my retarded philosophical thread about myself

[skra75]

bear with me for a second.

OK, so my life is pretty swell now as you guys know. compared to how it was earlier in the year. I have my kids, I'm chipping myself out of debt and I'm adjusting to the new life. My girlfriend is great and she adores me and I love her back.

I can't help but feel like something is missing. Somedays I wonder if the place I'm @ right now is where I want to be. Me, who I am, inside. I feel like somedays I'm stepping away from an important, humble place that brought clarity and peace to me in those dark days when I thought shit was completely hopeless and I thought I'd never fall in love etc etc.

I need to take a mental check of myself. I feel like I'm missing out on something. There is a wierd funk in the air, something is amiss.

Things sort themselves out I suppose.

Any of you in a strange transition place right now?

[hpdrifter]

I think its a pretty normal thing to feel after a divorce. Also, are you sure you're ready to be in a relationship again? How long were you by yourself between the divorce and the new girlfriend? It sort of sounds to me like you just want some time to be with yourself and your kids and there's nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, I'm in a transition place mentally. I am starting to wonder if I really want what I think I want. I'm pretty sure I want a child but not so sure anymore that I want to be married.

[monkey]

^ how old are you, hp? wanting a child without marriage is a rather big thing. i feel like that sometimes but i trump it by thinking "you're too young to think like that." eh.

and skra: sometimes, you cant believe your luck. but good things happen to good people, and you have to hope that this is your turn for good things. maybe it wont always be this good, but you can be thankful for the goodness you have now. and i wrote good a lot. hehe.

[skra75]

* nestles into psychiatric chair *
Yeah, I know I get that alot.
My ex and I lived separate lives for most of last year, from June to December.
I had some time over that summer to mull things over, had lots of good times with friends. But lord it was so lonely.
Sounds gay but I really enjoy knowing someone is there for me and cares for me. I don't know if this girl I'm with now will last forever, but it feels good knowing that I'm not alone.
*wipes emo tear away*
yeah.
What I'm talking about is bigger picture, I can't quite wrap my head around it.
It's in me, like I ask myself "is this the the man you want to be right now". part of me says yes. Confusing. : / Awkward face.

[hpdrifter]

*adjusts glasses, makes some notes*

mmmhmmmmm, okay, that's great.

Now, when you say "the man you want to be" are you thinking of your career? Your abilities as a father? Or is it more like you think about other things you could be doing with your life. Traveling, living in a new city or something?

[Echewta]

Hmm. You said good to not be alone. Whats wrong with that?

Seems like you should say "its good to be with her."

[cookiepuss]

Just becareful that you aren't one of those people who subconsiously sabotages thier own happiness.

[paul jones]

have a cigar and wave at strangers from your car(y)

[beastieangel01]

Just becareful that you aren't one of those people who subconsiously sabotages thier own happiness.

yes.

also saying it's good to be with her vs good to not be alone is something to ponder over, just in case.

And I think after what you've been through, it's natural to feel a bit this way since things are going so much more... well, great :) but keep in mind what cookiepuss said.

I am happy for you <3

[The Notorious LOL]

yo its that your girl doesnt take it up the butt isnt it?


you can say it. Thats whats missing. Go ahead.

[skra75]

and skra: sometimes, you cant believe your luck. but good things happen to good people, and you have to hope that this is your turn for good things. maybe it wont always be this good, but you can be thankful for the goodness you have now. and i wrote good a lot. hehe.

thanks for the good words. lol I said good again. ;)

[skra75]

Now, when you say "the man you want to be" are you thinking of your career? Your abilities as a father? Or is it more like you think about other things you could be doing with your life. Traveling, living in a new city or something?

Career maybe? But I like my job. I feel like maybe I should be doing bigger, more spectacular things. Or more minature things. Fuck I don't know.

Travelling, yes. I sort of wish I could move, but having kids means you're anchored in place somewhat. But I don't resent the anchor, I think it's fine.

Again confusion.

[skra75]

Hmm. You said good to not be alone. Whats wrong with that?

Seems like you should say "its good to be with her."

Good point. Fruedian slip.
It is good to be with her. She really is a great genuine person.
In the beginning, it was just good to not be alone. Now I'm smitten by her. That's the way it works I've found.

[skra75]

Just becareful that you aren't one of those people who subconsiously sabotages thier own happiness.

I've had a problem with this in the past. : /

[skra75]

you can say it. Thats whats missing. Go ahead.

No, that's not it.

[skra75]

have a cigar and wave at strangers from your car(y)

Best Advice Of The Day
Hell Yes. I just may have to do that. (lb)

[hpdrifter]

Career maybe? But I like my job. I feel like maybe I should be doing bigger, more spectacular things. Or more minature things. Fuck I don't know.

Travelling, yes. I sort of wish I could move, but having kids means you're anchored in place somewhat. But I don't resent the anchor, I think it's fine.

Again confusion.

I think this is very common. In our culture in the U.S. the message is always that you should be pushing onward and upward, living the best life you can, doing whatever you want, filling your potential, etc. I think this is a good message but ultimately confuses people and presents a guilt situation for those of us who really enjoy simple things the most.

I mean, living your best life could mean anything from climbing Mt. Everest to cultivating a nice garden or just enjoying yourself every day whatever that means.

Try not to buy into it. Or let it inspire you rather than make you feel dissatisfied. I know you have kids, but is it still possible for you to take trips? Maybe plan an eco-tour of Southeast Asia or South America for a couple of weeks (or Seattle without your girlfriend :eek: ;) ). Or take up a new hobby or revisit an old one.

By the way, monkey, I am turning 30 in July.

[Echewta]

I think you are retarded.

[hpdrifter]

Jeez, when did you decide to get your caustic on?

[HEIRESS]

JUST RIDE THE TRAIN
DONT WORRY ABOUT WHEN THE NEXT STOP IS
JUST RIDE IT
JAHALJKSHDJASKH

[Echewta]

Jeez, when did you decide to get your caustic on?

I was referererereing to SkaBachimp

[skra75]

He's right :(


(lb)


:o

[Drederick Tatum]

I think buying a new t shirt will make things better. may not make anything clearer, but at least you'll have a new t shirt when before you didn't.

[HEIRESS]

Ive been soothing my sorrows by expanding my wicked flip-flop collection

[Echewta]

I enjoy a quick pick me up by reading old issues of Vanity Fair and laughing how they were so right.

[marsdaddy]

JUST RIDE THE TRAIN
DONT WORRY ABOUT WHEN THE NEXT STOP IS
JUST RIDE IT
JAHALJKSHDJASKHFTW, two buttsex references?

[hpdrifter]

I think buying a new t shirt will make things better. may not make anything clearer, but at least you'll have a new t shirt when before you didn't.

Actually, this usually works for me too. Forget mine.

... what he said.

[Otis Driftwood]

I need to take a mental check of myself. I feel like I'm missing out on something. There is a wierd funk in the air, something is amiss.

Likely you have to start by defining a goal you want to achieve. If you can do that, please let me know how you did it, cause I find that too hard to bother with.

[Kid Presentable]

Everybody is part good and part bad. Some things bring out the good in people, but bad is the default setting. So good and bad things happen to bad people who can be good when they can be bothered.