am i doing the right thing?

[Rawr]

There's this guy I know and use to hate with a passion a couple years ago, but now I have fallen in love with over the past year since he's been expressing to me his soul on the inside, he's really confused and stuck. I've done tremendeous work to help him, and the thing is... there's almost two parts to him. The side I know is that he's really mentally confused and has problems with ocd and is love with my bestfriend and he knows that she will never love him back like that, but he keeps tricking his own mind to thinking she will and wont let go of her. The thing is the other part is that he puts of this whole different side to him on the out side, that is exactly like all his other friends but its as if he sucks all there personality to create his own, they're starting to hate him..noticing that it obviously is fake, like a clone. Now I'm really confused if everything he told me about him on the inside is fake and he just wants someone to have sympathy for him, because whenever I tried to bring him to my counsiller he'd get all predijuce and say counsiler's don't do shit, and whenever he tells me he has the attacks of ocd...i'm there but I dont see anything odd happen, he seems normal.....I don't think if you have ocd..you cant control it, right? and whenever I try to tell him about my problems he gets on about his ocd and acts as if since ocd is worse than mine so I cant complain, plus whenever I do tell him about things that fucked me up as a child he'd exagerrate and go on this big thing about how it relates to him and then makes it all about him and then whenever I try and say "Well, I dont really think its fucking up your life...you've never really experienced it before, you know?" being gentle, but he doesnt say anything and seems really I dont know...angry or something that I'm saying its not all about him or making a big thing and giving him sympathy. I don't understand... a couple of weeks ago too, we and my close friend all got drunk and I was really upset that he wasent listening to me on how I feel I'm the one for him and not my bestfriend (which she agrees) but he wasent listening at all, I went and started self-inflicting damage on myself and at the end of the night I was yelling and showing him what I did saying "what does this say to you!!! dont you realise your killing me!" and right away all he did was show his arm and said "So what, I can do that too."
What the fuck?
Part of me thinks hes a complete fake, but when he shows me himself on the inside I cant help but fall in love with his soul that he shows me.....I'm really confused, I don't know if I should leave him once in for all, and tell him I know what hes doing...or stay with him, help him and develope a realashionship.....whenever I talk to him though about my feelings for him he's sort of open to it and seeing what will happen but all it is, is just ME expressing my love to him....he makes it like I have to run after him, that I'm the only one expressing my love....whenever I try and hold him I can't, and then he tells me "Well shit, if you love me so much why dont you, show me you really do love me." I get nothing in return....Im fucking stuck, it would be right if I didnt bother because its obvious i wont get anything from it..because he doesnt love me back in that way I love him.. but for some reason I dont listen to that. I need someone else to tell me, I need to be convinced from people who see it clearer...
...I dont know if I'll be setting a trap on my own self..
But I don't want to get in a realashionship if hes a total fake and just an attention seeker and a person who steals others personalities to create his own.. but i cant help but think about the side he keeps secret and shows me that I love......fuck

[cosmo105]

*deep breath*

no, you're too young to get so involved in something so ridiculously convoluted. he'll completely fuck up your life and you'll have horrible relationships for years afterward. if he's "in love" with someone else anyway, why are you chasing someone that doesn't even reciprocate? relationships at your age should not be so painful. just have fun, for fuck's sake. but i know you won't listen to me and you'll probably lust after him anyway until he fucks you over anyway, because you're a girl. just read Women Who Love Too Much and get a vibrator.

[Rawr]

Well, I'm trying to listen, really, i really want to. but there's still this other side to me that is convinced otherwise. but all it does is make me feel like a total idiot just chasing after him, it makes me want to bash my head on the concreate and get that other side dead, but it wont leave.

[Miho]

It sounds like he's being childish to you, but then again, he's probably around your age, right...so it's relative. Speaking from experience, I have a bad case of OCD as well, and it all depends on what exactly are his problems. May I ask what exactly are his obsessive tendencies?

It's not unusual for guys to imitate their male friends. They're teenagers, they goof around. It's also not unusual for him to create two sides of his persona. He very well could be confused and lost. There is little you could do if he refuses to be reasonable about his mental problem. My only advice, give him space.

He also should seek professional help about his OCD, if he hasn't already. It's a serious problem, and could manifest into far worse forms.

[zorra_chiflada]

jesus christ. this sounds really familiar to me. seriously, run. run far away. get as far away as possible as you can from him. it is very likely he will majorly fuck you over, and it will take you years to get over it.

have some damn fucking self respect and stop cutting yourself and doing all that shit. just rise above and beyond. i was a teenager once! i know the kinda things you go through, but when you get older and look back, you're going to really regret all the stupid shit you did, and how you wasted all your time chasing after some guy who was really not all that. life only goes downhill from here, so fucking enjoy yourself.

[Documad]

You know the guy is a keeper when he makes you want to mutilate yourself. (y)

[zorra_chiflada]

heh :/ exactly. what is with you kids and doing this? why don't you go and get a fucking punching bag or something.

[cosmo105]

i really want to set up some sort of organization for young girls, like a big sisters type of thing, where cool chicks like us would hang out and boost their confidence and help them band together instead of being pitted against each other. and help them deal with their confused feelings toward boys and all. the thing is, so many of these lessons you just can't be told...you have to learn it the hard way.

you know that this guy is going to leave you extremely fucked over, but you keep chasing after him for the fleeting moments that you actually do feel good around him. don't rely on someone else for your own happiness. go listen to the Gossip and read Women Who Love Too Much and see if you can find some back issues of Sassy and FUCKING DITCH HIM!

[zorra_chiflada]

so rawr, in short, no you are not doing the right fucking thing.

[cosmo105]

yeah. your whole problem might seem like it can go either way for you, but trust us ladies when we say we speak from experience. LOTS of experience, and don't think that your situation is unique. every. single. girl. has gone through some gut-wrenching bullshit like this. don't be stupid, and don't chase after this guy. why suffer any more than you already have? do you honestly think he could be a good boyfriend, someone with whom you could have fun, and someone that would bring positive things in your life?

[zorra_chiflada]

and also you're gonna spend the best years of your life moping around with some loserface. have fun! i demand it!

[befsquire]

you said that he never listens to you when you try to convince him that you're the best thing for him, but it seems you don't listen when he tells you he doesn't want you, and turns everything back around to him. so how can you even think you and he will start a relationship when he only wants one with your best friend?

also, try to look at it from his perspective. you mutilated yourself, and this is supposed to make him want to be with you and love you? how? and why? if you're doing that now, what will you do if you're in an argument? and if he started a relationship with you (that he doesn't want) and then he tried to break it off, then he'd have to worry that you'd hurt yourself worse than you did before you were a couple.

you can't make someone be what you want them to be. they either already are, or they never will be. he's a "never will be."

i have a feeling though that you aren't going to listen because it's not what you want to hear. i'm not trying to be mean, i'm just being honest.

stay away from him. you + him = toxic.

[zorra_chiflada]

aand, if what everyone has said is not enough to dissuade you, let me tell you this. if you persue this relationship, in five or so years time you'll end up like me - an embittered bitch who picks fights with anyone to keep up the (very transparent) facade of being strong, when in fact i have no self confidence and am chicken shit about most normal life situations.

[befsquire]

^and she would be bombarded with cute little animals everyday.

you forgot that part.

[zorra_chiflada]

not anymore i'm not :( i don't work there anymore

[befsquire]

oh no! did you bring them all home with you then?

[zorra_chiflada]

oh no! did you bring them all home with you then?

disputes with co-workers, in short.

[Documad]

If a female friend of hers told her that story over coffee one afternoon, I'll bet she would give the friend good advice. And when she started the thread, she knew that no one was going to support her poor choices. That's what I don't understand.

[Miho]

I didn't mention the part about him being interested in your best friend, sorry about that. Not intentional, but I was focusing on his OCD problem. Like the rest said, break all ties with him. It's better to be continually searching for a great guy, than putting yourself through misery, like self-mutilation, which is awful.

[Dorothy Wood]

gah! don't hurt yourself! that's so cliché. I'm not sure about how old you are, but you seem young. I tore myself apart about a boy round about 18, and it was a total waste of time. he was a loser. this guy you're in love with is also a loser. you can't see it now, but you will eventually.

If I could go back in time and slap my 18 year-old self in the face, I would. jerks are jerks. you may think you can help him and "oh no, he's so wounded, I can make him better, he ONLY opens up to me", but it's all bullshit. BULLSHIT!

[na§tee]

If I could go back in time and slap my 18 year-old self in the face, I would. jerks are jerks. you may think you can help him and "oh no, he's so wounded, I can make him better, he ONLY opens up to me", but it's all bullshit. BULLSHIT!
hahaha. that is so true. i would kick my 18 year old self in the teeth.

please please don't hurt yourself. you will regret it five years down the line, believe me. it's so not worth it. at all at all at all.

i know he seems like the centre of your world now, and everything seems pure and genuine and just so, OH GOD, so right, but some of it is, i promise, teenage dramatic exaggeration. i was the same when i was your age, and that boy? i care not a jot for him anymore. i was just lonely, and sad, and, well, on a bloody island with nothing to do, so i needed something to fixate on. when you broaden your horizons in other areas you will see it is not the be all and end all.

[Lex Diamonds]

Guys are cunts, women are bitches. Love is for morons. That's just the way it is.

[abcdefz]

i know he seems like the centre of your world now, and everything seems pure and genuine and just so, OH GOD, so right, but some of it is, i promise, teenage dramatic exaggeration.




Deep down, don't most people know they're creating whirlwinds?

[na§tee]

Deep down, don't most people know they're creating whirlwinds?
ach, i dunno. certainly back then i thought it was my ONE TRUE LOVE, yo. but it wasn't. it was rubbish.

do you mean we still do that nowadays as adults, create whirlwinds? of course. oh, i fear i exaggerate a lot of things. i'm a total daydreamer. but at least i recognise it nowadays, and am wary. i am more realistic. a realistic daydreamer, haha!

what i was saying is that as a teen, nah - you don't know you are creating a whirlwind. but if you do, you think the whirlwind just adds to the total fucking sincerity of your situation.

[abcdefz]

Schools have kids read Romeo and Juliet too soon. :D

[cookiepuss]

I'm going to make this very simple with the following advice:

Don't ever take on a guy who is a "project" or because you think you can "help" him. if you look at a person and think, oh this person would be so fantastic for me if only they weren't (insert long list of personality flaws).

if the person isn't who you'd hoped they would be right from the get go you might as well walk away...BECAUSE NOTHING YOU DO OR SACRIFICE WILL CHANGE THEM.

if you can follow that advice it will save you years of heartbreak.

[Rawr]

May I ask what exactly are his obsessive tendencies?


He also should seek professional help about his OCD, if he hasn't already. It's a serious problem, and could manifest into far worse forms.


complushions to add up numbers to see if they have a specific meaning, if they're bad he'll have a panic attack. he acts like he has to do specific things or else he'll be putting me or any one else close to him in danger. He has obsessions to set his alarm clock and keeps checking if its exactly set right, or with his window blinds he'll keep fixing them until they're perfectly straight. The one big thing though is that once every year he tells me he has the biggest breakdown where he'll see a knife and have a huge uncontrolable urge to cut himself...
He wont though, sometimes he'll be totaly up for it.. but once it happens for him being able to actually get help he backs out and acts strange like it's not a big thing..

[SugarInTheRaw]

You know the guy is a keeper when he makes you want to mutilate yourself. (y)

No way. :eek:

[Rawr]

I mean this in the most sincere and nicest way...ditch him. Quick like.

I appreciate this, but are you saying that just because he's messed up?

I told him everything about how I was second guessing being with him, and he got pissed off saying how anxiety disorders dont impare people to speak to eachother...or be with people they love, in which I know for a fact it does, atleast for me... he said that he's not in the position to help other people, and something else but it sounded like he was saying he doesnt want to help other people...and that he doesnt he doesnt have the position either to give me sympathy all the time, also he said if he saw my wrists another time when he was drunk he would respond differently... but still he didnt ask any questions or seem like he cared really..and kept saying "I cant change, I cant be perfect and neither can you so why dont just accept how i am and stop tryting to make everything your dream because it wont work".....

[cosmo105]

I appreciate this, but are you saying that just because he's messed up?

um...yes?


why would you want to be with someone that's "messed up"? are you a glutton for punishment? things will never be the way you want them to be with him. accept it. care more about yourself.

[beastieangel01]

I really doubt you will listen to all this sound advice,
but try the best you can to do so. Try your hardest to take it to heart. Yes it will hurt like a motherfucker and yes it will be extremely difficult, but believe us when we say that you will be happy you did so later.

And if you ignore the advice, well, I hope that things don't get too ugly for your sake.