job interviews are all like

[The Notorious LOL]

employer: lie a little bit about how good you are.
applicant: okay should I use some power words?
employer: yes, please use words you have noticed highlighted on company posters in the lobby.
applicant: okay should I pretend to be more enthusiastic than I really am?
employer: yes and I will pretend to enjoy the company I work for more than I do!
employer: hohoho!
applicant: hohoho!
*paperwork*

[cookiepuss]

hahaaaa. yes. you nailed it.

[Bob]

mine are like

stop staring at my tits
does that mean i don't get the job
security

i don't like eye contact, ok

[The Notorious LOL]

security should have an exclamation point at the end. I hadda re-read that a bunch of times to figure out what you meant.


I have never interviewed with anyones whos tits warranted staring.

[g-mile7]

hohoho

[Lex Diamonds]

Bob just stares at anyone's tits, big or small, male or female.

This thread reminds me of the job interview scene in Spaced. "Girl Power!" :D(y)

[g-mile7]

Im glad I havent had that type of interview

[The Notorious LOL]

you probably will at some point. Its easily avoided when it comes to smaller companies but corporations pretty much brand that shit into the buttocks of their HR department. Lots of bullshitting.

[g-mile7]

you probably will at some point. Its easily avoided when it comes to smaller companies but corporations pretty much brand that shit into the buttocks of their HR department. Lots of bullshitting.
Damn shame. Its in retail too, District Managers and store managers all do that shit, lucky 4 me my current boss and district manager dont do that shit...espically since she's a Black Muslim

[Drederick Tatum]

I. am. looking. forward. to. contributing. to. a. productive. and. positive. working. environment.

[QueenAdrock]

Ha, that sounds familiar.

[Kid Presentable]

Small feet for a bloke.

[Echewta]

Do I have a degree in TV/VCR repair? Why of course!

[marsdaddy]

Since I'm on the other end of interviews, here's my take:

me: tell me why you applied here (translation, did you at least read the website?)
applicant: I want a stable position in a growth industry where I can build a career (translation, I want to get rich quick and without working)
me: Why did you leave your last position (translation, are you going to be honest or layer on more lies?)
possible applicant answers: they changed my responsibilities (translation, I sucked at what they hired me for)
I didn't feel I was fairly compensated (translation, I sucked but they didn't want to pay unemployment, so they made me quit)
I had reached the top there and need more challenges (translation, I suck and have ADD).
me: why should I hire you? (translation, why you should be in my daily presence and reap the benefits of my omniscient wisdom?)
applicant: usually they mumble something here that indicates they need more self-confidence.

Then, when I give applicants a chance to ask questions, they always ask the same one: tell me about the training I'll receive (translation, when it turns out I suck, it's because I needed more training).

[Bob]

Since I'm on the other end of interviews, here's my take:

me: tell me why you applied here (translation, did you at least read the website?)
applicant: I want a stable position in a growth industry where I can build a career (translation, I want to get rich quick and without working)
me: Why did you leave your last position (translation, are you going to be honest or layer on more lies?)
possible applicant answers: they changed my responsibilities (translation, I sucked at what they hired me for)
I didn't feel I was fairly compensated (translation, I sucked but they didn't want to pay unemployment, so they made me quit)
I had reached the top there and need more challenges (translation, I suck and have ADD).
me: why should I hire you? (translation, why you should be in my daily presence and reap the benefits of my omniscient wisdom?)
applicant: usually they mumble something here that indicates they need more self-confidence.

Then, when I give applicants a chance to ask questions, they always ask the same one: tell me about the training I'll receive (translation, when it turns out I suck, it's because I needed more training).

what would you like to hear

[marsdaddy]

what would you like to hearSomething not gleaned off an "Inspiration-a-day" calendar.

[abcdefz]

Since I'm on the other end of interviews, here's my take:

me: tell me why you applied here (translation, did you at least read the website?)
applicant: I want a stable position in a growth industry where I can build a career (translation, I want to get rich quick and without working)
me: Why did you leave your last position (translation, are you going to be honest or layer on more lies?)
possible applicant answers: they changed my responsibilities (translation, I sucked at what they hired me for)
I didn't feel I was fairly compensated (translation, I sucked but they didn't want to pay unemployment, so they made me quit)
I had reached the top there and need more challenges (translation, I suck and have ADD).
me: why should I hire you? (translation, why you should be in my daily presence and reap the benefits of my omniscient wisdom?)
applicant: usually they mumble something here that indicates they need more self-confidence.

Then, when I give applicants a chance to ask questions, they always ask the same one: tell me about the training I'll receive (translation, when it turns out I suck, it's because I needed more training).




...does this mean you had an applicant who actually showed up?

[Dorothy Wood]

the two jobs I have now went like this:

tutoring center
me: are you hiring?
director: what can you teach?
me: math
director: yes! jesus, everyone who comes in here can only teach reading and only for 45 minutes on a tuesday or something.
*hired*

frame shop
me: are you hiring?
owner: do you have experience?
me: 4 years, and actually I had submitted a resume years ago when I moved to the city and you called and offered me a job, but I had already taken another.
owner: ah, well can you do sales/cutting/building/design/handtools?
me: yup, all of it
owner: you're an adaptable girl then, eh?
me: yup
owner: well, nice to meet you, we'll be in touch

next day

*phone rings*

me: hello?
owner: hi, when can you start?
me: tomorrow.

hi5

[Bob]

i'm an adaptable girl too, but you don't see me bragging about it

[marsdaddy]

...does this mean you had an applicant who actually showed up?Several. I hired 6 people in the past 6 months -- apparently my company is growing.

owner: you're an adaptable girl then, eh?
me: yup
owner: well, nice to meet you, we'll be in touch

next day

*phone rings*

me: hello?
owner: hi, when can you start?
me: tomorrow.

hi5*cue 70's bassline*

[JobDDT]

At this point, all I'm asking for in this newspaper job I'm applying for is an interview.

I got a call the other day, being told they'd filled the position I applied for 2 months ago, and then just the other day some kid got hired for the position who is 20 minutes late to every class period, who got hired a week after they called me.

Jobs can be a bitch.

[Junker]

I never had a job interview. Im working at this company because of a friend's indication.

[Junker]

^^ This is not a problem. Fucking interviewer. :mad:

[BangkokB]

If you want to throw a monkey in the wrench go to a job interview and do the takeaway...Act like you don't want the job. That greases the wheels real quick

But I'd rather be sleeping~ In my bed crashed out

[abcdefz]

At this point, all I'm asking for in this newspaper job I'm applying for is an interview.




They probably just want to know if you have a car and don't mind getting up very early, even on weekends.

[beastieangel01]

every interview I've ever had resulted in them wanting to hire me.

I'm not sure what I say exactly, I can't remember. But it works (y)

[abcdefz]

The only interview I've had where I didn't get hired was a fancy fancy fancy restaurant in Louisville, and I'm 100% certain it was because I chew my nails.

[The Notorious LOL]

every interview I've ever had resulted in them wanting to hire me.

I'm not sure what I say exactly, I can't remember. But it works (y)


yeah Ive never been turned down for an interview that I can recall.

[abcdefz]

Actually, come to think of it, there was one place where I had an interview that I had to keep calling back, saying I was interested. I think that after the second call I made after the interview, they hired me.

I think that said more about the general manager's overall laziness than anything, though. Terrible decision maker and manager.

[beastiegirrl101]

what do you do when they tell you that you are over qualified for the job? This happened to me today! I was like...but I dont want a crazy job anymore, I want a chill job....even if I AM over qualified.

[abcdefz]

I'd show them the scar from my recent lobotomy.

[beastiegirrl101]

I'm I uber gay if I tell you that I auditioned for, so you think you can dance yesterday?

that's sorta like an interview.

[The Notorious LOL]

thats why I intentionally keep my qualifications based mostly on experience with minimal college. My sister got rejected for many positions due to being over qualified and she has a four year degree and I make more than her lol lmao omg

[Documad]

If you get every job you interview for, it might be a sign that you should be applying for better jobs.

[marsdaddy]

what do you do when they tell you that you are over qualified for the job? This happened to me today! I was like...but I dont want a crazy job anymore, I want a chill job....even if I AM over qualified.That's what I tell people who want more money than I can pay them, or have a weird reason for leaving their current/last job.

Like one guy who told me he made $250K a year but didn't see the long term prospects in his current position. He wore a patterned shirt/tie combo best left in on the mannequin at Marshalls. I guess money can't buy taste, but it should at least buy better quality clothing.

You really don't want a job for which you're over qualified. You'll be bored, quickly and if you try to move to a more challanging job from there, it'll be that much harder.