tell me a story

[TurdBerglar]

a good story

[mikizee]

Ok so here's my shitty story.

After my extremely shitty week (see my other thread) the film that i had been working on had its wrap party on fri night. There were some very big australian names and industry people going. Only thing is that I had already agreed to drive my friend's band down to a town called millicent (about a 4 1/2 hour drive) so they could play a couple of gigs.

The drive was shit. The gigs were shit. The punters at the gig were shit. My hangover was shit. The drive back was shit.

I got a phone call from the executive producer this morning saying 'Maaaannnn!!!! Where were ya?? The party was AWESOME! Most of us scored more work on the next feature film the producer is working on!!! You should have beeeeeeeeeen there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

I am now very angry.

[checkyourprez]

so im visiting my brother this weekend at school because living with my parents fucking sucks and i needed to get out of the house.

so its after the bars at like 3 in the moring and we are all fucking hammered be quite reckless. theres a mostly empty keg in their house and for some reason they are taking turns beating it with this pipe. just hammering on this fucking thing. sooo loud. and for some reason my brother takes an empty glass vodka bottle and smashes it on the keg. but instead of it breaking, it bounces straight up and into a light fixture sending glass raining down on him. it was pretty funny.

[Yetra Flam]

Okok i got a story that probably deserves its own thread.
I just received in my email inbox, hatemail and death threats from someone, i had no idea who they were. I figured it was some kind of weird spam, but when i read it they mentioned the name of someone i chatted to online. It was the supposed girlfriend of this person. I am seriously freaked out now, like she sounded serious, and i didn't even do anything wrong. All i did was just talk online with this person, (i know it's a boring hobby, but jeez, i'm not the most sociable person in real life anyway) i seriously did not do anything wrong, i hardly even knew the person. I talk to heaps and heaps of people online.
But yeah, now i'm freaked out that she's going to track my IP, she already knows my full name. What if she sends me a mail bomb or something? :(

[TurdBerglar]

these stories suck

[Yetra Flam]

i thought mine was good

[Schmeltz]

One day a man went out for a walk in the forest. As he made his way down the path he could sense something behind him - a feeling that grew in intensity until he looked back and saw he was being stalked by a tiger. He broke into a panic and began to run. He ran for his life until he broke out of the forest and came to the edge of a sheer cliff. With nowhere else to go he dropped from the edge and grabbed onto the stalk of a vine that grew out from the cliff's edge. He hung, gasping for breath, with the snarling tiger prowling the cliff above him and a two hundred foot drop below him, and just then he noticed two small worms eating away at the base of the vine, only slightly out of his reach. And as the plant grew slowly weaker and his doom approached, he saw a small red berry flowering at the end of the vine, right in front of his face. And just as the shrub parted and he began his plummet to the rocks beneath, he plucked the berry from its stem and popped it in his mouth.

How sweet it tasted.

[paul jones]

A long time ago in a galaxy far away...

2 stupid robots and a princess with a stupid haircut are in space on a spaceship and some bigger spaceship captures the ship.The robots escape in a can of pepsi and the princess gets captured by some tall guy with a bad throat.
The robots land on a big desert like planet and get captured by some midgets.Then the midgets sell the robots to some farmers.The young boy farmer finds a message inside the small robot.It is a hologram of the princess talking about some old guy to save her.The young farmer thinks about masturbating but decides not to as the robots might film him secretly .Then the small robot fucks off in the night and in the morning the young farmer and the gay robot go looking for him only to be attacked by some illegal immigrants.The old guy who the princess talked about shows up and takes the robots and the young farmer to his crib.
he talks about the force and the young farmer says he wants to learn all that shit then they go to town and look for a pilot to take them to save the princess.There is a big fight in this bar and the old man gets out this magic wand and slices some dudes arm off.Then they meet a guy and this hairy thing who says they will fly them.
they go into space and find a spacestaion which at first looks like a moon.Then they find the princess and whilst they do the old guy hacks into the spacestation's hard drive.
Then the old guy and the bad throat guy have a fight and the old guy loses then back home the young farmer volunteers to go blow up the big spacestation.then he does using the force
The End

[Lyman Zerga]

i got a big brown....handbag!

[TurdBerglar]

more stories?

[Yetra Flam]

i am seriously being stalked online now

[Bob]

by whom?

[TurdBerglar]

sounds fun

[Yetra Flam]

a disgruntled girlfriend apparently. i don't know. i'm probably going to get a mail bomb soon.

[TurdBerglar]

well you're gonna have to reveal who it is now

[monkey]

i handed this in as an in-class exercise. it's a story!


I’m depressed. I’m so incredibly sick of being big. I just wish… I wish I’d been born in Borneo! E. m. borneensis gets all the attention cause he’s so little, and here I am, a slow, hulking, ugly, big old Elephas maximus. I get no love!

We live in the Bronx, interestingly enough. I was brought here as a child, they say my parents lived in the wild. I’ve never known the wild. But I know people. They’re great, except for when they prefer little borneensis over me. He gets all the peanuts, and I get... less peanuts. I don’t even understand why he gets all the attention. Just because he can move quickly through the habitat, and he looks like Dumbo! That damn movie ruined it for me. They play it on the monitors around the zoo sometimes. I hate that movie; it glorifies little borneensis and ignores me.

Hey, little girl! Look at me! I’ll pose for a picture. I’m cute too. I have the cutest tusk. Look! PHROOOOOOOO! Fine. Be that way. I don’t need your flashes of attention anyway.

If I was little like borneensis, I bet the little girls would love me. They would ask their mommies and daddies to take me home instead of him. Oh I would be so nice to any little boy or girl who took me home. I would let them ride on my back. And I would sing with my trumpet. I would be of no danger, because I’m slow. Try staying on borneensis when he’s running. He’s dangerous! He should come equipped with seatbelts. I don’t need extras.

But if I was little maybe life would be more fun. I would play with a ball more. I like those balls. It just takes so much energy to knock it around. But that’s what makes the little boys excited. They like to see me play with a ball, like them. Like borneensis plays.

Ah who needs these people. I should be plenty happy. I hear that in the wild, they kill elephants, only to get these sexy tusks. Here, my keeper tends to file my tusk down, but he would never kill me to take them off. I bet my keeper loves me. I hope he loves me more than borneensis. See, I have no reason to be depressed. I’m taken care of and I’m loved. I think.

I’m depressed. Maybe I should see a shrink.

[TurdBerglar]

emophant?

[Yetra Flam]

that was a really sweet story

[monkey]

emophant?

xactly

[SOP]

Please tell me a story, too. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwd-hZHvok0)