i always get worried that people are judging me when i buy toilet paper

[Bob]

obviously the most economical thing to do is to buy the biggest package you can find, but usually they're fairly gigantic. and i always feel like people are thinking bad things about me when they see me hauling around a pack of toilet paper that's about half as big as i am. "exactly what does he EAT?" i hear them saying. i know that's what i think whenever i see someone else buying that much toilet paper. "i'm certainly glad that isn't ME", i chuckle to myself

so i usually just end up buying the little 4-packs, but they're never enough. it's worse now that i don't have a car. when i had a car i'd just carry it out to the parking lot and that'd be that. but now i have to walk the whole thing home, and there aren't any bags big enough to hold them, so of course everyone can see what you're carrying. judging you, the whole time of course.

so that's why i only buy toilet paper in packs of four these days

[Pres Zount]

"Look at him he goes to the toilet. *judge*"

[Yeti]

Your story reminded me of Tom Waits on Letterman. He said that he would not go shopping in the small town where he lives. The checkout girl would always comment on his purchases and he felt that the townspeople where talking about his purchases. It was very funny but I could listen to Tom Waits talk all day.

Bob, don't bow to the pressure. There is a reason that Charmin is sold in 50 packs. People like you and cults living in the wilderness need large quanities of toiletpaper.

[Bob]

"Look at him he goes to the toilet. *judge*"

that's it! that's exactly it! i don't want people knowing that i use the toilet, i try to keep that a secret.

everybody does it, and yet they judge. like their shit don't stick

[hardnox71]

That's so funny because I'm guilty of that. I've seen people lugging around huge family size packs of industrial strength, quadruple-ply, heavy duty toilet paper and thought to myself, "Jesus, I'd hate to around when that happens."

[QueenAdrock]

You know what's more awkward? Buying an economy-sized box of tampons and turning the corner with it in your hands just to almost be run over by construction workers who see what's in your hand and just kind of smirk.

YEAH, I NEED TAMPONS FOR MY BLEEDING GENETALIA. WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING STARE, I'M A FREAK. :mad:

[QueenAdrock]

APPLES DON'T POOP, WHY IS IT ON THE COVER

[ToucanSpam]

What is worse, people going ZOMG TOILET PAPERZ or running out in the middle of the week.


I think you know the answer to the question, Bob. Don't give in to hate, that leads the to Dark Side.

[hardnox71]

Apples make you poop.

I remember a video series for kids about a bear named Blue. I think it was called Bear in the Big Blue House or some shit like that. Anyway, there was one episode about learning how use the facilities and knowing when to use them. I used to sit and watch it with my daughter.

I learned so much from that video. :p

[jackrock]

Nobody poops but you and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you.

[beastieangel01]

ahaha I've thought the same thing.

But believe me, nothing is worse than buying lots of alcohol, a pregnancy test, diapers, and yeast infection medicine at the register in one swoop.

Not all of those were for me, fyi. But still. Haha.

[Bob]

oh no, i've been there...plus some ball cream

[monkey]

i buy toilet paper in bulk at costco. i dont care what they say, i need to meet my asswiping needs. :cool:

http://passport.imaginarylands.org/images/gomi.jpg
i bought that book for my little cousin when they started toilet training her.

p.s: plan b is the most embarassing thing to buy. EVER.

[Bob]

i was lying about the ball cream and pregnancy test, but i have had to buy embarassing things at the drug store before. i imagine that the cashiers at CVS just have to stop caring about what people are buying at some point though, people go there to solve all sorts of gross problems. adult diapers and fungicides and stuff. my most recent embarassing purchase there was a thing of foot deodorant and a pack of odor-eaters insoles

they're for exactly what you're thinking they're for (what on earth else could they be for?), but hey, they've worked, so i don't have anything to be embarassed about anymore

[hardnox71]

But believe me, nothing is worse than buying lots of alcohol, a pregnancy test, diapers, and yeast infection medicine at the register in one swoop.

Not all of those were for me, fyi. But still. Haha.
Oh, that's good. That's a fucking riot!!:D

[hardnox71]

i was lying about the ball cream and pregnancy test, but i have had to buy embarassing things at the drug store before. i imagine that the cashiers at CVS just have to stop caring about what people are buying at some point though, people go there to solve all sorts of gross problems. adult diapers and fungicides and stuff. my most recent embarassing purchase there was a thing of foot deodorant and a pack of odor-eaters insoles

they're for exactly what you're thinking they're for (what on earth else could they be for?), but hey, they've worked, so i don't have anything to be embarassed about anymore
There is absolutely nothing to be embarassed about. I might look and someone with eighty rolls of toilet paper in their cart and think, "Gotdamn!!" but you know what? I gotta wipe my ass, too.

You are not the only one who buys TP and foot creme. That's why the shit is mass produced, because alot of motherfuckers are buying that shit.

[ggirlballa]

i never knew people worried about toilet paper judgment LOL


and bob don't let people stop ya from buying the toilet paper you need yo, i bet you more than half of the time they're not noticing that you're carrying toilet paper enuff for the camden family meh

[ggirlballa]

i am the great cornhelio TP for my bunghole




am i right?

[hitmonlee]

bob do you guys have double-length rolls over there?

i buy 4 rolls of double length. that's like buying 8 rolls but without the shame :o

i also don't have a car or a very big apartment so i couldn't buy 8 rolls and take them home and store them anyway.

[Bob]

bob do you guys have double-length rolls over there?

i buy 4 rolls of double length. that's like buying 8 rolls but without the shame :o

i also don't have a car or a very big apartment so i couldn't buy 8 rolls and take them home and store them anyway.

we do have them, but they don't sell them at the store nearest to me, so i just buy what i can get

i buy the soft stuff though, you can't pay enough for that

[cosmo105]

in this house we buy the economy packs of the charmin ultra (it has to be ultra, or else i'm in trouble) mega rolls. those are the ones that are so fucking huge they require an extender for the holder. that and flushable natural wipes with aloe and e. there's no shame.

and yeah, there are certain cashiers at the grocery store/pharmacy i frequented growing up that i refuse to look in the eye.

[ggirlballa]

out toilet paper comes from sams club/cost co... so u know its gotta be huge

[Bob]

that and flushable natural wipes with aloe and e.

hmmmmmmmm

*judge*

[hardnox71]

*raises hand hesitantly*

What's a natural wipe?

[cosmo105]

it's like a baby wipe for adults. lots of big brands like charmin and cottonelle make them too, but these are all-cotton and don't use any harsh cleansers or foaming agents or anything like that. they're soothing and healing as hell. it's like a gentle spa treatment for your ass (y)

[hardnox71]

it's like a gentle spa treatment for your ass (y)
LAWL

Hello, new sig.

[cosmo105]

nooooooo :( :o

besides, they're not really for me. i'd use recycled tp if i could, but that's not allowed in the boomin' household.

[Bob]

i'd like to make fun of you, but that sounds fairly pleasant

[Bob]

recycled tp

i HOPE that's not what i think it is

[cosmo105]

i'm pretty sure it's what outkast was talking about in "so fresh so clean"


bob: the toilet paper is made from recycled paper, not recycled toilet paper. :mad:

[ggirlballa]

ahahahahaha oh jesus

[hardnox71]

I'm not making fun of her. It's just that sometimes the funniest shit comes out of her mouth.

[hitmonlee]

we do have them, but they don't sell them at the store nearest to me, so i just buy what i can get

i buy the soft stuff though, you can't pay enough for that

mine is also soft. i revel in the softness after ex housemate made me buy fucking hippy unbleached unwhatever brown scratchy toilet paper (n)

fucking hippies. there are issues you don't compromise on and toilet paper is one of them!

[Bob]

mine is also soft. i revel in the softness after ex housemate made me buy fucking hippy unbleached unwhatever brown scratchy toilet paper (n)

fucking hippies. there are issues you don't compromise on and toilet paper is one of them!

BROWN toilet paper?

it makes me think of the horrible burlap paper towels they gave us back in high school, the thought of wiping my ass with that makes me cringe

environment be damned, lines must be drawn

[hardnox71]

mine is also soft. i revel in the softness after ex housemate made me buy fucking hippy unbleached unwhatever brown scratchy toilet paper (n)

fucking hippies. there are issues you don't compromise on and toilet paper is one of them!
Sounds like toilet paper is quite a 'sore spot' for you, hitmonlee.

Get it? Sore spot?

BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!

[funk63]

Sounds like toilet paper is quite a 'sore spot' for you, hitmonlee.

Get it? Sore spot?

BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!


i dont get it

[Bob]

i dont get it

you've apparently never had to use rough toilet paper

it gets rough

[funk63]

you've apparently never had to use rough toilet paper

it gets rough

cant say i have. i come from a privileged family.

[hardnox71]

i dont get it
Rough toilet paper tears your asshole up pretty good. By the time you finally get down to the end of the roll, you are pretty red and raw. Your ass is one giant sore spot.

Now do you get it?

[hardnox71]

cant say i have. i come from a privileged family.
What? Does somebody wipe your ass for you?

[funk63]

What? Does somebody wipe your ass for you?

yes, well actually its a robot designed to wipe asses.

Rough toilet paper tears you asshole up pretty good. By the time you finally get down to the end of the roll, you are pretty red and raw. Your ass is one giant sore spot.

Now do you get it?

i just threw up. :(

[Bob]

Rough toilet paper tears your asshole up pretty good. By the time you finally get down to the end of the roll, you are pretty red and raw. Your ass is one giant sore spot.

Now do you get it?

yeah, the moment there's a red spot on the toilet paper, you start to worry. all you can think is "ain't no way this isn't gonna get infected, considering where it is"

yet you pull through

it's the miracle of the human body

[hardnox71]

yeah, the moment there's a red spot on the toilet paper, you start to worry. all you can think is "ain't no way this isn't gonna get infected, considering where it is"

yet you pull through

it's the miracle of the human body
I am laughing so fucking hard right now!!:D :D

[hardnox71]

i just threw up. :(
Come on, kid. Where's your stomach?

[ToucanSpam]

I think we buy recycled toilet paper. Not that kind, the non-disgusting kind.

[funk63]

Come on, kid. Where's your stomach?


just never knew about this shit.

[Bob]

I am laughing so fucking hard right now!!:D :D

i really was amazed that nothing got infected though

how could it not got infected? i don't get it

not that i'm complaining or anything

[hardnox71]

If you guys think the rough toilet paper is bad, just be glad you're not Amish.

They use old corn cobs to do the scrubby scrub scrub.

True story.

[funk63]

If you guys think the rough toilet paper is bad, just be glad you're not Amish.

They use old corn cobs to do the scrubby scrub scrub.

True story.

thats just barbaric.

[mikizee]

i dont believe it

[hitmonlee]

BROWN toilet paper?

it makes me think of the horrible burlap paper towels they gave us back in high school, the thought of wiping my ass with that makes me cringe

environment be damned, lines must be drawn

http://www.planetark.com/products/newSafe.jpg
:(

[funk63]

http://www.planetark.com/products/newSafe.jpg
:(

dear christ its horrible

[Bob]

http://www.planetark.com/products/newSafe.jpg
:(

ughhhh

just looking at that makes me worry about an ass infection

if i were you i'd hide comfortable toilet paper in my room

[ggirlballa]

If you guys think the rough toilet paper is bad, just be glad you're not Amish.

They use old corn cobs to do the scrubby scrub scrub.

True story.

my mom said growing up in el salvador that she once hid behind a tree with an eaten corn cob and wiped

true story

[funk63]

im getting ready to use the commode.

[hitmonlee]

ughhhh

just looking at that makes me worry about an ass infection

if i were you i'd hide comfortable toilet paper in my room

no i live alone now, i take great pleasure in buying the softest, whitest toilet paper on the market.

[hardnox71]

I don't even use toilet paper. It costs too much money. I just drag my ass across the carpet like the dog does.

[funk63]

lol

[na§tee]

don't scrimp on toilet baby, bob. i'm glad you know where your priorities lie!

my flatmate seems to suck up toilet paper like coke. i have no idea what he does in there, but he always announces when he's using the toilet: "BRB guys, going for a shit!" um, thanks. and he always take a book with him. the amount of books and boxers on our bathroom floor is silly. oh god. once, me and matt stood outside and he could hear us and he was shouting "GET AWAY! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!" and i was crying with laughter while trying to remain as silent as possible, but i really didn't want to hear my flatmate take a dump so.. hah. oh god. i think you had to be there.

[tracky]

no you didn't have to be there i could picture it pefectly :D

i'm always a little self conscious when buying toilet paper too. like i usually get a 6 pack even tho i could get a 24 pack or something stupid like that knowing full well that eventually i will use it all

*ploop*

[Freebasser]

Bob, I buy 4-roll packs for precisley the same reasons. Also, if all I need is toilet paper then I have to buy about 7-8 other random items to make it look less like I am in desperate need of emptying my bowels, and usually becuase I'm in so much of a rush I'll end up buying things I don't really need, like Compilation albums/magazines/chocolate syrup/hot-dog sausages/dog food.

:(

[na§tee]

Compilation albums/magazines/chocolate syrup/hot-dog sausages/dog food.
that sounds like a sexy night in freeb, oooh la la!

[ms.peachy]

I hate toilet paper that has pictures of stuff on it. One time I had to buy tp on the way home from work and I stopped into the corner shop and the only kind they had had little drawings of puppies on it. WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCK WANTS TO WIPE THEIR ASS WITH PUPPIES????

[fucktopgirl]

this is a humouristic group in quebec,Rock et Belles Oreilles, back in the 80, i always remember this parody of the toilet paper ''cotonelle''

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTM5HevnCYQ

You will not undertsand a lot of their saying, but the end of the clip is quite evident!:D