Paging Dr. House...? Paging Dr. House.

[abcdefz]

Doctor, our patient has manifested a set of sort of unconnected symptoms:

Sore throat
Pain from left ear down to throat
Slightly swollen throat glands under the neck, reduced from yesterday

Couldn't catch breath yesterday morning; very shallow breathing -- improved today

Lump in left armpit, kind of a cross between an oblong spider bite and and actual lumpy lump

Some clamminess

No noticeable fever or headache

Some coughing, some phlegm

Some sneezing; some blood



Differential diagnosis?

[abcdefz]

Our patient hasn't been hiking or exposed to wilderness or grassland areas, so anything like ticks or lime disease is probably out.

No spiders in apartment, to my knowledge.

No change in deodorant.

All recently purchased used clothing items have been washed before wearing.

[Schmeltz]

Cancer. Terminal.

[abcdefz]

-- on what basis?

[Schmeltz]

Hmmm, you're right - could be AIDS.

Actually, no. Cancer. You have three days to live.

[abcdefz]

Three days.

...three lovers in three ways.
My head, it landed to the sound of cricket bows.

Gee... that's, what -- Sunday? So not only am I dying in three days, but I lose an hour with the time change.



Oh, ell. This is an effective way to cut down on my expenses.