I did this before, but I want to try this game again

[Dorothy Wood]

tell me one or several things and I will tell a story about it. a true story, a mostly true story, or a fake story. depends on the topic. anything.

go

[milleson]

I forgot to buy my kids' Valentine's day cards for them to take to school.

[milleson]

I suck at this game. :(

[befsquire]

i bought another new suit today by theory. it's heather gray, and i bought sort of a deep purple shirt (the color is called orchid) to go with it. tis beautiful, and i'll be wearing it thursday (trial day, unless the state drops it since i have video that proves my guy is not the person who robbed the store).

[Dorothy Wood]

I forgot to buy my kids' Valentine's day cards for them to take to school.

valentine's day cards.

Once I knew this kid Gary who lived with his uncle on a farm about 5 miles out of town. He didn't have much money and everyone thought he was a creep on account of not having a normal family and living with those pigs. It was a pig farm. The kid always smelled so bad. He was originally from Canada and brought canadian money to school for show and tell once. I remember really being impressed that he was actually born in another country where even their money was different.

His face was always dirty and all his clothes were brown. I remember thinking he looked old-fashioned, even though I wasn't quite sure what that meant. in my mind, the 50's/60's/70's all kind of blended together, that time when our parents were young. He looked like he came from that time. we were friends about as much as you can be friends with a canadian, and until the town burned his house down with him and his uncle in it the night before valentine's day, 1986, we spoke every day.

I still send valentines to that old farm address. I'd like to think there's a big pile just sitting there, fluttering in the wind. but in reality, they're probably just destroyed. you know, because it's not like I put stamps on them or anything. there isn't even a mailbox for them to go to.

[TurdBerglar]

i can tell stories too

[Bob]

rivers...and venetian blinds

[Dorothy Wood]

i bought another new suit today by theory. it's heather gray, and i bought sort of a deep purple shirt (the color is called orchid) to go with it. tis beautiful, and i'll be wearing it thursday (trial day, unless the state drops it since i have video that proves my guy is not the person who robbed the store).

Lawyer Dreams

I used to dream of being a lawyer as a little girl. When we had garage sales, I'd haggle with customers over prices of my mother's out-of-season dresses and "fat clothes" like a pro. "This is Liz Claiborne!" I'd bellow, "I can't take less than $4, we'd be better off keeping it!" Invariably, I'd get the sale. I had the adorable kid factor. My grandmother would say, "you should be a lawyer!" and I'd say, "probably". I watched Divorce Court religiously, planning how I could've made a better decision, how my judgement would have been more fair to the children. but then I realized that they were actors.

[Waus]

wigs and soup

[Dorothy Wood]

i can tell stories too


once there was this piece of poop named gordon. man, he loved watching t.v. and boy, was he ever fat!

[Pres Zount]

Hammering dents out of a BBQ hood.

[Dorothy Wood]

rivers...and venetian blinds

Venetian Blinds Saved My Life

12 years ago I was in a group called Youth for Unity. we did a lot of community service projects in downtown Detroit. One particularly blustery day, we were picking up trash from a patch of land cited to become a new community park, right along the Detroit river. There was garbage everywhere! I mean, hub caps, diapers, beer cans, 4 foot long plastic tubes, metal bits, cardboard, plastic bags, light bulbs, rotten cabbages, old VHS tapes, and even venetian blinds.

I saw one of the volunteers near the edge of the river, kicking cans into it. I went over and was like, "hey! that's dumb, stop doing that!" and he said, "make me". so I fucking pushed him in the river. Just that second, to my surprise, a gust of wind took up a rack of venetian blinds and wooshed it right toward me, knocking me off my feet. it made such a clatter, that everyone turned and looked. I shouted, "oh shit, that guy totally fell in the river because of these surprise venetian blinds!" He didn't die or anything, but I threatened to kill him if he ever told anybody about what really happened. We're currently dating.

[Dorothy Wood]

wigs and soup


Hey, don't ever wear wigs while you're eating soup. I mean, think about it. wigs look funny, and soup is pretty messy. sure, you get to laughing because your buddy frankly looks ridiculous. but the next thing you know, you've got a scalded lap. and your buddy, well he's gone and stained his best shirt.

[Dorothy Wood]

Hammering dents out of a BBQ hood.


Dents

In the summer of 1989 there was a freak hail storm. baseball-sized hail! I was in my first year of medical school at the university of arizona and driving a beige 1986 toyota corolla, a gift from my late grandfather, a fisherman. I didn't have much money as a student, so I kept that car in tip top shape. When that hail storm hit, I thought it was a goner. At the end of the storm, no glass was broken, but sure enough, when I stepped outside, the car was all dented up like an angry teenager had punched it repeatedly.

I cursed the sky! NOOO! MY COROLLAAAAA!!!!!!! after a few hours of crying, I saw that the sun had begun to bake the earth dry; the ground crackled as it shrank. I looked at my glass of iced tea and had an idea. Ice! yes! metal contracts in cold! I took a cube of ice and placed it in one of the divets and waited. and waited. until...PONK. the dent had corrected itself.

it took all day, but I managed to fix nearly every dent on that vehicle before the sun went down. I rode on that high for nearly 3 months, my friends. but after that, the paint started to chip away from the dents, turning my car into a polka dotted monstrosity. I dropped out of school and decided to work at a ranch instead.

[befsquire]

5 day old stubble on your legs that could put an eye out. (no, not me today, but a couple of days ago... ew.)

[Dorothy Wood]

5 day old stubble on your legs that could put an eye out. (no, not me today, but a couple of days ago... ew.)


anytime I've ever made out with a friend or a random, I have stubbly or downright hairy legs. I always say, "gahh, my legs! sorry!" and they say, "who cares?" but I wonder if they do care secretly. I suppose if they cared a lot a lot, I wouldn't have the repeat business.

[Dorothy Wood]

Banana hammock, two beers, Archie Bunker, scabbies, Velveeta, and a shaved dingo.


Once I saw a man who called himself Archie Bunker put two beers in his banana hammock. He was a little sea-sick from a sea voyage he had just made around australia, and from eating that shaved dingo covered in velveeta cheese. I'm not sure how he ended up with scabbies.

[Johnny Railroad]

Hitler ,fried Bananas with Honey and Arnold Schwarzenegger (!)

[Dorothy Wood]

are you people actually reading these, or are you just torturing me?


Hitler was a terrible seamstress. I hate bananas and honey about as much as I hate arnold schwarzenegger. I used to love him though. When I was but a girl, I drew a caricature of him wearing a superman suit. I hung it up on the wall in my basement.

[Johnny Railroad]

(y)

I read everything u write !

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

are you people actually reading these, or are you just torturing me?


Hitler was a terrible seamstress. I hate bananas and honey about as much as I hate arnold schwarzenegger. I used to love him though. When I was but a girl, I drew a caricature of him wearing a superman suit. I hung it up on the wall in my basement.

Someone post your phone number, and you'll win a phone call from the Arnold soundboard.

[Dorothy Wood]

they do care, most guys are grossed out by it. But, they want the pudding.

yeah, I figure. I'm grossed out by it myself.

[Dorothy Wood]

Cort, cork, Corkie(from that TV show), port, pork, Porkie, a yorkie, fort, fork, Mork, tort, short, Bjork, dork, stork, and Alexander Hamilton.


so, I know this guy named cmute, and he's a total douche. one time he asked cort, cork and corky out to dinner down by the airport. they ate some pork while watching Porky's. they chuckled amongst themselves. A yorkie burst into the restaurant and shouted, "there's a fire down by the fort! put down your forks!". but cort shouted, "but 'Mork and Mindy' is on next!" she shoved a torte in her mouth and jumped over cork (cork is short), knocking over his glass of port, ruining his Bjork t-shirt. He yelled, "dork! your mother shoulda left you with the stork!". Corky screamed and did his best at an impression of alexander hamilton by challenging everyone in the restaurant to a duel.

[Dorothy Wood]

:D

[na§tee]

a filfthy piece of erotica involving me, irn-bru, and chicago deep pan pizza.

[Johnny Railroad]

OK, I am really impressed.

Nice work.

Yes I`m impressed too so make a standup comedy show with this so the audience give u the words .... (y)

[Tone Capone]

I'm moving to Desenzano near Lago di Garda very VERY soon.

[Johnny Railroad]

I'm moving to Desenzano near Lago di Garda very VERY soon.


(y) sounds italy ...

[Tone Capone]

(y) sounds italy ...


(y) :cool: (y)

I can't freakin wait:D

[Johnny Railroad]

Ah now its coming , u mean "Gardasee" hmm its not far away but I never be there ....