i think i'm just dumbfounded and dont' know what the fuck to do

[zorra_chiflada]

i got a call this morning from my mother who was frantic. my dad is in a bad way. he's seriously ill, can't keep any food down and is in excruciating pain. something is telling me that he's probably not going to see this through. he's 81 years old now. maybe i should be down at the hospital seeing him, but i feel completely frozen. i can't move. i also don't want to face it. over the past year or so, i've found that the best way of dealing with stuff like this is to pretend it's not happening. it's kept me sane. but i can't wish this away.
i'm not even crying anymore, i'm a fucking zombie

[HEIRESS]

go zorra

right now


*hugz*

[Kid Presentable]

Zorra, get off the computer. Go and see your father.

[fucktopgirl]

you should totally go!!


Go see him and face it!!

And ...just do what you can ..that mean love him!!

[kleptomaniac]

he needs you now more than ever :(

[g-mile7]

go(!) (lb)



and my thoughts are with you, they really are.

[Bob]

i suppose you've gotta go

you might not be able to go again

[Waus]

:( Prayers.

[ggirlballa]

Prayers.

same here

you should go because if something even more dramatic does happens you'll probally regret not going

[The Notorious LOL]

im gonna disagree.


I never visited my grandma when she was dying in the nursing home. main reason being is I didnt want to remember her in pain, suffering, and sad as her last days were. Dont go.

[Bob]

im gonna disagree.


I never visited my grandma when she was dying in the nursing home. main reason being is I didnt want to remember her in pain, suffering, and sad as her last days were. Dont go.

i did the same thing with mine when she died of lung cancer for the same reasons (i was 12 or so), and i don't exactly regret it, but a parent is kind of a different thing

[hitmonlee]

im gonna disagree.


I never visited my grandma when she was dying in the nursing home. main reason being is I didnt want to remember her in pain, suffering, and sad as her last days were. Dont go.

same with my grandfather, but i think its a bit different with a parent. you should be there for them, and you'll regret it if you don't go.

zorra *hugs* numb is ok, crying can come in time...

edit: bob i totally didn;t read that before i posted... i agree...

[g-mile7]

Her mom needs her and her pops, I'd expect, wants to see her. I still say go, last thing he needs is having his last days wondering where his daughter is.

[Lo_Lyfe]

Her mom needs her and her pops, I'd expect, wants to see her. I still say go, last thing he needs is having his last days wondering where his daughter is.
Like my dad. When he went I hadn't even seen him for a week. I don't want Zorra to live with that sort of guilt. If this is what that is. Hopefully it's not.

[g-mile7]

Like my dad. When he went I hadn't even seen him for a week. I don't want Zorra to live with that sort of guilt. If this is what that is. Hopefully it's not.
I hope the same man.

[ms.peachy]

Oh zorra, I'm so sorry, you and your family are really having it all thrown at you lately aren't you.

[zorra_chiflada]

my mother is in hospital as well - she's got fluid in her lungs. but apart from that she's fine. dad was taken away in an ambulance before. he couldn't walk, he was so skinny and pale. his irises looked white. his blood pressure was 210/100. i don't know if he was going to have a heart attack or what.
i suppose i'm shitscared because he's never acted or looked his age. for 81, he's in excellent health. but he did look his age today.
i feel so stupid for getting upset over the tiny little things that don't even matter. i feel so stupid for not ever getting along with him, even though the only reasons we fought were because we are so alike. i've got myself prepared for the worst now.

[ericlee]

Well, it's times like this when they need you most. I think you should spend as much time with him as you can.

It's the last (if it's not looking good) time you two can look at each other. Give him these moments.

I'm serious, Zorra, if I knew when my father was dying, I seriously wish I was there at his deathbed. Even though I barely know him, I wish I was there holding his hands to wish him off and let him know that he has done something good in his life and he can rest peacefully.

Even though you might have bad ties with your pops, you're a good person and it would be great to see him off.

[Lyman Zerga]

i visited my grandpa when he was in a good condition but i couldnt go to the hospital anymore after things got worse

it must be so much worse when this happens to your parents and 'you' will regret it so much more for not going there, i would think



*hugs zorra*

[na§tee]

stay strong, z. as i said just hang in there til you get some news. don't agonise over what ifs.

/huggage.

[zorra_chiflada]

thing is, i'm getting used to it. i know what this is like. i've had to deal with close calls and scares like this a lot. and i know i've made it through. so i can do it again.

[zorra_chiflada]

and i'm risking eviction by keeping his dog here

[zorra_chiflada]

and because i seem to get all the luck, we're getting our dog put down. i'm not devestated or distraught or anything anymore. i'm like a fucking robot and i have this mantra in my head "life goes on" "this is life" "deal with this". i suppose my lack of apparent emotion at the moment is a blessing in disguise. in a weird way, this has made me feel really strong. i haven't crumbled or had a breakdown. i've just fucking taken it.

i almost find myself getting annoyed at others for being upset. when my dad was on the way to the hospital i said "get better you old bastard"

i suppose i'm interested to know how you guys have dealt with greiving or loss. i never thought i'd be able to make it through something like this

[befsquire]

there really isn't anything that any one of us can tell you that is going to help you right now, because the way a person deals with life's tragedies is very unique, and you can't do what any of us would do because it isn't your life experience.

i'm really not trying to turn this into a post that's all about me, i'm just trying to tell you how i deal with things. i lost my mother in 2000 to cancer, and it was shocking and devastating beyond belief. i had to be medicated to continue to function. but there was always something about my father that let me know that his life was barely hanging by a string, and this was going on well before my mother died. so, while she was dying, i made sure that i told her and my father everything i wanted to say, apologized for behavior i felt i should apologize for, and told them both how very much i love them. i wanted to make sure i had no regrets. my father knew how much i hated hospitals, and how upset it made me, and so when i went this time, even though i thought he would be fine and he would walk out of there, it really meant a lot to him that i went. and of course, when it got really bad and it was apparent he would not leave, i was beside him to tell him it's ok for him to go.

in many ways, i haven't dealt with his death yet. it's too new to me, even though it was 2 months ago. i can't accept that i have no parents. i can't grieve yet because it's not real to me. and i feel like i can't cry whenever i need to because i don't want to worry or upset bobby. yes, bobby would totally understand and would comfort me, but he's never dealt with death before, and so i try to hide it from him. (no, i don't need to worry about him reading this because he goes months on end before he looks at the board.)

if you would regret not going, and he died while in the hospital, then you should go. if you have things you need to say, good or bad, you should go and tell him. i sorta wonder if the relationship you and he have had over the past few years is somewhat distant so that both you and he would not be as hurt when he passed, since he is somewhat older than most parents of children your age.

you and your family are in my thoughts.