Dirty Limericks <3

[HEIRESS]

I own a 500 page book of dirty limericks that I bought for a dollar sometime ago and it always seems to make an appearance at group gatherings

it was published in 1969 and alot of them were written circa 1941 aka during war times and some of them are literally so dirty that I feel like Im one step closer to hell just by repeating them out loud

anways...SHABLOW:

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
She was missing a tit.
She smelled like shit.
But think of the money he saved!



There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.



I know of a fortunate Hindu
Who is sought in the towns that he's been to
By the ladies he knows,
Who are thrilled to the toes
By the tricks he can make his foreskin do

[abcdefz]

There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.





:D

[paul jones]

There once was a man from Sydney
Who could put it in up to her Kidney
But a man from Quebec
Put it up to her neck
Now he had a big one, didn't he!

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock
With lust went berserk
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
"Bend over, this shuttle must dock!"

There once was a man from Australia
Who had extra-large genitalia
He said to his bride,
Don't try to hide
'Cause wherever you go I can nail ya'

Hickory dickory dock
A girl was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dumped her on the spot

[Otis Driftwood]

Seems like a good conversation starter for the wee hours at a bargain price.

[abcdefz]

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock
With lust went berserk
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
"Bend over, this shuttle must dock!"





When I was a kid, I saw in a copy of Hustler (?) a photo spread with Spock and Kirk lookalikes having graphic sex with women of loose character. It was at once erotic and disturbing.

[paul jones]

When I was a kid, I saw in a copy of Hustler (?) a photo spread with Spock and Kirk lookalikes having graphic sex with women of loose character. It was at once erotic and disturbing.
sci-fi sex is always crazy and far out(y)

[Yeti]

When I was a kid, I saw in a copy of Hustler (?) a photo spread with Spock and Kirk lookalikes having graphic sex with women of loose character. It was at once erotic and disturbing.


And then you jumped out of a window and hugged a tree.

[HEIRESS]

the best part of book is the table of contents because its split between topics such as:
beastiality
buggery
disease
prostitution
sex substitutes
zoophily
oral irregularities

I enjoy the ones using the classic "nantucket"

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he was wiping his chin
If my head was a cunt, I could fuck it.


A socialite out in Nantucket
Had a twat that was wide as a bucket.
She proclaimed, "If it's clean,
I'll take it between---
If it's rotten I'd far rather suck it.

[paul jones]

There once was a man called Echewta


(somebody finish it off please)

[HEIRESS]

yesssssss

LIMERICK CONTEST WHA WHA!

[paul jones]

yesssssss

LIMERICK CONTEST WHA WHA!
(y) :)

[cookiepuss]

I've never heard of a vampire named "mabel"

[beastieangel01]

ahaha

these rule. I had a hard time not laughing loud while in this quiet but occupied office :o

[beastiegirrl101]

there once was a girl from Peru
who had nothing what-so-ever to do
so she sat on the stairs
counted her pubic hairs
four thousand nine hundred and two.

[Drederick Tatum]

There once was a man called Echewta
all he did was sit at his computer
knew a girl online
met her in good time
before too long he had duped her

[HEIRESS]

There once was a lad named Tatum
The ladies, well he just couldn't satiate em
they pounded at his door
and threw him to the floor
and yelled "Get on with the fornicatin'!"

[HEIRESS]

2 years later, this book still fucking kills at parties.

There was a young girl anmed McCall
Whose cunt was exceedingly small
but the size of her anus
was something quite heinous
it could hole 7 pricks and 1 ball.

I'd suggest purchasing this piece of wonderment (http://www.amazon.com/Limerick-G-Legman/dp/0517139111) to any and all of you!

[insertnamehere]

I know of a fortunate Hindu
Who is sought in the towns that he's been to
By the ladies he knows,
Who are thrilled to the toes
By the tricks he can make his foreskin do

this reminds me of someone :eek: