:(

[beastieangel01]

I had bought him a plane ticket to visit and help his brother move back home. He was supposed to arrive tomorrow morning.

I guess his reasons he told me were good reasons but,
he's not going to be on that plane tomorrow.

and I had a dream last night that he was back here, only to wake up and here the real news.



...
I give up.

[abcdefz]

BA, I wish you came with a FAQ.

[ScarySquirrel]

I hear that, a-z. I hear that.

[beastieangel01]

he was going to come back and visit for a few weeks then help his brother move back to south carolina (since his brother is getting let go from the Navy).

he lives in a really rural area of south carolina and has a heck of a time finding a job out there. SO he figured he could just come here, work under the table to make some extra cash then drive back with his brother and keep looking for a job there, not a big difference from his situation was.

He found a job yesterday, and because of the no-job status for a few months he said needs to make child support payments ASAP (which until recently he was always on top of. He has a 6 year old daughter, they were really young, etc). And that is his priority so he won't be coming.

Which again, I think is a pretty damned good reason.
But then this came without warning. I would have appreciated a "hey if I get a job before then though I may not be able to make it." And then that dream, I woke up so excited for tomorrow, and then I went through lengths to look really nice for tomorrow and got some of his friends together from here and planned a dinner for tomorrow so everyone can catch up with him...

and I paid for the ticket myself.

Annnnd yeah. Now who knows when I'll see him again. Just starting a job = no vacation time for at least 6 months and I know when he does get it he will choose to see his daughter first, of course. I understand that. But then that means I may very well not see him for another year if not more. And I don't get any vacation time for another 4 or 5 months.

The whole thing just sucks is all.

[paul jones]

ah fuck,that sucks.hope he gets to come visit another time soon

[paul jones]

I just noticed Crys that your last post made it 6,666:eek:

and this is my 10,000! shit!

that'd be more than 20,000 before board crashes though

too nerdy

[skra75]

I read over what I wrote and it sounded kinda overly positive and corny. So I erased it. Seriously though, take some time for yourself or take a trip to think shit over. You'll be alright.

[beastieangel01]

I'm not sure I can wait around. I've done a long distance before, I can't handle it. I was barely handling the situation as it was but if we saw each other, then maybe a few months after things were worked out cool but...

meh. I really did go through a lot of work all week long to get things set and ready for Saturday :(

what a punch in the gut.

edit: it wasn't because of "shakey" planes. It was because of "shakey" options as in living situation and the like.


and I hate to say it but wow do men disappoint me a lot.

[abcdefz]

Disappointment sucks. Sorry, BA. That's awfully fucking late to cancel, frankly. (n)

[beastieangel01]

heh. Before I bought it for him I said "please don't break my heart and let it go unused." I said it in a joking-like manner but I was also half serious, and he knew that. He even said to me that he knew I was going to give him hell but he has to take the job. I didn't even give him hell. I just wish I would have known that if he did in fact get a job he'd pass on the ticket. Then I would have been prepared, somewhat.

I guess it's better than showing up at the airport to get him and for him not to show up at all.

Whatever though. I think given the current track record, I've been giving too much of myself and not getting enough back. It seems I end up doing a lot, making a lot of plans, helping someone out a lot, or something along those lines ...and I get brushed off.

Time to put a stop to that.

[Waus]

Aww - that's too bad. I don't really know the situation, but the guy sounds nice. I'm sure it was a real let down for you to know he's not going to be there, but I imagine he didn't plan to have to stick around to make child-support payments. He'd probably have told you about that being a possibility if he'd really realized it...but what do I know.

That's a real bummer.

[beastieangel01]

yeah that's just the thing. I want to be mad but can I really be justified in that? I don't think so.

But between this, getting bitched out at work (even when they said it really wasn't my fault but someones head had to be bitten off), and losing one of my long-time friends, having to move back in with my parents due to money concerns (and wanting to be able to AFFORD going back to school)...

I need a happy pill today. Please. Thanks.

[Kid Presentable]

Get stoned.

[abcdefz]

I kinda think it's bullshit. Something like that happens, you at least work out a weekend visit or something.

The guy skips child support payments for half a year (it's your kid; you find a fucking job at McDonalds if you have to),
lets someone else buy him a plane ticket, then cancels on that at the last minute... I'd say she can do better.

[Rock]

I kinda think it's bullshit. Something like that happens, you at least work out a weekend visit or something.

The guy skips child support payments for half a year (it's your kid; you find a fucking job at McDonalds if you have to),
lets someone else buy him a plane ticket, then cancels on that at the last minute... I'd say she can do better.

"

[Waus]

Maybe I'm feeling over-sympathetic for the guy. I was making a trip to see my girl this weekend, and she got really upset when I told her I was going to stop by my apartment after work to pack a few last minute things before heading over there.

She saw this as "I'm going to take an extra couple hours - so I won't be there when you get off work and I'll probably show up after you have to go to bed."

I guess I'm just wondering if maybe, like me, this guy sort of realized there were things he had to do that he just hadn't understood the immediacy of them before. If BA is convinced he cares about her and not just a lazy douche, then he must have good reasons.


Oh - and for the record, my apartment is actually on my way towards her and it was really only like 15 minutes extra that I was talking about. She just didn't know that.

[abcdefz]

Entirely different. And your girlfriend should calm the fuck down, too. :D


"Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If 'needy' were a turn-on?"

[Freebasser]

Next time he comes have some snakes put on his plane.

[beastieangel01]

thing is he DID apply to McDonald's. He applied to anything he could. It's that in the middle of no where unfortunately.

someone get me drunk.

[DIGI]

This dude sounds like a douche.

[adam_f]

I'm sorry Crystal. I wish my dick was 3000 miles long, just for you :-)

[abcdefz]

Too bad you had that penis reduction last year. :(

[Loppfessor]

I'm not sure I can wait around. I've done a long distance before, I can't handle it. I was barely handling the situation as it was but if we saw each other, then maybe a few months after things were worked out cool but...

meh. I really did go through a lot of work all week long to get things set and ready for Saturday :(

what a punch in the gut.

edit: it wasn't because of "shakey" planes. It was because of "shakey" options as in living situation and the like.


and I hate to say it but wow do men disappoint me a lot.


OMG get over yourself....the poor bastard has been out of a job for who knows how long and now he's finally working to SUPPORT HIS FUCKING CHILD! AKA being a man and taking care of his responsibiliites and all you can think of is yourself?? Good lord you sound so shallow and selfish. You were dumb for even buying him the ticket in the first place. Sheesh

[adam_f]

Originally posted by abcdefz
Too bad you had that penis reduction last year. :(

It can be a problem when your penis is just too satisfying.

[abcdefz]

I don't know, man. A 3000 mile penis? I mean... if Interstate 80 doesn't want to put out, what are your alternatives?

I think you made the right decision.

[beastieangel01]

OMG get over yourself....the poor bastard has been out of a job for who knows how long and now he's finally working to SUPPORT HIS FUCKING CHILD! AKA being a man and taking care of his responsibiliites and all you can think of is yourself?? Good lord you sound so shallow and selfish. You were dumb for even buying him the ticket in the first place. Sheesh

I just said it's understandable that he isn't coming. But I also think it's natural for me to be pretty sad about it because I was really looking forward to it.

There is more to it than what I just wrote here too, sweetheart.

[Lyman Zerga]

I just said it's understandable that he isn't coming. But I also think it's natural for me to be pretty sad about it because I was really looking forward to it.

There is more to it than what I just wrote here too, sweetheart.

yeah seriously

always easy to be a smartass when youre on the safe side

[beastieangel01]

aaaand now he is not going to be coming back to California, period.

His daughter is a very lucky girl to have such a caring Dad. I hope she knows when she gets older how lucky.

I am in love with this guy, fyi. I really do love him.
But I have to stay here because I cannot afford school otherwise. And I know that in the long run, if I don't finish school I'm going to be miserable.

LIFE IS FUN!

[cookiepuss]

I think he should reimburse you for the plane ticket...unless he got a voucher to go another time. But if he's just going to let it expire then he should pay you back somehow.

is this the guy that didn't want to "get on a plane with shakey options just cause he loves someone" guy?

oh darlin' i'd cut my losses. I've had many a long distance thing with pussy dudes who have decision making problems. nothing but heartbreak and dissapointment. when it comes down to the reality of it the guy isn't physically or emotionally available to you. it's probably time to start keeping an eye out for someone who is. but that's just my personal expereince with this sort of thing.

[kll]

I think he should reimburse you for the plane ticket...unless he got a voucher to go another time. But if he's just going to let it expire then he should pay you back somehow.

is this the guy that didn't want to "get on a plane with shakey options just cause he loves someone" guy?

oh darlin' i'd cut my losses. I've had many a long distance thing with pussy dudes who have decision making problems. nothing but heartbreak and dissapointment. when it comes down to the reality of it the guy isn't physically or emotionally available to you. it's probably time to start keeping an eye out for someone who is. but that's just my personal expereince with this sort of thing.

excellent advice.

[Loppfessor]

yeah seriously

always easy to be a smartass when youre on the safe side

I'm not being a smart ass, and how is that "safe". She sounded very seflish and shallow so I said so. I also think she was stupid for buying the ticket in the first place. Meanwhile if there is "more to it" then you wrote here then you should either write it or quit your bitchin...

[Lyman Zerga]

I'm not being a smart ass, and how is that "safe". She sounded very seflish and shallow so I said so. I also think she was stupid for buying the ticket in the first place. Meanwhile if there is "more to it" then you wrote here then you should either write it or quit your bitchin...

well right, youre being a dumb ass then

she sounds like she understands his situation and it's of course her right to be sad now

no need to kick her when shes already down

[Loppfessor]

Whatever dude sounds like she knew what she was getting into and now she's upset that the probable occured....

[Lyman Zerga]

thats probably why people call her saddam behind her back

[beastieangel01]

Whatever dude sounds like she knew what she was getting into and now she's upset that the probable occured....

so people shouldn't ever have a moment to be upset at something? it's not like it's two months later and I'm upset about it. It happened the day I posted it. I vented.

[QueenAdrock]

Whatever dude sounds like she knew what she was getting into and now she's upset that the probable occured....

Sometimes you can't tell your heart that. I knew with my last relationship that it may not work out since I wasn't Jewish, but I LOVED the guy so I tried so hard to find a way to make it work. When you're in love, you try to find a way to be with the person. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. When I started dating Brett, it was a dumb idea - he lived in Canada and was 2,600 miles away from me. But now I'm living a block and a half away from him, see him on a daily basis, am working on my degree, and am extremely happy. The "probable" thing for us would have been for us to break up eventually once we found out that it's really fucking hard to immigrate legally, but it didn't work out that way. I was extremely lucky to be able to get over the border legally, I honestly didn't think I'd be able to for the longest time. But it worked out and I'm glad I took the chance I did.

Anyways, Crys, don't let it get you down. If there's a will, there's a way...if he's not willing to look for another way then it wasn't meant to be. Good luck to you.

[Yetra Flam]

A guy with a kid?
Yeah, that is really rough. I can understand if you really care about him, you can't help your feelings, but something like having a kid, i would consider a dealbreaker. i couldn't deal with that.

[TurdBerglar]

sad but true

[cosmo105]

excellent advice.

agreed. love conquers all etc. but it shouldn't have to. cut your losses. if it were meant to be, it would have been.

[Loppfessor]

so people shouldn't ever have a moment to be upset at something? it's not like it's two months later and I'm upset about it. It happened the day I posted it. I vented.

Dude post whatever you want I'm glad you got to vent, and I'm equally glad I got to throw in my two cents.

[hitmonlee]

q. how do people become to be in long distance relationships - did you meet on a holiday, were you both from the same town or did you meet on the net?

[beastieangel01]

thanks for the words. all. it's appreciated.

and we met when he was still living here.

[Lyman Zerga]

nice ass, saddam!

[ET]

That's so fucked up. Not that I'm capable of making better decisions than that, of course. But still. Fuck.

[russhie]

Loppfessor is pretty bang on...not saying that you can't feel disapointed or whatever, but you do come across a bit like you wish he had've chosen you or something, like it's some kind of who-do-you-like-more test.

If it's long distance and he has a kid, honestly, you're pretty much setting yourself up to be disapointed on a regular basis. Relationships are hard enough to maintain without these things. Why bother complicating it?

[Yetra Flam]

yeah, but you can't help your feelings, especially when they're reciprocated by the other person. makes it all that much harder.
and it's also hard when you put so much effort into making things work out, and you keep giving and giving, and they won't do anything.

[russhie]

In that case, wake up, move on.

It's not easy, but geez. If you're sitting around thinking "I'm doing all the giving and receiving nothing in return" then obviously there is something wrong. Do something about it - talk to him about it, call it off, whatever. It's your prerogative.

All I'm saying is, when you allow yourself to be involved in situations where children and distance are involved, you can reasonably expect to be second best for a very long time.

[beastieangel01]

it's never that I thought she wasn't priority, she always has been.

Part of the sting has to do with him saying to me that he is going to be coming back and making it work; both for her and I. He's been saying that for months.


then the DAY before he was supposed to be here, him backing out of visiting AND telling me he's not coming back period.

if someone would not be at all, in the slightest, a bit disappointed at that then you're a stronger person than I am.

[Yetra Flam]

I know it's no consolation or anything, but i really know how you're feeling right now, and it's not fair at all. Feel shit and sad for as long as you want, you deserve it.

[skra75]

how you doin?
hopefully better. (lb)

[beastieangel01]

thanks yetra. It does mean a lot to hear that, actually.

and I'm not doing all that better to be honest.
But it will be fine eventually.

I have a date with Girl Talk tonight, anyway.