bah!

[insertnamehere]

depressing thread time. it's been awhile. anyway i thought if i confessed my darkest secrets to the internets id feel better. and then you guys can console me or talk trash. whatever. i've discovered that i'm very unhappy with my life. i've been really really stressed out and easily upset lately, and i coudln't figure out why, and i just realized that its everything. i dont really like my school. i especially dont like living on campus. i have a total of two friends here, neither of which living with is an option, so i always have to get random roommates that i dont know and usually dont like, and regardless of if i like them or not, i never feel like my room is my room. i feel like im imposing by being there, because its some strangers room, and so i dont have anyplace to call my own. my two friends are dating, so they need their time to do stuff together, and usually if one of them is busy, the other is too, so i dont have a lot of opportunities for socializing. i really dont feel like i fit in here at all. not to mention that im doing very badly in school and am constantly worried about whether or not i will be allowed to return the next semester and am also constantly worried about money. due to circumstances that are a long story and i wont go into, i'll likely lose my car, which would be terrible. aside from losing both my jobs because of it, mostly i need my car so that i dont go insane, cause as much as i hate being on campus random trips to random places are necessary. like hey, i need to go walk around target for awhile, just to get out.

my overall negativity has led to me worrying constantly about things i shoudlnt worry about, just because all the bad things going on make me think of all the bad things yet to come. like actually the reason i just got back online is cause i coudlnt sleep because i was thinking about how my dog, who is 4 and in good health, is going to die much sooner than i want him too, and how because of going to college, i dont get to live with him anymore. silly, right? i havnt lived with him in 2 years. i think mostly it boils down to me being lonely, but im socially retarded and really dont seem to fit in with anyone at my school. leaving school isnt an option. i cant transfer cause im not in good academic standing, and im not dropping out of college, although i dont know if transferring would do any good or not

i hate the dorms so much. at least for the summer i have a room to myself, but i still hate it. i wish i could get an apartment but i cant afford one by myself and i dont have anyone to live with. everyone said things like, oh things will get much better when you go to college. just you wait till highschool is over. things seem to have gotten worse. things get better when you get done with college, right?

[marsdaddy]

things get better when you get done with college, right?Not unless you deal with whatever it is that's going on. I don't know if your college offers some type of counseling service but it if does, give it a try -- maybe academic counseling, at least?

[jabumbo]

have you tried to check out any clubs around campus thats involved with something you like?

usually i find solace in the fact that there is abbout 8 billion clubs out there and so i can almost always find something that i can relate too and find at least one new person to meet when doing so.

[insertnamehere]

eh, there arent really any clubs that interest me. none that ive found as of yet anyway. i tried a club year before last but it was more sitting there listening to someone talk about club business than anything. it was actually a club for people interested in veterinary medicine/animal science. i went to a cookout they had once but i interacted more with the dogs there than the people. to me it seems like most of the clubs are meant to be like resume builders than fun.

marsdaddy- i went to the counseling center once for academic counseling (basically i wanted someone to talk to for advice on changing my major more than anything), the lady was a total bitch. lectured me about how bad my grades were, tried to talk me out of changing my major, and managed to make me feel bad enough about myself that i started crying. they have some study workshops and stuff like that, but i know HOW to do better, i just dont implement it. like how i know lots about fitness and nutrition but eat crap and never workout.

as for talking to someone about my inability to connect with people, i dont think they could really help. i dont know what they would say beyond "why dont you go join some clubs!"

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh i dont know. poop. the world will be better when i can get an apartment and have a kitchen and cook food and have a doggy. and tv.