Crap

[ericlee]

My daughter is getting overweight. I was once going to fight for custody of her till I've had an agreement with my ex wife.

I see my daughter every other weekend but she stays with my ex primarily. When spring and summer arrives, I'll have her during the whole times but since my ex watches over her the majority of the time, she lets her eat whatever she wants.

It pisses me off because my ex always tells me, "she eats this and that" and I tell her that's because you let her eat this and that.

I'd take custody of her but she's been living where she's at for so long and she loves her sisters (my ex's daughters) and her friends that she's growing up with. I've met them all and I feel comfortable with her being friends with them. If she were to live where I live now, I wouldn't be happy because my neighborhood is pretty rough.

[Junker]

How old is your daughter now?

[ms.peachy]

It's a tough spot you're in. I would say that first of all the best thing you can do is be an example and when she is with you, do some shopping together, pick out healthy stuff together to make a nice meal, and then prepare it together. Spend as much of your time together as you can being active, playing sports, rollerblading, and give her lots of subtle praise along the way. I know that that alone can't counterract the bulk of time which she spends with your ex, but at least she then will have some really positive associations with the idea of healthy eating and exercise.

Also, are you able to afford to perhaps enrol her in some lessons like karate or dance or soemthing else that she could go to and practice at home on a regular basis? If you can, would your ex be willing to take her to them (or can you fit it into your schedule to do at least some of the ferrying)?

[ericlee]

How old is your daughter now?

She's 6. She just turned it in Jan.

Also, are you able to afford to perhaps enrol her in some lessons like karate or dance or soemthing else that she could go to and practice at home on a regular basis? If you can, would your ex be willing to take her to them (or can you fit it into your schedule to do at least some of the ferrying)?

Yeah, actually I told my ex to enroll her in a karate class and she'll start next month.

I do set an example in good eating while at the house. Being that my wife is asian, she cooks up some very healthy food for us and my daughter loves it. It's just when she gets back home to my ex, she lives off of whatever she cooks and it's never healthy. I can't really ask her to set aside special meals for my daughter because they have a big family so she pretty much cooks in bulk. Also my ex goes to class and works and her husband is in the military so they're really never home so they rely on the oldest daughter to do alot of the cooking.

God, I'd really love to take full custody but I know for sure that the shithole I live in will just bring her up to be a little hoodlum. I mean, I've got an NYPD surveillance thing with 6 cameras on it to get a 360 degree view and it's got an officer posted inside of it at all times at the end of my street.

[abcdefz]

Could you move?

[skra75]

My daughter is getting overweight. I was once going to fight for custody of her till....

Sorry I lold a little when I read this at first bc I thought you were gonna say "gonna fight for custody, then you realized she was overweight and decided not to". Kinda shitty yes I know, sorry.

[ericlee]

Could you move?

It's not really an option. The building I stay in is brand new and the rent is reasonable. Also, my car isn't here and is with my mom and I live 2 minutes away from the subway.

My wife has a good job and I do too except for it's boring.

So basically, I can't move.

[Junker]

She's 6. She just turned it in Jan.



You're right in being worried.

[Planetary]

shes not ginger too is she?

[ericlee]

haha. What do you mean by "too"? I'm not ginger.

[abcdefz]

I think he means overweight + ginger.

[Planetary]

haha. What do you mean by "too"? I'm not ginger.

i mean on top of her size. dont worry though im not poking fun. ignore me

<3

[ericlee]

Nope, haha. She's not ginger.

She's not too overweight and 8 pounds over but she's got a little belly. I just don't want it to get out of hand and I know it will eventually under my ex's supervision.

Well, I'll just have to rough it out till summer. I'll have her the whole time then. It'll be great because I can work off of my excess winter blub as well.

[ggirlballa]

if u can't control the food she's eating then at least try to make sure she's burning most of it off by excercise like karate etc... a girl in my class is so healthy, she eats anything she wants but she has a dancing class every day for 2 hours (she has a 6 pack & her arms are like tiny guns i kid u not)

also theres an interesting study that i remember that found that girls who became over weight between the ages of 8-12 were more likely to carry it with them through their teen years & even adult hood.

i hope this doesn't get out of hand to the point where she's really un-healthy

[Lyman Zerga]

but since my ex watches over her the majority of the time, she lets her eat whatever she wants.


yeah my mum was like that too
she said we can eat what and as much as we want
the only rule was to make sure that we wont get a bellyache from it

[ToucanSpam]

I think if your ex is reasonable and youre reasonable you both can sit down like normal human beings and discuss this issue. At this point in her life 8 pounds overweight isn't red alert, but I agree in that there should be worry anyways.

Talk to the ex, present a reasonable case and I'm sure that even bringing it up will spark some kind of change. Trust me, even when people are spiteful ignorant morons they will eventually see the error of their ways and change can happen.

[ericlee]

I think if your ex is reasonable and youre reasonable you both can sit down like normal human beings and discuss this issue. At this point in her life 8 pounds overweight isn't red alert, but I agree in that there should be worry anyways.

Talk to the ex, present a reasonable case and I'm sure that even bringing it up will spark some kind of change. Trust me, even when people are spiteful ignorant morons they will eventually see the error of their ways and change can happen.

This issue has been spoken of numerous times in reasonable fashion, leading to her saying that she will make sure that she feeds her right only for her to keep feeding my daughter the same stuff and not making sure she doesn't over eat.

[ToucanSpam]

This issue has been spoken of numerous times in reasonable fashion, leading to her saying that she will make sure that she feeds her right only for her to keep feeding my daughter the same stuff and not making sure she doesn't over eat.
Well, I think it's time for some 'aggressive negotiations'.

[Rock]

Trust me, even when people are spiteful ignorant morons they will eventually see the error of their ways and change can happen.
how old are you?

[ToucanSpam]

how old are you?
Old enough to make note when someone is prejudiced towards younger people.

[Rock]

Old enough to make note when someone is prejudiced towards younger people.
Anything you say padawan.

I wish the world worked like that. But it usually doesn't. At least in my experience. And if it does....2 out of 3 times its too late.

[ToucanSpam]

Anything you say padawan.

I wish the world worked like that. But it usually doesn't. At least in my experience. And if it does....2 out of 3 times its too late.

People either do things two ways:

1. They are reasonable or stupid enough to listen, and they take the advice.
2. They outright refuse and eventually realize they are dumb. Then they follow what you said to begin with. Whether or not it's too late is up to their timing.


Also, people are easily manipulated, if you know how to hit their personalities correctly.

[Yeti]

I'll have her the whole time then. It'll be great because I can work off of my excess winter blub as well.

I keep picturing you both putting on silver fat burning body suits and working out to Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies.

Don't be too hard on her. I visited friends in Munich Germany. My friend's brother was overweight as a kid and his Mom would berate him. He is now 6'4 and skinny. I know you are upset with your Ex but eating habits are hard for some people to change. I am sure she also wants the best for your daughter.
I know it sucks not being able to be in on the decisions 24/7.

Ericlee, how is the Big Apple treating you?

[ms.peachy]

It sounds like you're doing about all you can do. Glad to hear karate lessons are in the works; I think all kids should have 'em. As spring will soon be springing, can you afford to get her a bike if she doesn't already have one, or some skates, or even just a hula hoop - some kind of thing that will encourage her to get outside and not veg in front of the TV? As you can't really do anything on the food front, the exercise front is pretty much the only place you can have any effect until the summer, is what I'm thinking.

The only think that I would caution you about though is being really, really careful that she does not pick up on the fact that you are displeased about her weight. Because she is a child, she won't be able to seperate out the cause and effect of it, and just percieve that you are disappointed in her, and worry that you will not love her as much. Girls already have so much pressure to look a certain way, you know? You hear these terrible statistics about how this huge percentage of pre-teen girls are "dieting" because they see themselves as "too fat", when most of them are likely just very normal little girls. I totally get that you are concerned about her from a health perspective and want her to be happy and fit, but I don't think developmentally that she can process it that way.

[zippo]

People either do things two ways:

1. They are reasonable or stupid enough to listen, and they take the advice.
2. They outright refuse and eventually realize they are dumb. Then they follow what you said to begin with. Whether or not it's too late is up to their timing.


Also, people are easily manipulated, if you know how to hit their personalities correctly.

meshuguna

[Lex Diamonds]

People either do things two ways:

1. They are reasonable or stupid enough to listen, and they take the advice.
2. They outright refuse and eventually realize they are dumb. Then they follow what you said to begin with. Whether or not it's too late is up to their timing.


Also, people are easily manipulated, if you know how to hit their personalities correctly.
Even I can see that's a pretty naive view of things and I'm younger than you.

[ericlee]

I keep picturing you both putting on silver fat burning body suits and working out to Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies.

Oh yeah and hopefully he makes some tae bo videos.



Ericlee, how is the Big Apple treating you?

Well, it's treating me very nice. The job just never lets me rest. In fact, for the second time now, I've worked 20 hours straight.

[ericlee]

It sounds like you're doing about all you can do. Glad to hear karate lessons are in the works; I think all kids should have 'em. As spring will soon be springing, can you afford to get her a bike if she doesn't already have one, or some skates, or even just a hula hoop - some kind of thing that will encourage her to get outside and not veg in front of the TV? As you can't really do anything on the food front, the exercise front is pretty much the only place you can have any effect until the summer, is what I'm thinking.

The only think that I would caution you about though is being really, really careful that she does not pick up on the fact that you are displeased about her weight. Because she is a child, she won't be able to seperate out the cause and effect of it, and just percieve that you are disappointed in her, and worry that you will not love her as much. Girls already have so much pressure to look a certain way, you know? You hear these terrible statistics about how this huge percentage of pre-teen girls are "dieting" because they see themselves as "too fat", when most of them are likely just very normal little girls. I totally get that you are concerned about her from a health perspective and want her to be happy and fit, but I don't think developmentally that she can process it that way.

The only way that I bring it to her attention is that I'll poke her tummy and do the dough boy laugh.

When we go out to eat, it's always Chinese food places and she eats healthy then. That and the fact that she loves using chop sticks.

She's got a bike at her Mom's house and they also got a new dog so she's been running around with it alot which is giving her some exercise. Yeah, I think I may just be overacting but it's good to be aware of things like this and try to take precautions.

[Dorothy Wood]

my grandma let me eat whatever I wanted and watch t.v. all day long when my mom and I went to live with her in detroit when I was 7. I put on a lot of weight because we lived on a busy road and I couldn't really ride my bike around because the side streets were unpaved. (seems weird now, dirt roads in the city). also, I had no friends to run around with. before that, I was big-boned, but very athletic and slender because I ran around a lot. so, yeah, the karate is good. even if she eats junk, exercise should help to even things out.

also, don't poke her belly anymore. please. belly-poking is a really terrible thing to do to a chubby girl. :( it makes me cringe just thinking about it.