Could you be a housewife or househusband?

[avignon]

I mean, could you just not work at a job and stay home and take care of the fam? What if you didn't have kids, could you do it then? I've had some type of job since I was 9 years old, a lot of times more than one. And now it looks as if "being kept" is a good possibility for my near future, at least for a while. I don't know if I know how to not work. I definitely know I have problems asking anyone for money for any reason. How about you career girls and guys? Could you hang up the suit and don the apron?

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

At my relatively young age, I'm not sure I could make an accurate call on the whole husband thing...but I do have alot of respect for any man who does the "Mr. Mom" thing....kudos.

[abcdefz]

Staying at home, raising a family is kind of like having two huge jobs: housekeeper and nurturer, with all the stuff that falls under those umbrellas. Yeah, you can hope that your "working" spouse will help out with household duties, but most likely, it's going to fall on your shoulders, since you're the one spending the most hours in the home.

I doubt I'd ever be so unselfish as to do either of those jobs well.

[Rock]

Ever since I've been a little kid, my mom says that is what I always said I wanted to be.

The wife knew it when we first started dating and is totally down for it . And is doing her best to make it happen.

I can't wait for poker with coupons with all the fit house moms in the neighborhood.

Its going to be like Mr. Mom (well probably not just like that, but hopefully close to it) but with no kids since we probably aren't going to have any.

[Dorothy Wood]

I could do it. I'm not sure how good I'd be at it though. I'm pretty lazy when I'm not getting paid to do things. like right now. I meant to just look up photos of dinosaurs and robots real quick. and now it's an hour later and I've only managed to find one photo, spending most of my time in here. :(

if I had kids, it'd be different though. I hope. maybe not. I'd definitely be a lot cleaner.

[avignon]

OK, when this topic is brought up, the automatic assumption is that the couple would have kids. What about if there aren't kids? All of a sudden the idea becomes strange.

[Rock]

What about if there aren't kids? All of a sudden the idea becomes strange.
Why?

If we are doing fine monetarily with one income, why should I have to go and work when I don't want to, and when she loves working? That makes no sense to me.

Bring on the apron.

[Schmeltz]

I could so totally be a kept man. Especially with no kids. That would actually be awesome.

[Otis Driftwood]

As long as I can do what I want in the evening, yeah. Little kids are cool, you can yell "Pedo" at people in the subway if they refuse to let you through.

[abcdefz]

OK, when this topic is brought up, the automatic assumption is that the couple would have kids.



I mean, could you just not work at a job and stay home and take care of the fam?


That might be where the assumption came from.

[abcdefz]

Why?

If we are doing fine monetarily with one income, why should I have to go and work when I don't want to, and when she loves working? That makes no sense to me.

Bring on the apron.



No shit.

I would absolutely take on the role of housekeeper if it meant I was free from the regular work week. I could get way more writing and painting in, so it would be kind of like having a patronage, in a way.

[avignon]

Why?

If we are doing fine monetarily with one income, why should I have to go and work when I don't want to, and when she loves working? That makes no sense to me.

Bring on the apron.
Well, I guess in my case it's about trust. I've never had anyone help me much and to let go of all the money making type responsibilties is scarey. Plus I need to let go of the american belief that whoever owns the most stuff wins, because I was raised that way but where I'm going people aren't like that so much.
And when the babies start coming along, we would like to be able to both work part time so that we are both doing the parenting more than a full time job would allow.

[avignon]

That might be where the assumption came from.
I didn't necessarily mean in this thread, but the assumption comes up whenever I bring up the topic no matter how I phrase it. In this thread, I was talking about either situation and I just made the observation that people tend to make the assumption.

[abcdefz]

And when the babies start coming along, we would like to be able to both work part time so that we are both doing the parenting more than a full time job would allow.



Won't that mean you need to buy your own insurance, though?

Over here, most places won't pay insurance if you're not working full time. So you work full time, get full insurance on yourself for free, and pay into it a bit to cover the rest of your family.

[abcdefz]

I think "housewife" or "househusband" has connotations of family, even though "husband" or "wife" doesn't necessarily have that implication. Odd little semantic quirk.

If you specifically say "housekeeper," though, I'm sure the implication is "not necessarily having children."

[avignon]

Won't that mean you need to buy your own insurance, though?

Over here, most places won't pay insurance if you're not working full time. So you work full time, get full insurance on yourself for free, and pay into it a bit to cover the rest of your family.
That's how my current American job is too, but apparently in Amsterdam everyone pays for their own health coverage. Walter said it will cost about 140 euros a month to cover me without a job and that's about what he pays for himself while working full time. (If I remember correctly)

[avignon]

I think "housewife" or "househusband" has connotations of family, even though "husband" or "wife" doesn't necessarily have that implication. Odd little semantic quirk.

If you specifically say "housekeeper," though, I'm sure the implication is "not necessarily having children."
"Housekeeper" to me is hired help. Funny too that to me "family" doesn't automatically mean with children. A husband and wife to me is a family.

[abcdefz]

A small cult of devoted followers with crosses notched in their foreheads -- that, to me, is family.

[beastiegirrl101]

I would have no problems being a stay at home mom but WITH a part time job. I don't want anyone else raising my kids.

[kll]

I would imagine that working out the financial part would be my first priority. How do I get money that I need? Do we have a joint account that I can deduct from freely? Do I have to ask for money? Do I get an "allowance"? After that is figured out, I'd enjoy the freedom to do all of the things that I always wanted to do.

[Yeti]

Right now, I am "Mr Mom". I do some freelance work (photography and writing) but for the most part I take care of my 6 month old boy--vaccum--cook--wash dishes--etc.
I get flack from friends---you know---stuff like...Does your wife give you your penis on the weekends? Whatever. I will get back to the workforce in due time although it will not be for "the man". I like working for myself.

Taking care of Aiden is a big job and I have a tremendous amount of respect for stay at home Moms. A child will sap your energy. I wake up at 6am and he keeps me going all day. Sometimes he can really get to me when I need to do some work or just nap and he won't settle down. My wife helps at night and on the weekends.

I worked for years saving money and I still have a sizeable 401k and stocks. My wife makes a large salary and with my freelance work we are comfortable.
I never expected to be at home with a baby but life is funny.

[QueenAdrock]

Ahh, the joys of international relationships. Well, my advice would be to go and volunteer when you're over there. You don't need a permit for that, right? I'd volunteer more if I had time, I get a great feeling knowing I helped out others. Do eeet.

[avignon]

I would imagine that working out the financial part would be my first priority. How do I get money that I need? Do we have a joint account that I can deduct from freely? Do I have to ask for money? Do I get an "allowance"? After that is figured out, I'd enjoy the freedom to do all of the things that I always wanted to do.
Oh, I know. I can't see someone counting out the money into my hand so I can go buy tampons and saying "bring me the change." And there's tons of stuff that I've never had the time and energy to do because of work. But the way my life is now, I PANIC over money. I just don't know if I am going to be able to let go of that and let someone else handle it.

[avignon]

Ahh, the joys of international relationships. Well, my advice would be to go and volunteer when you're over there. You don't need a permit for that, right? I'd volunteer more if I had time, I get a great feeling knowing I helped out others. Do eeet.
I do eet it here. :)

[kll]

Oh, I know. I can't see someone counting out the money into my hand so I can go buy tampons and saying "bring me the change." And there's tons of stuff that I've never had the time and energy to do because of work. But the way my life is now, I PANIC over money. I just don't know if I am going to be able to let go of that and let someone else handle it.

Just because you aren't working doesn't mean you should be left out of the finances though. I think if you're the type of person who has always been involved with their finances, especially for the peace of mind to sleep at night, then you should still be in the know.

[avignon]

Yeah in the know is cool. But when I say I panic about money, I mean when things get tight I work 80 hours a week.

[kll]

Yeah in the know is cool. But when I say I panic about money, I mean when things get tight I work 80 hours a week.


that makes me smile to think how much your life is going to change. so cool!

[avignon]

:) yeah but scarey too. What if I have severe culture shock? Or, worse, what if I can't stand the food? What if everyone is mean to me because I'm an american? You just don't know, I'm such a pussy.
But all things considered, he's worth it.

[Dorothy Wood]

the food in the netherlands is pretty good actually.

[abcdefz]

:) yeah but scarey too. What if I have severe culture shock? Or, worse, what if I can't stand the food?



You'll need to try the licorice. (y)

[avignon]

See, I was worried about the food because when Walter was here, he couldn't get enough Wendy's.

[Rock]

See, I was worried about the food because when Walter was here, he couldn't get enough Wendy's.
#6 with a coke? Anything else would be uncivilized.

[kll]

you're going to have a great international cuisine to choose from. the people are going to be great - have you ever heard of anyone going to amsterdam and having a horrible time? seriously. of course there will be some sort of culture shock - if you moved to a different part of the u.s., it would take adjusting too... oh, it's just so exciting!

when traveling through europe, i think the hardest part was not having the convenience of convenience stores and the broad selection that we have, but you'll get used to it. a couple of american friends that i know who live abroad miss good salsa.

[Dorothy Wood]

when I was in europe (england, france, netherlands) years ago on tour with a concert band, I felt most comfortable in amsterdam. our tour guides and bus drivers were all dutch and they had great senses of humor. people were very welcoming and there were lots of cool shops. that was ten years ago and I was only 17, but it's probably still neat.

and truly, of all the places we went to eat, the best food was in the netherlands. I mean, maybe it was just our hotel or the places we went. I had a very nice buttered baguette in paris. we stayed at a university in england and they served meat pies and warm pitchers of milk. :(

also, I got some edible paper in amsterdam. sheet of papery candy stuff that you could write on and eat. heh. yum!

[na§tee]

ranald has always said since the day i have met him that his biggest fantasy was to be able to stay at home, writing, while the wifey went off on her career, being a househusband and looking after their only child (because, like, the world is overpopulated, dear) called alexander. training him to be the next james bond. or something.

[abcdefz]

also, I got some edible paper in amsterdam. sheet of papery candy stuff that you could write on and eat. heh. yum!




Oh, man. They have edible paper here that they use to transfer photos to cake. So, it's like this thin layer of edible paper on top of the icing. Pretty gross.

[g-mile7]

*fixes bubble bath water*

[hitmonlee]

honestly??

its my DREAM to be a housewife. perhaps not a wife, housegirlfriend maybe, i'm not big on marriage.

i've never really given a shit about a career, as there's nothing i want to do. since i'm old now and its too late to start a career anyway, i'm totally ready to be a housewife.

i can't imagine anything better than watching daytime tv and cooking meals for my loved ones. (y)

[Lyman Zerga]

i dont really like the idea of having kids and work at the same time (when youre a mum)

spoken like a true lazy fuck!


and i prefer kids over a career any day
never had something like a dream job but always wanted to have kids
and i love to do all this housewifish (lol) things
i really should be born in the 50s

but when im not able to get kids then i dont want to be just a housewife cause i dont think that would be satisfiying enough

[Auton]

hell yeah. i'd love to be a househusband or stay home dad. that would be ill.

[Bob]

i think i could be a trophy husband

[befsquire]

i did it for 6.5 years. it made me depressed, because it's fairly isolating. plus, my then husband's work hours were long, so from 8am to midnight, i was by myself. all of my friends work, so i couldn't call them during the day when i felt lonely. where i lived, the other stay at home moms were much older than me and fairly snotty (and republican, ew!) and looked down on me because i had a visible tattoo. they weren't very nice to me at the park, that's for sure. whatever.

maybe if i hadn't wanted a career, i could have handled the loneliness a little better.

[g-mile7]

hell yeah. i'd love to be a househusband or stay home dad. that would be ill.
Bet U would and let me guess you'd have dinner ready by 6 and an apron with "Kiss the Cook" on it....your weak son

[Documad]

Congratulations by the way. You seem like such a great couple. So yay for you both that you're thinking about a big step.

I could never be in a situation where I don't have my own money to spend and I had to ask someone for money before I went to the movies. I couldn't be in a situation where I felt like I was cleaning the house in exchange for an allowance. That's why I got a job as soon as it was legal instead of depending on an allowance from my parents. I could be in a situation where I had a limited amount of my own money if all the other factors were right. Amsterdam and a guy I was crazy in love with would be important factors. I would do just about anything to live in a completely different, yet desirable city, for a few years. So that's unique to me. But I couldn't do it for the rest of my life.

Any idea how long you would have to live there before you could work?

P.S. It's not that I'd miss my job. If I had enough to live on comfortably for the rest of my life, I'd quit my job tomorrow. I could easily read books and drink coffee for the rest of my life.

[Documad]

P.S.S. I would be willing to be the one who works and supports the one who doesn't. If he was a good cook and if he was handy with tools.

[g-mile7]

P.S.S. I would be willing to be the one who works and supports the one who doesn't. If he was a good cook and if he was handy with tools.
I think thats a cool attitude....I think that two incomes would be my ideal. Although I would love to be able to watch my Days of Our Lives ;)

[jennyb]

YES. and a damn good one at that.

[Nivvie]

Yes.

I'm a home-edder so there's tons to fill the day, and the evening and weekends I have to work I could well do without. Fingers crossed, soon I can cut my shifts.

Staying at home when there are no kids can be fascinating. I did it for a year when we moved with his work somewhere daft, and I found I enjoyed all kinds of weird crafts, started making my own bread, and becoming friends with the people in the library.
Getting up to watch the sun rise, going to bed when I wanted, without the gnawing feeling of work dictating, even from afar, when things have to be done.
I swear I never bored, not for one minute.

[BangkokB]

Did it and was damn good at it. I watched Jenny Jones, Rosie, and didn't sleep til the ol lady went to work.

When she got home I supervised her cleaning the house while she told me about her day

[abcdefz]

Ugh. You're one of those apron-hugging enlightened types. :rolleyes:

[BangkokB]

Enlightened Yes(y) Apron-hugging (n) Anyone that can sale that tugs no aprons.

It was more along the lines of turnabout is fair play;)

[beastieangel01]

I would go crazy. I really doubt I could do that.

[QueenAdrock]

I'd want to do it for the first few years after our kids are born, stay home with them and take care of them. But once they're old enough for pre-school, I'd go back to work part-time, and then full-time once they became 1st graders.

I don't think I could stay home by myself, that's for sure. I'd go crazy. Even with the baby, I'd take him/her for walks all the time just to get outta the damn house.

[little j]

without children i'd be super bored... i'd have to volunteer somewhere or something.
with kids i'd probably home school or something to keep us busy.

my sister is a stay-at-home-mom and she is SUPER busy and really happy. her two girls are homeschooled and are well adjusted (as far as i can tell) and so smart. the "kindgergartner" is reading and writing probably at a just about average level, but she's really smart. the preschooler is a little ditsy, but she's learning the elements of writing and reading.

i dont know how she's gonna teach all three of her kids... i bet that will be tough.

[Lyman Zerga]

without children i'd be super bored... i'd have to volunteer somewhere or something.
with kids i'd probably home school or something to keep us busy.

my sister is a stay-at-home-mom and she is SUPER busy and really happy. her two girls are homeschooled and are well adjusted (as far as i can tell) and so smart. the "kindgergartner" is reading and writing probably at a just about average level, but she's really smart. the preschooler is a little ditsy, but she's learning the elements of writing and reading.

i dont know how she's gonna teach all three of her kids... i bet that will be tough.

lol that reminds me of the episode where marge teaches bart and homer drives into the garage Again and Again

and my post makes perfect sense to people who never saw it!
they deserve it anyway.. ignorant anal rats

[ggirlballa]

no i can't be a housewife because my career as a uber super star won't allow me

tsk tsk tsk

[avignon]

i did it for 6.5 years. it made me depressed, because it's fairly isolating. plus, my then husband's work hours were long, so from 8am to midnight, i was by myself. all of my friends work, so i couldn't call them during the day when i felt lonely. where i lived, the other stay at home moms were much older than me and fairly snotty (and republican, ew!) and looked down on me because i had a visible tattoo. they weren't very nice to me at the park, that's for sure. whatever.

maybe if i hadn't wanted a career, i could have handled the loneliness a little better.
I've gotten this type of response from a lot of my friends when I asked them this question. But I'm the kind of person who absolutely has to have alone time, more alone time than most people I think. You must have been very young while all that was going on in your life. I don't think that I could have dealt well with it when I was young either, but now I have a completely different outlook. And to be honest the only career I've ever wanted was to be a writer, so I could start a career or a very involved hobby (let's be realistic) under these circumstances.

[avignon]

Congratulations by the way. You seem like such a great couple. So yay for you both that you're thinking about a big step.

I could never be in a situation where I don't have my own money to spend and I had to ask someone for money before I went to the movies. I couldn't be in a situation where I felt like I was cleaning the house in exchange for an allowance. That's why I got a job as soon as it was legal instead of depending on an allowance from my parents. I could be in a situation where I had a limited amount of my own money if all the other factors were right. Amsterdam and a guy I was crazy in love with would be important factors. I would do just about anything to live in a completely different, yet desirable city, for a few years. So that's unique to me. But I couldn't do it for the rest of my life.

Any idea how long you would have to live there before you could work?

P.S. It's not that I'd miss my job. If I had enough to live on comfortably for the rest of my life, I'd quit my job tomorrow. I could easily read books and drink coffee for the rest of my life.
I think it'd be six months before I could get a job. And then there's other things that I'm worried about like why would anyone hire me if I'm not fluent in Dutch. Walter says there's an American bookstore that would be the perfect part-time job for me.
As far as the allowance thing is concerned, well I just don't know and I certainly don't want to speak for him. But I do have some investments that I'd like to what do you call it, liquidate? So I'd have something of my own in an account for awhile.

[avignon]

....and I found I enjoyed all kinds of weird crafts, started making my own bread, and becoming friends with the people in the library.
Getting up to watch the sun rise, going to bed when I wanted, without the gnawing feeling of work dictating, even from afar, when things have to be done.
I swear I never bored, not for one minute.
<3