breaking up

[beastieangel01]

is hard to do, as they say.

And even when it's been almost a year, it still has this strange sting.

My ex wrote me an e-mail today. I stopped contact with him in all ways. Especially because I know my current bf would be uncomfortable with me talking to my ex and so I respect that.

I think he wrote me because this month is when the lease for the apartment we got together, ends.

I don't even know why I'm saying this. I guess it just needed to come out, and I'm at work so hi internet message board, I am sharing these thoughts with you :p :(

[Lo_Lyfe]

find um fuckem and flee ya know?

[mikizee]

i just broke up with my gf of 3 years on the weekend. she was totally devoted to me, would have done anything for me, and indeed looked after me very well. she thought we were gunna be together forever. but i guess i just fell out of love. it was the most difficult thing ive ever done. it completely shattered and destroyed her. god, it was tough. i hope i never have to do anything like that again.

[Lo_Lyfe]

i just broke up with my gf of 3 years on the weekend. she was totally devoted to me, would have done anything for me, and indeed looked after me very well. she thought we were gunna be together forever. but i guess i just fell out of love. it was the most difficult thing ive ever done. it completely shattered and destroyed her. god, it was tough. i hope i never have to do anything like that again.
really? that's heavy

[mikizee]

yeah it was awful. i think i cried more than she did, cuz i knew what the impact of what i was doing. she was ready to buy a house and settle down, and i knew i couldnt just go along with it, i wouldnt be honest to her or myself. so i did what had to be done. which was a shame, cuz in many ways she was the best girlfriend u could hope for. she did so much for me, and i broke her heart in return :(

[Lo_Lyfe]

yeah it was awful. i think i cried more than she did, cuz i knew what the impact of what i was doing. she was ready to buy a house and settle down, and i knew i couldnt just go along with it, i wouldnt be honest to her or myself. so i did what had to be done. which was a shame, cuz in many ways she was the best girlfriend u could hope for. she did so much for me, and i broke her heart in return :(
fuck. kudos to you for being honest with her though.

[QueenAdrock]

As much as it hurt to be broken up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years, I'm glad that he's cut off communication. I haven't talked to him since the day he did it. I don't want to either. I can imagine there would still be a sting, because well, the only time I've ever talked to him or seen him, I've been in a relationship with him (we started dating the day after I met him). So it would bring back weird emotions, kind of transport me into the past. I think any communication at all would do that, it would be just weird to talk to him again and think "This is the first time you're talking to him and you're not dating." Definitely something I don't want to deal with.

I'd still like closure though. He wrote me a sentimental break-up letter that he gave to me in person, saying among other things, he wanted to see me in a normal relationship with someone who treated me right and I didn't have to sneak around to be with because I deserved only the best. And you know what? I have that now. I'm very happy. And though I don't want to talk to him ever again, I hope that somehow it gets through to him that I am perfectly happy now, and I appreciate him setting me free.

So what did he email about anyways, Crys?

[beastieangel01]

yeah it was more me in regards to the break up. I was the one who left. And it was hard. Maybe I'm wrong but I really think that he still loves me.

The e-mail basically said "so that's it, then?" and that he is happy for the time we had and that he hopes I find everything I'm after.

meh.

[beastieangel01]

oh and I want to add: it's hard because even though I left and wouldn't want a relationship with him, I still care about his well being.

It was 3 years. Short to some maybe, long for me. The longest relationship I've ever been in. I thought I was going to marry him, honestly.

[b i o n i c]

yeah, sure... now that you'ra miss 62-inch-hdtv and all - ya too good for him, are you?? thats rich

[abcdefz]

The Best of Everything - Tom Petty


She probably works in a restaurant
That's what her momma did
But I don't know if she ever really
Could put up with it
Or maybe she sings in a nightclub
Cause sometimes she used to sing
But I don't know if it ever
Amounted to anything

But listen honey,
Wherever you are tonight,
I wish you the best of everything, in the world
And I hope you found
Whatever you were looking for

Yeah and it's over before you know it
It all goes by so fast
Yeah, the bad nights last forever
And the good nights don't ever seem to last
And man, we never had the real thing,
But sometimes we used to kiss
Back when we didn't understand,
What we were caught up in.

Wherever you are tonight,
I wish you the best of everything, in the world
And I hope you found
Whatever you were looking for

Wherever you are tonight,
I wish you the best of everything, in the world
And I hope you found
Whatever you were looking for

[beastieangel01]

yeah, sure... now that you'ra miss 62-inch-hdtv and all - ya too good for him, are you?? thats rich

ha, what?

I surely hope you are joking.

p.s. my roommate bought it. I don't have that kind of money. I wish I did, it'd go to billzzzz

[MC Moot]

I've adapted the "don't look back" philosophy....not sure if it's a self defense mechanism or the fact that if I'm looking back I'll fail to see what lies in front of me,trip up and fall flat on my stupid,regret filled,romantic face.....:(

[skra75]

sorry to hear this Crystal.
I can relate. My ex of many years (yes the one that kinda fucked me up pretty bad last summer) came over last night to the house we owned together and it was awkward. I look at her now and don't even find her even slightly attractive anymore. I'm starting to feel pity for her, which sucks becasue she kinda deserves none.
I hated the feeling I got when she was in my house, my heart was racing, I felt sick. When you open up that deeply to someone it really burns to think about those milestones. Shit it aches right now just to talk about it.

brb, gonna get some coffee.

[skra75]

yeah, sure... now that you'ra miss 62-inch-hdtv and all - ya too good for him, are you?? thats rich

wtf, you're a boner

[QueenAdrock]

yeah it was more me in regards to the break up. I was the one who left. And it was hard. Maybe I'm wrong but I really think that he still loves me.

The e-mail basically said "so that's it, then?" and that he is happy for the time we had and that he hopes I find everything I'm after.

meh.

That's kind of hard. I mean, what does he want? A "No, it's not over! I miss you!" and for you to break up with your current and go back to him? I mean, it's obvious if you are in a new relationship that it IS over. No email necessary.

Honestly, I feel bad for saying this, but I know Wayne isn't going to get better. I tripped all over myself to make sure he was happy, because that's all I really cared about. I seriously don't see anyone loving that guy more than I did, and what he had with me is gone forever, and I honestly don't see him regaining that anytime soon when you consider everything.

I sometimes can't help but feel bad for the guy. I know he's lonely, because I was his best (and only) friend. I wish I could shut off that part of my brain.

[b i o n i c]

ha, what?

I surely hope you are joking.

p.s. my roommate bought it. I don't have that kind of money. I wish I did, it'd go to billzzzz


of course i was silly. i saw your bulletin.

[b i o n i c]

wtf, you're a boner

i'll cutchu

[beastieangel01]

skra:
yeah I had to pick stuff up from the apartment a month or so ago and it was so awkward being there. My best friend was with me and she said SHE even felt awkward and she couldn't imagine how I felt.

When I was there I felt like I was being gutted. Or like there was an anchor hooked to my stomach. Same feeling I got when he e-mailed me today.

I guess it's one of those things that stick around for a while, especially if you were together for a long time and were so close to someone. Open up that deeply, as you said. And again I thought I was going to marry him. Have kids with him eventually.

And now I couldn't be further from that.

Again I do care about his well being. Diana, I know exactly what you mean. It's extra hard too when he says nothing but complementary, wishing me the best and that I deserve the best...comments.

It gives me a headache because it frustrates me.

[QueenAdrock]

Yeah, I kinda wish that things went sour and progressed downward. Getting a break-up letter that says "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, you're the best thing to ever happen to me, but the worst because it hurts me to no end to have to do this to someone..." it's like...I dunno. That's quite a mindfuck. I'd much rather "Hey, I'm not happy with you anymore, gotta go." Not this bittersweet, "Alas, we can never be together, but I'll always love you" crap. I mean, seriously. What the hell.

It's a lot easier to feel angry at someone than feel sorrow for them or the situation.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm over it. But it took a LOT to get over, a lot of help from my friends and Brett to realize that most relationships don't end that way and though it was a mindfuck, I can be rest assured that it's not going to happen again, and other people aren't going to do the same and I can trust people, and blah blah blah.

[cookiepuss]

i just broke up with my gf of 3 years on the weekend. she was totally devoted to me, would have done anything for me, and indeed looked after me very well. she thought we were gunna be together forever. but i guess i just fell out of love. it was the most difficult thing ive ever done. it completely shattered and destroyed her. god, it was tough. i hope i never have to do anything like that again.


and this is why I don't beleive in forever.

I woul dlike my current love to be my life partner. and by life partner I mean I hope it lasts until we are old enough to go into nursing homes. by then we'll probably want to break it up so we can get it on with other old people close to dying. hhhaaaa...But I'm not counting on anything. One day at a time.

forever doesn't exhist in relationships. even in the best case senario one of you will die before the other and someone will be left to die alone. that's reality.

[ericka]

you obviously left for a reason. since you are in a new relationship, i dont think it warrants any kind of reply. if i were you, id suck it up and move along.

heh be glad you have a bf and dont have to worry about being rejected by a prospective dater...rejected via im. that happened to me 2 days ago. it was bittersweet though. he rejected, then an hour later my boss took me into her office and gave me a promotion and a $5 raise. AND it aint even performance evaluation time. one of my two fortune cookies at pei wei was so right - good things are in the horizon for me. the other said that i was feeling spicy and that i should have some kung pao.

[abcdefz]

My recent fortune cookie said 7 15 23 26 42. :confused:

[cosmo105]

there's really no point in keeping contact. i felt bad for my psycho ex for a long time - i guess i still do. and felt obligated to help support him, at least emotionally, for some time. fuck that. it was all negativity, nothing positive came of it. you moved on, you're happy with your life right now, and dredging up the past wouldn't accomplish anything for either of you. yes, that is "it". that's all. i think the last time he emailed me was a year or so ago, still saying he loved me and wanted to be friends :rolleyes:

[cosmo105]

My recent fortune cookie said 7 15 23 26 42. :confused:
you're going to meet a woman with some incredible measurements.

/fortune

[abcdefz]

That's a pretty durned skinny neck.

Maybe it starts from the bottom?

Which, in this case, would be the feet. :D

[b i o n i c]

the best thing you can possibly do is just let him be as you have. in time he will understand why you did what you did, why you did things the way you did and he will learn from it, probably be faced with a situation where he has "to be you" ... thats how it usually goes

[beastieangel01]

you moved on, you're happy with your life right now, and dredging up the past wouldn't accomplish anything for either of you.

(y) that helped a lot right now. gracias.

[ET]

Maybe I'm wrong but I really think that he still loves me.

You are correct, sir. I guess it's a hard time of year for him. Prolonged contact might be a bad thing in that what he may be holding onto might grow on his side. Awkwaaaaaaard.


p.s. IM dumping is pretty homo. Worse than the phone, which is also stupid.

[cosmo105]

i got IM dumped in 8th grade, only it was back in the ICQ days when it logged your messages. it was over christmas break and i hadn't talked to him for a long while, and when i signed on, i found out he wanted to "go back to being friends" a week earlier. :(

[ET]

Did he do it in red and green Christmas font? If so, balls should have been justifiably ripped off.

LeTs B FrIeNdz L0L

[ericka]

Did he do it in red and green Christmas font? If so, balls should have been justifiably ripped off.

especially if the colors alternated with one capatilized and one not and so on and so on.

[ET]

Haha, good idea!

Long time no see, pal. How was Chicago?

[ericka]

ohh...chi-town was only sausome! had a blast. walked 2 miles in 10 degrees during my first snowstorm evar.

i think you need to quit boycotting im and log in for once, playa.

[TOY]

yeah it was awful. i think i cried more than she did, cuz i knew what the impact of what i was doing. she was ready to buy a house and settle down, and i knew i couldnt just go along with it, i wouldnt be honest to her or myself. so i did what had to be done. which was a shame, cuz in many ways she was the best girlfriend u could hope for. she did so much for me, and i broke her heart in return :(

It's gonna be like that movie... You'll meet hot French girl, hot French girls seems real hot at first... Then she starts wiping the jelly off her face with her hair, among other things. Then you'll try to get best, not-so-hot girlfriend back...

TOO BAD.


Men piss me off so much. This may come off as a personal attack, but no.

[beastieangel01]

I dumped someone once by just ignoring him at school and not answering his calls or acknowledging that he was alive.

I was 14 though.

[na§tee]

geez, it's late, and i am a little delirous, so that's why i am posting this before i probably remove it due to INTERNET PARANOIA.

i do not want to be with my boyfriend anymore. my only boyfriend. like, the only person i have slept with/kissed (yeah i know lame LOL! er..). the person i have been with for almost six years. my whole adult life! whole. adult. life.

he loves me more than i love him. he wants to move in together, get married, have babies, have a future. he oft complains he is just a "teddy bear" that is great when he is there, but is easy to discard when i do not need him. and the thing is.. i don't. i don't need him anymore :(

it is fucking terrifying.

it is

fucking
terrifying.

i don't even know how to start the 'conversation'. i am such a fucking coward. such a coward. you have no idea. i've felt like this for at least two years but i still haven't done anything about it. but it has been catching up with me lately, and i know he recognises it, but similarly he is too scared to mention it for fear of the inevitably conclusion.

do all relationships suffer from massive burn out? i dunno. i know there is an element of 'comfort' you develop after x number of years but this is just ridiculous. i feel it. i feel it in my gut. i do not want to be with him forever. i really, really do not want to have sex with him anymore :( i know that sounds lame, but i feel so fucking used. my heart isn't in it and i feel so.. blah.

he is a good man. he adores me. he loves me more than i can imagine. but it's not fair, on either of us. that is a shit reason to stay with someone, for fear you will never be loved like that. i am scared about what he would do though if i finished with him though, and that is not meant to sound arrogant. it is the reality. for those you do not know for the last couple of years he has lived apart from me, so i really am his only, er, extra curricular activity when he comes to visit. which is about once a month/3 weeks. meh.

i have no idea what to do. i have no idea how to start this dialogue. i care for him and i care for his feelings but i have been dragging my feet for far too long now. i feel suffocated. he wants things i cannot give him. i feel bad for vocalising this all here but if i say it irl to too many people i get super pressure and my heart hurts. it really hurts. jesus christ.

i could explain for paragraphs and paragraphs but it's not really necessary. i am scared, and i feel so fucking alone when i think about him not being there, but.. i am alone. really. agh. STOP TYPING CLAIRE!

LOL EMO POST FTW!

ignore me.

crystal, my sympathies are with you. i feel that stomach pain too. i just want to feel more good stomach pain, hahaha. you have a lovely new boy who evidently adores you so.. high five. i am toasting you with a class of, um, asti in my brain! :cool:

[mikizee]

geez, it's late, and i am a little delirous, so that's why i am posting this before i probably remove it due to INTERNET PARANOIA.

i do not want to be with my boyfriend anymore. my only boyfriend. like, the only person i have slept with/kissed (yeah i know lame LOL! er..). the person i have been with for almost six years. my whole adult life! whole. adult. life.

he loves me more than i love him. he wants to move in together, get married, have babies, have a future. he oft complains he is just a "teddy bear" that is great when he is there, but is easy to discard when i do not need him. and the thing is.. i don't. i don't need him anymore :(

it is fucking terrifying.

it is

fucking
terrifying.

i don't even know how to start the 'conversation'. i am such a fucking coward. such a coward. you have no idea. i've felt like this for at least two years but i still haven't done anything about it. but it has been catching up with me lately, and i know he recognises it, but similarly he is too scared to mention it for fear of the inevitably conclusion.

do all relationships suffer from massive burn out? i dunno. i know there is an element of 'comfort' you develop after x number of years but this is just ridiculous. i feel it. i feel it in my gut. i do not want to be with him forever. i really, really do not want to have sex with him anymore :( i know that sounds lame, but i feel so fucking used. my heart isn't in it and i feel so.. blah.

he is a good man. he adores me. he loves me more than i can imagine. but it's not fair, on either of us. that is a shit reason to stay with someone, for fear you will never be loved like that. i am scared about what he would do though if i finished with him though, and that is not meant to sound arrogant. it is the reality. for those you do not know for the last couple of years he has lived apart from me, so i really am his only, er, extra curricular activity when he comes to visit. which is about once a month/3 weeks. meh.

i have no idea what to do. i have no idea how to start this dialogue. i care for him and i care for his feelings but i have been dragging my feet for far too long now. i feel suffocated. he wants things i cannot give him. i feel bad for vocalising this all here but if i say it irl to too many people i get super pressure and my heart hurts. it really hurts. jesus christ.

i could explain for paragraphs and paragraphs but it's not really necessary. i am scared, and i feel so fucking alone when i think about him not being there, but.. i am alone. really. agh. STOP TYPING CLAIRE!

LOL EMO POST FTW!

ignore me.

crystal, my sympathies are with you. i feel that stomach pain too. i just want to feel more good stomach pain, hahaha. you have a lovely new boy who evidently adores you so.. high five. i am toasting you with a class of, um, asti in my brain! :cool:



Thats exactly how i felt for a year leading up to it. it just got to a point where i knew i just had to do it. be strong. it will be worth it in the end for both of you.

[Lyman Zerga]

yeah it was awful. i think i cried more than she did, cuz i knew what the impact of what i was doing. she was ready to buy a house and settle down, and i knew i couldnt just go along with it, i wouldnt be honest to her or myself. so i did what had to be done. which was a shame, cuz in many ways she was the best girlfriend u could hope for. she did so much for me, and i broke her heart in return :(


sorry miki
you cant change the way you feel so it's not your fault at all

funny that it sometimes did sound like you have no gf

[hpdrifter]

Wow, Claire, I know that feeling well. All I can say is that you are getting close to being ready. I mean, you're never really ready but you get to a point where the need to get free of it outweighs the fear.

I feel for you, girl, I really do. Its not an easy conversation but you gotta set him free to find what he wants and be able get on with your life too.

[beastieangel01]

= All I can say is that you are getting close to being ready. I mean, you're never really ready but you get to a point where the need to get free of it outweighs the fear.

my thoughts as well.

I went through that for the last year with my ex. It was on and off, and I felt like I should end it and months prior to the end the desire to leave was extra strong. But I was too concerned for his feeling and terrified of even dealing with conflict of any kind even though I was unhappy and wanted out (and I thought I put so much time and effort in to it that giving up was something I didn't want to do).

When it comes down to it though, it isn't fair to you nor him for you to stick around if you aren't 100% for the relationship. If you aren't happy and/or long to be free, well... you know the answer and what to do.

The courage to do it is so incredibly difficult to build. I know. And it's never easy but believe me Claire, it's definitely for the better.

[fucktopgirl]

do all relationships suffer from massive burn out? i dunno. i know there is an element of 'comfort' you develop after x number of years but this is just ridiculous. i feel it. i feel it in my gut. i do not want to be with him forever. i really, really do not want to have sex with him anymore :( i know that sounds lame, but i feel so fucking used. my heart isn't in it and i feel so.. blah.




I have been there, it did take me like you, 2 years to realise that i was no longer able to be with him..it take a great deal of courage and strentgh to acknowledge that the relationship you are in, is no longer what you need or want and that the other person is suffering from it too. Me , i did the move last june with my little girl and i felt so bad doing it..but now we both see it is for the best, well...he is kinda sad about it a bit but he understand my move. I live for 7 years away from my family( we are a close one) and i was missing them too much as well as my roots. And my little girl was beginning to be more english then québécoise so...add that the fact that our flamme was dead and my sexual desire was also not very strong.

i needed change and a breath of fresh air , so i jump out into the open and i dont regret....Now every doors of possibilities are open and i feel no longer trap!

So if you feel it deep down in your guts...dont be scare and just jump!!:)

[befsquire]

claire, i don't think there's ever going to be a time when it feels like the right time to have that conversation. i'm sorry. :(

i wish i could say more, but i really don't know what to say. it was hard when i had that conversation with my ex. it made me cry to tell him that i was not in love with him because it looked like i crushed his soul. and then we had to tell the kids, and that sucked every bit as much. but all of us are ok now. my ex and i are better friends now than we were in the last few years of our marriage. the children now have an extra person that loves them, and you can never have enough people that love your children. i guess what i'm trying to say is that ranald will eventually be fine, and you'll get past feeling bad for ending the relationship.

[QueenAdrock]

I agree with all that's been said above. It's better to get it over with sooner rather than later. Dragging it out will just make you unhappy and it won't get any easier. There won't be a "right" time to do it...unless you manage to have a huge blowout fight or something. It's not fair to either of you, you just gotta be strong and do it.

[cookiepuss]

This might sound trivial Claire but you need to date and yes have sex with other people. it's kinda..important. I don't know if i can explain why but I think every new relationship or fling helps you to learn about yourself in ways you never thought possible.

I was with my highschool sweetheart for 5 years, thought we would get married and all that. he was my first everything and my best friend. Thing is we started to grow apart and I got interested in someone else. but I didn't have the balls to let my relationship go and I ended up having an affair...which was fucking the shittyiest thing I could have done.

I know it takes time to build up the curage to let someone go..but don't wait too long or it will get messier than you ever imagined.

[cookiepuss]

damn it double post.

[HotAndWet]

:(
I've been in deep thought about breaking up with my bf recently, not because I want to but because of my living situation. I moved to go to school last fall which is where I met him, however I ended up not studying and just fucking around doing other stuff too much which led me to decide to take this semester off, which gave me a lot of idle time considering I don't have a job anymore. What scares me is, he is pretty much the only reason why I'm still there, I mean of course I do still have an apartment there that needs the rent paid but still I have strong feelings of isolation and loneliness. I haven't got many friends outside of him and his friends and lately we've been arguing on and off mostly because of me worrying about stupid things, "do you really like me?" etc. I'm so worried about him hurting me that I can't let myself feel happy and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it anymore, it's breaking my heart though because I still care so much for him and he even said how he doesn't want us to break up but still....I feel like it's not gonna last.

[Otis Driftwood]

Hurray for breaking up. No, I meant Hurray for honesty. Honesty is the best policy. I was told (and I really just relay this, cause I don't care) there was some astronomical constellation involving Venus recently, which brought about change and turmoil on a cosmic level. Lots of couple split recently....

[monkey]

i think we all go through that moment where we HAVE to break up with our significant other for own good. if i hadnt broken up with my first bf, the one i had for 3 years, i would have never known what it was like to feel true raw passion for someone else, like i felt for my last exbf. my last exbf, he showed me a completely different way to love. and if i hadnt broken up with him, i would probably still be depressed and not doing anything, because breaking up with him taught me about my own strength.
i love my exbf to death, i love him so much, it hurts everyday to know that i created this for myself. but if i hadnt, i may not be here right now. i have a fantastic job, going to school, and i have just about the most amazing bunch of friends ever. last year, this time... i had just the exbf and a puppy but none of me.

i dont know what this means, just that... the strength to break up with him and to go through it all and to deal with it in the years to come is still there. it's more than still there, going through it shows you just what a strong person you can be. i use that word a lot, i think because it's really what i feel ive gotten out of all of this.

and as for contacting the ex - keeping contact is so hurtful. it delays the healing, and i dont know how people do it. i kept contact for months, only to make the pain last for months instead of pulling the bandaid quickly. i havent spoken to my exbf since mid jan. it's a good thing. i think im getting over it rather well.

<3

[Lo_Lyfe]

You guys used all the real names. That might be a problem.

Sucks Nas. Hope you get through it ok.

[HOTWIFE]

well this is encouraging :(

[beastieangel01]

annnnnnd now I might be single by the end of the week.

Fantastic.

[QueenAdrock]

Why? :(

[beastieangel01]

long story. We had a very un-fun conversation Sunday night which ended with me in tears and it hasn't really been resolved. Last night I was so tired I was practically asleep by the time he got back to my place. And it's his birthday today, so I feel like I should not ruin his day because this conversation is potentially relationship-ending.

good times all around, really.

[QueenAdrock]

God, I always hated those conversations. What I hate now is that we both ignored the conversations for so long because we were happy and we figured stuff would work itself out. It's silly to assume that just because you love each other things will fall into place, because the world doesn't work that way.

I'm probably not helping though. Don't mind me, I'm just still slightly jaded towards the world. :o

Though it may be a good idea to confront it now if it's just going to loom over the relationship.

[beastieangel01]

Yeah I hate them too.

And I also hate for it to loom, but it's his birthday today. And he's mentioned to me that in the past no one really does anything for his birthday, not even a message or call. Except from his Mom.

I threw him a surprise party Sunday. He said it was the first time anyone has really done anything for him for his birthday.

Sooooo I really feel like today is not the day to finish that discussion :/

[QueenAdrock]

Yeah, definitely not. If you're gonna do it, I'd say Friday so you can go and have fun with your friends after and not think about it.

Good luck missy. :(

[na§tee]

goodness me, thanks for all your kind words. thanks to everyone who PMed, too, who i haven't got back to. some days i just switch on my IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE face and do not have the energy to sit and say my thankyous because it means addressing the 'issue' again. but thankyou all, serious. good advice. it means a lot.

underage, what you are saying makes me sad - you don't think someone will ever want that happily ever after with you? don't sell yourself short. it can happen. just because your current relationship seems to have reached a brick wall, it doesn't mean you can have all the happiness you desire (and deserve) with someone else.

i forgot to mention before that sometimes it feels, since he is my first boyfriend, that i sort of fell into it 'accidentally'. it's like one night i was like RIGHT. i am going to KISS YOU NOW. and then it was like.. riiiiiight. so i'm your girlfriend? okay! fast forward six years! the idea of explicitly wanting to be with someone and them wanting to be with me from the get-go is sort of exciting to me. that whole "hey, you're shit hot!" "hey! so are you!" "cool.. erm, wanna eat pizza some night?" "SURE!" scenario. hahaha. okay, so perhaps a little more romantic.

there have been times since i have posted my thoughts that i have been sure he is going to call me up and be like "erm.. so, i saw that.." and have been sort of gutted when he never does. haha. i mean, of course i wouldn't want him to see that first without me talking to him. but my disappointment of the situation not revealing itself in a sucky way like that sort of speaks volumes. hah.

i was thinking i would start it off less "U R DUMPED LOL" and more a dialogue between us as to what he really thinks of my thoughts on our potential future and towards him. so it's more like he is reasoning with himself. haha. um. because he knows. he really knows.

i don't want to see that face crumble. god. he accidentally appeared as my MSN avatar one night and i started crying immediately. huge big eyes with huge big eyelashes with HUGE BIG HURT.

there are times when everything is rosy! the sun is shining, chasing dreams by basement jaxx comes on my ipod, i successfully showered that morning, etc etc. and it is pleasing and exciting to daydream of a time when all of 'this' is behind me and we can perhaps be friends and i can perhaps be happy with someone else. but it's not even about being single or being with someone 'better for me'. it's about doing things that i want to do, when i want to do them and who i want to do them with - whether that means having a new relationship or not. just me making explicit decisions about things which make me happy. yeeeup! sounds good eh?

i know i have to go through a world of pain to even reach that stage but, meh.

well. we'll see. here's hoping!

[TAL]

HUGS FOR CLAIRE!!

[Lyman Zerga]

i think claire knows/knew a guy i thought was hot

[na§tee]

i think claire knows/knew a guy i thought was hot
ooooh, who was this? i'll set you up with them! if it was one of my german friends one of them lives in vienna now! and i may go and visit him in the summer! wahoo!

thanks for TAL hugs :cool: can i get some polly with that?

[Lyman Zerga]

ooooh, who was this? i'll set you up with them! if it was one of my german friends one of them lives in vienna now! and i may go and visit him in the summer! wahoo!

thanks for TAL hugs :cool: can i get some polly with that?


he was on the dark side something ezboard
he is probably old, fat and bald by now lol


hugs from me, too

[na§tee]

he was on the dark side something ezboard
he is probably old, fat and bald by now lol
holy shit! that is OLD SCHOOL. OH GOD! ahahahaha. ezboard. dear lord. if it was one of the group of people who i, er, 'managed' it along, it was probably my friend tim. he was pretty, yes. he's not fat now but he does have dreads, and lives in bristol where he attempts to take pictures for a living with his aeronautical engineering degree.

thanks for the hugs too :cool:

goddamnit. this is meant to be a sad end of relationshippage thread, not a nostalgic ezboard thread, so i'll shut up! ahahah.

[Lyman Zerga]

lol it was probably him



back to the :(

[TAL]

thanks for TAL hugs :cool: can i get some polly with that?
Polly (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y167/TAL73/polly.jpg) for Claire!

[beastieangel01]

yeah.

his birthday was actually really, really nice.

I really hate when things are shitty then out of no where are nice. But I still have had no apology and we have yet to talk about it so :/

[hpdrifter]

What did he do that requires an apology? Something with another girl?

[beastieangel01]

no.

but it's bad enough that there should be a sorry. "I was really drunk and in a bad mood" only is not really cool.

Without going in to detail, basically, it was bad enough that I was crying so hard that my roommate/best friend could hear me while in her room and our friend sleeping on the couch could hear me too.

And of the 8 years my best friend has known me, that was the first time she's ever heard me cry.

[TAL]

HUGS FOR CRYSTAL!



(I ate all the Polly, sorry)

[hpdrifter]

He must've said something. Well, hopefully he'll apologize. Why was this Friday the day you could be broken up?

My boyfriend gets remarkably immature and surly when he's drunk and pissed off. Its really frustrating.

[beastieangel01]

Friday because he's out of town till then. I may end up talking to him on the phone but he has 12-24 hour shifts.

I too hope he apologizes. But at the same time, I'm so upset that I just lack any desire for him right now.

[little j]

wow.
i hope everyone works out their relationship stuff... relationships are hard.


i've been with seth for 6 years (tomorrow is our "anniversary" of the day we decided to be exclusive) and its not as passionate or sexual as it was when we started out, but i didn't love him this much when we started out. i think we are even beyond the stale-comfort level and are moving into something super exciting. with the new house, he's getting a better job... im thinking you will all be invited to an engagement party before too long.

he's an ass sometimes and really selfish and uncaring (and i know i am that way too) but those times i can be so angry and pissed off at him and still look at him and think, yeah, i cant leave this guy because he's still pretty great and loving...

eh.
god
mush mush

[hpdrifter]

Friday because he's out of town till then. I may end up talking to him on the phone but he has 12-24 hour shifts.

I too hope he apologizes. But at the same time, I'm so upset that I just lack any desire for him right now.

Wow, he must have said something really bad if you're ready to break up over it. Was it a racial or sexist slur or something?

Well hang in there. Its gotta be rough having to wait and have it roll around your brain for a whole week. So you guys had a huge fight that made you cry that hard and he had to like leave with no contact a day or so later for a whole week? Be careful you don't let your anger level get out of control because you're frustrated that you can't talk to him about it.

[beastieangel01]

Wow, he must have said something really bad if you're ready to break up over it. Was it a racial or sexist slur or something?

Well hang in there. Its gotta be rough having to wait and have it roll around your brain for a whole week. So you guys had a huge fight that made you cry that hard and he had to like leave with no contact a day or so later for a whole week? Be careful you don't let your anger level get out of control because you're frustrated that you can't talk to him about it.

like I said, long story. Not racial or sexist.

I guess in a nutshell: he expects me to be supportive of him and there for him and "baby" him, because he has this laundry list of stress. And he does, it's true. And I'm willing and wanting to support him, and do. Sometimes though I get stressed too. Maybe my stresses aren't as severe as his, I'll admit that, but they ARE there. And there's only been twice so far that I really needed it and I was LITERALLY on those hormone pills so I was having a rough time. He was extremely impatient with me, and I got brushed off easily. By the way, he's training to be a paramedic so I would think maybe he of all people could be more understanding about someone being on medication. Anyway, anytime I brought something up I was stressed about he'd bring up his comparible stress and say how his is so much worse so what should I be stressed out about, that HE is the one that should be getting supported/attention. It kept going and going and the last one I mentioned he said angrily "well welcome to MY world!"

All that the night after (well night of, I guess) I spent two days straight, waking up at 8am on the weekend (I love to sleep in ha) pulling together a surprise birthday party for him. Cleaning the house top to bottom, calling my friends, trying to reach his friends. I don't have much money but I went around town looking for bargains for gifts for him. As well as drinks and food for the party. I literally finished pulling everything together 15 minutes before he arrived. He even said it was the first time ever anyone has done something for him in regards to his Birthday. Usually he just gets a phone call from Mom and that's it.

So to have him belittle the stress I have or throw his in my face in response and acting like that, especially after I did all that work for his surprise birthday party, felt terrible. I started bawling.

I've never had anyone make me feel like my feelings were nothing. That's exactly how he made me feel. He gave the impression that because HIS stress is so much higher, that I should just support him and expect nothing in return.

[skra75]

What a sad thread : (

I have never had a girlfriend haha.

You should date one of the many cornballs from that thread that was devoted to you lol

[skra75]

I started balling.

LOL @ mispelt bawling
"Above the Law"
Also,
Lil' Flip

[hpdrifter]

Yeah, that's really bad. And I can't imagine what stress he would have had that is higher or more important than what you've been through the past several months.

I hope he gets his act together and starts treating you better. My boyfriend does that sometimes too, makes me feel like he doesn't give a shit and that my feelings are nothing. But usually once he gets over feeling defensive and saracastic he like over apologizes. Its really frustrating because it ends up being more painful and much bigger of a deal than it needs to.

[beastieangel01]

LOL @ mispelt bawling
"Above the Law"
Also,
Lil' Flip

ahaha that's hilarious. Even more so because that song by jim jones, the bf would always yell out "BALLING" super loud jokingly and it'd crack me up. Probably why it came out ha.

Anyway, hp. Yeah. The closest thing I got to an apology was "I was kind of drunk last night" and tuesday he said "I actually feel like myself today. The person I was before this paramedic class..." vs the stressed out guy he was the past few days.

Which, okay that's great and all. But some acknowledgement of the fact that he was a fucking jerk to ME would be nice.

Lately, I swear it's all about how I'm not paying attention to him enough or not calling him enough or, just things along those lines. So many side stories that are too long to explain here.

He just pulls the stress HE has card out for so much. Even when I was on those hormone pills and I told him that I know he's stressed but I really needed him to be more patient with me and talk with me on one particular day that was extra bad... he said "me before this class, yeah, I'd be really supportive. But me in this class? ..."

:/

[hpdrifter]

Not cool.

If he's too stressed out to be supportive then he's too stressed out to have a girlfriend. Relationships have to go both ways, he can't be taking so much.

[beastieangel01]

exactly.

I even said that to him, that it goes both ways. I said it in a nice, genuine manner. I also said "if you are so stressed out from this class maybe we should just cool it so you can focus on that," and he got really upset saying "great now you are breaking up with me?" and added "everything in my life is so stressful and the only good thing is you."

blah.

[Rock]

"everything in my life is so stressful and the only good thing is you."
tell him to start acting like it.

[skra75]

"great now you are breaking up with me?" and added "everything in my life is so stressful and the only good thing is you."

kinda lame
a more expected response from him might have been "huh? nah...you're cool. whatever. I'm sorry I've been acting like a pussy lately but the shit has got me stressed out. Don't worry about it, but thanks for the sympathy babes. Hey, let me do something nice for you. Lemme take you out and get you some food, forget about it."

[Rock]

kinda lame
Very lame. Its like he is guilting her into staying with him.

If he is all about himself and his problems now, and your issues don't compare to what he is going through....he prolly will always be like that.

Then again, I'm horrible at relationship advice, the last two times I gave it, one relationship ended the next day and the other the next week. One is happy now, the other is pretending he is. But both weren't happy in the relationships.

[HEIRESS]

what a jerk! he's just using his "stress" as an excuse to be an asshole. Thats ok once in awhile but it shouldnt be taken on as a 7 days a week character trait

tell him if he's finding himself unable to handle the stress of just being in paramedic training than maybe thats not the line of work for him
school is just school.

one of my best buddies is a paramedic and the shit you gotta start dealing with one you get a real deal job just cant be compared to the mere training

when I got back from new zealand he managed to drag himself out to come welcome me back at the pub after working a 12 hour shift, the last bit of which he spent on the side of the highway in the snow giving cpr to a car wreck victim who ended up dying anyways

so yeah, he still manages to act like a decent stand up friend after that sort of crap and Im not even his girlfriend.

you gotta be able to leave your work behind when you get off shift, that's all there is to it.

[Lo_Lyfe]

ahaha that's hilarious. Even more so because that song by jim jones, the bf would always yell out "BALLING" super loud jokingly and it'd crack me up. Probably why it came out ha.

Anyway, hp. Yeah. The closest thing I got to an apology was "I was kind of drunk last night" and tuesday he said "I actually feel like myself today. The person I was before this paramedic class..." vs the stressed out guy he was the past few days.

Which, okay that's great and all. But some acknowledgement of the fact that he was a fucking jerk to ME would be nice.

Lately, I swear it's all about how I'm not paying attention to him enough or not calling him enough or, just things along those lines. So many side stories that are too long to explain here.

He just pulls the stress HE has card out for so much. Even when I was on those hormone pills and I told him that I know he's stressed but I really needed him to be more patient with me and talk with me on one particular day that was extra bad... he said "me before this class, yeah, I'd be really supportive. But me in this class? ..."

:/

Break up with him and teach him the lesson he needs to learn. Otherwise, you're playing yourself.

[beastieangel01]

it is massive stress. He's spent the past 5 years getting to this point. He's on the part where he started riding with the ambulance and has to do everything himself with a someone over him questioning his every move. 12-48 hr shifts. There's no do-overs, so if he doesn't pass, the past 5 years down the drain. 10,000 in debt.

So I am doing my absolute best to understand that.

But at the same time I don't think it's fair to for me to be a doormat, either.

And I hate that he's gone till Friday at 9pm and even then he may not come by till Saturday. So meanwhile I sit here, tick tock, until I can speak with him about all this.

It's driving me nuts.