Holy Grail.

[Tone Capone]

For serious - you guys are embarrassing. It's like you are on the third, or even fourth tier of funny compared to the rest of the board.

Pres Zount's mama is ugly.


pssst! does that qualify for 5th tier?

[Tone Capone]

http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=1296134&postcount=1

Why don't you school us on the funny then?:confused:

[camo]

Q:Whats red and white and sits in a tree?
A: A sanitary owl

[Pres Zount]

http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=1296134&postcount=1

Why don't you school us on the funny then?:confused:
It's happening to you right now!

[Kid Presentable]

http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=1296134&postcount=1

Why don't you school us on the funny then?:confused:
You try too hard, and don't recognize irony.

[Tone Capone]

It's happening to you right now!

Keep back stepping princess but if that's all you got, it's no wonder that you never post anything worth a damn yourself...

[Kid Presentable]

Keep back stepping princess but if that's all you got, it's no wonder that you never post anything worth a damn yourself...
Pot and Kettle.

[Otis Driftwood]

Keep back stepping princess but if that's all you got, it's no wonder that you never post anything worth a damn yourself...
(y) PWNED!

[Tone Capone]

You try too hard, and don't recognize irony.

hey idiot. American humor isn't based on irony.

[Kid Presentable]

hey idiot. American humor isn't based on irony.
Don't tar American comedy with your brush. Your humour just isn't based on wit.

[Kid Presentable]

(y) PWNED!
No, Otis. Sit down.

[Otis Driftwood]

Oh I forgot he is your little buddy and your mom told you to watch over him while she's away...

[Kid Presentable]

Oh I forgot he is your little buddy and your mom told you to watch over him while she's away...
Ignored

[Tone Capone]

Don't tar American comedy with your brush. Your humour just isn't based on wit.

Hey retard. Doesn't the title state that these are e-mailed jokes?

I would have to guess that your reading skills aren't too sharp.

[Kid Presentable]

Hey retard. Doesn't the title state that these are e-mailed jokes?

I would have to guess that your reading skills aren't too sharp.
Doesn't the title suggest you found it funny? I would have to guess you can kiss my ass.

[Tone Capone]

Doesn't the title suggest you found it funny? I would have to guess you can kiss my ass.


I'm not the only person on the board who found these jokes funny. Don't take your little man complex out on me princess.

[Web Filter]

I'm sorry but this argument has been reported to the moderators. Please refrain from this type of conversation in future

[Loppfessor]

KP and Prez are pretty much the same person....only KP has more interest in my sex life....

[Lex Diamonds]

A man and an 8 year old boy are walking through the dark woods. The boy says:

"It's so dark in here! Hold my hand, I'm scared!"

The man says

"You think you've got it bad? I've got to walk back all this way on my own!"




















The joke is that the man is a paedophile and child murderer. :)(y)

[Tone Capone]

A man and an 8 year old boy are walking through the dark woods. The boy says:

"It's so dark in here! Hold my hand, I'm scared!"

The man says

"You think you've got it bad? I've got to walk back all this way on my own!"













The joke is that the man is a paedophile and child murderer. :)(y)


LOL!!! (y) :D

I mean :( poor kid...

[Kid Presentable]

KP and Prez are pretty much the same person....only KP has more interest in my sex life....
Ok, Tone.

[Kid Presentable]

I'm not the only person on the board who found these jokes funny. Don't take your little man complex out on me princess.
Tone, I don't care what you say. I never have, and I never will. Your posts are as good as binary to me. So keep doing what you're doing, knowing that it will fairly close to never appreciated.

[Tone Capone]

Tone, I don't care what you say. I never have, and I never will. Your posts are as good as binary to me. So keep doing what you're doing, knowing that it will fairly close to never appreciated.

Damn, you sure spend a lot of time talking about something you don't care about... maybe you should get a hobby?:confused:

[Loppfessor]

Tone, I don't care what you say. I never have, and I never will. Your posts are as good as binary to me. So keep doing what you're doing, knowing that it will fairly close to never appreciated.

You sure seem to be interested in his posts for someone who claims to not care….

[icy manipulator]

A man and an 8 year old boy are walking through the dark woods. The boy says:

"It's so dark in here! Hold my hand, I'm scared!"

The man says

"You think you've got it bad? I've got to walk back all this way on my own!"




















The joke is that the man is a paedophile and child murderer. :)(y)
hahaha, there was joke like that going around when Ivan Milat was convicted

[freetibet]

All jokes in this thread were funny. British or not. Except for that shit-in-mouth one, what was the punchline?;)

Sanitary owl! Pedophilia! - I even made a song with a bunch of friends on that issue.

[Dorothy Wood]

I laffed at the vasectomy and jogging. mostly because "macho" is a funny word and reminds me of that one episode of Who's the Boss? when tony gets a part in a soap commercial and he's supposed to act all sexy, but the soap makes him itchy and red. LOL. and vasectomy reminds me of that one kids in the hall sketch. and jogging is funny too. the whole thing was very 80's.



the real funny lies in the back and forth happening here though. (y)