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beastieangel01
07-29-2007, 12:22 AM
so
those of you with more experience and those that are older, I suppose...

do you think it's important to be single at a young age?

I ask because sometimes, I think about the fact that I haven't been single longer than 5 months since I was 16. Now I'm 23. And I'm not sure how healthy that is.

befsquire
07-29-2007, 01:40 AM
there is no magical amount of time being single that makes anything good or bad. it's about whether you can be happy on your own during those times between relationships. if you are perfectly happy on your own, then you don't need someone to complete you, and you're much more likely to continue along a path that's productive for whatever your future goals are. if you can't be happy on your own, then any relationship you are in may end up with you compromising your goals to meet whatever agenda the guy has, which may end up with you being upset in the future.

so

don't worry about the time between relationships, think about whether, during those times, you are truly happy with yourself.

Deep_Sea_Rain
07-29-2007, 01:44 AM
I haven't been single since the early months of '04, I don't even remember what it's like.

Great advice too Bef...your like Jesus or something. With a gun.

befsquire
07-29-2007, 01:50 AM
^ it's because i've walked this earth for thousands of years. :)

Randetica
07-29-2007, 03:58 AM
been single all my life, im starting to get tired of it *yards*

Randetica
07-29-2007, 04:01 AM
I haven't been single since the early months of '04, I don't even remember what it's like.

STFU! :D

b-grrrlie
07-29-2007, 04:22 AM
I don't really know what it's like to be in a real relationship... :o

Caribou
07-29-2007, 05:53 AM
I don't really know what it's like to be in a real relationship... :o

Me neither. I think that of the 10 months that we stated ourselves 'a couple' I've only physically been with him for about 14 days. That's kinda sucky.

Oh well, I'm not expecting anything to happen anytime soon, but I don't really feel like it has to. I'm having a good time on my own and with my friends. Ofcourse it would be nice to have a bf, but it's also good to known I can be independent. *sings* I don't need a maaaan to make it hap-peeen...

Mr Films
07-29-2007, 06:21 AM
I've been single since fall 2005 when I got my ass dumped.

And I've turned into one of those fuckers who's terrified of getting into anything new. I've dated a few people since and always bail once it starts getting real.

My delusional hope is that someday I'll meet the girl who will convince me that women are not actually out to eat my soul and leave me as some broken fucked up version of my previous self.

adam_f
07-29-2007, 07:12 AM
I would like a lady friend too because my hand is the only one enjoying my enormous penis.

insertnamehere
07-29-2007, 08:22 AM
Well i think that's a good thing until you find someone you want to stick with. I started on a relationship and cut it off short because I don't want to play people out knowing full well that I'm gona end it further down the line anyway.

My reasoning for this is that I want to experience certain events with someone really special, like the first time going on holiday and stuff etc etc

Yeah, until I get dumped of course, but I think it's a good sentiment.

That's kinda how I feel about the situation. I don't want to waste my time with someone who will dump me in three months who I'll barely remember in 10 years. On the flip side of that, if I continue to avoid the opposite sex I'll never find anyone. It's a sticky situation.

Sometimes having a bf would be nice. I want cuddles and affections and love and secks, and someone to share special things with and talk to and all those things associated with a great relationship, and cuddles and secks. But in the end it seems like too much trouble and I don't trust it.

HEIRESS
07-29-2007, 09:17 AM
im skinnier, healthier, richer, and read more books when Im single.

Bob
07-29-2007, 10:13 AM
I have never had a girlfriend haha.

yeah me too

that can't be very healthy

insertnamehere
07-29-2007, 10:47 AM
I think there is also the fact that if you date within your network of friends, then if stuff goes wrong then it kinda feels awkward for what time you have left especially at uni. Saying that, I thought i'd see both my ex's every day at uni after splitting with them, but I never saw them again really. Definitely fairplay.

In a way, you gotta have been in like maybe one or two mini relationships or whatever so that you can appreciate the one you are in when you finally do meet someone............I guess that's all to do with gained confidence and knowing your 'way' around the opposite sex now that you've had some mistakes/successes. Obviously sometimes it doesn't happen like that at all, though.

I just feel sorry for full blown religious types (I am thinking christians) because just being 'good' is not enough. I mean, Christianity is at an all time low, surely.

Yeah, for me, being in those mini relationships has made me reflect on my life more than anything else. I enjoy standing on my own two feet, and most definitely don't need someone jibbing into my life right now. I still try and look out for girls like a motherfucker though.

Oh and plus, my mate had just dumped one of my housemates for next year based on the fact that he is 'too nice' and she is scared that she will walk all over him if she goes out with him any longer and that this isn't fair. To test this, she kissed this 40 year old guy infront of him or something, and dumped him when he didn't get angry about it or anything saying 'we'll sort it out'. Talk about taking liberties.

The girl I was out with last night said 'You can go out with 2 types of guys: the nice ones who are boring and the dickheads who are exciting'. And I was like, yeah, "so this means i'm boring right?" And she was like, nooo. This makes me a dickhead?

It's just like, nice guys always get a shit rep. The nice guys are the ones who are normally the closet freaks and the ones who are actually the most fun.

What do you qualify as a "mini-relationship," any relationship that doesn't lead to engagement or what?

And why do you say you feel bad for religious types? Surely they can find and hook up with other equally religious types. To anyone having trouble finding friends/significant others because of their strong Christian beliefs, I recommend moving to North Carolina. At my uni (and throughout the entire state) you really don't fit in if you aren't Christian. And it seems like most of the cool social things to do are sponsored by student religious organizations, Grace (a sort of on-campus church for students), Campus Crusade for Christ, etc. It's important to note, I think, that I go to a public school.

I'm in kind of an awkward situation where I am not in any way Christian, thus making me an outcast with that crowd, but I also don't go to clubs or parties or things of that nature, which makes me not really fit in with the rest of the college crew.

That girl who broke up with the guy for being too nice is a 'tard.

Ditto for the girl you were dancing with.

insertnamehere
07-29-2007, 10:55 AM
so
those of you with more experience and those that are older, I suppose...

do you think it's important to be single at a young age?

I ask because sometimes, I think about the fact that I haven't been single longer than 5 months since I was 16. Now I'm 23. And I'm not sure how healthy that is.

You've never been single for a long period of time because you're pretty much the hottest girl ever, and can have your way with any guy you like. I say use that power to it's fullest potential.

DandyFop
07-29-2007, 12:04 PM
Oiii, single life. What Heiress said. Except for the skinnier part, but without wasting all my time on someone who will eventually turn out to be a douchebag, I am working on improving myself and my life. And I love it.

This is the first time in my life I can remember being happy without having the interest of some boy or wanting a boyfriend or having a boyfriend or whatever. It feels so good to not want it anymore. I finally care more about getting what I really want out of life than investing it all in someone else when the outcome more likely than not is just going to be useless. Plus I don't really give a shit what I look like when I go out of the house now, that's nice.

I guess I sound kinda bitter, but I don't know what it is - if my ex being a total dickhead to me is what caused this, I'm very thankful for that.

Suavee-Bolo
07-29-2007, 12:15 PM
I think you can close the thread after Beth's post.

Damn, that's some good insight.

beastieangel01
07-29-2007, 02:36 PM
yeah what Beth said is pretty spot on.

I definitely need some more alone time, then.

:)

PheonixFire
07-29-2007, 03:06 PM
whether you are in a relationship or single.... alone time is best.
i believe all it takes is yourself to be truely happy... but the path to getting there may be rough. you must be happy with yourself...

ToucanSpam
07-29-2007, 03:46 PM
so
those of you with more experience and those that are older, I suppose...

do you think it's important to be single at a young age?

I ask because sometimes, I think about the fact that I haven't been single longer than 5 months since I was 16. Now I'm 23. And I'm not sure how healthy that is.

Okay, here's my two cents.

I've been single 99% of my life up to this point. I know some of you might be thinking 'yeah, big surprise' but it's mostly by choice, save for a couple times I have been shot down. Truth is that for some people, careers and life goals come first over romance. I personally place my career and my educational future first, which works for me. This doesn't mean that I don't have fun now and again, I do, but I've learned to deal with things independantly and without emotional support of a significant other. I look at some of my friends who have been dating the same person for 3-6 years or been dating someone seriously over a string of 3-6 years and they just don't have the same kind of independance and the same kind of inner strength that people who have been on their own have.

On the other side of the coin, people who remain single for long periods of time don't know how to deal with relationships well. I mean, eventually they may but for the most part they lack good skills in the field of romance.

So, when it comes to answering your question, it all depends on the individual and what they want. If someone wants the experience of romantic relationships in young adulthood, they should strive to achieve it. There's nothing wrong with it and it offers a chance to grow emotionally. If someone wants to remain single and deal with personal issues and experience life without relying on anyone for support, they should also give it a try.

There's pros and cons to both and it all comes down to what an individual wants.

Drederick Tatum
07-29-2007, 05:06 PM
I haven't been single for nearly 7 years. I wouldn't change that, but I do miss the thrill of the chase.

Suavee-Bolo
07-29-2007, 05:08 PM
Beth's post makes me feel like a co-dependant loser for having a girlfriend. LOLZ

roosta
07-29-2007, 06:08 PM
your damned if you do and your damned if you dont...

Like Drederick said....I wouldn't change being with my girlfriend, but at the same time I do miss aspects of single life. Generally I miss that total independence, like on the weekend not having to check with anybody else if I wanted to do something with my time...stuff like that. But i am happy.

I guess what Beth said really is the bottom line, its bout being happy...

Chicka B
07-29-2007, 10:47 PM
Yeah I've felt as if I were failing at life because I didn't have a boyfriend, but realized I never even wanted one. It was just the peer pressure and society. (n)

SB00774
07-29-2007, 10:53 PM
I've been single for a verryyy long time (surprise!!), but I'm mostly happy with that. Every now and then I think I'd like someone to be with, but then I think about things like compromise and sharing and then I shudder, and all's good with the world.

I think I've gotten in the trap of enjoying my singlehood for so long I'd only be happy dating someone long distance or at least with their own house.


this is the flip side, also got it's positives and negatives :)

hitmonlee
07-29-2007, 10:57 PM
I've been single since fall 2005 when I got my ass dumped.

And I've turned into one of those fuckers who's terrified of getting into anything new. I've dated a few people since and always bail once it starts getting real.

My delusional hope is that someday I'll meet the girl who will convince me that women are not actually out to eat my soul and leave me as some broken fucked up version of my previous self.

lol i'm kinda the same except it was a dude that dumped me. since then as soon as something got beyond a couple of dates i bailed.

to the OP i think logging in a couple of single years (not all at once but over time) while you are young is good.

Randetica
07-30-2007, 09:17 AM
i would like to share my body juices with someone else :(

Kid Presentable
07-30-2007, 09:27 AM
The only thing about being single that I miss is getting arrested.

Nuzzolese
07-30-2007, 12:11 PM
Simone de Beauvoir said "strength implies remaining the subject of one's life and resisting the cultural pressure to become the object of male experience"


I don't think that it's fair to yourself to try to figure out how healthy you are, just by looking at the time you've spent (in what you can only classify in simple terms that are there to make it easier for others to understand how they relate to you) Single vs In a relationship. That doesn't say anything about who you really are at all.

People place judgement on you for being single, and also for being in a relationship, because of their own notions about what each of those mean. Healthy behavior for different people can look very different, obviously.

Try to figure out how much of your idea of healthy individualism is based on cultural values, your parents, ideals of adulthood leftover from childhood, things you think you ought to be as a person, and things you think other people want you to be - whether that's people you know personally or just the rest of the world.

Barbara Kerr wrote Smart Girls, Gifted Women, which I've never read, but I know she studied the common factors of girls who grew into strong women. She studied the young lives of Marie Curie, Gertrude Stein, Margaret Mead, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Maya Angelou. She found out that all of them were rejected as adolescents. Ironically, this rejection gave them space to develop their uniqueness and to fall in love with ideas and goals. This suggests that an important stage of development for girls happens before age 16 anyway. And furthermore, the rejection that seems important for development came from peers and other girls, not necessarily the lack of a romantic relationship.

Now, knowing what I do about YOU, and assuming even more, I'm willing to bet you got a good share of rejection from people. Yeah, I know you're "hot", but you're a little odd, and you don't shy away from things that invite criticism. I've criticized you, and I'll probably do it again. So you're looking healthier already, right?

abcdefz
07-30-2007, 12:21 PM
I've been pretty happy if not grateful at times to be single. I loved being steady or hopping around when I was in my 20's, and dug being single with minimal dating in my 30's.

The only part that's tricky now is that a lot of the cool people are taken, friend-wise or relationship-wise. It gets to be too weird hanging out with friends who have kids, and I quit dating after my last serious girlfriend and I broke up, tried a couple times, then quit again for good.

So it's totally cool being single, but you have to get pretty damned comfortable with yourself, because, where you used to be alone by choice, now you find you're alone just because the circle's gotten so much smaller, you have less options. Choices made, etc., that's cool.

g-mile7
07-30-2007, 03:25 PM
It's better that you're single and give yourself time to analyze what you want in not only a boyfriend, but an eventual future husband. Make a criteria and follow it through and at the first warning sign address it. You have more power then you know.

beastieangel01
07-30-2007, 08:13 PM
Try to figure out how much of your idea of healthy individualism is based on cultural values, your parents, ideals of adulthood leftover from childhood, things you think you ought to be as a person, and things you think other people want you to be - whether that's people you know personally or just the rest of the world.

Yeah this is a good thing to mull over.

I suppose what inspired this thread was that sometimes I get lonely to the point of depression. This huge desire to have love in my life again (though the love I did had was pretty unhealthy, I gave a lot and little to nothing was given back) hits me and for some reason it's always helped me feel complete though I am certain that's not healthy.

But since I've been on my own, I have learned more about myself. I'm reaching more goals I've had for myself and I only am pushing harder to get more done.

So it's been good for me.

Anyway,
you don't shy away from things that invite criticism

that actually feels really good to hear.
Thanks.

like2_drink
07-30-2007, 08:28 PM
now lets remember that i'm blunt, but pretty sweet

being 18 and single and knowin i can get with a category of women, suddenly finding 1 in particular that i wanna be with really changed me i think. happy and caring aren't things that i like but can no longer shake.