one of my coworkers broke up with her boyfriend because of porn

[TurdBerglar]

they had been together for like 5 years. we knew the guy pretty well because he would always come in to say hi to his girlfriend. he'd always bring in dinner for her whenever she worked late and they'd eat together up in the break room. they're pretty crazy about one another. he seemed like an all around good guy. real good guy. today the girl was all fucked up and we later found out that she broke up with her boyfriend. after trying to console her we found out the reason for her breaking up was that she caught him watching porn. in her eyes she saw it as cheating. these two have been living together for about 3 or 4 years. they may have been engaged. and she's all distraught and devastated because she caught her boyfriend watching porn. the only people she really had to talk to at work were just a bunch of us dudes. and we were just all shocked that she was naive enough that she didn't think her boyfriend watched porn or even masturbated. we tried to tell her that this is something that EVERY guy pretty much does no matter in a good relationship or what. she got all pissed and accused us of just siding with him just because we're guys and "guys stick together". the odd thing is that this girl is not a prude or anything like that. real laid back. we're hoping she comes to her senses and gets back with this guy. i can understand, maybe, a young female thinking this way but she's around her mid twenties. she should know better...

[kaiser soze]

yeah, that really sucks for him...But honestly some people don't need nor have the urge to watch porn while in a relationship, I didn't.

but now, I've joined all the guys.

[TurdBerglar]

she's not a bumb bitch. that's why it's so strange.

[ET]

HA HA! What a thing to end a relationship over.

Is she mormon?

[TurdBerglar]

no. she's just a normal everyday person. or so we thought

[ms.peachy]

She might not be telling you the whole story, though. I mean maybe she is, but maybe not. No one ever really knows what goes on between two people. This might just be the thing she is pinning the break-up on, but not the full reason.

[TurdBerglar]

that's the we think


but she's sticking strictly to her porn story

[Randetica]

i bet she secretly masturbates to porn all the time while having 10 dildos in her

[Knuckles]

maybe it was gay porn?

[befsquire]

if it was kiddie porn, that'd be worth a break-up.


this top investigator at the state attorney's office quit last month to "pursue other interests." then about 2 weeks ago, we find out he's under federal investigation for purchasing child porn with his personal credit card. i went to high school with him, and he just doesn't seem the type. we're all hoping his credit card was stolen or something.

[hitmonlee]

lapdances yeah i understand calling that cheating and dumping the dude but porn, hmm not sure how that can fall under "cheating".

unless the porn was like... footage of an ex and him doing it.

i might dump a dude for watching that... at a time where i'd catch him.

[befsquire]

oh, another possibility is that it is regular porn, but dude isn't putting out and she doesn't know why, because he always claims he's tired or something, and then she catches him whacking off to porn and realizes that's why she doesn't get any. that would piss me off. but it'd still take quite a long period of time to piss me off, and i'd still give him the opportunity to put out before dumping him.

[hitmonlee]

aka charlotte and trey on sex and the city

he wont do her but he'll whack off

[Kid Presentable]

*blames PMS*

*ducks*

[Drederick Tatum]

maybe it was live porn.

[Jitters]

I think stuff like watching porn and masturbation need to really be sorted out quite early on in a relationship, otherwise you can get the wrong end of the stick.

Truth (y)

[mikizee]

Thats unbelievable. That girl needs to loosen up.

[Calimero jr.]

Maybe SHE was on that video he was jerking off to...:rolleyes:

[abcdefz]

She might not be telling you the whole story, though. I mean maybe she is, but maybe not. No one ever really knows what goes on between two people. This might just be the thing she is pinning the break-up on, but not the full reason.


oh, another possibility is that it is regular porn, but dude isn't putting out and she doesn't know why, because he always claims he's tired or something, and then she catches him whacking off to porn and realizes that's why she doesn't get any. that would piss me off. but it'd still take quite a long period of time to piss me off, and i'd still give him the opportunity to put out before dumping him.



These smack of good sense.

Also, don't forget -- different people have different boundaries that might seem strange to others, "norm" or not. A lot of women (and more men than you might think) think that porn is pretty revolting. These are people who wholly approve of sex, and they still think porn is revolting. Imagine that.

Now, she might have something in her own past which she associates with porn, or it might just be the porn in and of itself. It's kind of like how I can't fathom how smoking is a deal-breaker for some people -- that seeing someone smoke is an automatic turn-off, and there's no way nuh uh no how that they'd get involved with someone who smokes.

I think that some people would find that their partner uses porn and immediately go to some questions which may or may not be relevant: am I not enough? What desires does my partner have which are unspoken, and will I ever be expected to do X,Y, or Z? -- stuff like that, and I'm talking about getting caught with "regular" porn. I'm sure things get REALLY complicated if a lover is caught with, say, quadsexual midget sheep pornography.

But, anyway -- to a segment of the population, porn is pretty unseemly. Add it to your own bank of what's disgusting -- bad breath, chewed fingernails, cigarette smoking, SUV driving, excessive animal or parent devotion, or whatever. I think you can actually make a way better knee-jerk argument against pornography (which is basically filmed prostitution, with all kinds of exploitation issues) than against a lot of other problematic behavior.

But, yeah -- five years over one bump in the road seems reactionary, I'll give you that. And I'd refer you back to Ms. Peachy's insight.

[mikizee]

These smack of good sense.

Also, don't forget -- different people have different boundaries that might seem strange to others, "norm" or not. A lot of women (and more men than you might think) think that porn is pretty revolting. These are people who wholly approve of sex, and they still think porn is revolting. Imagine that.

Now, she might have something in her own past which she associates with porn, or it might just be the porn in and of itself. It's kind of like how I can't fathom how smoking is a deal-breaker for some people -- that seeing someone smoke is an automatic turn-off, and there's no way nuh uh no how that they'd get involved with someone who smokes.

I think that some people would find that their partner uses porn and immediately go to some questions which may or may not be relevant: am I not enough? What desires does my partner have which are unspoken, and will I ever be expected to do X,Y, or Z? -- stuff like that, and I'm talking about getting caught with "regular" porn. I'm sure things get REALLY complicated if a lover is caught with, say, quadsexual midget sheep pornography.

But, anyway -- to a segment of the population, porn is pretty unseemly. Add it to your own bank of what's disgusting -- bad breath, chewed fingernails, cigarette smoking, SUV driving, excessive animal or parent devotion, or whatever. I think you can actually make a way better knee-jerk argument against pornography (which is basically filmed prostitution, with all kinds of exploitation issues) than against a lot of other problematic behavior.

But, yeah -- five years over one bump in the road seems reactionary, I'll give you that. And I'd refer you back to Ms. Peachy's insight.

Who are you, Dr Phil???!! :D

Yeah peachy always comes up with the common sense think-outside-the-square approach to analysing problems. it pisses me off sometimes that someone can be so rational. :p

We have some wise ppl here, yo

Still, getting dumped over watching porn, seems a tad silly. Then again, Ive been fortunate enough to have girlfriends in the past who enjoyed porn just as much if not more than I do.

[abcdefz]

From the outside, I think a lot of stuff that couples fight about seems silly. But I think it happens because two people are at least kind of emotionally connected, if not vulnerable, so they're punching buttons the rest of us can't see and, really, the rest of the world probably can't punch so well.

I'll never forget a girlfriend wanting to fight with me over a period of a couple of weeks because she thought I was having an affair with this 80+ year-old woman. The old lady just liked a hug when she left from volunteering once a week, and for my girlfriend, it turned into this thing that was unfathomable to me but very serious to her.

People are pretty weird sometimes. :D

[skra75]

Most likely there were issues already, he was not giving he enough attention when they we together as a couple. Or she was ready to be with the guy and busted in and it totally killed her mood. I bet that is what happened.

Then again I'm not exactly the best giver-of-advice for relationships.
: |

[beastieangel01]

it definitely seems like there has to be more to this story then she's telling you. I'm almost 99% sure of it.

[DIGI]

Yeah, dude was definitely watchin porn.........with his penis in another lady at the time.


Anyway, F it, man. You should go for it, ya know. Get off the computer for a minute and get some color back into your eyelids.

[jabumbo]

scoop her up to your rescue turd, you know you wanna!

[beastiegirrl101]

I'm just having the hardest time picturing Turd consoling someone!

[abcdefz]

I'm just having the hardest time picturing Turd consoling someone!



"C'mon... don't be a fuckin' bitch, girl... Even a dumb shit like you's gotta see that's pretty fuckin' fucked up to fuck everything up for. Sheesh."

[BBboy20]

She sucks then...yeah, I went there. :p

[TurdBerglar]

so this guy came in today. it was pretty interesting. he was trying to talk to the girl. she hasn't said a word to him and they still live together. he kinda knows us guys at work(ages 18-mid 50's) and he was questioning us about her. we got some information from him in that it was just normal run of the mill 30 second porn clips from the net and the girl later confirmed this. apparently, like most guys, porn to him is just "something to do" like playing cards or video games or something. he has no idea what's running through this girl's mind, and according to him he wasn't being all sneaky or secretive about it. not anymore sneaky or secretive than taking a shit and wanting privacy while doing it. the girl was completely flabbergasted at the concept of porn just being "something to do". when he said that and when confirmed that's how we all felt about it as well, it was like if someone ripped her heart out. she was also just as shocked how easily we and the guy were talking about this subject matter. she was treating it as this taboo forbidden subject. "don't you have any shame???? any of you????", was one of the things she said.

that was a very interesting 45 minutes. the guy is totally fucking lost on what to do. and to make matters worse two of the very few women that work in the back room with us basically told the the girl to shut the fuck and and is a fool for causing all this stress to such a great guy and that she'd never find a guy as good as him EVER. i think she has a vendetta against all of us now.

and remember... this girl is by no means a prude. this just seems to be some odd fluke in her personality. maybe her dad use to beat her with rolled up playboys.

[TurdBerglar]

"C'mon... don't be a fuckin' bitch, girl... Even a dumb shit like you's gotta see that's pretty fuckin' fucked up to fuck everything up for. Sheesh."

turn that sheesh into a christ and that's pretty spot on.

[b i o n i c]

he should move the fuck out as fast as possible and not come to her work and make scenes. he should find a normal chick, she should go find the her ideal mate.

[TurdBerglar]

we all thought she was pretty damn normal. cool even. but this came out of left field. we all use to think he was a lucky guy to have her and that she was just as lucky to have him.

[Randetica]

and remember... this girl is by no means a prude. this just seems to be some odd fluke in her personality. maybe her dad use to beat her with rolled up playboys.


lol (y)

[Yetra Flam]

Good luck to her trying to find a man that doesn't like a bit of porn.

[mikizee]

Good luck to her trying to find a man that doesn't like a bit of porn.

I reckon!

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

* Imagines scene from clerks 2 * :confused:

Inter-species erotica, son.

[Junker]

Wtf? Broke up with her boyfriend because of porn is something really stupid.

[jabumbo]

what sort of place do you work at? do you actually have anything to do during the day?

[TOY]

'Live' porn (like webcam shit) would set me off in wanting to break up with somebody- knowing he had been talking to the girl, etc.

Regular porn- stuff you buy at shady places and borrow from douchebag friends? No. Though I would be really upset if I were to catch him in the act. You know.. Off-guard. SURPRISED by it.


I used to get crazy mad and sad if my ex had porn or whatever. But over the years I grew out of that jealous mindset. Every guy watches it, looks at it- maybe not in the beginning of the relationship, but after 5+ years, yeah.

To me, honesty's best. If you have a collection of porn, just admit it- SHOW ME (so I know it's not creepy, pedophile-esque stuff). As long as we're still having sex, you address me by name in bed but -still- watch porn on my 'off' days and such, fine. Whatever.


I found it comforting actually when I was dating that guy I spoke of a while back to find he had one or two Playboys next to his bed. It wasn't a BIIIG SECRET or anything. Just "HAY I GOTS SUM PRON". okayokay

When I found my ex had an account on AdultFriendFinder.com, I wanted to puke and shoot him in the face. :D Scumbag.

[befsquire]

even if there is nothing more to the story at all, this is obviously a big deal to her for whatever reason, and no one should judge her by her actions. women break up with men who ogle other women when they're out in public, and those women have clothes on. some women break up with men because they're into sports too much. there's no way to tell what's going to be a deal-breaker, and obviously this girl has never had to deal with this issue in the 5 years she's been with him, and she's quite hurt. in her mind, her man was different from most, and didn't watch porn. now, all of a sudden, it's apparently "something to do," just as casual as anything else in the world, and maybe as often.

to the best of my knowledge, bobby rarely watches it; likely because he has his hands full with me, work, my kids on the weekend, etc. i haven't rummaged through his things to see if he has a porn stash, nor would i ever do something so invasive. if he does have a stash, he's respectful enough to keep it where no one (like my children) will trip across it. here and there, we watch real sex on hbo, and that's about what i can tolerate. i'm not into porn, i don't like it, and it just feeds on my insecurities about myself, so i choose not to watch it so it can't bother me. i love sex, but i don't need to watch porn with my husband to want to have it, or to come up with something new and exciting. that's the way i feel about it, and regardless of what anyone else thinks about that, to me, my feelings aren't ridiculous and how i feel is important and deserves respect. bobby respects my feelings, and whenever he watches it, and however frequently that might be, i don't have to know about it, and that's exactly the way i want it. (but if it were hours a day, every day, i have to admit i would really wonder if he had some sort of problem.)

maybe she just would have preferred not knowing about it.

all i know is, none of us are in a position where we can judge other people.