And divorce it is...

[ericlee]

Yep. Honestly, I thought I was happy but she's always complaining about my carefree lifestyle. She doesn't like the fact that I like to drink a few beers on the weekends. In general, she's really just not happy of who I am. No support in my music either which really brings me down.

For one thing, she's a drama queen. Overacts about the stupidest things and holds an iron grudge. Things like one day, we're walking down in Manhattan and some guy had a c.d. and he wanted to know if I could buy it to help promote him, I said all I've got is 7 bucks and he said ok, and I bought it. She yelled at the guy asking why did he cheat me!!?? and stormed off making me look like a fool and begging with her while she just ignored me. The arguments are almost always about money which we really don't have a problem with making and it's usually over petty stuff. Can't buy c.ds I've been wanting-need to save money. I've been dying to buy the new Beastie's c.d. but cant-need to save money. She doesn't even want me to buy a new amp for my guitar. I'm looking to play out and I need a bigger amp.

She's all gung ho about buying a house over here and I'm just not into paying for a house that costs three times as much as a nicer house in the surrounding areas. Seriously, she wants this dump in the middle of a bad section of Jersey that needs at least 15k of rennovations. I can buy three houses in Ohio that are much nicer, in better locations that are ready for people to move in without shelling all that much just to fix the joint up.

She nags me about the shitty 3 years she stayed in the Middle East with me and I told her, watch the news, it aint no damn walk in the park. She's upset that she couldn't work over there and I was trying my ass off to find her a job but working 15 hours a day for months on end and trying to find work in a place where asians are looked down on and also me being the enemy of this whole ordeal isn't all that easy to do. I feel so damn guilty about it but, I look back and I know it wasn't all that bad. She stayed in Kuwait City. It's not bad at all there and you wouldn't believe at all that there's a war going on right across the border. I've get pics of her in front of the Liberty Towers, in front of all the malls... We had a good life there and she met alot of friends too. It's not like she stayed at home all the time while I was working.

I've been in New York a whole year and hadn't had a chance to take advantage of it. I've been out a whole 5 times and everytime, it's the guilt trip afterwards. I don't go out to fuck around and she's always accusing me of cheating. I want to jam out. To jam out, you need to know people. New York is full of people to make things happen. I can't do shit sitting around the house cause she doesn't want to do anything but stay online so that we can save money.

I dunno man, after the heated argument last night, the things she's said to me.. She does make me happy but, the majority of the time is me feeling guilty. Sure we're of different culture but that was expected. I just prefer to live a laxed life while she's creating drama over little stuff and I'm sure that we're both fed up with each other. This isn't new either..

So yeah, how's ya'lls days goin?

[Rock]

Fuck.

[Waus]

Sorry to hear that, man. Sounds like a really tough situation with no easy answers. :(

[abcdefz]

Sorry to read that, ericlee. Maybe counseling would help?

[Otis Driftwood]

Too bad and I thought you two just had a nice night on the old rooftop. I hope it'll turn out ok for you, I wouldn't touch marriage with a ten foot pole...

[TurdBerglar]

an older friend of mine got divorced because his wife wanted him all to herself. it was really unreasonable. he spent nearly all his time with her and it still wasn't enough in her eyes. if we came over to hang out with him which was like maybe once a month she'd get all retarded. we'd be hanging out in his basement that had this pretty kick ass theater system down there watching movies and just hanging out. his wife would never join us and would nag at him to come back upstairs and pretty much be her lap dog. once they got married she dropped all her friends and just fixated on him and expected him to do the same.

[ms.peachy]

Wow, man. I'm really sorry.

[hpdrifter]

Wow man. Did you guys really mention divorce last night?

I really think the marriage can be saved but she's going to have to do some work on herself to be less needy.

You can't get all of your stimulation from one person, it becomes a black hole and eventually nothing they do is ever enough.

[ericlee]

Counseling has been mentioned from me. This can work but she's so damn bullheaded and thinks she's way above people. She's got some issues for certainand you can tell by the way she just freaks out. She tore the apartment up last night, ripped up one of our real nice wedding pics that's on the wall. With a knife.

Oh, and what brought the argument up is that I accidentally drew three bucks out of one of our accounts which created a 30 dollar fee. So what? That was from two weeks ago. She got the bank statement on Monday and just freaked out. I'm like, "eh, I'm not sure what it's from but forget about it, It'll be taken care of". It's 30 freakin bucks man. We both make a hell of a good combined income and I'm just not going to be assed into freakin out over 30 damn dollars.

Yeah, sure it's the small things that lead to divorce. But last night, she basically told me a list of all the small things that I've done. Things that you can just shrug about and go about your buisness.

I have insomnia as it is but, my sleeping has gotten to nill. My stomach hurts and I just can't be me and make her happy and I'm tired of the stress myself.

I mean, look at how pitiful this is. I can go out and have this conversation with some new friends that I've met instead of posting it here looking like a friendless fool (no offense ya'll, I love you but you get my drift) but honestly, around here, I am a friendless fool. It's how she's happy.

I'm realising the faults I've made with my ex girlfriend while being married to my wife. I tried to constrict my ex gf and my mom even warned me about it and then she left me. Well, I can now see my wife being how I was and this is a real bummer.

[hpdrifter]

Well if she isn't willing to see her own role in this there isn't much you can do.

Wow, what a bummer.

[beastieangel01]

ugh, sorry dude :( guess there really isn't an easy solution. I know you kind of passed on the counseling comment but if she is willing to try it I'd say go for it. Can't hurt to just try counseling.

If not, sorry to hear for the troubles. It's not healthy for someone to be so possessive.

[checkyourprez]

as doctor phil would say, tell that bitch to shape up or you are going to devorce her.

[MC Moot]

Lo siento,hermano….via con dios…...:(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdlKux504-c

[skra75]

hey don't get divorced unless you really mean it. for many reasons, one of the biggest being the money (20K plus split of marital assets).

don't do it unless you absolutely hate each other. even then, you should get an annullment. but be prepared for child support/custody battle.

sucks, no good advice from me. can't say I didn't warn you though bro.

[Yeti]

I am sorry to hear about your marital strife. Taking a knife to your wedding photo is hardcore. I don't really have any good advice other than talk it out but it sounds like it would fall on deaf ears.

You will figure it out and make a good decision. Don't feel bad for venting on the board. Everyone needs an outlet especially if you are in a new area.

[mikizee]

Yeah the knife thing is pretty hardcore. That is cause for concern.


It seems I'm the only one here so far that says get out! While you still can!

It doesn't sound like the lady is going to change her ways in a hurry, if at all.

No point living a highly compromised life being miserable all the time. Thats not living. That's existing.

Good luck man.

[Auton]

nooooooooooooooooooo :(

[The Notorious LOL]

Fuck.


thats what I intended to type, but instead I quoted it.

[gorilla]

so basically you have nothing to offer her.

[yeahwho]

Wow that is sad news...hope you can keep a level head through this. I'm watching two of my better friends go through a living hell of divorce, they're both just fucking walking around in disbelief and disillusion. Kids, families, mortgages, dreams and hopes all swooped up and thrown away.

Yep. Fuck.

[insertnamehere]

im sorry to hear about your problems. i'm not really one to offer anything in the way of relationship advice, but to those who say wait it out, you need to realize that eric most likely isnt even telling the worst of it. even stupid little fights about things that dont matter can be really emotionally exhausting. and the knife thing makes me think that she does a pretty damn good job of throwing fits, and im sure it's much worse than it sounds in the description.

everybody remember my crazy ex? im sure you do. we won't talk about that, except to say that i wasn't really allowed to do anything without him, and he would freak out on me for things like, i bought a sweatshirt, cause i only had one, and it was my only warm article of clothing, so i got another one, cause it was winter and i needed more than one piece of warmness. you know, so i could alternate. he freaked out that i spend $20 on that. and it wasn't even his money. and he would pretty much make me play risk with him cause he was obsessed with it and no one else would play with him cause he's no fun. if i lost, he's pretty much yell and lecture for two hours about how i dont pay attention to detail and basically turn it into a metaphor about how i suck at life and am not good enough for him. if i got close to winnning he'd throw a big fit and say it was just cause i was lucky at dice rolls and not actually in any way skilled and get pissed, so then i'd basically lose on purpose. anyway, the moral of the story is i know how it is to get in fucking retarded fights about things that really shoudlnt matter. and i know a relationship cant work if someone is so dissatisfied that they'll go totally nuts cause you owe the bank $30.

if you feel a divorce is what you need than i say go for it. i just hope that if you do take that route, that it goes smoothly and is a mutual type of thing. it probably wont be. she sounds particularly hardheaded, but here's to hoping.

[Bob]

thats what I intended to type, but instead I quoted it.

fuck :(

[ericlee]

And she's still playing head games. I'm at work, walking out the door to go home and expecting to take the train by myself and she calls me. Something she never does when she's having her little tantrum fits. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who's always calling her only for her to not answer my calls.

She says it's wedensday, the day she gets free car service from her company and wants to know if I'm meeting her in her office so we can take the car home together. I'm all, yeah, sure. I'm not one to hold grudges, even after the crap she pulled last night. I meet her in the office, we take the car home and she's holding me. We were talking good, we get to the house and she's all, "Oh by the way, I am moving out for sure, just after my mom leaves back for China, I don't want her to feel bad so I'll wait till she leaves".

The fuck is that shit man. Whatever but, she's said her peace, her harsh words..I'll just see if anything changes, probably wont and I'll be the one who leaves.

And by the way people, we've got no kids together, my daughter is from my ex so, it's not going to be all that bad of a divorce if so. I do have a pretty kick ass attorney too.

The only thing I ask from her is that we do not finish this like some kids. I do still want to keep in touch with her as friends. So what if things don't work out between us, I just hate to hate people.

[cosmo105]

i'm really sorry to hear that man. it's good that you have the sense to know when enough is enough, and when someone is playing head games with you.

[Yeti]

So she is worried about making her Mom feel bad. How nice of her.

[ericlee]

So she is worried about making her Mom feel bad. How nice of her.

Really, "Oh noes!! Who cares about that dog we keep outside named ericlee". Shit man, my mom is freakin furious. She's seen my wife throw one of her fits right in my mom's house once.

I really think she's taking advantage of me cause she knows I love her and I'm forgiving but, I'm just gettin fed up man. I was thinking about being single again and kind of liking it. Especially in NY. If divorce happens, then I'm almost certain that I'll never marry again. I'll probably just date and if I do fall in love again, it's gonna be a good 5 years before I even think about marriage again.

[hitmonlee]

:( i'm really sorry to hear that. the knife thing is scary. it sounds like you've really thought this through and that it is going to be the right decision for you.

[Tzar]

dude, that's hardcore. atleast you'll have some hardcore shit to write down as lyrics; that's where all good, aggressive stuff comes from, right? doooo it.

seriously though, by the sounds of it, this sounds like it's gonna work out for the best. just don't get stupid and be all 'i must dive into the bottle'. keep your head as straight as you can, bro

[Loppfessor]

Eric...I'm truly sorry that this happened to you. I know I act like a dick on here a lot but you are one of the few people on here I wouldn't mind actually hangin out with and drinkin some beers. You're a cool dude and I hope it all works out for the best. Everything happens for a reason and all those other bullshit cliches alright?

[AceFace]

this makes me so sad and i don't even know you. i can't imagine the sadness you're feeling even though i'm sure anger plays a hefty part as well.

i know you said she's not into counseling, but i was wondering... are you in counseling? maybe you should go yourself just to get all of that anger out. maybe a therapist could help you deal with the things she's saying and doing (and not allowing). it may help make your divorce bearable.

plus, she sure will be curious why you are going to counseling. i know when i had to go for some issues i couldn't control, my husband became EXTRA nice. i think he was afraid that i was thinking divorce and he sweetened up on me. he's a great husboo anyway, but i kept him guessing for a few weeks. ;)

[skra75]

I want to jam out. To jam out, you need to know people. New York is full of people to make things happen. I can't do shit sitting around the house cause she doesn't want to do anything but stay online so that we can save money.

To begin, be careful here. You sound like a tool, you may be a talented musician, but man, you have a kid and that should be the center of your universe. Trust me if you lead a double life (night "jamming out" / daytime "dad") you will feel liek a man divided. Focus on what is important - your kid. "Jam Sessions" will come and go. Crap, I met some dude in Cleveland once who said he was a backup horn player for the Dazz Band (a dope ass group), he was homeless and scrapping for change. Trends and cool-factor ebb and flow but you kid will always be there. Now's your chance to make her the center of your universe. Don't try to re-capture something lost by "jamming out" - you aren't going to find it.

And I say all this while posting on the Message Board, I'm a hypocrit. But I equate this place to a teachers lounge, with sucky coffee.

She does make me happy but, the majority of the time is me feeling guilty. Sure we're of different culture but that was expected. I just prefer to live a laxed life while she's creating drama over little stuff and I'm sure that we're both fed up with each other.

However, this is reason enough to call it quits. You should never EVER be with anyone (I'm talking to all of you out there, Internet) who makes you feel guilty, ever. Guilt will destroy you and make you feel like ten tons of crap, beat you down until you feel like you are doing everything wrong.

Dump this waste of time woman and focus on being an awesome dad. You'll be better for it.

[DIGI]

Sorry to hear, man, but if it isn't right, it isn't right. Don't cheat yourself. She does seem like a downer, so kudos to you for hangin on and tryin to make it work.

[Knuckles]

Eric this sucks.

Man, I wish we could go hang out, have a few beers and talk about this.

I hope things get better.

[venusvenus123]

wow, you never mentioned you have a kid. :(

i hope you manage to work things out.

[hpdrifter]

I think his daughter is with an ex wife. She lives in Arizona or something and I seem to have thought that Eric has a hard time getting time with her from the ex.

I don't know.

[cookiepuss]

:(

I'm still hoping you can work it out. It has always sounded like there was a lot of love there. Sometimes love isn't enough...but still I kinda hope maybe this isn't the end.

but I guess if it is...well then it just is.
I wish you the best.

[Lindsey_1535]

Sorry to hear that, it all sounds crazyyyy. If you guys get divorced I'm sure you'll both be happier in the long run.

[Lyman Zerga]

was she always like this? i cant imagine living with a person like that not even for a day..

hope you feel better soon with or without her

[ericlee]

To begin, be careful here. You sound like a tool, you may be a talented musician, but man, you have a kid and that should be the center of your universe. Trust me if you lead a double life (night "jamming out" / daytime "dad") you will feel liek a man divided. Focus on what is important - your kid. "Jam Sessions" will come and go. Crap, I met some dude in Cleveland once who said he was a backup horn player for the Dazz Band (a dope ass group), he was homeless and scrapping for change. Trends and cool-factor ebb and flow but you kid will always be there. Now's your chance to make her the center of your universe. Don't try to re-capture something lost by "jamming out" - you aren't going to find it.

I've got plenty of time to jam and take care of my kid. I'll never quit my job either, I practice on the weekends, well when I had the band but, forget about those arrogent pricks. I'm hooking up with some more level headed people here shortly. My little girl has her own little guitar that and we both have our little play sessions. Believe me man, I'm not stupid about it as if I'm an instant rock star or anything. We're just going to play out on the weekends. If we get good then we get good, if not then we just have fun at what we're doing.

I only get my daughter during Christmas time and the first week of July till August, when she has to go back to school and when she's here, I rarely go out and believe me, my time is dedicated to her then. Don't get me wrong at all man, I'm responsible. I don't even drink about her and only do when she's already asleep. It's a mutual agreement between my ex and I for her to have my daughter most of the time. I live in a pretty rough spot right now and if I have her live with me, I'd just be raising a hoodlum. She's in Oklahoma right now, living on an army base with an excellent school that she loves and she's got alot of great friends there.



However, this is reason enough to call it quits. You should never EVER be with anyone (I'm talking to all of you out there, Internet) who makes you feel guilty, ever. Guilt will destroy you and make you feel like ten tons of crap, beat you down until you feel like you are doing everything wrong.

Dump this waste of time woman and focus on being an awesome dad. You'll be better for it.

And the only times she acts up and gives me the guilt trips is, take a guess when. And yep, she started but, this crap happens every damn time she's raggin it.

I came home from work today and the apartment was spotless cause I didn't clean up after she had that fit. I left everything the way she made it. Anyway, I got home to her bawling her eyes out and her telling me how stupid she is. Whatever, I don't care and as I said, I don't hold grudges. I just can't let shit bother me so I told her that I'm so damn tired of her acting a fool when she's ragging it that I'm going to stay in a hotel for now on during her times.

So far so good but, I'm prepared for the worse if it ever happens. This was one of the closest calls I've seen. As far as counseling goes, I made her read ya'll's posts. It made her think alot and I could tell by the look on her face, she was thinking hard.

I'm just going to ride it through, whatever happens happens. I still love her and I'm one strong guy.

[Yetra Flam]

Sounds like she could legitimately have mental health problems, like bi-polar or something.

[ericlee]

Sounds like she could legitimately have mental health problems, like bi-polar or something.

See, I'm thinking the same thing. It could also be a stress syndrome that she's acquired from livin in the mid east for 3 years. Her waiting for me to come home everynight, wondering if I'm even going to make it home could have effected her some way as well. I came home after I got shot in the arm and she totally lost it then too. I really wish she would get some help cause in all honesty, I don't want to lose her and I can't be angry with her if she's got some issues as such.

[Yetra Flam]

I kind of recognise that behaviour and pattern of thinking in myself, that was the first thing i thought. It makes it hard for anyone to want to stay with you. The man i thought i was going to marry ended up leaving me, partly because of moods, and shit.

[ericlee]

I kind of recognise that behaviour and pattern of thinking in myself, that was the first thing i thought. It makes it hard for anyone to want to stay with you. The man i thought i was going to marry ended up leaving me, partly because of moods, and shit.

There's a person for everyone. It may take a while to find but eventually, you will.

It just takes a strong person who's able to overlook it. Yeah, I vented out here but I'm not really bothered by it. I can forget about the whole thing and as said, she only really overacts when she's on the period but it's a whole week of hell for me everytime. Yeah, I think the best thing to do is just stay away from her during it.

[hitmonlee]

a friend of mine is about to divorce his wife. we all knew she had problems, but we couldn't get him to see that they were serious. she read an email on his brothers computer that she didn't like, and instead of taking to a photo, she took to my friend with a pair of scissors. just be careful hey. everyone gets angry and mental, yeah im a psycho when i'm on my period, but there's still something in my head that will stop me from picking up sharp objects. i go and shut myself in my room, away from the evil males.

[ET]

She tore the apartment up last night, ripped up one of our real nice wedding pics that's on the wall. With a knife.

!!!

I think it would really be healthy for her to get a hobby like you have. It doesn't even have to be something expensive either. Besides using the computer, what is she into? Maybe she can use her interest to take her aggressions out. It's okay to be upset but no one wants to argue with someone who won't listen. Sorry to hear about all of this.

[AceFace]

wow. ok, if she's only like this monthly, then she should be able to recognize this. she's needs to get medical help for that b/c obviously she's got some sort of imbalance to make her react like that. seriously dude. i might get down and out or get all ho hum or something but i don't go into a rage... i mostly just sleep. haha. she needs some medical help.

[cookiepuss]

um...wait this is hapening around her menstral cycle? Dude it's likely PSDD or something like that...as much as men like to think the hormonal changes around a woman's period are a myth or excuse for bad behaivor. they are not. Hormonal imbalances very seriously RUIN womens' lives. they do not have as much control over what's going on as you may think.

I would encourage her to see a doctor and have her hormone levels monitored. she also should keep a journal of her activities and feelings to see how they corolate with her hormones/mood swings.

[venusvenus123]

So far so good but, I'm prepared for the worse if it ever happens. This was one of the closest calls I've seen. As far as counseling goes, I made her read ya'll's posts. It made her think alot and I could tell by the look on her face, she was thinking hard.

I'm just going to ride it through, whatever happens happens. I still love her and I'm one strong guy.
that's sweet that she read the posts. it's also a good sign, that she wants to work things out. i am very susceptible to those fucking monthly hormonal fluctations. really, it's no fun (for anyone, i know!). poor both of you. i hope you manage to sort it out.

[ericlee]

that's sweet that she read the posts. it's also a good sign, that she wants to work things out. i am very susceptible to those fucking monthly hormonal fluctations. really, it's no fun (for anyone, i know!). poor both of you. i hope you manage to sort it out.

venus venus ya cool ladeh. I'm sorry if I didn't mention the coolness of ya but, I do read your posts, you needs to wear some shades.

I figure she needs to actually read what I'm saying, trust me, I'm a slang slingin fisherman from Ohio and it's hard as hell ti understand what I'm sayin half the time. Especially since she's new to the whole world over here and I'd say that for the better understanding is to be written over verbal. Her english is excellent but to understand a northern Ohio accent takes alot of work. What? You think I actually just post like this? It's also how I talk. I'm not a guy with an internet personality and after night, I've got a IRL personality.. Also I"m trying to tell her that she's got a desire to understand our culture (ROR!!) and during our times of argument that when she keeps quiet and doesn't talk to me is hindering her learning experience. She doesnt understand that a nice cool conversation about some shruggable shit is alot less painfull. I'm just gonna have to ride it out. I've been through alot of shit and honestly, nothing fazes me too much. If leavin a lady cause of her hard times isn't true love then, I suppose that's not me. She hasn't left me through my hard times and trust me, OH Man, hard times.

[ericlee]

Annd so fa r So good. I'm keepin my head. I just called her with an offering for some excellent dnner and she said, "oh lao gong, I'm so hungry cause my self induced stress. " I've got a feelin that tonight we can have a lil more time to settle. This role takes a smooth character and that's me. Trying towards the positive direction takes courage and for this crazy lil lady, I'll test it.

[RobMoney$]

And the only times she acts up and gives me the guilt trips is, take a guess when. And yep, she started but, this crap happens every damn time she's raggin it.

I came home from work today and the apartment was spotless cause I didn't clean up after she had that fit. I left everything the way she made it. Anyway, I got home to her bawling her eyes out and her telling me how stupid she is. Whatever, I don't care and as I said, I don't hold grudges. I just can't let shit bother me so I told her that I'm so damn tired of her acting a fool when she's ragging it that I'm going to stay in a hotel for now on during her times.

So far so good but, I'm prepared for the worse if it ever happens. This was one of the closest calls I've seen. As far as counseling goes, I made her read ya'll's posts. It made her think alot and I could tell by the look on her face, she was thinking hard.

I'm just going to ride it through, whatever happens happens. I still love her and I'm one strong guy.


Eric, you seem like a very mature and responsible guy. I can tell you love your wife and would do anything you can to help her, but dude, saying you're just going to avoid her and live in a hotel room every 4th week is a joke. You know that's not realistic, and it's certainly not going to fix the problem.

I'm assuming she sees a Ob-Gyn doctor on a regular basis? If not, you need to get her to one. If it is a female related problem she needs to be diagnosed properly and given the hormones or anti-depressants that she needs.


You've also made mention that this all started over a bank overdraft charge. Dude, almost every couple in the world fights about finances, it's normal, but it's not normal for her to get violent. That's not cool and it doesn't make you a "strong guy" to accept it.

Violence has a way of increasing over time. Today she cut up the wedding pic, next time she may do something a little more extreme, like hurt you or possibly hurt herself.

Sit down with her, listen to her side of the story and try to understand her line of thinking on the issue. Because something is making her get so frustrated that she reaches the point where she's capable of violence. Then, if I were you, I'd demand that in order to stay in the relationship, she see someone to get herself checked out to see if it is a legitimate medical or psychological issue. Because if she is unwilling to help herself, no matter how much of a strong guy you are, you can't help her.

Good luck to the both of you.

[ericlee]

Eric, you seem like a very mature and responsible guy. I can tell you love your wife and would do anything you can to help her, but dude, saying you're just going to avoid her and live in a hotel room every 4th week is a joke. You know that's not realistic, and it's certainly not going to fix the problem.

I'm assuming she sees a Ob-Gyn doctor on a regular basis? If not, you need to get her to one. If it is a female related problem she needs to be diagnosed properly and given the hormones or anti-depressants that she needs.


You've also made mention that this all started over a bank overdraft charge. Dude, almost every couple in the world fights about finances, it's normal, but it's not normal for her to get violent. That's not cool and it doesn't make you a "strong guy" to accept it.

Violence has a way of increasing over time. Today she cut up the wedding pic, next time she may do something a little more extreme, like hurt you or possibly hurt herself.

Sit down with her, listen to her side of the story and try to understand her line of thinking on the issue. Because something is making her get so frustrated that she reaches the point where she's capable of violence. Then, if I were you, I'd demand that in order to stay in the relationship, she see someone to get herself checked out to see if it is a legitimate medical or psychological issue. Because if she is unwilling to help herself, no matter how much of a strong guy you are, you can't help her.

Good luck to the both of you.

Fuckin' RobMoney always bringin the worthy advice. Got damn Rob, that was pretty damn effective. true to the setting her down point but, In the beginning stages, it's not that easy. One thing that is great, during this conflickt, I've recorded a kick ass guitar riff I'm gonna have to post it and dedicate it to all.

[Waus]

Fuckin' RobMoney always bringin the worthy advice. Got damn Rob, that was pretty damn effective. true to the setting her down point but, In the beginning stages, it's not that easy. One thing that is great, during this conflickt, I've recorded a kick ass guitar riff I'm gonna have to post it and dedicate it to all.

You post that riff ericlee. Post it like a reconciled relationship.

[sjp]

sorry to hear that man you seem cool though if that means anything.

[Documad]

From the perspective of someone who doesn't know you, I wonder whether you are looking to get out of this marriage for your own reasons (who wouldn't want to be footloose and fancy free in NYC?)

Did your wife really have a major personality change suddenly? Or is it your goals that changed? Cutting up wedding photos sounds crazy, but a woman can do crazy things when she thinks she's losing the love of her life. I personally think that being married to a guy in the armed services and living in the mideast for 3 years sounds like a living hell, but then I can't imagine leaving my job and friends and family and feeling dependent on one person for everything. It would make me scared and deeply insecure. If there was a guy who I loved enough to go through that for, and then when we finally got out of that life and settled down into a relatively normal life, I found out that he didn't wanted a new life that didn't seem to include me, I might flip out. I'm not saying it's healthy, but it's human.

I'm probably reading things into your comments based upon my experience.

I have a good friend who went into therapy to help her leave a relationship. There are all kinds of different counselors and reasons for seeking counseling. My friend didn't go for very long, but she found it helpful for a while. It's a good idea to at least consider some kind of counseling -- as a couple or solo.

[ericlee]

You post that riff ericlee. Post it like a reconciled relationship.

Here ya go (http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=audio&file=REC0009_01.wav). Jam out to my emotions.

[ericlee]

^^ I played that jam last night for open mic. Alot of people showed up just to hear me jam out cause they heard me play 2 weeks ago there. I was amazed, haha. The bartenders called their friends as soon as I walked in cause they saw my guitar strapped on my back and they knew I meant business.

C'mon now. I know some of ya listened to it. What do you think? It goes great with a pair of headphones on a reasonable volume.:cool:

[hpdrifter]

Did your wife really have a major personality change suddenly? Or is it your goals that changed? Cutting up wedding photos sounds crazy, but a woman can do crazy things when she thinks she's losing the love of her life. I personally think that being married to a guy in the armed services and living in the mideast for 3 years sounds like a living hell, but then I can't imagine leaving my job and friends and family and feeling dependent on one person for everything. It would make me scared and deeply insecure. If there was a guy who I loved enough to go through that for, and then when we finally got out of that life and settled down into a relatively normal life, I found out that he didn't wanted a new life that didn't seem to include me, I might flip out. I'm not saying it's healthy, but it's human.


I think this expresses very nicely what led to this situation. I don't think it has as much to do with her monthly as it is that she needs to make some friends and get her life back. She's been depending on you exclusively for a long time it seems, in unfamiliar environments and cultures.

Of course, that is going to take some effort on her part. Hopefully she's willing to do it.

[Lex Diamonds]

Wow, what a bummer.
Hey, leave the guy alone, he's going through a tough time. :(

[ericlee]

I think this expresses very nicely what led to this situation. I don't think it has as much to do with her monthly as it is that she needs to make some friends and get her life back. She's been depending on you exclusively for a long time it seems, in unfamiliar environments and cultures.

Of course, that is going to take some effort on her part. Hopefully she's willing to do it.

i know if she had some friends that she'll be much more mellow. Her job is pretty strenuous as well and she doesn't have any set hours of when she works. Some days it's 8 hours, some days it's 12 and also being that she's a journalist, she gets to cover some murder stories. The only friends she has are at her job, which are all Chinese and she doesn't really want to hang with them. She wants more American friends or friends other than Chinese. It's hard to explain.

We're doin fine now. Till next month.:)

[ms.peachy]

Does she have a hobby or interest that you know she'd like to develop further, but that she doesn't ever seem to 'get around to'? I'm thinking as a gift, you could enroll her in a course or something. For example, when we first moved to the UK, it was hard for me to meet people as I wasn't working, and it did get me down a bit sometimes. Mr.peachy enrolled me in a 6-week (one evening a week, Wednesdays if I recall correctly) wine tasting course, which helped me get out of the rut, so to speak, and I got to meet some people I otherwise never would have, and to learn more about wine, whihc was also nice. I didn't make any 'new friends for life' there or anything (well, there is one Mssr Sancerre I do continue to see regularly...) but it was a bit of jump-start, in a way.

[Lex Diamonds]

What a bummer. :rolleyes:

[abcdefz]

Does she have a hobby or interest that you know she'd like to develop further, but that she doesn't ever seem to 'get around to'? I'm thinking as a gift, you could enroll her in a course or something. For example, when we first moved to the UK, it was hard for me to meet people as I wasn't working, and it did get me down a bit sometimes. Mr.peachy enrolled me in a 6-week (one evening a week, Wednesdays if I recall correctly) wine tasting course, which helped me get out of the rut, so to speak, and I got to meet some people I otherwise never would have, and to learn more about wine, whihc was also nice. I didn't make any 'new friends for life' there or anything (well, there is one Mssr Sancerre I do continue to see regularly...) but it was a bit of jump-start, in a way.




Good advice. (y)

[ericlee]

Does she have a hobby or interest that you know she'd like to develop further, but that she doesn't ever seem to 'get around to'? I'm thinking as a gift, you could enroll her in a course or something. For example, when we first moved to the UK, it was hard for me to meet people as I wasn't working, and it did get me down a bit sometimes. Mr.peachy enrolled me in a 6-week (one evening a week, Wednesdays if I recall correctly) wine tasting course, which helped me get out of the rut, so to speak, and I got to meet some people I otherwise never would have, and to learn more about wine, whihc was also nice. I didn't make any 'new friends for life' there or anything (well, there is one Mssr Sancerre I do continue to see regularly...) but it was a bit of jump-start, in a way.

If it involves spending money, forget about it. It sounds real nice but she's so damn stingy and acts like we're poor. I've been a private contractor in the mid-east for 3 years and some change. Do you think my bank account looks like I've worked for peanuts? Also we've got a great combined income, 2 very good jobs. We get our bills paid on time, we've got alot saved up and we also accumulate alot for spending.


For one thing, I've lived in danger for a while to earn my paychecks, I've earned them and so did she for being strong and staying with me like she did. I'm not saying to spend all of it but, we need to reward ourselves and relax a bit and if it takes a little bit of spending, we needn't be tightwads about it. I want to take guitar lessons too cause I could use a bit of more knowledge, she wants to take piano lessons but, they both cost money so, we can't. It's part of, if not the whole reason why she doesn't want me goin out once and a while, it costs money.

[abcdefz]

Obviously you know her better than me, but... I dunno. Sometimes people who are really tight with money need someone to let them
know they're "worth it" by demonstrating it.

[ms.peachy]

Then enroll her in a course about basic home repair. Fixing a leaky faucet, rewiring a plug, replacing broken tile, etc. That way she gets out of the house, and you justify the cost by virtue of practicality. Tah dah!

[hpdrifter]

penny wise and pound foolish

Seems like the blows to your marriage are not worth a few saved dollars.

[Documad]

Married women really need women friends. Many of them don't seem to realize that fact until it's too late.

By the way, there were some really stupid comments in this thread about women's health issues. Nothing pisses me off more than having legitimate issues written off as a feminine mood swing.

[cosmo105]

By the way, there were some really stupid comments in this thread about women's health issues. Nothing pisses me off more than having legitimate issues written off as a feminine mood swing.

amen. i wasn't going to say anything, because i'm on my period and that's probably why i'm not agreeing with it. :rolleyes:

[ericlee]

Married women really need women friends. Many of them don't seem to realize that fact until it's too late.

By the way, there were some really stupid comments in this thread about women's health issues. Nothing pisses me off more than having legitimate issues written off as a feminine mood swing.

explain why these swings only happen during the period? I mean she's nit picky sometimes but our most heated arguments happen during that time.

[Yetra Flam]

Well, it's not in the traditional sense of "she's just angry because she's on the rag." Hormone levels can have quite a serious effect on someone's moods. Especially if they have a pre-existing condition.

[cosmo105]

hey sometimes i flip out and get bitchy on my period. things that might have been bothering me come out. but i realize it and apologize, or even give warning, "hey i'm probably pmsing right now so don't piss me off." if she's ripping apart your fucking wedding photo with a knife, that's a bit more serious and i doubt hormones are at the root of that.

[Documad]

I can only say that based upon the limited information in this thread, she has some legitimate concerns. I also feel sorry for her.

[ericlee]

hey sometimes i flip out and get bitchy on my period. things that might have been bothering me come out. but i realize it and apologize, or even give warning, "hey i'm probably pmsing right now so don't piss me off." if she's ripping apart your fucking wedding photo with a knife, that's a bit more serious and i doubt hormones are at the root of that.

as said, I do believe she's acquired some kind of stress syndrome due to the fact that she's stayed over there for so long. I've got it, needed to take counseling and trying to get her to take it too. Also she's just been through 2 major changes of location since she's been with me, stressful job...etc. She's pretty much lived a good good life where birds chirp and flowers everywhere and she's never encountered any tough situations till she met me. Period time comes and I could just fart and it would make the wrong tone and I get to hear about how much stress I've caused her and yadda.

Seriously, I'm tired of looking at her bein on the rag as an excuse as well and I for sure would love for her to seek professional advice, possibly have some meds prescribed for her but since she's not willing to then, It's back to the ole blame it on the red tide thing.

[ET]

Then enroll her in a course about basic home repair. Fixing a leaky faucet, rewiring a plug, replacing broken tile, etc. That way she gets out of the house, and you justify the cost by virtue of practicality. Tah dah!

Google.com is the answer. You can find tutorials on anything. Oh yeah I just found (http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=182924) two (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060712200147AAtKxZX) incredibly crappy resources for cheap hobby recommendations. Justify getting her into something like painting or even WoW as a small "investment" which will provide hours upon hours of entertainment. Relying on you for all of her venting purposes isn't the healthiest thing so hopefully the hobby thing could help. I'm too vague sometimes.

As for the self reliance/making new friends part... well that's a bit tricky.

[ericlee]

I'm really trying to encourage her to take piano lessons and buying her a keyboard. Music is my biggest stress release, especially when I do open mics. I crank it loud and I surely don't feel stressed out anymore afterwards. I'm not saying that she needs to do open mics but just sittin at the house and playing music gets alot of aggression out and it's damage free. She can also sing real good too.

She gets home from work and chats with all of her friends from China online almost till she goes to sleep. Not saying that it's wrong to keep in touch but, doing nothing but that probably makes her miss home that much more and guess who's to blame for it.

I duno, and the thread title is pretty wrong cause I don't ever want to leave her and I know that deep inside her heart, she doesn't want to leave me. I just think she's growing up very quickly and going through alot of drastic changes but I've never twisted her arm to be with me.

I've gotten her to read this thread and I suppose it's a step for her to realize that people are concerned and there's a such thing as good advice from others. Hopefully soon she'll realize that it won't hurt to get professional attention. I'm sure we'll work it out cause for one, I've already forgotten about the wedding picture and the whole ordeal cause I've been through so much that I can't let things get to me. Not I can't, they just don't get to me, only for a day at the most. Too much dwelling in the past takes too much energy needed for living for tomorrow.

[weez]

shit man, sorry i missed all this. it's good things cooled down. counselling sounds like the best plan to me. counselors are here for a reason, and lots of people go to them to save marriages, and shit, so she shouldn't be ashamed. good luck, man.