g-mile7
04-26-2007, 10:11 PM
Forgive the length and also any linguistic errors for the purpose of this paper is to write it as how we would deliever it in a speech. It also is based on a recent (as of last night) true story (adamF you know). It a paper I wrote for my Personality Theories class by the way.
Inside (the Eyes) (an essay) (4-26-07)
Last night, he had to say so long to someone he cared for greatly. It wasn’t the choice that he wanted to make, but he knew, for his sake, he had to do it. See, turns out, ol’ boy was in denial; living in an illusion on what could be…what she could be. See, he never knew that she had so many troubles in her life, so many regrets and mistakes that she made. However, he still stayed, like a fool, hoping that the love inside his eyes would be enough to revive her spirit. A gypsy (more like a friend) told him how her soul was old, that the life of someone born under the sign of Pisces was destined to be tried (of life). Through this desperation, he became accustomed to her ways, even embracing her flaws and past mistakes as if they mattered not to him. That is what happens when your eyes are blinded by love. Haven’t you felt the same way? Haven’t you felt blinded by your own dreams and wishes, not knowing that dreams are not supposed to come true? When they do, then they become reality, the very thing that dreams are used to escape from. Dreams are limitless, reality is not. Obviously someone should’ve told ol’ boy this before he became caught up in her spell, all the words she would tell to him was like the sweetest taboo for his soul. He knows she is no good, he knew that all he was to her was a doctor to administer the ego boost that her fragile mind desired. Although he knew this, all he could see was her heart and something in her eyes, the window to her souls that cried out. He was the stable piece to her puzzled, jumbled picture.
He was the only guy who told her the “real”. A phrase used many times but never truly defined, he told her, in essence, the “truth”. The only one in her inner circle that would dare say such to her. These “truths” were like blasphemy to those who have faith. He had faith that this blasphemy he would tell her, the Goddess of her own world, would not upset the balance of their galaxy, the balance of their planets. For see, he was of the fire sign of the Sagittarius. See, water and fire can come together with water extinguishing fire (which she tried to do to him), fire heating water (which he tired to do to her). The flaw was that neither compromised; to allow his fire to live atop her water. She was too stubborn for that. Besides, she already had someone who would waste her; running the faucet until her last drop was gone. He cheated on her, and as the Goddess of her own world, she became enraged; however, she also cheated on him. Something so fickle belongs in the tablets splashed with Greek mythology. She slays her first born, consume the evils that man creates, and continued to kill herself slow. Although, even with all this, he’d wait for her, by her side wishing that with, just one kiss, he could revive the soul that he saw trapped inside her eyes.
He must have been blinded. Was it the smoke she blew that made him not see all the drama, pain and misery? Was it that he truly loved her, but, like she asked, “How can you love someone you don’t know?” I guess he knew her well enough from the sparks of her soul. But no matter how much he preached, as well as those who had credibility to she, she’d never even give him the time of day or the week. He was willing to lower himself, an intellect and poet, down to her level. All this was for the chance to show her, his Jean Harlow, what was in his mental. The painting he had envisioned was the two of them together. Even if this picture was for one night, he felt that it would be for the better. However, she could not see the love inside his eyes for she was too blinded by the pain, the drugs and the lies. She somehow thought that those same people who drugged her and took advantage of her were her friends, I guess, in the end, that she was the star in grade school at playing pretend. She would call him friend, putting him inside a category he knew was old. How could she miss a diamond in between these lumps of coal? It was easy for her, she thought she knew what was right, but, in the end, he was the most stable person in her life. But she continued to harm him with all these reasons why she couldn’t witness the love inside his eyes. She tried to justify ignorance with even more ignorance that it felt to him that all his wishes were for nothing so black.
Something inside him told him he had to leave, that it wasn’t fair of her to make his heart bleed. She slept with the bastards he knew were lesser than him and it was obvious from their eyes that they were dim. Sure, they were cool, but good is what they lack, as she turned to him and said that he was the one who was whack. She said that statements like that made him no good. How could this be where she would be so rude? How many times has he came by to rescue of she? Stayed with her till the time that she’d fall asleep? When she was lonely, that was when he was her man and that everything they spoke was of a life so grand. How many times has he told her how beautiful she was and that all the “truth” he told to her was love? He would never allow her to kill herself, unlike the others who care more for themselves and their wealth. She would rather give them the damn chance that he deserved, no matter how many others echoed his damn words? Is she that damn blinded by the smoke she blows towards the skies? Or is it that the pain that resides inside has blinded her eyes? Bags lie beneath them, a product of late nights and maybe pain as her clothes barely fit her hundred and ten pound frame.
He came that night to tell her he was done with the chase, until their earlier conversation made him change his face. She was vicious to him earlier, reminisce of the past three weeks that she spoke blasphemy that cost him sleep. Teases him with images of her in the shower, and then interrupted that vision with pictures of her and that coward. Cheating on his beloved, but hell, his beloved might be doing the same for it’s all a game that no one gives a damn about pain. And here he is waiting and wanting so badly to kiss her and hold her close to him so they can unite their souls. He’s so old school, thinking that he could save a soul that’s lost as she passes him the pipe which made her cough. I guess that’s another reason why he was trying to say good-bye because he could not stand to see her dying inside. He could not stand to see her show more respect to those who could give less then a damn what happens to her soul that lives. She once said to him that the reason she stays distant is because he was nothing but a friend and that she never want to mess up friendships and end. That’s a likely story, because later on, in that same week she was drugged up and taken advantage of underneath them sheets. She said it was mutual, either way it’s a damn shame that she would call him the same name as the ones who don’t care about her pain. To group him in that category with the lesser and give those lesser more perks was enough to make his heart start to hurt. It was hurt beyond his control as he rolled outside, called her the other day to find another guy residing inside.
The final straw, he had to tell her he could longer be a good friend or potential lover to she because he might be a good friend to her, but she wasn’t a friend to him indeed. She saying that the reason she was so heartless was the get her message in, well it was right on target. The message that she didn’t want him, but oh how we change, wasn’t it just 3 weeks ago that she was playing games? Telling him things that you don’t tell a friend at night, especially when you know that friend is someone who likes. Is it against the Goddess’ code to even give him a chance, at romance that could possibly be grand? She gave a cheater, a liar and lecher this shot, and all ol’ boy got was a face full of smoking pot. Blown in his face, it was this fact that gave a bitter taste that he wasted many nights lying inside her place. Why, then, did she tell her sister, friends and acquaintances about him? Sometimes it was negative but mostly it was positive. Why did she let him hold her even coming close to his wish? How come she allowed him to dance with her under that night’s May mist? Was this all fiction that he created inside his brain, or was this type of non-fiction part of her game? Neurotic, but he loved that she could keep it real, down to the chills on her arms as more of her past she would reveal. In reality, she doesn’t deserve a person like him, she deserves them foolish bastard’s that wallow in sin. But he wanted her oh so much to arrive to this conclusion, but, in reality, we all know how tricky an illusion can be.
So, he sat there in the chair as she sat on the sofa, telling her the true reasons he came over. She tried to justify all the times that she lied, that she would try to change for the better for their friendship to survive. But the fact is she said it would be easy to say good bye asking “do you want me as a friend or for me to stop talking to you?” as he sighed. “I guess she really doesn’t care” is all you could hear in his mind, at times he tried to find that soul she had inside. But every time she’d laugh at the mention of her actions last night, he’d realize that, in the end, he couldn’t stand the sight. The images she painted of being wasted, spacey and blind as well as the sight of her sleeping with some other girl’s guy made him sick. So sick he couldn’t look into her eyes because the pain inside would bring memories that would remind him why he liked her in the first place. Disgraced he was for being so weak and still in her place. I guess that’s love huh? Love really is a tragic figure, sometimes loves encaged in all those pictures. Those pictures were of her youth, before the corruption of the world stole her truth. What did he want anyway? What did he want from her? I guess he wanted just to see if they could revive her world. I guess he was even willing to be one of the many lovers she kept on the side, but then, you see; he’d be denying what resides inside his eyes. He also would not be doing her any favors and would be like those bastards that she loved to savor. I guess, he figured, he should be the one in the bastards’ role and they the ones who would be in his role. That he would be the true one to satisfy her soul and still the one she told everything that a friend would hold. But see, this wasn’t meant to be, obviously. She had already decided the destiny that he would see.
So at least, for now, he must go away because the sight of her eyes would make him want to stay. Would make him continue the way it has been for some time, even though he knows that the way he and she are living is part of a lie. All he wishes is for her to see him as she sees them, but the style he has she can not comprehend. So, with his last ounce of strength from three weeks of spiritual pain he decides to say good bye and hope it does not rain. For see, for him to leave and take away his stability might be her one way ticket to more misery. He knows this, but even if he stays it would still not be enough to make her change her ways. She hasn’t all this time he’s been there, has she? So I guess, in the end, he just became tried of being lesser than all her other guy “friends”. And that is what he was, after all, since she would give those friends the pleasure and excitement that had no end. He would not allow her to put him in that same category as those dudes who did not deserve her true story. She messes with all her friends, except for him. How can she call him her friend then if she treats him different from them? I guess he really isn’t her friend, at least by the way she acts around them (even though when it’s the two of them it’s a different message she sends). That is why he has to say goodbye for a bit; the above reason and the fact that she is also killing herself inside. Maybe soon she’ll realize what type of person she had and the type of person he was and that this was a good chance to at least see if what they could have had was love. But, he could write all he wants, preach and have others tell her all he has inside….
The truth is the love he has inside his eyes wasn’t (and isn’t) enough to change her mind.
Inside (the Eyes) (an essay) (4-26-07)
Last night, he had to say so long to someone he cared for greatly. It wasn’t the choice that he wanted to make, but he knew, for his sake, he had to do it. See, turns out, ol’ boy was in denial; living in an illusion on what could be…what she could be. See, he never knew that she had so many troubles in her life, so many regrets and mistakes that she made. However, he still stayed, like a fool, hoping that the love inside his eyes would be enough to revive her spirit. A gypsy (more like a friend) told him how her soul was old, that the life of someone born under the sign of Pisces was destined to be tried (of life). Through this desperation, he became accustomed to her ways, even embracing her flaws and past mistakes as if they mattered not to him. That is what happens when your eyes are blinded by love. Haven’t you felt the same way? Haven’t you felt blinded by your own dreams and wishes, not knowing that dreams are not supposed to come true? When they do, then they become reality, the very thing that dreams are used to escape from. Dreams are limitless, reality is not. Obviously someone should’ve told ol’ boy this before he became caught up in her spell, all the words she would tell to him was like the sweetest taboo for his soul. He knows she is no good, he knew that all he was to her was a doctor to administer the ego boost that her fragile mind desired. Although he knew this, all he could see was her heart and something in her eyes, the window to her souls that cried out. He was the stable piece to her puzzled, jumbled picture.
He was the only guy who told her the “real”. A phrase used many times but never truly defined, he told her, in essence, the “truth”. The only one in her inner circle that would dare say such to her. These “truths” were like blasphemy to those who have faith. He had faith that this blasphemy he would tell her, the Goddess of her own world, would not upset the balance of their galaxy, the balance of their planets. For see, he was of the fire sign of the Sagittarius. See, water and fire can come together with water extinguishing fire (which she tried to do to him), fire heating water (which he tired to do to her). The flaw was that neither compromised; to allow his fire to live atop her water. She was too stubborn for that. Besides, she already had someone who would waste her; running the faucet until her last drop was gone. He cheated on her, and as the Goddess of her own world, she became enraged; however, she also cheated on him. Something so fickle belongs in the tablets splashed with Greek mythology. She slays her first born, consume the evils that man creates, and continued to kill herself slow. Although, even with all this, he’d wait for her, by her side wishing that with, just one kiss, he could revive the soul that he saw trapped inside her eyes.
He must have been blinded. Was it the smoke she blew that made him not see all the drama, pain and misery? Was it that he truly loved her, but, like she asked, “How can you love someone you don’t know?” I guess he knew her well enough from the sparks of her soul. But no matter how much he preached, as well as those who had credibility to she, she’d never even give him the time of day or the week. He was willing to lower himself, an intellect and poet, down to her level. All this was for the chance to show her, his Jean Harlow, what was in his mental. The painting he had envisioned was the two of them together. Even if this picture was for one night, he felt that it would be for the better. However, she could not see the love inside his eyes for she was too blinded by the pain, the drugs and the lies. She somehow thought that those same people who drugged her and took advantage of her were her friends, I guess, in the end, that she was the star in grade school at playing pretend. She would call him friend, putting him inside a category he knew was old. How could she miss a diamond in between these lumps of coal? It was easy for her, she thought she knew what was right, but, in the end, he was the most stable person in her life. But she continued to harm him with all these reasons why she couldn’t witness the love inside his eyes. She tried to justify ignorance with even more ignorance that it felt to him that all his wishes were for nothing so black.
Something inside him told him he had to leave, that it wasn’t fair of her to make his heart bleed. She slept with the bastards he knew were lesser than him and it was obvious from their eyes that they were dim. Sure, they were cool, but good is what they lack, as she turned to him and said that he was the one who was whack. She said that statements like that made him no good. How could this be where she would be so rude? How many times has he came by to rescue of she? Stayed with her till the time that she’d fall asleep? When she was lonely, that was when he was her man and that everything they spoke was of a life so grand. How many times has he told her how beautiful she was and that all the “truth” he told to her was love? He would never allow her to kill herself, unlike the others who care more for themselves and their wealth. She would rather give them the damn chance that he deserved, no matter how many others echoed his damn words? Is she that damn blinded by the smoke she blows towards the skies? Or is it that the pain that resides inside has blinded her eyes? Bags lie beneath them, a product of late nights and maybe pain as her clothes barely fit her hundred and ten pound frame.
He came that night to tell her he was done with the chase, until their earlier conversation made him change his face. She was vicious to him earlier, reminisce of the past three weeks that she spoke blasphemy that cost him sleep. Teases him with images of her in the shower, and then interrupted that vision with pictures of her and that coward. Cheating on his beloved, but hell, his beloved might be doing the same for it’s all a game that no one gives a damn about pain. And here he is waiting and wanting so badly to kiss her and hold her close to him so they can unite their souls. He’s so old school, thinking that he could save a soul that’s lost as she passes him the pipe which made her cough. I guess that’s another reason why he was trying to say good-bye because he could not stand to see her dying inside. He could not stand to see her show more respect to those who could give less then a damn what happens to her soul that lives. She once said to him that the reason she stays distant is because he was nothing but a friend and that she never want to mess up friendships and end. That’s a likely story, because later on, in that same week she was drugged up and taken advantage of underneath them sheets. She said it was mutual, either way it’s a damn shame that she would call him the same name as the ones who don’t care about her pain. To group him in that category with the lesser and give those lesser more perks was enough to make his heart start to hurt. It was hurt beyond his control as he rolled outside, called her the other day to find another guy residing inside.
The final straw, he had to tell her he could longer be a good friend or potential lover to she because he might be a good friend to her, but she wasn’t a friend to him indeed. She saying that the reason she was so heartless was the get her message in, well it was right on target. The message that she didn’t want him, but oh how we change, wasn’t it just 3 weeks ago that she was playing games? Telling him things that you don’t tell a friend at night, especially when you know that friend is someone who likes. Is it against the Goddess’ code to even give him a chance, at romance that could possibly be grand? She gave a cheater, a liar and lecher this shot, and all ol’ boy got was a face full of smoking pot. Blown in his face, it was this fact that gave a bitter taste that he wasted many nights lying inside her place. Why, then, did she tell her sister, friends and acquaintances about him? Sometimes it was negative but mostly it was positive. Why did she let him hold her even coming close to his wish? How come she allowed him to dance with her under that night’s May mist? Was this all fiction that he created inside his brain, or was this type of non-fiction part of her game? Neurotic, but he loved that she could keep it real, down to the chills on her arms as more of her past she would reveal. In reality, she doesn’t deserve a person like him, she deserves them foolish bastard’s that wallow in sin. But he wanted her oh so much to arrive to this conclusion, but, in reality, we all know how tricky an illusion can be.
So, he sat there in the chair as she sat on the sofa, telling her the true reasons he came over. She tried to justify all the times that she lied, that she would try to change for the better for their friendship to survive. But the fact is she said it would be easy to say good bye asking “do you want me as a friend or for me to stop talking to you?” as he sighed. “I guess she really doesn’t care” is all you could hear in his mind, at times he tried to find that soul she had inside. But every time she’d laugh at the mention of her actions last night, he’d realize that, in the end, he couldn’t stand the sight. The images she painted of being wasted, spacey and blind as well as the sight of her sleeping with some other girl’s guy made him sick. So sick he couldn’t look into her eyes because the pain inside would bring memories that would remind him why he liked her in the first place. Disgraced he was for being so weak and still in her place. I guess that’s love huh? Love really is a tragic figure, sometimes loves encaged in all those pictures. Those pictures were of her youth, before the corruption of the world stole her truth. What did he want anyway? What did he want from her? I guess he wanted just to see if they could revive her world. I guess he was even willing to be one of the many lovers she kept on the side, but then, you see; he’d be denying what resides inside his eyes. He also would not be doing her any favors and would be like those bastards that she loved to savor. I guess, he figured, he should be the one in the bastards’ role and they the ones who would be in his role. That he would be the true one to satisfy her soul and still the one she told everything that a friend would hold. But see, this wasn’t meant to be, obviously. She had already decided the destiny that he would see.
So at least, for now, he must go away because the sight of her eyes would make him want to stay. Would make him continue the way it has been for some time, even though he knows that the way he and she are living is part of a lie. All he wishes is for her to see him as she sees them, but the style he has she can not comprehend. So, with his last ounce of strength from three weeks of spiritual pain he decides to say good bye and hope it does not rain. For see, for him to leave and take away his stability might be her one way ticket to more misery. He knows this, but even if he stays it would still not be enough to make her change her ways. She hasn’t all this time he’s been there, has she? So I guess, in the end, he just became tried of being lesser than all her other guy “friends”. And that is what he was, after all, since she would give those friends the pleasure and excitement that had no end. He would not allow her to put him in that same category as those dudes who did not deserve her true story. She messes with all her friends, except for him. How can she call him her friend then if she treats him different from them? I guess he really isn’t her friend, at least by the way she acts around them (even though when it’s the two of them it’s a different message she sends). That is why he has to say goodbye for a bit; the above reason and the fact that she is also killing herself inside. Maybe soon she’ll realize what type of person she had and the type of person he was and that this was a good chance to at least see if what they could have had was love. But, he could write all he wants, preach and have others tell her all he has inside….
The truth is the love he has inside his eyes wasn’t (and isn’t) enough to change her mind.