cervical smears blah

[na§tee]

today i got my annual/6 month/cannae remember "ladies please go and get your vaginas checked out" request from the NHS.

i'm 23 and i haven't had one yet, which is bad.

you're meant to start having them regularly either from when you start being sexually active or when you turn 20. whatever comes first.

well, i've only had one sexual partner but it's not just slutty macsluts who get problems, right? yes. i know this. that's a rhetorical question. i'm just.. not too excited about the whole idea of having my ectrocervix closely examined by a stranger. i just have to get over it. it's dangerous. my mum had a hysterectomy at 34. whitey!

anyway, yeah, imma book it. ladies, experiences thoughts and what not much appreciated. i know it's not a big deal but i just wanted to share my first smear test anxiety. lolz vaginas!

[TurdBerglar]

i'll do it

[zorra_chiflada]

the speculum is cold. they point a light into your vagina.

[na§tee]

well, i don't want anyone to get lost, do i?

turd, you're never going to get anywhere near my vagina.

my friend - who is 34 - has never had one! (a smear, not a vagina) she says she's scared that the doctor(s) will recoil in horror in mock "it's not supposed to look like that!" shock. i said that is, um, highly doubtful.

[TurdBerglar]

c'mon

i'll even clip my nails

[zorra_chiflada]

hahaha
don't wear gloves or anything. it's like having a shower in your clothes.

[Bob]

well, i don't want anyone to get lost, do i?

turd, you're never going to get anywhere near my vagina.

my friend - who is 34 - has never had one! (a smear, not a vagina) she says she's scared that the doctor(s) will recoil in horror in mock "it's not supposed to look like that!" shock. i said that is, um, highly doubtful.

you'd have to have something hilariously wrong with you to make a DOCTOR recoil in horror. god only knows what they look at day in day out. it would almost be an achievement if you could.

[zorra_chiflada]

cunt scrape!

[TOY]

the speculum is cold. they point a light into your vagina.

Not always. It's usually in, like, warm-ish water.


It's feel uncomfortable, especially when they pry you open. Doesn't hurt THAT badly. Ummm... Poop first, 'cause if you don't (and you have to relax), a little bunny may escape and then you'll feel even more embarrassed.

[TurdBerglar]

hot

that whole visual image

fucking hot

[TOY]

hot

that whole visual image

fucking hot

It is!

And wear clean socks.

[TurdBerglar]

cocks seem so much easier to be attached to

[na§tee]

toy, that made me LOL. haha. oh, i don't wear socks because i'm usually in tights: HOT.

yeah turd, you guys only need a finger shoved up your ass in your 40s. are you looking forward to that?

[TurdBerglar]

i'll be dead by then

[TOY]

toy, that made me LOL. haha. oh, i don't wear socks because i'm usually in tights: HOT.

yeah turd, you guys only need a finger shoved up your ass in your 40s. are you looking forward to that?

Or a large q-tip that scrapes the inside of your penis? (Something like a q-tip, right?)

I'm glad vaginas can stretch.

[Freebasser]

Or a large q-tip that scrapes the inside of your penis? (Something like a q-tip, right?)

I've had that :(

[milleson]

And wear clean socks.

Thats some damn good advice.

[Bob]

maybe i don't want to know, but why?

[Schmeltz]

Click here to reply to this thread (http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=1387550) (y)

[Bob]

Click here to reply to this thread (http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=1387550) (y)

haha

girl things, gross

[Bitchamachacha]

I just had lasers all up in my giner blasting away evil abnormal cells.

Now it's all drippy and gross and I can't have sex for 4 more weeks (out of 6 and a 1/2).

Thank god I have batteries from Finland!

And yes, gals, giner smears are important!

[QueenAdrock]

you'd have to have something hilariously wrong with you to make a DOCTOR recoil in horror.

Funny side note: I was making a joke about my friend's vagina a while back and she said HEY JUST BECAUSE MY GYNO SAYS IT'S LARGE DOESN'T MAKE IT SO! and I thought "You know, she probably sees at least 20 vaginas a day and none of them phase her by now, so if she said that yours was large she must have felt quite strongly about the abnormal depth that is the blackhole of your vagina."

But anyways! Paps aren't TOO bad. Make sure to break the ice by saying something along the lines of "What, no dinner and a movie first?" when they tell you to strip naked and get in the stirrups. Great tension breaker right there.

Then, they get cold instruments and lube them up and shine a light in your cooter and slide 'em in nice and slow. It doesn't hurt, but it will be uncomfortable for a few seconds. Then it's over. And then they'll also check out your uterus/ovaries by putting a few digits up your vajayjay and feeling around. My obgyn's hot, so I don't mind, really.

GODSPEED!

[hitmonlee]

20? they recommend 18 over here, my first was at 17.

i know so many girls (not ones who sleep around either) who have had something go wrong, its not worth putting off.

lol stirrups!! i'm so glad we don't have to use those.

[milleson]

maybe i don't want to know, but why?
Assuming you mean about the socks...

Because they end up at the doctor's eye level, Bob. And nobody wants to look at stinky, nasty, been-wearing-them-for-three-days-straight socks.

[Bob]

you wear socks for 3 days straight?

women are gross

[milleson]

Nope, but I knew of your nasty habits and I wanted to warn you about their repercussions.

[Bob]

well when i get my cervix smeared i'll keep it in mind

[Randetica]

i have to get that stuff done before august

im kinda nervous of the thought of getting my vaggie seen for the first time
but my real fear is to hear i cant get babies

[Genocide Tulips]

I should go soon...

[Pres Zount]

You should go every day.

[Randetica]

You should go every day.


you





FIRST!

[Pres Zount]

I was talking to genocide tulips, not females in general.

[Randetica]

so was i :mad:

[Pres Zount]

:mad: well then.

[Randetica]

yeah fine! :mad:

[Bob]

turd'll do it

[TOY]

I bet her gigi tastes like scotch.

[na§tee]

Then, they get cold instruments and lube them up and shine a light in your cooter and slide 'em in nice and slow.
heeeeey now. that sounds sort of hot. i'm going to rush to the phone at 9am tomorrow and book that shit.

lolz @ all the different names for 'vagina' here.

[ms.peachy]

It's not a big deal, I promise. It'll be over before you know it.

Wait til you have a kid, if you want to know 'uncomfortable.' Seriously, one thing I was not prepared for that day was how many people were going to come by the room and say "I'm going to give you a VE, okay?" (That's 'vaginal exam', by the way.) I had more hands up my snatch than a German porn star.

[-T-]

Or a large q-tip that scrapes the inside of your penis? (Something like a q-tip, right?)

I'm glad vaginas can stretch.

what!:eek:

[Genocide Tulips]

I should go everyday...especially after this one asshole.

[Kid Presentable]

I should go everyday...especially after this one asshole.
They don't even look at your asshole, love.

What do gynacologists and pizza-delivery drivers have in common?

All day they can smell it, and neither is allowed a taste! :) :eek: :rolleyes: :(

[Nivvie]

As I enjoy being technical, I'll add that it's the HPV virus that causes most cases of cervical cancer, and it takes anything up to 5 years to make that happen, so if you've not had sex with anyone new in the last five years and don't intend to in the next, it's more of a fomality. However, my aunt died from it after being married to the same guy for 27 years, so you never can tell. My husband works with a man whose had two wives, and one died form it and one got it and lived, and the chances are he gave it to both of them.

I've had abnormal cells and had to go back every six months when I was about 16, but since then it's been cool and they've put me down to 4 yearly.

The best part is these day it's done by a nurse, not a doddery old doctor.
My first was this guy who made me lie on my side with my bent leg in the air, like a dog peeing at the sky. When I went along to my second, I saw a different doctor who laughed as I assumed the position, and said she knew exactly who I'd seen last. Not nice at all.

I hope they're not too rough on your fluffer, and that you don't get medical students in, like I did once.

[QueenAdrock]

They said they'd only call me if I had an abnormal pap, and no phone call so I can only presume I'm fine.

If you do get HPV, it would show up on the smear test, correct?

[Yorkshire~Rose]

It's not a big deal, I promise. It'll be over before you know it.

Wait til you have a kid, if you want to know 'uncomfortable.' Seriously, one thing I was not prepared for that day was how many people were going to come by the room and say "I'm going to give you a VE, okay?" (That's 'vaginal exam', by the way.) I had more hands up my snatch than a German porn star.

This is the exact advice i was going to give. Apart from endless VE's i also had to endure them going elbow deep to put a monitor onto my (then unborn) baby's head and wishing i'd never said 'I need a pee' as they inserted a catheter.

Should i really be sharing this with you all? Anyway...

You'll be fine Claire, it literally is over in about 20 seconds and you'll have your knickers back on before you know it.

[hitmonlee]

They said they'd only call me if I had an abnormal pap, and no phone call so I can only presume I'm fine.

If you do get HPV, it would show up on the smear test, correct?

hi i don't know what the situation is over there, but here if we want an std test we have to say so, and they will swab for that at the same time. a regular pap smear is NOT and std test.

[Tone Capone]

i've never had one either, and i'm 22 :o

Turd will hook you up.

[QueenAdrock]

hi i don't know what the situation is over there, but here if we want an std test we have to say so, and they will swab for that at the same time. a regular pap smear is NOT and std test.

No, I know. But they said something about paps naturally show whether or not you have HPV? Like if you have it abnormal cells will come through on the test. I don't remember.

[Nivvie]

There are two types of HPV. One doesn't cause cancer but does cause genital warts, and the other is the cancerous one, that shows itself as a change in cells, and so shows up anyway, even if it's not being looked for.

HPV as a virus cannot really be treated, but often does just go away by itself, largely depending on the immune system of the person. (in men it causes penis cancer, niiice)
Many of us might have had it, but it didn't stay around for long. You have to harbour it for quite a while for it to start doing it's thing.

[QueenAdrock]

You know, I just read that it can go away on its own. But I was never told that, my gyno was always just like "THERE IS NO CURE. GET THE VACCINE!" and made me think it was this horrible disease that would come and kill me if I didn't shell out a couple hundred bucks for the vaccine (she said since it's so new, insurance may or may not cover it). Never once was it conveyed that if I had it, there would be a chance that my body could fight it off.

[abcdefz]

you'd have to have something hilariously wrong with you to make a DOCTOR recoil in horror.



I'm thinking Jeremy Irons in Dead Ringers.

Probably not a good in-flight movie at the OB-GYN.

[beastiegirrl101]

they'll also poke your boobies.

[QueenAdrock]

Poke? They kind of massaged mine.

Do I have a perv doctor? :(

[Nivvie]

You know, I just read that it can go away on its own. But I was never told that, my gyno was always just like "THERE IS NO CURE. GET THE VACCINE!" and made me think it was this horrible disease that would come and kill me if I didn't shell out a couple hundred bucks for the vaccine (she said since it's so new, insurance may or may not cover it). Never once was it conveyed that if I had it, there would be a chance that my body could fight it off.


The mad thing about that vaccine is it doesn't even prevent against all of the dangerous strains of the cancer causing HPVs, but is one of the most expensive ever.

Technically it's not a bad idea to get it, but regular smears would still be necessary, and many people might not understand that and think they will be saved for all eternity. It also last less time than a tetanus shot (about 4 years I think).

At some point they'll probably bring out a therapeutic rather than preventative vaccine, that will teach the body to fight off all HPVs, and that will be the one national health systems will buy and use for the masses.

[beastiegirrl101]

Poke? They kind of massaged mine.

Do I have a perv doctor? :(

no they massaged mine too. I ran into my gyno at the movies once with her husband...it was weird.