tips on being a nice person

[zorra_chiflada]

yes. i would like to be a nice person. so that people will say "geez susan is really nice, isn't she." and i'll get treated like a nice person gets treated.

unfortunately, as many of you have noticed, i am not a very nice person. i don't do it intentionally, i promise. i just get cranky and i'm rather short tempered and intolerant. that is probably where my problems start. so how do i become a nice person.

nice people, tell me what you do to like, be nice.

[Kid Presentable]

Don't bother.

PS agreeing to do that thing for me was really nice of you, so I don't think you need tips.

[zorra_chiflada]

but like, being a pissy bitch does have its disadvantages. like getting treated like a pissy bitch. i want to get what i give.

[DandyFop]

As awesomely cheesy as it sounds, I generally am a nice person because I a) am naturally pretty giving and want to see people happy and b) if someone is tempting me to be not nice, I try to look at it from their perspective and that helps quite a bit. Of course, to be noted, I have also had my fair share of people who took advantage of my niceness, so that comes with the territory I suppose.

On the other hand a lot of people suck ass and shouldn't be allowed to let breathe.

[zorra_chiflada]

while i'm here, i might as well ask for tips on not being a massive hypocrite. people hate that.

[mikizee]

There isn't one single person in the world that isn't a hypocrite in one way or another.

I'm a nice guy I spose. People are always telling me I'm very approachable and affable. what the fuck does affable mean?

So, how to be a nice person? Well, just try being a nice friendly person when people talk to you. Not much more complicated than that.

Not saying you aren't a nice person now, mind you. :D

[DandyFop]

Well why do you think you are so intolerant of others? Is it fueled by a sense of being better than them, or jealousy, or just unbridled annoyance?

[zorra_chiflada]

i'm just like my father. he can be civil and polite most of the time - like i can. but he's just a whiny crabby old shithead who always finds the bad in people and can search for something to complain about. while i am doing this, i fail to see the flaws in my own personality, which are blindingly obvious to most people. i'm offended too easily as well. way too easily.

[TurdBerglar]

they're saying laughable

[mikizee]

they're saying laughable

ohhhh. That makes much more sense.

[zorra_chiflada]

they're saying laughable

huh?

also, i do harbour a lot of misdirected anger.

[mikizee]

i'm just like my father. he can be civil and polite most of the time - like i can. but he's just a whiny crabby old shithead who always finds the bad in people and can search for something to complain about. while i am doing this, i fail to see the flaws in my own personality, which are blindingly obvious to most people. i'm offended too easily as well. way too easily.

I think the one thing that would really help is learning patience. It goes a long way. And, as for being offended way too easily, well, just get over it!

[zorra_chiflada]

oh and i'm paranoid and automatically assume things.

[DandyFop]

Patience is huge, but I wonder how one develops it? I know that I have very good patience generally but I don't know how i came to be that way. I guess it's just because I'm naturally laid back. Someone asked me recently how I was able to put up with a certain person who many people can't handle being around for long periods of time and I just shrugged - I don't know, I just do. It doesn't phase me.

I guess it's a "pick your battles" type of thing maybe?

I just realized this whole post was all "me me me" which is not what I'm trying to do. Basically I have no idea what to tell you, besides that I have the inkling that you could probably really be the kind of person you want but it might take more work than you'd like. (welcome to the life of most people)

[Documad]

Find something that is genuinely positive about someone else and then spend five seconds remarking on it. With coworkers for instance, you casually say "I like the way you . . . . " or "It was clever of you to . . . . " It has to be true or they will know that you're lying. And I almost never compliment people on how they look. I find things that other people don't notice. People love that. Think how good it makes you feel when people do that to you.

I also talk to strangers and help them. Really small stuff -- like holding a door open for an older person or a mom with a stroller, or telling a woman that the tag on the back of her blouse is showing. On some level, I do it because I like the way it makes me feel about myself, but it works for me.

When I have coffee with a friend, I force myself to think of things to ask him about himself and I try to be a good listener, because my natural instinct is to dump all my venom and bitch about my job or family for the whole hour.

[avignon]

I suggest you start slowly. Try being cordial and work your way up to polite before you even try for nice.

[fucktopgirl]

I would say to not be too much critic about yourself and accept your person as it is and if you find flaws in you that you dont like work on them...the rest will follow. I mean , it start with you then it spread around! So dont do too much self-analysis but do change what you know you despise. It is an act of will ,everything come with effort. And hypocrisy is the worst....will grind you by the inside. It is a work of a life time to better ourselves..i got a long way to go!

[Kid Presentable]

I would say narrow your eyes and furrow your brow at every person you see, tell small children their parents will die, and stand in front of doors to buildings trying to read a map-book.

[fucktopgirl]

^Well, that is an interesting approach..it might work aswell!

[jabumbo]

being mad at one thing takes a lot more effort than being satisfied with another

[Kid Presentable]

being mad at one thing takes a lot more effort than being satisfied with another
Pointing that out takes more energy than not saying anything.

[zorra_chiflada]

I suggest you start slowly. Try being cordial and work your way up to polite before you even try for nice.

i'm more than capable of being cordial and polite. i think you have to to get ahead in daily life. i apparently have the best customer service in the place where i work, so i gather that i'm quite satisfactory at being polite and displaying manners.

[Dorothy Wood]

you'll probably grow out of it if it's something you want to stop. I used to be a whole lot meaner and a shit ton angrier than I am now. I was extremely unhappy when I was around 20-22 and diagnosed with mild clinical depression.

but what I learned recently is that if you experienced a serious trauma or traumas in your developing years, your brain kind of goes on a self-protect mode, so you're always thinking about surviving (subconsciously) or protecting your family. later, that may translate into a distrustful and self-centered personality.

anyway, you just have to remind yourself that everyone's human and has insecurities and that people say things they don't mean or think about and rarely are purposely trying to hurt people's feelings. and if that person IS trying to hurt your feelings or anyone's for that matter, then he/she is just a jerk anyway, so who cares what they say?

meh, as you age, you get more experience and you gain more confidence. especially if you've got it in your mind that you don't want to be an angry person.

[Lyman Zerga]

make sure to keep your e-anger (y)

[TOY]

Overly nice people appear to me as having no depth, which angers and makes me even more irritated.

Stay a bitch. We're on the map.

[funk63]

heres a little nugget: realize ure insignificance

[befsquire]

i probably shouldn't be posting here, because i think this is only for people who are nice 100% of the time, which i am not. i think i'm generally a nice person until annoyed, and then i can be mean. that was sorta my take on you, as well, though obviously i don't really know you so i'm probably wrong. you're nice to several people on here, and the two that i specifically recall that you've lashed out at where i thought you were being mean were cookiepuss and heiress. so, it's not like you're mean to everyone on the board. i'm sure i've done worse to more people.

you're not always going to get along with every personality. it doesn't make you a mean person. it just means that you shouldn't interact with that person because it's never going to go well.

[Planetary]

be yourself. thats why people love you. if they do. i dunno.

[Planetary]

then again, if you act liek someone else for long enough people may love you for it. like some people love actors. you know what, forget i said anything. do what you want.