sometimes I wonder about our nature.

[beastieangel01]

not just women but everyone I guess.

But I noticed with my new boyfriend, that everything is going so well that it's scaring me. I keep thinking to myself "hmm what is wrong with him" from time to time and I know I shouldn't think that way. However, it's hard not to because it really IS going that well.

Everyone in my life has even mentioned how happier I seem. Especially when he and I are together.

Is it natural to be nervous and think there must be something wrong when it's all going so well?

Or is questioning it just a character flaw in certain women/men depending on their past? or just their personality for some I guess.

I really wish I could just stop questioning and accept it fully because I'm sure it'd be possible to be more happy, which would be good.

[beastieangel01]

oh I wanted to add that no, I haven't said any of this to him. And I don't think any of it shows in my behavior. It's just thoughts and fear in my mind. I just rather it not happen period.

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

What is he doing that makes you think "What's wrong with him?"

[ET]

Maybe given your history you're just being more observant about indications that he'd be a douchebag later on? You're not the only one who expects bad things to happen once you're finally happy. You, me, and especially Al Bundy exhibit this type of behavior. I call it Bundyism. It's a fine line between looking out for yourself and being paranoid but try to psyche yourself out if you're not enjoying something when you should. It's okay to be cautious as long as it isn't affecting you in a negative way.

Blah blah bahlh.

[beastieangel01]

he's not doing anything wrong to make me think this way, dsr.

miztah ET; true. However, the things he's doing is so much different, better, or the exact opposite (in a positive way) from my past experience and that's the thing scaring me. That he is so great and so, well, what I've wanted in someone. And I wasn't looking for it I most definitely wasn't expecting this to happen. I'm not saying I'm marrying the guy of course, it's just, startling I guess.

It hasn't affected me in a negative way except once. In the beginning I kind of forgot that "oh I'm dating someone" ESPECAILLY because it made me nervous... so I didn't quite stop thinking about certain things (events and so forth) as a single/solo person. There were a few "oh so I'm going to this place, I forgot to tell you/invite you" oops.

I fixed that though. :)

[hpdrifter]

I am the same way but with me it manisfests more like when is the other shoe going to drop? When is he going to realize that I'm not that cool or is he going to have a mid life crisis at some point and start chasing 20 year olds?

I get scared at some point he'll stop thinking I'm cute and smart thing or those things won't be important to him anymore or he'll think he should have played the field more.

I hate getting older. I think at times that turning 30 is going to do me in.

I think its natural in the beginning to be a little insecure. Having what you want is a scary thing, just don't subconsciously sabotage it, though, cuz you're scared.

[g-mile7]

What is he doing that makes you think "What's wrong with him?"
Being her dream man/matching her criteria exactly.

[abcdefz]

I would say just chill and enjoy it for what it is while it is. If and when things get rocky, you can decide what you're willing to do; why waste all this mental and emotional energy on something that isn't happening? You'll just add stress to the relationship, even if you think you're "not showing it," because you're stressing yourself and maybe protecting yourself (e.g. not being vulnerable and open) in a way that won't foster even closer intimacy and trust.

"Love like you've never been hurt before," right? That's not to advocate willful naivetee, but you sound like you don't trust and so you're preparing to sabotage rather than play this hand. Yeah, you still might get hurt -- two humans, yeah, someone'll get hurt -- but maybe it's worth the risk of the value of what you have.

[ET]

Then things sound like they're going really well. As long as he doesn't have a soul patch, things should be fine. Keep enjoying the time you guys get to spend together.:)

[beastieangel01]

as far as what g said, no one is at all perfect, but yeah he's pretty dreamy material. This is someone I actually didn't like at first (him being attractive to me right away and uh, a few drinks, made me assume he was full of himself so I ignored him when he tried to talk to me, oops), I'm a total nerd and he's not, etc. And turns out he treats me so well and we get along and have so much fun together. Like I said, everyone says they notice how much happier I am with him (happier than they've ever seen me before).

I know fights are going to happen. One has, due to a misunderstanding on his part and miscommunicaton on mine... but still. We worked through it, talked, and that's a good thing too.

a-z I think you hit it on the nose. I think that's the issue. And I do notice that it's been hard for me so far sharing things about myself with him BECAUSE I feel nervous about that something has to be wrong since everything is so good.

ET, he has a soul patch okay. Start the petition for him to shave it off and I'll share it with him. But it doesn't bother me :p

hp, insecure. I really don't think you have anything to worry about though :)

[hpdrifter]

Sometimes I think there's something to that. The three long term relationships I've had (all 3+ years), I didn't like the guy at first. Or I liked him in a friendly way, but didn't find him romantically attractive. In all three cases he pursued me and I changed my mind.

I think what a-z said is right on too, though often easier said than done. I'm working on it, though. I guess we all are.